A/N: My first crossover! This may not turn out well and I may end up deleting it but I tried. This is the first chapter, if you want more be sure to review.
Disclaimer: Wow, I'm used to writing that I don't own Artemis Fowl but never ANT farm. Here goes nothing: I do not own Artemis Fowl (as was stated previously) and I don't own ANT farm. Whew!
The twelve year old Artemis glanced out the car window and frowned. America was so uncivilized. The young genius flipped his laptop open and did a quick search. The results were disappointing.
"Why on earth is Mother sending me here? I should be searching for Father, not wasting my time on this frivolous school." Artemis grumbled.
"Sir?" Butler called from the front seat.
"What Butler?"
"We're here, sir." The large body guard said.
Artemis looked out his window. Sure enough, there was Webster High School. Artemis groaned.
Getting out of the car the young prodigy sniffed the air and nearly vomited. The smells of San Francisco were horrible. Why had he ever left Ireland?
Artemis followed the rather wrinkled Principle Skidmore to his home room. The ANT Farm.
A man wearing a black and yellow, striped shirt jumped out in front of Artemis.
"Welcome to the ANT Farm!" The man said dramatically, "I just love doing that!" The man slumped and swung his arms, smiling at Artemis.
"I'm sure being an ugly brute is fun for you but for me it is rather annoying." Artemis stated, looking around the room at the other "ants".
The man laughed, "You must be Artemis. I'm Gibson, but my friends call me Gibson."
Artemis groaned; he could almost hear the sitcom laugh track.
Butler had left Artemis alone in this horrible place and Artemis did not like it one bit.
A blonde girl came up to Artemis she looked like she was about to speak. "Hello, you are an 'ant' and I am Artemis. Please do not talk to me unless you are of higher intelligence than, Gibson." Artemis shuddered when he said the councilor's name.
The blonde girl laughed and looked at him. "Oh please! I'm Olive, the only reason I'm here is because I'm smart!"
Artemis looked this "Olive" up and down. "I see. Tell me the square root of pi." The boy demanded.
Olive got a far off look, as if she was reading a piece of paper and said, "The square root of 3.14, also known as pi is 1.772004514666935." She looked back at Artemis, hoping to see that he was baffled.
He was not. "Hmm, you might be someone worth talking to. Pleased to meet you, Olive." Artemis said dryly. Olive extended her hand and Artemis shook it.
"So Artemis," She paused, "Did you know that Artemis is the name of a Greek goddess known for hunting. In Rome the called her Diana."
"I did know that, yes. If you are now wondering why my parents would name me after a goddess I will tell you. My father is named Artemis. As you were saying?"
"So Artemis, what got you into the Advanced Natural Talent Farm?"
"Before I tell you what I was recruited for this, uh, wonderful place, let me guess what everyone else does." He looked around, "That boy at the computer is a professional hacker, I happen to know him from his online name, 'Angus hearts Olive'." Artemis raised an eyebrow and Olive glared at a sheepish Angus. "Moving on, you are obviously here because of your photographic memory. That boy over there is most likely an artist. And the girl currently playing the violin in the recording booth is here for some sort of musical talent. All the others seem to be irrelevant to you."
Olive nodded approvingly. "You got it! The boy on the computer is Angus." Olive said through gritted teeth, "The boy painting is Fletcher. The girl in the recording booth is my best friend Chyna; she knows how to play every instrument except the triangle. So why are you here?" She bumped him, "Your keen power of observation?" She laughed.
"I suppose so. That and my intelligence, musical ability, the fact that I can forge almost any painting, my photographic memory, my hacking abilities, and my natural debate skills." Artemis said smugly.
"Wow! Is there anything you can't do?" Olive exclaimed.
"Yes, unfortunately I've never been good at athletics." Artemis shrugged.
"Okay then! How old are you? I'm assuming elementary level."
"I am twelve. I'm guessing you're eleven, correct?"
"You are right, Arty." Olive said, punching Artemis in the shoulder.
"Never call me that again." Artemis said darkly.
"Alright, Arty –err—Artemis."
Chyna came out of the recording booth and walked up to Artemis.
"Hi, you must be the new ant! I'm Chyna." Chyna said.
"I know. I am Artemis. You might already know this but the boy, Fletcher, is painting a picture of you with hearts around it. It is rather revolting." Artemis said, gagging slightly.
Chyna waved it away. "Unfortunately for me, he does that all the time."
Artemis nodded. "When do the classes begin?"
"We had better leave now. It's only half an hour till science class." Olive said, quickly checking her watch.
"Half an hour? Surely it doesn't take that long to get to class." Artemis snorted.
"It doesn't. The big kids will be in the hallways in ten minutes though." Chyna informed him.
Rather than ask about it he just went along with the more experienced ants.
Artemis, Chyna, Olive, Angus, and Fletcher were in the hallway when the bell rang.
"Oh no! Take cover!" Angus shouted.
"What? Why would I…" Artemis did not finish his sentence but instead was whisked away by the flood of high schoolers.
Artemis found himself on the floor near the men's room when the flood ended. He got up and went into the bathroom. Checking his reflection Artemis barely recognized himself. He was covered with the shoe prints of large children and his normally tidy hair was in disarray. The genius sighed and cleaned up.
At lunch Chyna, Olive, and Fletcher sat together, waiting to see if Artemis had lived through his ordeal with the mob of big kids.
The young genius walked loftily into the cafeteria. He picked out his lunch and sat down. Artemis didn't sit down where the rest of the ants were; he sat down in the only empty seat he could find. Lexi's seat.
Artemis began eating his meal, picking at the suspicious looking bits, not knowing that the full force of Lexi was about to be laid down.
Lexi walked into the lunch room with her normal crowd, which included all of the cheerleaders. Paisley whispered something in her ear. Lexi turned to see an ant in her chair.
The enraged teenager stomped over to Artemis.
"What do you think you're doing?" Lexi fumed.
The boy barely glanced up from his meal. "Currently I'm wasting my breath talking to an airhead." Artemis picked at a hair in his… well, it looked like soup.
"Excuse me?!" Lexi howled.
"You are excused." Artemis said dryly.
"Grrr!" Lexi screamed.
"Mmm, hmm. You must be the pretty snob that every high school is rumored to have. Although you aren't as pretty as others that I've met."
"Who do you think you are? Bossing me around! I'm Lexi! The queen of the popular kids!"
"And I'm Artemis, the extremely annoyed super genius. How do you do?" Artemis knew this would unleash Lexi's full wrath. He guessed it would be stomping her foot and telling a jock to beat him up.
He guessed correctly.
Lexi pouted at being defeated. She stomped her foot and screamed at a short boy. "Cameron! If you beat this big mouthed Scottish kid up then I'll let you sit at the cool table!"
The boy rushed over.
Artemis rolled his eyes. This boy may be more athletic than him but he wasn't even a jock. The popular group was really disappointing Artemis.
"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to beat you up now." Cameron said, dancing around Artemis with his fists raised.
Chyna came over and dumped a plate of lasagna on Cameron. "Come sit with us, Artemis. You won't have to see my brother make a fool out of himself."
Artemis finally moved and followed Chyna to the ant table.
Fletcher looked him over. "So you're Scottish?"
"No, I'm Irish. You must be Fletcher."
"You're from Ireland?! Isn't that where the leprechauns live?" Fletcher got up and pranced around, "I be a wee little leprechaun. I carry around gold in a pot!" Fletcher said in a very high pitched voice.
Before Artemis realized what he was doing he said, "Don't be ridiculous they don't each carry around their own pot of gold! They have a fund in the bank that they use for ransom money." Artemis paused and then realized what he had said, he gasped.
Chyna looked at Fletcher. Fletcher looked at Olive. Olive stared at Artemis.
"Ha ha! It's a joke!" Artemis laughed.
Chyna leaned over to Fletcher. "There is something weird about this kid."
