Title: Gotta Love Your Subconscious
Author: Gizomo
Pairing: Um...Sirius/Harry?
Rating:
T
Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter.
Summary: Sirius has many fantasies about hot Muggle swimsuit models...

A/N: I honestly have no clue how I thought up of this. I was thinking about making this a one-shot, but maybe if I get more ideas about this I'll add more chapters.

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Sirius was having a wonderful dream.

He was floating down to an enclosed room, being helped into a plush red armchair by many small anthropomorphic Padfoots, who ran around giving him a wineglass of scotch and slipping on silk robes onto his naked frame. The wallpaper surrounding him had cute prancing stags in the borders and a few of the smaller Padfoots were chasing after them. The room was filled with the quiet chatter of other Padfoots talking amongst themselves with a wineglass or other in their paws, served to them by small Padfoots dressed in suits.

Soon, the light in the room dimmed and a spotlight fell on one of the larger dogs, who stood up and held a Muggle microphone in his paws.

Sirius smiled. He'd had this dream many times before, especially in his Hogwarts days. He knew what would happen next. He leaned forward in anticipation.

"After several years of hiatus, we are please to have finally gathered here again to announce our regular Special of the Month! But before that, let's give a round of applause to our conscious state, Sirius Black!"

Sirius nodded in acknowledgement of the loud howling and barking while the announcer mentioned others ("To our Memory, who has suffered so much and still remains intact to receive our love!"), but really, he was just waiting for his Treat. The other times had always been an unbelievable Muggle woman who was well endowed in certain areas and wasn't afraid to show it at the beach. They oddly resembled the posters he kept in his room at Grimmauld Place, but he never cared because they were, obviously, scantily-clad Muggle models. It had been years since he saw this dream, and he could hardly contain his excitement.

There was nothing that he particularly fancied more in Muggles than in witches, only that they looked so much better in a still picture rather than in a moving one. In a still shot, there was so much more he could do than if the person inside didn't already have a life of their own. In fact, many times it happened to have what looked like his Swimsuit Model pictures with a witch's face pasted onto it.

Of course, he always sort of knew what it would be. Once it was that tall Ravenclaw Sixth Year, and another time there was a lovely blonde Hufflepuff. One very brief dream had Lily Evans in it, but of course, as soon as he discovered James fancied her, she fell off his list like every other taken girl. He rolled his eyes at the memory.

He snapped his attention back at the scene once the drum roll start going and the spotlight enlarged to accompany both the announcer Padfoot and a cloth-covered portrait. His heart was pounding; he barely was able to control his excitement. It was always like this.

"Muggle Swimsuit Models, Muggle Swimsuit Models," he chanted enthusiastically to himself, "Muggle Swimsuit Models..."

They were always in a swimsuit. His mind raced through the possible winners: Short, maybe; he was fancying brunettes more than blondes at the moment; maybe it would be green...no, no, blue! He wanted blue. The drum roll really wasn't doing anything to help at all.

Finally, the drum roll stopped and another dog pulled on the string, revealing a large wall-sized portrait.

In it contained a beautifully-shot downward Muggle photograph of none other than...Harry Potter, who was sitting comfortably in the shallows of a pebbled beach, wearing nothing but blue swimming trunks and was staring straight up at Sirius in an endearing manner. A beautiful smile played on his lips as the sunlight reflected off the water as it dripped from his hair and body. It was a perfect scene, with perfect angle and perfect expression.

Sirius felt his jaw fall to unprecedented lengths as he felt himself with his armchair spiraling out of the universe. He was no longer there when the Padfoots all shook their heads in exasperation or chuckled from the amusement: this was a horror, this was a nightmare, this was no Special of the Month, this was an atrocity!

He wasn't in consciousness anymore when he felt his screams of horror—

-

Harry rubbed his eyes sleepily as he ambled into the kitchen. Earlier that night he thought he heard Sirius thrashing in his sleep, but was too drowsy to have done anything at the time. He smiled as he saw Remus already in the house and the smell of bacon reached his nose.

"Good morning, Remus. I see that you've finally moved in, with cooking breakfast and all before anyone in the house is actually awake."

"Good morning, Harry. And for your information, it's half past ten o'clock, so I might as well have prepared something when I get here."

Harry chuckled, slipping past Remus to get a carton of milk. He and Sirius had been trying to get Remus to move in for months, seeing as he pretty much already lived there, but every time they asked him the werewolf refused. He sighed into the milk carton.

Just as Harry took his first sip, Sirius dragged himself through the doors, with bags underneath his eyes. He'd been trying to stay awake all night just so that he wouldn't see that dream again. The thought of Harry's picture gave Sirius shivers down his spine; although, most frighteningly, he couldn't figure out for which reason it did so.

When he finally looked up to see his surroundings, he saw that his feet brought him to the kitchen with Remus at the frying pan and Harry with the refrigerator door open.

Sirius stopped and stared at Harry with an odd look of something that seemed like shock on his face.

Harry was drinking straight out of the milk carton, stopping in surprise when Sirius' eyes fell on him. A drop of the milk trickled from his lips, the white liquid rolling down his chin and falling onto his pajama top...

"ARGHHHHH!!" Sirius screamed. He squeezed his eyes shut, throwing his arms over his eyes while shouting, "HOT SWIMSUIT MODELS! MY HOT SWIMSUIT MODELS!!"

Still screaming, he turned straight around and ran right into the doorframe. He didn't pause, running straight out of the kitchen and up the stairs, his screaming getting more and more distant until finally there was a loud slamming of a door.

Harry and Remus stood still in a moment of complete silence.

"What...just happened then?" asked Harry, completely bewildered and having a look of worry on his face.

Remus simply shrugged and returned back to his eggs. After a few seconds he chortled quietly to himself.

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A/N: There's an adorable little button down there. Be sure to pet the "Submit Review" one by clicking on it.

Until next time,
Gizomo
10/24/07