Heartbreak and addiction
Chapter 1I lay here on my bed just staring at nothing, thinking this must be a dream no not a dream a nightmare. He left me 6months ago and I have been in a zombie like state ever since. Most of the time all I feel is numb, that's until I get a small reminder of him. I feel a pain ripped through my heart, It feels like a gapping hole that will never be healed. Charlie is not happy with the way I am acting he suggested that I go and get some professional help. I told that I don't need any help and I tried to put on a brave face but he didn't look convinced. My room is my only escape, Charlie doesn't bother coming in and checking on me anymore, even at night when I wake screaming he doesn't come in to see if everything is ok because it is always the same and he cannot do anything for me.
Beep Beep Beep Beep I roll over and turn off my alarm, yet another night I cried myself to sleep. I crawl from my bed and start the morning ritual of getting ready for school. I don't why I bother I no longer have any friends anymore I think they stopped trying to make conversation with me after about a month of me staring into space and only speaking when a question is directed at me. Even mike the most persistence of all of them finally gave up. Also on to of no social life my grades are slipping and even teachers don't bother anymore. When I had a shower and put my hair in a ponytail and got dressed I headed down stairs to get breakfast. Charlie had already gone as usually and I grabbed a breakfast bar and my bag and headed for my truck. It was yet another wet rainy day, typical Forks. I drove through the rain in silence with only the pita pata pita pata of the rain on the roof. I prefer the silence and anyway even if I wanted music I can't I ripped out the radio that emmet brought me for my birthday just after they left, and there is a now gapping hole with wires hanging out, that will never be filled again. I got to school and parked my truck and pulled on my raincoat as I got out not really noticing the rain trickling down my back and face soaking me. First lesson always go by in a blur, I don't really concentrate and nobody bothers me. The bell rings for lunch and I head for the cafeteria get a tray of food and sit at my usual table surrounded by mike, Jessica and the other guys, everyone is talking about a new kid in school, by what I hear he is quite handsome and has moved hear from London, England. He seems to be getting quite a bit of attention. I will make sure I stay away for him I don't need attention being drawn to me.
"Bella!!!"
Someone shouting my name broke my train of thought I looked up to see Jessica trying to get my attention.
"Mmm" I my ignorance irritates her I can tell my the look on her face
"You have biology next don't you"
I nodded not really sure why she wants to know
"Well so does Darius, so you need stay away form him ….Kay"
"Jessica!!!!" mike sounded disgusted at Jessica
" Well I don't want him being affected by her mopping and drive him away from Forks" and she better keep her grimy hands of him she already drove away one good-looking guy away we don't need another running for the hills because of her.
She muttered that under her breath but everyone still heard her.
"Whatever" Is all I said to be honest I was at all interested in him I don't want another boyfriend or anything else for that matter.
After that short chat the bell rang and I made my way to biology. When I got there I took my seat and waited for the teacher to show up. He trailed about 5 minutes later with and young lad in tow. This must be the new kid what was his name ……. Ah yeah darius they was it. I thought to myself avoiding eye contact with this new stranger.
" Right Darius" Mr banner mused
" You can take a seat next to Bella swan please"
"Bella will you raise your hand to show Darius where you are" I could feel everyone's eyes on my at this point I slowly raised my hand and darius started to walk over to me, I moved my books out of the way and he sat down next to me.
As mr banner started the lesson I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my face but I kept my eyes forward for the whole lesson. As the lesson ended I gathered my things quickly and headed out of the door not giving him a chance to speak to me. Last period went by without a hitch and I slowly trudge out in to the rain to my truck. I drove home slowly pleased it being the weekend. Charlie was not home yet, I didn't expect him to be he tries to stay out of the house as much as possible these days. I got in and the phone was ringing, I ran over to pick it up thinking it could be Charlie.
"Hello" I answered in a very monotone voice
"Hi Bella its Jacob form la push"
This surprised me I haven't spoke to Jake in awhile.
" Oh Jake… my dad is not in if that's why you are calling but I can take a message and get him to call you back"
" No I was actually hoping to talk to you"
"Right…. So was up"
"I want to invite your to a beach party tomorrow night down here at la push"
He sounded very eager, but I don't really want to go I need to let him down easy
"Uuhhh well you see Jake I sorta got plans for the weekend… sorry"
"Okay but if those plans change the offer is stills there, it starts at 7.00 and it is at the first beach okay I'll see you around bye"
He sounded very disappointed, god I feel bad now.
" Yea okay bye Jake"
I hung up the phone and made my way to my room, I calasped on my bed and stared up at the ceiling remembering the last time I saw Jake, it was just after he left me Jake tried to comfort me but I blow him off told him I don't need anyone's help we sort of had abit of a fight, I see now he was trying to help but then I was blinded by emotions unlike now where I have no emotion.
I started to get dinner ready when Charlie came in.
"Bella"
"Yeah im in the kitchen"
Charlie walks in the kitchen and looks uncomfortable
"Well…Bella how was school?"
He's up to something I know it
"Fine"
"Good, good ….so do you have any plans this weekend?"
I knew it
"No not really"
"Maybe you should go shopping with that Jessica girl and some of your other friends"
"No dad" I started dishing up dinner and placing it in front of Charlie who had gotten the cutlery and was sat at the table.
"Why not Bella you cant mope around the house all weekend again"
I didn't answer him I knew where this was going I just sat quite and ate my dinner.
"Bella im fed up with you being miserable over a boy, he left that's it you need to move on with your life like he probably is"
Charlie was getting angry
"He left you Bella alone so stop waiting for him"
Now I was angry
"I'm not waiting for anyone dad I know he's gone"
"Well why don't move on and go out with your real friends once in awhile!!"
"I will tell you what dad I have changed my mind I am going to la push tomorrow ok!!!" I got up and went to my room to angry and upset to stay down there. I lay on my bed and once again cried myself to sleep.
