Chef Excellence's Excellent Journey

Chef Excellence was in his excellent kitchen before an excellent studio audience. He had bought some excellent cheese from an excellent market nearby, and was now storing it in his excellent Stay Fresh Cheese Bags. The new technology will keep my cheese fresher for longer, he thought, placing the cheese in his excellent walk-in refrigerator.

Chef Excellence went over to his excellent computer and opened up Excel to check his excellent recipes. He stores all his data in Excel because it is the most excellent of the Office programs.

"You should totally drop that and use jQuery," said Jon Skeet. Chef Excellence then wondered how Jon Skeet got into his excellent kitchen, seeing as the studio audience was behind one of those excellent velvety ropes like the kind you see in bank lines.

Chef Excellence never doubted the wisdom of the rope, although he was wondering why Jon Skeet thought jQuery was a good solution for storing recipes as it's used to manipulate DOM and can't store data at all.

Having enough of the Stack Overflow in-jokes, Chef Excellence called his excellent security staff to escort Mr. Skeet off the excellent premises.

Suddenly, Chef Exposition burst through the excellent double doors of the refrigerator. "Chef Excellence!" he said, "I just found out your arch nemesis Chef Ineptitude has come up with a new invention called the microwave!"

AUTHOR'S NOSE: This story is set in the 1940's now.

"Oh dear!" said the master chef.

AMMENDUM: A master chef is not to be confused with Master Chief.

"This 'micro-wave' has the potential to make my cheese bags obsolete, despite the fact that food storage and food preparation are two completely different concepts!"

"Let's roll!" said Chef Exposition, as the two chefs left the studio in a hurry despite being in the middle of filming a cooking show.

Chefs Excellence and Exposition traveled far and wide, eventually tracking Ineptitude to the country of Tibecuador.

Chef Ineptitude was playing Castle Crashers on his Xbox 360 when the Chefs burst through his wall.

"How did you find me?" Ineptitude enquizzled.

"We just checked your location on Facebook," Exposition exposited.

"Damn it!" Ineptitude cursed. "I knew those privacy changes were no good!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: See, I can be topical if I wanted to.

"Never mind that," said Ineptitude, "I have now engineered the weapon of your defeat: the Micro-Wave!"

Ineptitude pushed a button on his foot and a hatch in the ceiling opened. "Prepare for your defeat!" he said.

Suddenly, a small platform descended from the ceiling, containing a small microwave on it. Chef Excellence watched in awe as Ineptitude removed a Hot Pocket from it's package and placed it in the microwave.

Ineptitude's fingers flew over the device's control panel. He let out an evil laugh as he pressed the start button.

A timer on the microwave began to count down from a minute and forty-five seconds.

"What's going to happen when it reaches zero?" asked Exposition.

"When this timer reaches zero," said Ineptitude, "I'll have myself a delicious Hot Pocket!"

"Is... is that all it does?" asked Excellence.

"Well, duh," said Ineptitude. "It's just a freaking microwave! It's not like it's gonna be the end of the world as we know it!"

"And I feel fine!" said Exposition.

"What?" asked Excellence.

"I don't know, I just felt like saying that."

Later that day, Excellence and Exposition were back in the excellent kitchen eating fresh cheese.

"I guess that just about wraps things up," said Chef Exposition.

"Yep, you can say we wrapped things up," said Chef Excellence, reaching for a pair of sunglasses, "and kept them fresher for longer."

YEEEAAAHHHHH!

The end?