Chapter One (Heartbreaking Silence)
My eyes flutter open slowly and the morning sun shining in through the window manages to hit me just right on the face to make me squeeze them shut immediately. My head is pounding and I sit up struggling to not fall right back over. I slowly open my eyes once more when I hear the sounds of clothes being shoved into a bag by my feet on the bed. I run my fingers through my hair while my eyes try to focus on the person who is in such a hurry.
"What are you doing? Come back to bed baby." She doesn't stop her flurry of movement as she continues to shove all her worldly possessions into her small duffle bag. I wrap the sheet around me and stand, making my way to her and gently wrap my arms around her waist.
"Faith?"
When Sunnydale was destroyed, we decided that would be a good place for our past to lie too. We left it all behind… the anger… the pain… the fighting… the hatred. It stayed buried in Sunnydale, fallen with the Hellmouth. It was an unspoken forgiveness between us… something we didn't discuss with words but with a single look in the silence while staring out over the crater that used to be my home. After all Faith and I have never really known how to communicate with words. With our fresh start and quick move to Cleveland after only a short couple of weeks recuperating in L.A., we became friends… something I never thought I would be able to have with her. The Scoobies accepted her immediately and things seemed like they were falling into place.
Now I would be an idiot if I said I didn't know how badly Faith wanted more with me. She is the master of sexual innuendos and flirting after all. Even all those years back in Sunnydale, I was sure she wanted me. What I never realized though, was how badly I wanted her too. Maybe it is her deep brown eyes… luscious lips… firm ass that pulled me into her bed at night just weeks after the move to our permanent residence in Cleveland. Maybe it was my way of fully letting go of the past we shared. I never expected to fall into her bed, but once I was there I saw just how much I enjoyed being with her, and quickly found myself falling a lot further. I was in love with her… often times questioning if I always had been from the start. Again, we never spoke words about our feelings… talking isn't high on Faith's list of things to do when we are alone, but I could tell by the way our relationship in the bedroom changed that she was feeling it too. The sex that used to be wild and animalistic became slow and passionate. The love between us was intoxicating even if it was a silent love. It was hard to keep our hands off each other. So it was only a matter of time before the secret was out.
When the Scoobies found out about our sexual relationship, I was sure they would go ballistic. I had never been with another woman, never even hinted that I ever would want to be and Faith hadn't always been someone we trusted and welcomed with open arms. The ambush never came though. They smiled and acted like they knew all along that this would happen between the two of us and like nothing had changed at all. Faith had a look of relief on her face when it was all finally out in the open and since that day, we have gone on with our lives together as though we are in a relationship… but still… an unspoken one.
So as I stand with my arms wrapped around her waist and she continues literally throwing things into her bag, I am beyond confused. I am wracking my brain trying to figure out what could have gotten her so upset. We had a good time last night… we all went out to a local club, danced, had some drinks… obviously too many for me since my head is pounding right now… and then went home. I think.
"Fai… baby… tell me what's wrong."
"Let go of me Buffy," she says and her words come out as harsh and nasty. Uh oh. She called me by my full name. She must be really pissed to do that.
"Faith! Stop!" I say as I turn her around by her shoulders and if looks could kill I would be dead for the third time right here and now.
"Are you going to deny it?" she shouts, pushing my hands away from her body.
"Deny what? What are you talking about?" Tears are rushing to my eyes because in this moment I don't see the Faith that I have known for the past five months. I see the girl we both left behind in that crater. The girl I never thought I would see again.
"I saw you with him B! I saw you kiss him! You can't deny it! I am such an idiot!" She is screaming now during her little rant and I am sure that the others will be in the hallway any second if they aren't already there, eavesdropping trying to get a read on what is going on behind our closed bedroom door.
It all registers in my head the second she says "him." I know she has been acting weird since Angel has been in town and I don't know why I didn't figure it out before. He came to check out what we have done with the training school we had set up for the new slayers. He had only stayed a few days, leaving last night late at night. My mind starts to remember the previous night as I stand there in shock. Faith and I came back to my room last night after the club. After what was hours of mind blowing sex and multiple orgasms for both of us, she finally drifted off to sleep in my arms.
For some reason I was still a little wired… maybe it was the alcohol in my system or that satisfied feeling I had in between my legs that made me want to just bask in the moment with her in my arms. It is usually me that falls asleep so it was nice to get to lay there watching her sleep for once. Whatever the case was that had me no where near slumber land, I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door and managed to throw a blanket around me before barely opening the door a crack to see who was stupid enough to bother me at that hour. There he stood in all his broody glory on the other side of my door, coming to tell me he was heading back to L.A.
The entire time he had been there, I had been avoiding telling him about Faith and I. I'd been avoiding him completely actually except when I knew I couldn't. I knew I needed to tell him, that he had probably already figured it out, but I am not stupid… I was sure he wasn't going to be thrilled, so I was avoiding it. Now that he was there, right in front of me, I knew he could smell her on me, and I there was no way I was going to get out of the conversation that should have happened days before. Before he managed to say anything about it, I told him I would see him out, changed into sweats quickly and met him down on the porch. He had barely opened his mouth before I practically threw up the words 'Faith and I are sleeping together' on him. And just like I thought, he wasn't thrilled with the idea. But he did eventually give us his blessing after what seemed like an hour of conversation. I was so relieved when he did that, that I practically jumped on him and wrapped him in a huge hug.
I remember my body relaxing as we hugged and feeling like now that Angel knew about Faith and I that everything would be alright. It isn't like I needed his permission or anything, but he is a big part of my life and someone that I do trust and respect. I know that Faith feels the same so I knew that if he freaked out it would bother her just as much. So like I said, I was all sorts of relieved when he finally told me he just wanted me to be happy and if I was happy with her he would learn to get used to it. When I let go from the hug, his lips found mine. For a brief second, and only a brief one, I kissed him back. I am not sure what exactly made that happen but it certainly wasn't a passionate kiss. It was literally just a peck that lasted a few seconds longer than what most would consider normal. He apologized immediately, and I did too. I knew that it was just something that happened due to past history.
A part of me knew that he was trying to get me see that he and I could work again, but he could tell by the way I reacted to the kiss that whatever used to be between us, was long gone. So while I know the kiss was inappropriate, I also was glad that it happened… it put a lot to rest between him and I. My relationship with Angel has always been so complicated and I felt like this was just another way to move forward and remain friends. I never would have guessed that Faith saw us from my bedroom window above.
"Who? Angel? You can't be serious Faith!" I yell right back and she puts on that smirk of hers.
"Why did you even bother with me huh B? Was I just convenient until Soul Boy came back?" she screams right in my face. Out of pure instinct, my right fist connects with her jaw and her head jolts to the side from the force. It feels like a lifetime ago since I have hit her like that, or wanted to for that matter. When she turns her head back to me I see the tears in her eyes and the ones that were being held back in mine trickle down my cheeks. I have never and I mean never ever… seen Faith cry and even though she is holding the tears in right now, the fact that they are there is killing me because I know I caused this.
"Fai… I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to… I just… what you said…" I try to utter out as I reach my hand forward towards her face.
"Save it B… I'm out of here!" she yells as she spins around and pushes the last of her stuff into her bag and works to zip the zipper. She holds the tears in but one breaks loose and slowly leaks down her cheek. She uses the back of her hand to wipe it away quickly and when she gets the bag closed she turns and flings it over her left shoulder. I can see a tiny bit of blood from where I hit her on her lip as her eyes bore into mine. "Move out of my way B." Her voice is eerily calm but her tone speaks volumes.
"We need to talk about this… it wasn't what it looked like," I say trying to defend myself… to save this… relationship or whatever it may be. She doesn't say anything she just moves around me and heads towards the door. I collapse on the floor at the foot of the bed, sheet still wrapped around me as she flings the bedroom door open, only to be face to face with Willow and Xander. I told you they would be there eavesdropping.
"Faith… please just wait," Willow tries to say, defending me even though I'm sure she is just as confused as I am about what is happening. But she does know how I feel about Faith. She knows I am in love with her. I think they all know… all of them but Faith herself.
"Move it Red… this has nothing to do with you," she says in that same cold voice that she used with me. Her and Willow have become surprisingly close so I am shocked that she would even talk to her like that. It just goes to show how upset she really is.
"It does have to do with us… you belong here… you are part of the family," Xander says cheerily, trying to use his happiness to filter into the rest of us in the room. It doesn't work though even though I desperately wish it could.
"I'm part of the family huh? Tell that to the princess." She turns to look at me and my tears are covering my face and making her figure blurred a little to me. I can't think… I can't see straight and all the things I have never said are just jumbled around in my head dying to be let out.
"Fai… please baby… I… I lo.."
"Don't fucking say it to me Buffy! You don't mean it! How could you anyway? I was stupid to think that you ever could… that anyone could!" she screams in my direction.
"Don't go!" I scream at her as she pushes past Xander and Willow and down the hall. I am sobbing uncontrollably now. Xander takes one look at Willow and they have a conversation between themselves silently. We can do that with one another. Don't ask me how, because even I don't know. I assume it has to do with all the time we have spent together all these years. I can't remember a time in my life that these two people weren't right there by my side. They are so much more than my friends… they are my family, we all are a family like Xander said.
Xander takes off running after Faith and Willow is at my side in a split second. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me to her shoulder as I let it all out. I should be up and chasing after Faith, but somewhere deep inside of me I know that it won't do any good. Willow holds on tight, using some of her magic I'm sure to try to calm me from my hysteria. It isn't but three minutes later that Xander reappears in the doorway with a frown on his face and look of defeat while he nurses his cheek where she obviously hit him. She's gone. She left me and I never even got the chance to tell her I love her.
