The Enterprise-D was flying around through outer space in an extremely cool fashion when ALL OF A SUDDEN Commander Data detected a huge emission of faggaton particles coming from a black hole.
So Data goes: "Hmm Captain, there appears to be a huge emission of faggaton particles coming from that black hole over there, sir. It is highly illogical!"
And Picard's all like: "I suspect that such a phenomenon is indicative of an extremely gay spacial anomaly, or my earl grey isn't hot."
Data agrees! "Indeed, sir. Faggatons are a theoretical particle predicted by certain extremely homosexual interpretations of relativistic quantum subspacial interphasic time-space equations."
"Wow, let's go through that black hole," ejaculated Wesley Crusher. "It sounds awesome!"
Picard could only cock his eyebrow, as if to say, "Jesus Christ, what the fuck?" Turning to Worf, he then said, "make it so!" And Mr. Worf pushed the button to shoot Wesley out of the airlock for being a stupid fag.
Seriously, Geordi installed a "shoot that stupid faggot out of the airlock" button last week for just such an occasion. It was only a matter of time before it was used on Ensign Crusher. However, the remaining non-gay crewmen traded glances, realizing that they had not seen the last of Mr. Crusher, and if he got brought back in to the story later on they could at least count on him being at least a little bit less lame.
Commander Riker then interrupted the cheering by saying, "We still have to explore that black hole, don't we? I mean, it kind of is our job."
Picard answered, "I'm afraid you're right, number one. Raise super anti-gay shields and take us in."
So they went through the black hole into a new universe!
Truly, this was a truly strange universe, strangely enough. There was loads of data about different universes in Federation records: evil universes, Borg universes, universes where eels never evolved, universes where "Star Trek Enterprise" never happened – but never had any ship in all of Federation history encountered a universe even half as gay as this butt-stuffing queerzone.
Yes, this land of cocksucking queendom was occupied by jizz-guzzlers so ass-fuckingly homosexual that they were too gay even to invent transporters. So queer were these ball-licking swishes that they were too busy taking turns anally-fisting each other to come up with a better way to fight than waving goddamn glow sticks at each other like butt-pirates. Indeed, this could only be the land of STAR WARS, realm of pure faggotry.
"Sir, the quantum signature of this universe is unbelievably gay!" observed Data, correct as ever.
"Captain, a giant gay Christmas ornament is hailing us," announced Mr. Worf.
"On screen!" said Picard.
Some old gay fag appeared on the view screen. You could just look at him and tell that he wasn't as cool as Picard, or the original crew in the later Star Trek movie sequels. He wasn't the badass kind of old guy: he was just a colossal faggot.
"Dur, look at me, I'm the Grand Muff Tarkin! You better do what I say, or my fruity flying testicle of doom, which I call the 'Death Star', is gonna blow you up! I command you to let me suck all of your dicks! Permission to come aboard! Pun intended!"
"Denied!" said Picard, ever-defiant towards the tyranny of evil. Yes, this champion of the human spirit would not be cowed by such threats. "Tolerance and understanding are the foundations of what makes us truly human. Yet, still: no thanks, chum."
"Dur!" responded Tarkin. "Face the wrath of the mightiest weapon in the universe! Charge up the weapon! Charge it to double capacity! Keep on charging! Dur, I suck!" It seriously took like fifteen minutes just to charge the goddamn weapon up, even though no weapons from the Star Trek universe take even half that long, most likely because the Star Trek universe isn't populated entirely by retards and faggots.
The entire bridge crew of the Enterprise went to go play ping-pong on the holodeck because they were bored out of their fucking minds. Note that they don't have holodecks in Star Wars because they're morons. Mr. Worf stayed behind on the bridge to "battle" the "Death Star" and he amused himself by watching "The Hidden Fortress" on the little screen dealie on his console.
"This movie is as awesome as the great Klingon epics," noted Worf. "It is unfortunate that certain directors with no talent dishonored themselves by plagiarizing it to sell toys to five-year-olds and imbeciles."
"We are now ready to shoot you!" announced Tarkin. "I shall now go watch gay porn to celebrate!"
"Worf to Picard. Shall I raise shields?"
"Don't bother, Mr. Worf," responded Picard, from the holodeck. "I don't want to divert any power away from this exhilarating ping pong match."
"Understood, sir."
Then, the Death Star fired its ULTIMATE DEATH BEAM at the Enterprise. What a harrowing moment it was, filled with drama! Can the Enterprise-D possibly survive an assault from the most deadly weapon in the whole Star Wars universe? Yep, it didn't even make it through the navigational shields.
"Shall I return fire, sir?" asked Worf of Picard.
"Eh, I'd rather not waste the ordnance. Throw a rock at them if it will make you feel better."
So Worf opened a space-window and threw a rock at the Death Star. It was actually his pet rock, but it was time for it to meet its honorable death.
Naturally, the rock hit the Death Star's ONE WEAK POINT, and blew up, taking out about fifty super star destroyers with it. No surprise there, of course.
Worf's pet rock survived the epic battle and went on to destroy another 20 Imperial super-weapons, 155 super star destroyers, and slayed 321 Sith lords in one-on-one combat before finally getting bored and committing honorable suicide. But that is a tale for another time.
