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"It's been a long time since I've had an evening quite as enjoyable as this one." Simon said, in such a smooth tone.
Me being a little tipsy, I grinned like an idiot and replied.
"I'm choosing to believe you, Simon, partly because it's flattering and partly because I've had three glasses of wine and a lemon jell-o."
I giggled a little bit, and turned to the front door.
"So, do you think we could possibly do this again sometime?" He asked.
I looked at him. I hadn't been out with anybody in several months now, and I hadn't done anything.. else.. with anybody besides Richard either.
"That would be lovely, Simon."
I started to open the door, and then turned back to Simon.
"Would you like to come in, Simon? Maybe we could have a fourth glass of wine."
He looked somewhat shocked, but understanding the message I was trying to get across, he smiled.
"That would be very nice, Emily."
I grinned, and opened the front door. My surroundings seemed to be moving ever so slightly. I usually limit myself to two glasses of wine, or else I drive Richard crazy. Richard. Had he seen me and Simon from the pool house? Did he know I had just let him inside? Oh well. So what if he did? This is his fault, not mine.
"Emily?"
I turned around. Simon was standing there. I must have been 'zoning out', to quote Lorelai.
"Yes. Simon. White wine?"
"Certainly."
I had just taken the last sip of my fifth glass of wine, and Simon had taken my arm. We were walking, tentatively, up to the bedroom. My knees were beginning to give way, and I had a feeling that was for reasons other than my being drunk. I hadn't done anything with anybody besides Richard in nearly fourty years, and I wasn't sure how I felt about the whole situation. Deep down, I knew I still loved Richard. Very, very much. But it wasn't fair that I had to suffer because he had ruined our relationship.
I led Simon to the bedroom, and opened the door. My nerves were taking over. I walked over to the bed, stumbling a little bit, and watched as Simon made his way over. He sat down beside me, and we turned to face each other. He was very handsome, though not quite as much so as Richard. I felt pretty, in my slightly too low cut shirt. It was something Lorelai would wear, not me, but I felt extremely daring. I began to undo his tie. I wasn't quite sure how, I was used to undoing bowties, but I figured it out. I slipped off my fur coat, and he began to take off his white shirt. My heart was racing. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. My head was spinning, and as he began to unfasten my bra, I felt a little sick. We kissed, and I hoped that would make me feel better. He wasn't a bad kisser. He was actually very good. His mouth was warm. This didn't make me feel any better, but he looked happy, and it had been months since the last time Richard and I had made love. I didn't love Simon, but that didn't seem to be stopping me.
"That was very good, Emily."
"Yes, it was. I'm very tired, Simon. Maybe we should just go to sleep."
"Alright, if you insist." He was grinning, and I wanted to hit him.
Of course, I knew this wasn't his fault. I had invited him in. I may as well have begged him to have sex with me, but now I felt so wrong and unclean. I rolled over, and Simon rolled to face me. He was snuggling closer. This wasn't right. This wasn't Richard. Slowly, tears began to fall to my pillow. I couldn't believe what I had done.
Simon left the next morning. I tried to kick him out early, when I thought Richard might still be asleep. When he was finally gone, I walked back into my empty house, and the combination of emotion and a hangover hit me hard in the gut. My head was hurting, and my heart was hurting. I walked to Richard's study, sat down at his desk, and looked at the picture of us that was sitting on it. The tears from last night returned again. I was hurting, not just in my head and in my heart, but down there as well. Simon wasn't gentle like Richard. He acted like he hadn't had any sexual relations in years, and wasn't a very good listener. He had promised to call when he left, and I was tempted to unplug every phone in the house. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to see him. And I most definitely did not want to kiss him, or have sex with him. I missed Richard, more than ever, and I almost grabbed my coat and ran to the poolhouse, but instead, I picked up the phone and dialed Lorelai's cell phone in tears. I had to tell somebody, and who else was there to tell?
"Hello?"
I sniffed. "Lorelai?"
"Oh hey, Mom! How did your thing with Simon go?"
She was completely oblivious. Maybe I shouldn't tell her. She didn't need to know about my sex life, especially any kind of sex life that wasn't with her father. But there wasn't anybody else to tell.
"Lorelai. It was bad. It was very bad."
"Mom... are you okay? Are you crying? What's wrong?"
"I'm so stupid, Lorelai. I'm so stupid and you're going to hate me. And Rory and your father are going to hate me. I'm so stupid!"
I was definitely crying now, there was no hiding that.
"Mom, calm down and tell me what's wrong!"
She actually sounded worried! I breathed in. Maybe I could tell her after all.
"Oh, Lorelai. I let him in my house! Simon! After three glasses of wine, I let him in and we drank two more. And then I led him up to the bedroom, and... well. You can guess what happened next. I'll spare you the details."
Silence.
"Lorelai, are you there?"
"Um... yeah."
She was very quiet.
"You mean... you and Simon. You had s- I mean... you cheated, on dad?"
It was my turn to be silent.
"Yes." I started crying again. "Lorelai, I feel really sick. I can't believe myself. Could you... could you come over? I really need someone to talk to."
"Of course, Mom. I'll be over soon."
The doorbell rang, and I practically ran to answer it. I wanted to tell Lorelai, and have somebody to listen to me and talk to me. To keep me company.
I opened to door.
"Hi, Mom."
She had a bag in her hand.
"I brought ice cream. Chocolate chip cookie dough. I also brought a bag of Lays and a few beers."
"Thank you, Lorelai, but I really shouldn't be eati-"
"Trust me, mother. This is the kind of food you eat when you're upset."
I had to smile.
"Okay, fine. Come inside. I want to talk to you about this. But you have to promise that you'll listen to me, and won't be disgusted or infuriated with me, and won't think I'm a bad person, and won't make jokes at the wrong time."
"I won't."
"Where do you want to go?"
"Well, Mom. To be honest, there aren't a lot of good 'girl talk' places in this house. Why don't we go up to my room?"
"Yes, alright."
I was so glad to have her here with me. We walked upstairs, and my mind flashed back to last night. I walked faster. I had to get this off my chest.
We walked into her room, and she ran over and plopped down on the bed. I walked over slowly, and sat cross legged besides her.
"Okay, Mom. Spill. What happened last night?"
The tears were coming back for the third time in twenty four hours. Lorelai looked a little scared. She hasn't seen me cry much.
"Like I told you. We had a nice dinner. I drank a few too many glasses of wine, and when we got to the front door, I just... couldn't stop myself. I invited him inside. We drank more wine, and I was so tipsy I nearly fell down the stairs when we started to walk towards the bedroom. Lorelai, I felt to wrong, opening that door. I was walking into my room. Your father's room. With another man. But anyway... he wasn't very gentle..."
Lorelai sort of shifted in her spot. I could tell this part of the conversation was very awkward for her.
"And then he left this morning and I went to your father's study and just cried. I felt so... I feel so... wrong and unclean. I broke a vow. I broke a commandment, damn it! And I know that if your father finds out about this... I'll have broken his heart. I can't believe it, Lorelai."
"So, you really did it. You really... cheated on dad?"
She almost whispered that.
"I did. I can't believe it."
My lip quivered, and I leaned over to Lorelai. Tears were flowing openly, and as I leaned, Lorelai put her arms around me. This shocked me so much, I almost stopped crying. Lorelai was hugging me. Lorelai was hugging me! I felt to happy to have her right then. I let her hold me, and I sobbed. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she was crying too.
