Page 74 Volume 4: The Bandit Parody
Scene where Tasuki takes Miaka hostage.
-Tasuki throws Miaka on the floor-
Tasuki: Just stay there an' don' speak! No one can hear ya anyways.
Miaka grins: All the better...
Tasuki blinks: Whadda talkin' 'bout?!
Miaka walks over to Tasuki: I know why you brought me here. Trust me, you're MUCH better candidate than the other guy!
Tasuki: Wa?! Woah! I'm just takin' ya hostage!
Miaka giggles: Oh! I love to play roles! I'll play the hostage, and you can be my captive. Now, let's get down to what we came here for!
-Miaka walks up to Tasuki and kisses him-
Miaka: Oh! Your fangs bit my lip! How naughty!
Tasuki: Get tha hell offa me ya whore!
-Banging on the front door-
-Miaka pounces on Tasuki and tries to..... (Insert thought here)-
-Tamahome breaks the door with Nuriko.-
Tamahome: Miaka?! What are you doing?!!
Miaka: I'm tired of not being able to have fun! All girls just wanna have fun! He's not one of the Suzaku Warriors so I can do as I please!
Tamahome: But...I LOVE you!
Miaka: Oh! I love you too Hotohori...
Tamahome sweatdrops: My name is Tamahome...
Miaka: So?
Nuriko: ooo! Who's this hottie?
Tasuki: Woah! I've been attacked by this whore and some other chick?! I'm livin' a nightmare!
Nuriko: Teehee, you don't know the half of it! shows his symbol I'm not a 'chick'
Tasuki: Dear Suzaku! A man?! Ewww...I think I'm gonna be sick..This is too much.
Nuriko chuckles: It's okay dear, you're not my kinda man anyways. I'm not gay hon, just a cross-dresser.
Tasuki sighs with relief: Can someone get this slut offa me?!
Nuriko: Miaka, honey, get off of him...
-A girl runs through the door-
The Girl: What the fuck is going on?! Shun'u Kou!!!!
Tasuki: Great! Uh....Ari, it ain't what it looks like...
Ari: It looks pretty convincing to me!
-they all glance at "ari"-
Miaka: Who's she?!
Tasuki: She's the commander of my bandits, and my girlfriend you whore, now GET OFFA ME!
Miaka: THAT is MY competition!? How pathetic! I've heard of an easy win, but this is absurd, I need SOME kind of challenge..
Ari(Ariyah): Trust me, I will give you a challenge.
Tamahome: Miaka.....?
Miaka: WHAT?!!! You idiot, what do you want?! Something every woman and whore needs is a STRONG man, like Hotohori but he's a celestial warrior, but this guy aint! Now, get out, I have work to do!
Ariyah: Over my dead body, and someone already dead can't die! bares her fangs
Miaka: What the fuck are you?!
Ariyah: Your worst nightmare, now, off now!
Tasuki: I wouldn't fuck with her if I was you...
-The rest just simply blink-
Miaka: Ahem, he's mine bitch, and there ain't nothing you can do about it!
Tasuki: Wait a damn minute! I AM a celestial warrior Shows his symbol Boy am I ever sorry I lied about that!
Miaka: OH! DAMMIT! You're all a waste! I can screw any of you!
Ariyah: Ahem, and WE still have buisness to attend to, now, I'll ask you one last time, get off of him, or else.
Miaka scoffs: Or else what?
-Miaka is lifted off of Tasuki and thrown against a wall where she is held-
Miaka: What the hell! I can't move!
Ariyah: Of course not..Now, I told you to get off of him
Miaka: WHAT ARE YOU?!
Ariyah: Since you are about to die, I can tell you. I am a Vampire Sorceress, and you picked the wrong man to fuck with!
Miaka under her breath: Aw shit....
-the group just stares in amazement as Ariyah places her sword under Miaka's throat-
Ariyah: now, if my concentration is broken, or if I decide I'm done toying with you, I'll drop you and bye-bye curtains.
Miaka: DON"T DROP ME!
-All the people, besides Tamahome chant-: Drop her, Drop her, Drop her, Drop her.
Ariyah: It seems you are outnumbered.
-Ariyah raises up her hands and Miaka falls through the sword, her blood spurting everywhere.
Ariyah: I would drain her dry, but, I'm afraid I might catch something.
Tasuki: Ari, she wouldn't let me go!
Ariyah: I know, she's dead now, I don't care.
Tamahome cries
Ariyah: O suck it up already! There's plenty of more women in Konan that are a hell of a lot better than her!
Tamahome: But I loved her..
Nuriko: But she was a whore
Ariyah: Not to mention an idiot
Nuriko: And UGLY
Tamahome: You're right! Good riddance to that needy nagging whore!
Tasuki and the rest laugh and leave Miaka's bloody corpse.
-The bloody corpse rises from the grave in a "Night of the living Miaka" and writes down "Tasuki" on a piece of paper with Hotohori, Tamahome, and Ariyah "I'll----get----yous.." (The song, "One Way or Another" plays in the backround)
Miaka crawls across the floor, her blood dragging. "I'll, get you!" She reaches for the phone and dials a number "I need a pizza delivered to Genrou's Hideout S.T.A.T!" she hangs up "Eat first, kill all who have screwed me over second." Miaka gets the pizza, eats a piece and chokes on a pepperoni. "Damn it! I knew I should put Cheese on my tombstone!" -She finally dies-
