Dear Peter,

I have written this letter over and over again, trying to find the right words to say this with. When I finished it for the forty-second time I had to celebrate somehow. I've been working on it for a long time, gathering ways to say two words. I've said them aloud so many times to you and you always as why, or for what, these are the responses that I should have given you, the things I should have said. My past and my future are both things that I don't know for different reasons, my past because I do not understand why I did them and my future because it is always changing. No matter how I try to guess, I can't ever see the things that happen before they do. I could never have expected the whirlwind that came with me meeting you for the first time. Here goes nothing.

Do you remember that one night, we'd gotten back from the roller coaster park and returned to the cabin. You said we were home and it made my heart race. I don't know if you meant to but it made me feel like you thought it was home because I was there. My home is where you are, is your home where I am? You told me that I looked like a princess, I thought that you looked like a prince. You looked like you though, like it was just your inner beauty coming through. I've never been good with words and here I am, writing you a letter. But this is why I did the things that I did. Okay? Just, stick with me here, okay?

The first time I saw you we were in that warehouse. All day since I woke up in that tower I'd been looking for something or somewhere to practice. And then I'd come across ballet. I've done it for years, but I didn't remember the fun I'd always had doing it until I magically became Evangeline. That girl was my better side and I can't help but think that she's the one you fell in love with. You'd been hiding out in the rafters when you said that I danced well, I remember my cheeks turning pink when I actually caught a glimpse of you. Let's just say I thought you were incredibly handsome, the way one of your eyebrows was obviously lifted above the other was adorable. I know you hate it when I say that, but you are truly cute and there's no avoiding it. That was the first time I had a reason to like someone, not just that he'd followed me home and asked for something that I knew I could give him. No, you never asked for anything of the sort and that was the best part of you. You asked what you could do, not for me to do something for you.

That day that I didn't know what to do with myself, those times when it was storming outside, all of them show that you are not what people say you are. You are the best guy that I've ever met and, I know this to be a fact, you are more of a man than any real man I've ever met. People are cowards and they blame others for their mistakes. I know this to be true as well. But we are all only human, excluding my half-god side and the fact that you're not technically entirely human… Never mind that. That came out wrong, it sounded better in my head.

But my favorite moment with you wasn't too long ago, a few weeks, maybe. It could have been months. But you were Robbie and I was Evangeline, but they were exactly like us. He was a little more oblivious, if that's possible, and she wasn't like me past-wise. You came through the window and almost fell, I'd been dancing. For a moment I smiled until you got stuck and I had to pull you through into my room. I fell back and you somehow ended up on top of me in a way that made my cheeks heat up. Your face got all red and I didn't let that go for a long while after. But you picked me up and kissed me gently, as you always seem to do, and my day was completely brightened up. Things happened earlier in the day that had me beginning to doubt myself all over again, but you fixed that as you always do. That is why I love you, you always pick me up when I'm on the ground, literally.

There are things that I cannot change, Peter. Like how I was when I was fifteen, more than a year ago, or how I never seem to trust or like myself as much as I do other people. It's not that I do not trust you, of course I trust you. More than anyone, I trust you with everything and I will tell you anything that you want me to without a moment's hesitation. It's that I can't trust myself after the things I've done. There was a time when I was completely alone. Jackson was off on some adventure to save people and Leo was with the rest of his friends at the other camp, but that's not important. There wasn't anyone to keep me from going AWAL. I don't do well when others aren't around, when I know they're not going to be around, so I lost it for a few days. I locked myself in my cabin with my weapons and my powers at my disposal and I took my anger out on the only other person in there. Me. There were bruises all over my body, I still have the scars to prove it if you want to see on any day. I'll show you. They found me a week later, I'd almost died Peter. I did that all to myself. That is why I don't trust myself with anything.

Yes, my past doesn't seem too bad at times, and sometimes it isn't all that it seems to be. But there are times that I remember what happened at some random moment years ago and I tear up like a big baby, then I start to cry. I don't know why I do that and I'm so so sorry that I make you deal with that. But that time when I locked myself away and hurt myself is why I'm terrified of thunderstorms, of what I control. What if I caused that storm when I had an episode? What if someone out there got hurt because of a weather problem that I caused? But none of those are likely anymore. I have regained control and things are getting better. Do you want to know why they're getting better? Because of you. You're the light at the end of my tunnel, the one who brings me back from those dark places. That is why I always thank you. I can't say it enough. You saved me, these things that you say, the way you say them that makes me laugh or smile, means so much more than you know.

Now, there are so many things that I want to show you. How to dance, all of the beautiful music that's out there in the world, maybe how to work a camera or a phone when I get the time, my past, I can't even list them all as I don't have enough room on this piece of paper. But, out of everything I want to show you how much you mean to me. If Malcolm ever comes to take you back I swear that I'll kill him. He will never get you, there's nothing you need to be scared of there. He's not coming. That much I swear to make sure of. He's had you before, I saw your scars that day when you got hurt and I had to help you, when your ribs were broken. I saw them, the words carved into your skin. It's not true, none of them. You aren't his, you are mine. If that means anything to you, I mean it like you do not belong to anyone. But if you want to say that they mean something else I'm completely for the idea that he was predicting that you would be someone's someday. I am yours, you are mine, however you want to say it. I don't care. I want you to know that scars are nothing to me, the past is nothing to me, they have made you who you are now and that is what matters. People have shown me that and I know it now. There are things you have shown me, that I matter enough, that I can protect people, no matter what others say there are things I can do, and a lot that I can't.

And, for all of these things, thank you Peter Pan.

With The Most Love,

Leigh-Rose Carson