Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: A request for an ItaTen? Actually, I found this fun to write. :3 CAPS ABUSE!
Tenten a silly spaz? Itachi a spontaneous ego-based weirdo? It must be the work of…I!
Summary: I've worked my entire life to be feared, and this one panda chick is managing to kill my ego in less than ten minutes. ItaTencrackfic
I Get the Feeling I've Heard of You…
I was just walking around in the forest. Why, you ask? Well, an S-class criminal can take a walk if he feels like it. And I felt like it.
You say that is a stupid reason? Listen: You don't say that to an S-class criminal.
What? You say I'm hung up on the fact that I'm an S-class criminal!
Fine, you don't say that to an Akatsuki. Happy now?
On with the stupid story.
I was walking and I saw this girl throwing kunai at targets. Her hair looked like a panda's ears. And then I noticed! She was hitting the targets every single time. She didn't miss once.
That was rather impressive, even for someone like me.
What? You still haven't figured out who I am? Can't you tell I'm the infamous Akatsuki, Uchiha Itachi?
I hate you all.
So, anyway, she was hitting the targets every single time. And it occurred to me that talent like that should not go to waste. She would be a perfect criminal. Or if not, she could always just amuse me when Deidara gets on my nerves with all his explosions and 'un'-ing. Oh, and then she noticed me and killed me.
Wait, that was wrong. She noticed me and gave me this look as if to say 'who are you exactly?' You ask how I knew that? Because she asked, "Who are you exactly?"
My jaw dropped. Here was a girl who did not know of THE Uchiha Itachi when she saw him? Or, namely, ME?
"I get the feeling I've heard of you…or seen you…," she continued. "So, what's your name?"
I was speechless. Me, Uchiha Itachi! But I'm a sly weasel, so I replied, "Guess."
She looked at me a few moments, and then she said, "I think I've seen that ugly cloak thing that you wear before."
UGLY and I do not belong in the same sentence, unless the sentence is talking about how I am NOT ugly. But then I remembered something—she'd probably seen Deidara before and after she's seen that gender-confused explosion-lover than anything he wore WOULD be a complete turn-off. I mean, he was pretty famous for kidnapping that Kazekage-raccoon-demon person. BUT NOT AS FAMOUS AS I!
"What's your name?" I challenged.
I was surprised when she answered immediately: "Tenten." Seriously, do they teach shinobi about safety these days? Oh dear kami-sama, I'm getting old…NO! I SHALL BE FOREVER YOUNG!
But, whatever…I'll still call her panda chick forEVAH. What kinda criminal recruits a person with a name that means 'heaven' or 'sky'?
"I'm an Uchiha," I offered, thinking this was a dead giveaway.
Her eyes bugged out in a totally unattractive way. "Sasuke?" she squeaked. "Whoa…you look different. Did you get surgery? Because I liked it better when you didn't have lines under your eyes."
This is what my life has come to? Being mistaken for my silly little brother? By a random panda chick? I mean, seriously, here. I've worked my entire life to be feared and this one panda chick is managing to kill my ego in less than ten minutes…AND she thinks I'm Sasuke too.
At that moment I was hoping lightning would strike and kill me. But then I remembered I was supposed to be recruiting her, not…whatever I was doing.
"Will you be my amusement, stress toy, and weapons mistress forever?" I asked seriously.
She blinked. I blinked. We all blinked. Yea for blinking. Then she said, "Don't you think it's a little too early for marriage? I mean, I just figured out who you were a minute ago."
Headtowall…wait, there aren't any walls in the forest. Headtotree, headtotree. She still honestly believes I'm Sasuke?
"I'm the uberly awesome, completely and utterly feared, better than my silly aniki Akatsuki, UCHIHA ITACHI!" I screamed, taking out a kunai. Then I remembered I use the Sharingan all the time so my aim is not exactly all that great, so I somewhat reluctantly put the kunai away into my mysterious robes of DOOM. Yar.
"Wait! Wait! Are you…Uchiha Itachi?"
I must have turned blue in the eyes because she asked, "What?"
I was doubting my decision to allow her into the Akatsuki. She would probably be better amusement for Deidara than I and he's already thoroughly amused by those stupid explosions.
"Can I come with you to see your headquarters…thing?" she asked, eyes sparkling. Literally…sparkling. That stood against everything I fought for, which was power, conquest, capturing biju, and above all, Pocky. I'm still not over the fact that Deidara got a biju and I didn't. I lost a lot of Pocky on that bet.
"Fine," I sighed. "Let's go. If we hurry we might get there before dawn."
(A/N: GASP! I'm turning this into a real story instead of a one-shot? This is too much fun…:3 Oh, and I'm going on vacation this week so no updates on this one either. Last, but not least, I'm not a Deidara-basher. In fact, he's like, my third favorite character. I just found Itachi the Deidara-bashing type.)
