Disclaimer: If I owned it, do you seriously think that I'll be sitting here and writing fan fiction?
Summary: Set before Luke and Lorelai get together. When a creepy guy goes after Lorelai, will Luke be the one to save her? Or is she destined to date a guy worthy of becoming Dracula's successor? Has nothing to do with real vampires or an alternate reality and etc. Java Junkie.
Note: No specific time period, but Rory is already at Yale.
Heroes, Vampires, and the
Consequences of being too Hot
Chapter 1: "Oh grandma, what big teeth you have…"
"For the hundredth time, Kirk, just because your hand is bigger then your face, doesn't mean you have cancer," Luke sighed.
"…I'm that sure you're only saying this to make me feel better and I appreciate it. But now that I know my fate, at least I'll be ready for it," Kirk sniffed, drowning down his third milkshake, "I just don't know what to tell Lulu." He moaned and buried his face in his hands. Luke rolled his eyes and mouthed a thank you to a pregnant woman as she paid and left, pausing like all the others to give Kirk a strange look.
"You're not going to die, Kirk, so stop moaning like a little kid and get outta here. Who the hell gave you that idea anyway?"
"A bunch of kids from Lulu's elementary class…I was taking care of those young ones, you know, to get ready for when my own kids come."
"Lulu's pregnant?"
"No…but me and Lulu has been having a lot of sex lately, and it just got me thinking. What would I be like as a father?"
"As great a father as
Hitler would be," mumbled Luke,
"Me and Lulu never really talked about it," Kirk continued, unaware of what Luke just said, "so, I was planning to switch her pills with vitamins and…"
"Oh geez, Kirk! You can't do that!"
"Have sex?"
"No! I mean yes! I mean, oh geez! This is such a disturbing topic," Luke let out a deep sigh, "I meant, you can't replace Lulu's pills with vitamins!" Luke exclaimed.
"Oh? Well, I've thought about replacing them with candies, but I don't think she'll fall for it," Kirk said thoughtfully.
"NO! Don't replace them with candy, or vitamins, or bits of paper rolled up into a circle, or casually pretending you misplaced her pills!" Luke growled, listing them on his finger to emphasize his point.
"Hmm…misplacing her pills…I never thought of that…"
"Just don't do anything, Kirk! If you really want a kid that badly, then just talk to Lulu or something," Luke warned.
"If I don't do something, how am I suppose to get her pregnant?"
"Oh geez!" Luke moaned, "I'm just going to go serve my other customers that aren't going to die, and aren't going to try to get their girlfriends pregnant." As soon as those words came out of Luke's mouth, he instantly regretted.
"I'm going to dieeeee!" Kirk cried, pounding his now empty glass on the table, "I'm going to dieee!"
Feeling a headache already forming, Luke chose to ignore him and carry on with his work, scrubbing viciously at the counter.
A few minutes later, the entire diner was empty, save for two people. And it was all thanks to Kirk. The customers ignored as much as possible, but when he started banging his head on the table and screaming, "I despise you, stupid huge hand!" they couldn't stand it any more and left. Now it was only Luke and him in the room. Luke would've gladly left a long time ago, but if he did, he was scared Kirk would set fire to the place while trying to get rid of his "devil hands."
"I'm tired of repeating this over and over again," Luke sighed, taking of his cap and running a hand through his hair, "you're not going to die."
"…what will mother say! And oh my gosh! What about all my jobs! How will they live without me!" Kirk sobbed.
"Please God, take me now," Luke begged, staring desperately at the ceiling.
"Take those words back before it's too late! You don't understand, Luke…it's horrible," Kirk hiccupped, "knowing th-that you're going to die soon."
"Fine then. I take it back, God," Luke looked up at the ceiling again, "take HIM now."
Suddenly the bell on the doors dinged, letting in a whoosh of warm, summer air. Before Luke even looked at the door, he knew who it was. He somehow always knew…
"COFFEE! NOW!"
Luke smiled, and like all the other times he saw her, he felt his eyes automatically light up and all his worries slowly slip away.
"Don't even argue with me today, 'cause I'm in a serio - hey, what's wrong with Kirk?" Lorelai frowned, poking at a sobbing Kirk, his face buried in his arms.
"Just don't ask," Luke replied, shaking his head and sliding an empty cup over to her.
"Umm…Luke? Just in case you didn't notice, there's nothing inside."
"That's 'cause there's no more coffee."
Lorelai's jaw dropped open.
"You're joking right?"
Luke raised an eyebrow, "You think that I'll joke about an insane woman's only cure in life?"
"Oh gosh! Don't joke, Luke! You can't be serious! I NEED coffee to survive! It's not an option, it's a REQUIREMENT! It's what keeps me sane and happy! Without it, I'm just an empty shell with no energy and life! That stuff gets me to wake up in the morning and fuels the fast-pace speaking that you're hearing right now!" Lorelai suddenly took a deep breath and fanned herself, "is it getting really hot in here or is it just me? Oh gosh, Luke, I think that I'm not breathing…I think I'm dieing! AH! Carry me to Weston's before it's too late!"
"Weston's is closed right now, just in case you didn't notice, it's 9 pm."
"CLOSED! I'm seriously going to die!" Lorelai pretended to moan in pain and slumped onto the counter, her wavy dark hair hiding her face. Luke chuckled inwardly, not surprised at how dramatic she was being.
"You're dieing too?" Kirk suddenly said, straightening up from his old position, "In that case, since you're going to die first, I want that disturbing monkey lamp of yours…"
Lorelai looked up just long enough to send Kirk a dirty look, before slumping back down.
"Lorelai?" Kirk suddenly whispered, poking her arm. No response. He continued poking. "Lorelai?" Still no response. Continued poking.
"Argh! Why is it so hard to die around here!" Lorelai growled, "Seriously! If there was a specially trained dog here, from those special dog training schools, the only thing they wouldn't be able to do is play dead! They'll be able to fetch and all that other stuff, but no play dead! Why? Because people just won't leave you alone to sulk for two seconds before poking you continuously just because they want a monkey lamp! Which you're so not getting by the way, Kirk, 'cause if anybody deserves that lamp, I think Sookie does."
"Actually, I was just wondering, since we're both dieing and all, you want to have a funeral together?"
Lorelai gave him a look of disbelief.
"Is that a yes or no?" Kirk asked seriously, "because if it's yes, then I need to be making up plans and - "
"You know what, Kirk, how about you make me up a proposal and then we'll see?" Lorelai said dryly, "then we can decide what type of wood we'll use for our coffins and whether or not we want fresh clothes for the big day."
"That's a great idea, Lorelai!" Kirk exclaimed, looking delighted, "Well, I'm off then, Luke, I need to ask my mother whether I can use the computer to type up this proposal."
"You do that now," Luke mumbled, as Kirk sped out the door, "and leave your insanity back at home before you come back." Luke turned to look back at Lorelai, to find her slumped against the counter again, looking sadly at her empty coffee cup.
"I bet you're lonely, aren't you, Lawrence?" she said to the orange cup, "You miss being filled with rich, wonderful, tasty coffee, don't you? It's okay, I share your pain…"
"Hey, Lorelai?"
Lorelai looked up. "What is it, person-that-is-killing-his-most-paying-costumer?"
Luke placed both palms flat against the counter, and leaned closer to Lorelai with a smile. "Number one; you hardly ever pay, so I hardly think that you're my most paying costumer. Number two; if you really are dieing from lack of caffeine, why don't you scurry yourself back home to your never dieing supply of coffee? And number three; if you're going to die, then I think that I should be the one that deserves that stupid monkey lamp of yours."
"Why, Luke! I never knew you as the list-making type of guy!" Lorelai exclaimed with mock shock, straightening up and poking him squarely in the chest.
"There are many things that you don't know about me, Lorelai Gilmore," he replied with a small grin, adjusting the cap on his head. Please don't tell me you're flirting, Danes.
"Wow, a mysterious man, eh?" the brunette winked, and then that smile came. Not the ha-ha-you're-amusing smile, but the special slow smile that seemed to light up those dazzling clear blue eyes. Luke felt his heart beat faster and his eyes suddenly unable to tear away from her face, Yep, you were definitely flirting to get a reaction like that, Danes. You keep on going and soon she'll be backing away from you like you're a freak. Remember, we're just friends. Just friends…
"…uh…so…"
"AHA! I know what you're trying to do!" Lorelai suddenly exclaimed, jumping up.
"Huh?"
"You're trying to distract me from finding out that you're actually hiding a secret stash of coffee somewhere here, by starting a whole new conversation about something that has nothing to do with coffee!"
"What?"
"Oh, don't act coy with me, mister! I can see through you like glass!" Lorelai skipped her way to his side of the counter and began sniffing around.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Sniffing for coffee, like those dogs on those police shows," Lorelai replied with a slight 'duh!' tone in her voice.
"Oh, of course!" Luke said gruffly, rolling his eyes, "it's obviously normal for a grown woman to be trying to smell her way to coffee."
"Wow, Luke," Lorelai said amazed, "that was probably one of the most intelligent things I've ever heard you say."
"Is that suppose to be a compliment?" Luke said with a small smile, leaning on the counter beside her and she watched her poke through everything in the shelves.
"Take it as you like, mister, but I'm finding that coffee somehow or another."
"Looks like someone wants to be Sherlock Holmes' dog tonight."
"For your information, Sherlock Holmes' doesn't have a dog." Lorelai poked at a package of porridge on the counter and wrinkled her nose. Luke had to smile at that. How could someone look so cute while pretending they're a police hound… NO! Jut friends! Just friends! Luke forced the smile off his face and turned into a disapproving frown. That's much better, Danes. Now just play it slow…
"Ohhh, Luke! You have those small sugar-covered doughnut thingies here!" Lorelai tugged a plastic container from under a stack of macaroni boxes.
"Where did those come from?" frowned Luke, gazing at the old container.
"You're asking me?" she snorted, opening it up, "you're the owner of this diner."
"Jess probably sneaked it in or something…oh geez, you're not going to eat that are you?"
"Hey, want not waste not." She picked one up and was about to plop it in her mouth, when Luke suddenly grabbed her wrist.
"You can't be serious!"
"Luke Danes, I'm as serious as the day I decided to dye my hair pink for my 15th birthday party," Lorelai grinned at the memory, "and let's just say, my mother was less that impressed when she saw how well my hair matched my dress."
"Those could've expired years ago!"
"Now, now, Luke, if it's really true that Jess sneaked them in, then they couldn't have expired years ago, 'cause he wasn't here then. Even if they're expired, I give it eleven months tops."
"They can kill you, Lorelai," Luke warned.
"Then it will all be worth it!"
"Drop the doughnut…" He tried to pry the container from Lorelai's grasp, but she held on fast.
"Never!"
"Lorelai…" Luke warned.
"Look at this sweet filled, sugary goodness, Luke! How can you resist?"
"Some people think crack is good for them too, and look what happened to them," Luke grunted.
"Hey! You can't compare this to a drug!"
"They'll both kill you, that's enough of a similarity for me."
"Well, that just shows what you know," Lorelai said, sticking out her tongue in attempt to lick the doughnut, but Luke's firm grasp on her wrist made it impossible to bring her arm closer. "Look, if no one took chances, then we wouldn't have all the great things we have today! Did Einstein give up when people said he was crazy? Did Da Vinci stop painting 'cause some people said his paintings were wacky? Did Jessica Alba give up when she knew people like me and Rory were making fun of her acting? Did Lorelai Gilmore give up on escaping from the hell she grew up in when she got pregnant? Did Luke Danes give up on flannel despite Lorelai Gilmore's complaints of his wardrobe? Did - what was my point again?" Lorelai paused in her little speech .
"Oh yah! Let me eat that doughnut!"
"No."
"Oh c'mon! Don't tell me that the little speech I just gave was for nothing!"
"Fine, I won't tell you that. But you're still not eating that doughnut," Luke said, suppressing a grin.
"Why not take a crazy chance! Why not, do a crazy dance! If you lose the moment,
you might lose a lot! So why not! Why not!" Lorelai suddenly began singing loudly.
"What the hell?"
"Oh sorry, I forgot that you don't listen to music."
"Hey! I listen to music!"
"Then who sang that song, huh?"
"Hilary Duff. So HA!"
"Oh my gosh! You're a Duff fan!"
"What! No!"
"You're in love with her! You're like one of those young teenage boys, having weird fantasies about a young pop star like Hilary Duff!" Lorelai giggled, "Oh wait! Do you have her calendar and everything too? OH! How about her clothesline! Her clothes are, like, so totally phat!"
"Stop," Luke grumbled.
"Ohhh! How about Lindsay Lohan? You think she's hot too?"
"Oh geez…"
"You do? Oh Luke, I never knew you had it in you, two-timing two teenage girls!"
"That's sick, Lorelai."
"Hey, I'm not the one fantasizing about them," shrugged Lorelai, a wide smile spreading across her face.
"I DO NOT fantasize about Hilary Duff and that Lohan girl!"
Lorelai gasped, "and you don't even know one of their names!"
"Oh stop," Luke groaned.
"Aw, it's okay, Lukey! You're a Duff Fan! There's no harm in that," Lorelai cooed, "Do you want a Hilary Duff t-shirt for your birthday, Lukey? Oh, how about a baseball cap with the words I LOVE HILARY on it?"
"Fine! I give up!" Luke growled, letting go of Lorelai's wrists and tugging out a thermos from under the plates on the top shelf.
Lorelai immediately dropped the doughnuts on the counter, and snatched it out of his hands.
"Coffee!" she squealed, hugging onto the thermos tightly, "I've missed you so much!"
Luke quirked up an eyebrow and quickly shoved the container of doughnuts into the garbage can.
He watched as Lorelai slowly twisted off the cap, lifted it up close to her nose and took in a deep breath, with her eyes half-closed, a blissful smile spread across her face. Luke felt his breath get caught in his throat. It was at moment like these that the strange, warm prickling sensation returned, and a strange yet familiar realization hit him. She was beautiful.
Luke let his eyes roam freely on Lorelai's face, taking in her flawless skin and raven black hair that curled delicately at the ends. He watched intently as her eyelashes fluttered against her face, and her rose coloured lips curve into a gentle smile. He forgot all about his 15-second rule, a little rule that he forced himself to follow. Luke had created this rule about two weeks after officially meeting the infamous Lorelai Gilmore. He was only allowed to look directly at Lorelai's face for about 15 seconds, then he'll have to abruptly turn away.
As long as Luke followed that rule, he knew that everything would remain the way it was. Lorelai would stay being the annoying customer and friend, and he'll remain Lorelai's trusty coffee provider. But as time went by, and he got to know her more and more, he found himself constantly slipping. He'll find himself looking at her without meaning to for way longer than 15 seconds. Nowadays, his eyes would just automatically travel to her without him even meaning too; whenever he could sense her presence, whenever he could hear her voice, whenever he could smell her perfume…
And frankly, all of this freaked him out.
Luke had always though of himself as the type of person that could easily fight off temptations. Even as a teenager, he resisted reading those "dirty" books, and going along with his friends to look into the girls' change room. But everything changed when it came to Lorelai….he just couldn't control himself. Her beauty wasn't just from the outside…it radiated out from inside her. Everything she had ever done was imprinted in his mind and it tortured him in his dreams…
"My precioussss…" Lorelai cooed, taking a quick sip, "how I've missed you…" She looked up, all ready for Luke's "that-stuff-will-kill-you" speech, but it didn't come. Luke was staring directly at her, hardly even blinking as if lost in thought. Lorelai looked down at the thermos in her hands, feeling a slight blush rising up her face at his intense gaze. Oh gosh…why is he looking at me like that…She shivered slightly. Doesn't he know what it does to me?
It seemed like hours went by before Lorelai decided to do something. He can't just stare at me like that! It's not fair! I can't even stare back because he's so lost in his stupid thoughts that he wouldn't notice it. And everyone knows that it's no fun to stare at somebody unless they notice it and start squirming!
"Ya know, it's pretty rude to start a staring contest with me before even announcing it," Lorelai said loudly, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Oh…um…sorry," Luke cleared his throat, and adjusted his cap nervously. Argh! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Luke cursed himself silently.
"Oh crap! What time is it?" she suddenly exclaimed.
"Don't you have a watch?" Luke pointed at the fashionable watch around her wrist.
"Yah, but I can never read it," she shrugged.
"Then why do you wear it?"
"'Cause it's pwetty!"
"But it doesn't actually tell you the time."
"Yah…so?"
"So it's useless!"
"And your point would be…?"
"Oh never mind…" Luke glanced down at his watch, "it's 9:46."
"Oh shoot! I got to go!" She gathered up her stuff and finished off the coffee in record time.
"You don't have to," Luke said as she took out her wallet, "police hounds get to eat free here." Lorelai smiled and rushed towards the door. She paused halfway out the door, turned around and barked playfully at him. Then she was gone.
With his last customer gone, Luke began putting up the chairs and wiping the counter. The whole time, he kept replaying the scene with Lorelai again and again, wondering whether she noticed anything. But of course, she didn't…she never did…
------------------
"Okay, before we go in, let's go over the basic laws of survival in the Gilmore household again."
"Mom - "
"Remember, you have the right to remain silent, but anything you say will be used against you."
"Mom - "
"And the signals! When one of us is in serious trouble to get out of the room because a problem arises, that person will proceed to say that she has to go to the bathroom. The other is then obligated to accompany her because as everybody knows, girls must go to the washroom in pairs."
"Mom - "
"Oh! Most importantly, watch the grandma's expressions. If Emily starts giving you the eye, then you know you must stop giving the tiny potatoes voices."
"Grandmas has never given me the eye before," Rory said, leaning against the car.
"Well, then consider yourself lucky," Lorelai started talking with a low voice, her eyes narrowed, "the eye is probably the most dangerous manoeuvre of them all. The devil-like mark it can leave on you will spread through your body like fire, burning all the remains of your freedom and individuality out of you."
Rory faked a gasp, "Is there any way to cure yourself of this curse?"
"Yes…but you must go through a perilous journey of hardships, pain, and diapers! To escape this horrible fate, you must get yourself pregnant and run away with only the clothes on your back as support…"
"Lorelai Gilmore!"
Lorelai winced as she heard the familiar voice behind her, "Please tell me that's not your grandmother," she whispered to Rory.
"Hi grandma!" Rory greeted over Lorelai's shoulder.
"Good evening, Rory," she turned immediately to Lorelai, "Don't you find it a bit chilly out here, Lorelai?"
Lorelai sighed, "Yes, mother."
"Then, may I ask why you two are just standing out here?"
"Let me guess, if I said you couldn't ask, you're just going to ask anyway right?"
"What?"
"Nothing," Lorelai said, turning around and headed for the door, "I'm going right in."
"Good," Emily nodded, ushering Rory inside too, "you can catch all sorts of colds out here, and especially with all the junk you two eat…"
After giving their coats to the maid, Lorelai headed straight towards to where the alcohol was. Boy, do I need a drink. She stopped immediately when she found a man she didn't know sitting on the armchair.
"Mom!" Rory exclaimed, bumping into her mother.
"Oh my gosh, Rory! A Nazis!"
"What? Really?" Rory peeked out from behind Lorelai.
"Hurry! Run to the panic room," she hissed, "Here's the code, 1-1-1 - "
"Lorelai! It's awfully rude to just stand there and stare at a guest!"
"Yes, mother," the brunette sighed, pulling Rory with her, and sitting down on an available seat across from "the Nazis." He had ruffled brown hair, and a strong handsome face. His tux was neat and tidy, emphasizing his lean, but strong build.
"Hello," she greeted with a smile, and reaching out her hand for him to shake, "I'm Lorelai, Emily's infamous daughter. You know, the one that she hardly mentions because of the shame."
"Wilber Conner," he smiled, surprising Lorelai by taking her hand and lightly brushing his lips against her knuckles, "glad to have met you, Lorelai." The brunette flushed, tugging her hand out of his grasp and nervously brushing her hair back. Rory watched this whole exchange, trying to hold in a giggle.
"And…um…this is Rory, my daughter," Lorelai motioned towards the twenty-year old, creeped out by the way he was gazing at her, "Rory, say hi to the nice man."
"Uh…Hi nice man."
"Thata girl," she laughed nervously. Oh gosh, I swear if he doesn't stop looking at me like that, I'll get a rock and whip it at him. Of course, my aiming isn't that great, but I'll at least get an eye or something. Ohhh! Or maybe I'll hire some professional baseball player just to do it. Mental note: must ask Luke who's a really good baseball player to hire for the job.
"Wilber's about the same age as you Lorelai," Emily suddenly said, interrupting Lorelai's thoughts, "and he's a wonderful businessman."
"I just do my best," Wilber said.
"Oh, stop being modest!" Wilber's smile widened, giving Lorelai and Rory a less than wonderful view of his teeth.
"Oh grandma, what big teeth you have," she muttered underneath her breath. Rory heard and giggled.
"Did you tell a joke, Lorelai?" Emily asked pleasantly, silently sending her a death glare.
"No, mom, but if you want to hear one, I got a hilarious one involving a squirrel, a wolf and a vertically challenged bear."
"So, Wilber, what do you think of my girls?" Emily turned to the man.
"They're wonderful," he replied, glancing over at Lorelai, "they're both beautiful and very witty."
"Once you get to know them better, you'll see that they have those two traits plus many, many more."
Lorelai rolled her eyes. Why don't you make it more obvious, mom, and just sell me out to the highest bidder.
"Yah, especially my imitations. I do a killer Jack Sparrow impression," Lorelai pretended to sway as if drunk and started singing, "... drink up me hearties, yo ho.."
"Lorelai!" Emily hissed, "We have guests!"
"Don't worry, Emily, I find that quite intriguing," Wilber smiled widely again, his long canine teeth glinting dangerously at her. Lorelai chose to ignore that.
"All my singing has reminded me of something. Where are our drinks? I'm shocked that you haven't offered us yet, especially since we have guests!"
Emily sighed, "What would you want to drink, Lorelai?"
"The usual."
"Rory?"
"A pop please."
"Wilber?"
"Same as Lorelai, I'm sure whatever she's drinking is sure to be wonderful," he replied, sending Lorelai a wink. The brunette held back a look of disgust.
"Rory," she whispered to her daughter, "collapse."
"What?"
"Collapse," she whispered louder.
"What?"
"Fall onto the floor, with your eyes rolling to the top of your head and moan loudly. Come to think of it, go even further and throw up!"
"Mom! I can't just throw up!"
"Of course you can," Lorelai rolled her eyes, "has T.V taught you nothing? Stick your finger down your throat like one of those depressed young teens."
"No!"
"Why you so mean to mama?"
"I'll ruin my dress!"
"Don't worry about that, it's mine anyway."
"No it isn't!"
"What happened to what's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine?" Lorelai whispered back with mock hurt.
"Yale has changed me."
"Is there something that you would like to share, girls?" Emily interrupted, "it's very rude to be sharing secrets when there's company." Lorelai straightened up, ignoring the man's amused smile.
"Just girl talk. You know, the talk every women has to go through…"
"Anyway, my family is hosting a charitable ball next week," Wilber took a sip from his glass, "we're raising money to build up an old church again. My parents and I would love it if you could all come."
"That's sounds absolutely wonderful, Wilber!" Emily praised, "Charitable events are just terrific. Don't you agree, Lorelai?"
Wilber flashed her a smile, and flicked the bangs away from his forehead in a very movie-like way.
Lorelai rolled her eyes, "Oh sure, mother, they're wonderful. Especially the ones I've went to when I was younger."
"Oh my, why must you bring that up again?"
"What?" Rory questioned, looking at her mother.
"I was TEN! It scarred me for life!"
"Don't exaggerate, Lorelai! It wasn't that bad…"
"You criticized my clothing in front of everybody!"
"It was inappropriate to wear something like that at such a formal affair…"
"…everybody was staring!"
"….it wasn't that bad…"
"…we were like the main show of the evening! You should've seen those people! If you hadn't dragged me out right after, you would've seen them applauding and yelling for an encore."
"Now you're just exaggerating…"
"You said that I dressed like a hoe!"
"Grandma!" Rory giggled.
"Lorelai Gilmore!" Emily exclaimed in shock, glancing at their guest.
"…I had on a tank-top and skirt, that didn't deserve to be called a hoe!" Lorelai kept on going, in full ranting mode.
"Stop saying that word!" Emily hissed
"Oh, what word? You mean HOE? Santa Claus says HOE HOE HOE!"
"Your makeup! You looked like you were all ready to round up some people off the street and into your bed!"
"…so my makeup was a bit overdone. You didn't have to yell at me like that!"
"A bit over done!" Emily screeched. Rory scratched her head and smiled apologetically at Wilber, but she was surprised to find him smiling. Oh gosh…he's enjoying this?
Truth be told, Wilber had never met a women quite like Lorelai. Sure, he's met a lot of beautiful and exotic women that were 100 times sexier than the tall brunette, but there's was something about her personality and her vibe that attracted her to Wilber. And most surprising of all, she didn't want him, which was the weirdest thing. As he watched Lorelai's cheeks flush and eyes blaze in anger, he knew that no matter what, he had to have her.
"I can't believe you're making me fight with you when we have guests! You're unbelievable!"
"HA! I'm unbelievable? Who's the one that threw out Mr. Pepperinkle?" Lorelai sniffed, "I was at camp for a WEEK, and then he's gone!"
"He was filthy! And unsanitary! I can't - " Emily started, when a timid voice interrupted her.
"Um….Mrs. Gilmore?"
"What!" she practically screamed.
"Dinner's ready," the maid squeaked, practically running out of the room. Rory and Lorelai almost laughed out loud as she almost tripped on the carpet.
"Unbelievable," Emily hissed, putting on a smile as she turned to Wilber, "sorry about that, my daughter can be really crude at times."
Lorelai opened up her mouth her protest, but Rory nudged her with her elbow and Lorelai closed her mouth with a scowl. As they made their way to the table, Lorelai suddenly felt a hand on the small of her back. She turned her head around to find herself inches away from Wilber's face.
"You know that fundraiser I was talking about?" he murmured, so that only she could hear, "you want to go with me?"
"Fundraiser? Sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about," Lorelai laughed nervously, trying to play dumb.
"Oh? Then I guess I should send you an invitation to refresh your memory a bit."
"Well, 'course that would be a good idea. But you know, it might get lost in all the…um…invites all the other men in my life are sending to me," Lorelai stuttered a bit, "you know, all the other men in my life that are so totally crazy about me."
"Well, then you'll just have to promise me to give me a chance," he smiled widely again, and Lorelai couldn't help but stare at his teeth.
"Um…yah. Wow, you sure you wouldn't be whooshing around in the night instead?."
"What?"
"Nothing, never mind…I was just - " Lorelai started, getting weird images of Wilber sinking his teeth into her neck.
"Mom?"
Lorelai let out a sigh of relief as she heard Rory calling her name.
"Well, I gotta go Wilber," she said, backing away from him and making her way to the table as fast she could, "my kid's calling me, and you never know, she might be in serious trouble."
"Serious trouble with Emily?"
"Yah, the maids could've…erm…wanted to murder my mother but accidentally got Rory 'cause she…um…looks so much like her. Then my mother, being the person she is, will threaten to fire them, which will get them even angrier. They'll stage a whole Hostage situation."
Wilber just smiled again. Oh, I swear if he doesn't stop doing that, I swear I'm going to get some holy water and spray it at him.
"You know, Hostage…as in the movie starring Bruce Willis," Lorelai continued to babble, edging her way to the dining room, "'course in the movie, they take kidnap the whole family and everything, so hell, if we don't get into that room sooner or later, then we'll end up having Bruce Willis come over here to rescue us. And well, it would be cool to meet Bruce Willis, but if he gets all 'I'm calling the police on you because you look like my pregnant wife Juliet Roberts but is actually Tess, than that's the final straw!" She laughed nervously. Stop babbling, Lorelai Gilmore! Just scurry your cute little butt over to the dinning room and then that'll be the end of this embarrassment.
His eyes bore into hers, and she could swear that he had some vampire powers that made her unable to stop talking.
"You know, Tess. The one from Ocean's Eleven and the sequel Ocean's Twelve? You can't tell me you never watched the Ocean's insert-numeral-here movies! What's up with this whole twelve thing anyway? Heck, next thing you know, they'll make a thirteen then they'll be no stopping the Ocean Empire!"
"MOM!" Rory shouted from the dining room again, followed by a muffled 'shhh, let them have their moment' from Emily.
"Well, my kid's calling me again! So talk to you later…umm…at the table." She finally escaped from his grasp and let out a deep breath. This was going to be a long night.
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"Ten," Rory finally replied, as they stepped out of the Gilmore home.
"HA! Ten? Are you joking? Apparently, Yale has taught you nothing."
"Fifteen?" she offered.
"It's on this sad day that I realized my own daughter has no knowledge whatsoever of her own grandmother."
"Oh you can't tell me that it's twenty."
"A bit more…"
"Twenty two?"
"Hotter…"
"Twenty-five?"
"Babe, you're burning!"
"Twenty-six!"
"…and the firefighters save you from getting burned…"
"So it's not twenty-five and it's not twenty-six…"
"Uhuh."
"And I was burning when I was at twenty-five, but all of sudden frozen at twenty-six?"
"Uhuh."
"How is that possible? You make no sense. I give up."
"What happened to the daughter I once knew and loved," Lorelai pointed an accusing finger at her, "you've changed! You're no longer the girl I raised. The determination! The spark! Where has it all gone!"
"Oh mom, just tell me."
"Well, if you're that interested…"
"I am!"
"…'cause we can always watch a movie before I tell you…"
"Tell me!"
"…preferably Willy Wonka again, the whole chocolate factory owner thing is too hot to be true…"
"Mom!"
"…hmm…remind me to find and marry a chocolate factory ASAP…"
"Mom!"
"…but then again, no one can quite be exactly like the infamous Willy Wonka…"
"That's it! You're not getting your Willy Wonka DVD back."
"Noooo! Wait a second…" Lorelai frowned, "we don't have a Willy Wonka DVD."
"Remember the deluxe addition of the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory DVD set we saw at the mall last week?"
"Yah! The one starring Johnny Depp…mmm…Johnny Depp and chocolate mix well together. Although I hate the new Oompa-Loompas," Lorelai crinkled her nose in distaste, "they sing great songs, but they all look exactly the same, even the women! And what's the fun in that?"
"Well…guess what your birthday present is."
"Ooooh! A pony!"
"No…but something just as great! Willy Wonka in all his chocolate-ful glory!"
"Me like!" Lorelai squealed, "when am I getting it?"
"Well, I don't know…"
"Rory…" the mother warned, wagging a finger at her, "don't you tempt mama to lock ya in ya room again."
"You'll get it quicker, if you tell me the answer."
"Huh? What answer?" Lorelai said, pulling a puzzled look.
"Mom!"
"Fine, fine…only because I respect that amazing chocolatier…25.5."
"Grandma has tried to pair you up with 25.5 men in your life?"
"Yep, not including the vampire dude back in there."
"25.5," Rory repeated.
"Uhuh."
"You do know that .5 means half."
"Uhuh."
"And you know that it's not possible to meet half a man unless Jason got to him before grandma did."
"Now, my beloved daughter, that's a story for another day."
"Well, I'm looking forward to it, mother dearest."
"Wow…"
"What?"
"You know what I just realized?"
"That you have an incredibly cute daughter?"
"I knew that a long time ago, after all, you take after me," Lorelai said, waving it off, "we've been standing out here for at least fifteen minutes, and yet we feel no chill."
"Oh gosh! Do you think he bit us?" Rory exclaimed in mock shock.
"Holy crap! What if he did! Now we're vampires like him! No wonder I'm not cold at all!" Lorelai gasped.
"Now, maybe you'll have to marry him and become his bride - "
"Rory!"
"What? Hasn't he captured you with his charming wit, incredible intellect and dashing good looks yet?" Rory teased.
Lorelai snorted. "Well you know me, I love men that have teeth that would make Dracula jealous."
"Imagine the children!" Rory giggled.
"Rory! Don't even go there!" Lorelai shivered, "that guy creeps me out. Now, let's get out of here before his band of bats swoops out and tries to kill us." She swung open the car door and stepped in.
"Aw, what don't we wait for him here, mom? So you can accept his invitation to that party…" Rory laughed, getting inside the car too.
"Hmm…I wonder what's the best way to push my daughter out of the car while driving down a highway…"
"But they again, there's no way for Luke to fight him off for you when he tries to attack you, unless he turns into a werewolf like Van Helsing…"
"Rory! For the hundredth time, Luke doesn't have a thing for me!"
"He does too, mom, the whole town knows it," Rory teased, "anyway, what's so bad about Luke? He makes great coffee, remember?"
Lorelai rolled her eyes, as she drove off onto the road. But secretly, her mind was processing that new idea. Luke wasn't all that bad. He's sweet, witty, and not that bad looking either. She liked spending time with him. He's reliable, and funny…and her best friend…
Lorelai sighed and didn't say anything, lost in her thoughts.
"But you're more into the mystical creature type right, mom?" Rory said, noticing how quiet her mother was. Lorelai turned to her daughter and smiled.
"Yah, I'm trying to lure myself an elf," she winked, earning a laugh from her daughter.
---------------------
A couple of miles away, in a room above a diner, a man suddenly bolted up and sneezed.
He rubbed his nose and sneezed again.
"Oh geez…" Luke muttered before slumping back into bed.
REVIEWS! PLEASE! If you have the time to read through this whole thing, then you can afford to lose a minute of your life to review. Tell me what you think, compliments, flames, ideas, quotes, stuff about weather…ANYTHING! I love all and will accept all! Reviews rock!
Lots of Love,
From the one who has brought you at least a couple of minutes of entertainment,
Signed from the desk of one who expects reviews,
Lover of Gilmore Girls,
One who's obsessed by Willa Wonka,
Your one and only,
Beloved,
ChocolateHore
