Day 1
Peter took a deep breath as he walked towards the entrance to the unit. He was nervous; he knew better than anyone what could face him inside. But at the same time he wanted nothing more than to see her and make sure she was OK, ensure that she felt safe there, at least as safe as she could be right now. He had arrived at the B&B in the early hours, Simon in tow, both worn out from the journey. It was such a comfort to have Simon with him, they had chatted throughout the train ride, irrelevant small talk but it helped take his mind off the previous day's events. He would need to process and come to terms with what happened on the fire escape, but he couldn't yet, it was all too raw. He wondered how much of it Carla would remember, hopefully very little; he would do anything to protect her from having to relive it, at least until she was much stronger. Simon wasn't aware of the details; he obviously knew something had happened, that Carla had been sectioned for her own safety, but Peter wanted the awful truth kept between those who needed to know. Carla was being exposed enough with all this, she had always been a deeply private person and he wanted to maintain this for her as much as possible. When she felt better he knew she would be appalled that everyone was aware of her business and she would hate for people to view her differently, he needed to protect her as much as he could.
He reached the reception desk and waited for a staff member to become free, the exhaustion hitting him as he leaned against the counter. He had managed a few hours sleep, punctured by long periods of wakefulness spent worrying about Carla. He had tried hard not to disturb Simon, who was sleeping a few yards away in the room's other single bed, the soft snoring a welcome sound but not enough to distract from the thoughts whirring through his mind. When he had called the unit the previous evening to check she had got there as expected they had assured him that all was fine, but until he saw her for himself he just couldn't relax.
"Can I help you?"
Peter gathered himself and smiled at the receptionist before asking to be let through to the ward where Carla had been admitted. The butterflies in his stomach became increasingly restless as he reached the door to the closed ward and was met by a nurse, obviously primed by the receptionist that he was on his way.
"Hi, Peter isn't it? I'm Jayne, Carla's been asking for you. I think she's asleep at the moment but if you want to follow me I'll take you to her room."
He followed, taking in his surroundings. it felt tranquil here, quite unlike he was expecting. He could see patients sitting quietly in the common areas, and found himself wondering what had led them here, and how long they had been confined to this world, separated from the realities of their life.
He was summoned from his thoughts as they got to the door to Carla's room. The nurse turned to face him and explained that she was still quite heavily sedated, but the plan was to reduce this over the coming days and assess how she was responding to the medication. He wanted to ask when she would be ready to come home but knew there would be no answer for this right now so didn't, instead asking if there was a limit to his visit time. He was met with an understanding smile, the nurse could obviously sense his unease.
"Well there are usually visiting hours, but for today just take as long as you need, I think you being here might help her to settle in."
With that she moved from the doorway to allow Peter through, pointing to the nurses' station should he need anything and advising him to find her when he was ready to leave.
The room was pretty much as expected, it was very similar to any other hospital room, with a small toilet cubicle just off to one side. The walls looked recently decorated, painted pastel colours, he imagined to both calm the patients and make the place feel less stark. Carla was curled up in her duvet, she looked serene as she slept and Peter sighed to himself as he reached out and gently stroked her hair from her face, being careful not to wake her, wishing he could find a way to take away the agony her consciousness mind brought her. He scanned the room once more before leaning back into the nearby chair to wait for her to rouse.
"Peter?"
He must have dozed off as when he opened his eyes she was looking straight at him, the ghost of a smile on her face, failing to reach her eyes.
"I'm sorry love, I must have fallen asleep, how are you feeling today?"
He leaned forward and gently kissed her lips, making eye contact as he pulled away and reaching to take her hand in his. She squeezed his palm gently and gazed at him as she responded.
"I told them you'd come for me. I didn't know where you were but I knew you would come. They won't let me leave here."
He smiled sadly as he considered his response, he could see her fighting the sedation, every word was an effort for her but he was also glad it was keeping her from the mania of the previous day.
"You've been sectioned, do you remember? You have to stay here and rest for a few weeks until you're feeling better."
She looked confused, clearly not expecting this answer. He had thought she had understood about the move to Carlisle; it had surprised him at the time it was explained to them that she had taken the information so calmly, reassuring him that she would be OK. He wished he could understand what was happening in her mind.
"Please let me come home Peter."
He moved onto the bed and cradled her in his arms as she started sobbing quietly.
"I can't do that my love, you need to get better, but I promise I will help you, and I'll be here with you as much as I can."
She took a deep breath and sighed gently as he stroked her hair and gently kissed her forehead.
"I just want it to stop."
Peter couldn't bring himself to consider the meaning of her words, the rawness of her internal suffering almost causing him to completely lose composure. He fought back tears as he continued to embrace her, asking her to give this a chance for him, to try for a few days more, that things would get better. She nodded at him, holding him like her life depended on him. Trusting him and him alone. He felt the weight of this responsibility and desperately hoped that he was helping, not making things worse.
By the time she eventually fell back to sleep he was completely drained. The nurse saw him leaving the room and came over to offer reassurance as he explained what had happened, she had seen similar situations many times, promised him they would come out the other side. This helped a little, and at least he knew Carla would be safe. He headed back to the B&B, determined to plaster a smile on before seeing Simon, he was so glad his son was there with him, pulling him away from the despair he desperately didn't want to succumb to. He decided they would go out and do something that evening, enjoy this time together despite the circumstances. He needed to stay positive, take things one day at a time. Day one was done, tomorrow would be better.
