bA/N This story has major spoilers for Wannabe In The Weeds & A Pain In The Heart. I've never like the ending. I thought that there were too many holes in it. This is one way it could have been better. I just don't like that they never showed Bones getting emotional. I know she's good at keeping things hidden, but I truly feel she would have shown some kind of emotion.

The pain came in flashes and bursts. Sometimes, it was so intense that it threatened to cripple her. She kept expecting to see him walk in the door to her office and tell her that they had a case. Instead, everyone avoided her. They took all their questions to Cam. Or Angela. Or even Hodgins. Anyone but her. Because, most of the time, she would look at them and answer with a voice filled with something they'd never heard from her. Pain and regret filled her every pore. She remembered every second of the day that Booth was killed like it was yesterday instead of almost a week ago.

The day Booth was shot. She remembered walking into the club and seeing Booth sitting at the little table in the corner. He seemed to sense her presence when she walked into the club. He had turned around and smiled at her brightly.

She remembers talking to him. She remembers singing. She remembers dancing. She remembers it all. Right up until the shot rang out. At first she thought that it was simply a car backfiring. Then she saw a sight that stopped her heart. She knew that was impossible, but seeing Booth fall to the ground literally stopped her in her tracks. She dropped to his side and looked into his eyes. Then, she turned and saw the woman that shot him. Even now, she didn't want to think of the woman's name. She wanted to forget everything about that awful night. However, forgetting was the one thing that she couldn't do. It filled her every waking moment. It also haunted her dreams and was the cause of a thousand nightmares.

She remembers the doctor coming out to tell her and the rest of the squints that Booth was gone. She thought that they were wrong. They had to be wrong. In fact, she kept insisting that they were wrong. She looked at Angela, Hodgins, Zach and Cam. The looks on their faces told her, louder than words ever could. Booth was gone. It was then that her world truly started falling apart.

She never thought that he'd leave her. He'd been the one person that she'd come to depend on. No matter how mad she got at him, he always came back. He was her best friend as well as her partner. It wasn't fair. It should have been her. She wished that it was her. Because then she wouldn't be feeling this incredible pain. She'd never felt anything quite as painful. To some extent, this was worse than when her parents left. She watched him fall to the floor and fade away right before her eyes. She'd begged and pleaded with him to hang on. All to no avail. He'd left her. Just like everyone else in her life. He'd left her. Part of her knew that she was being unreasonable, but part of her was incredibly scared. She was alone once again.

Now, she jumped at every loud noise. Afraid that someone was after her again. Although this time, Booth wasn't there to save her.

She came to work one morning and saw that someone had placed a framed picture of her and Booth together. She read the inscription and nearly lost it. It read, "Forever In Our Hearts."

She threw it in the trash can and stormed out of the building. She couldn't do this. She couldn't work here. At least not now. The pain was still too fresh. There were reminders of him everywhere. She saw him everywhere she looked. She expected him to walk around the corner and into her office. Telling her that it had all been a terrible mistake. That he wasn't really dead. That, somehow, the doctors had it all wrong. Because otherwise, she wasn't sure that she could go on without him.

She drove for what seemed like days. In reality, it was only a few hours. She put her head down on the steering wheel of her car and cried. Cried for Booth. Cried for Parker. Cried for all the victims of crimes yet to be committed and the families that would miss out on their chance for justice because Booth was gone. His killer not only took Booth away from her, but away from the world. He had a family and friends. What did she have? A few precious memories of the years that they spent together. Now, those years seemed too short. She wanted to go back and relive every single second of the time they spent together.

She looked up from the steering wheel and realized where she was. Somehow, she managed to pull up in front of Booth's apartment building. She sat staring at the stone building for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, before she could think about it any further, she grabbed her purse and ran inside. Before her common sense returned and the real Doctor Brennan surfaced once again.

She used her key to let herself into his apartment. She half expected to see him sitting on his couch watching tv, or maybe in the bathroom. Anywhere, but in the morgue. Waiting for his friends and family to say goodbye. She moved to his kitchen and saw a half empty coffee cup sitting on the counter. Almost as if it was waiting for him to return. She had the strongest urge to wash it, but then decided that it didn't feel right. It was too soon to try and get rid of the last reminders of him. She didn't know when it would feel right to clean up. Maybe when the mold started growing. Threatening to overtake the normal balance of cleanliness.

Needing some sort of noise, she turned on the tv. To the all night news channel. She had no intention of watching, but the silence threatened to drive her insane. She turned to head into his bedroom and stopped in her tracks. She heard his voice. Coming from the living room. She turned back and ran into the room. She looked around and her heart fell. There, on the tv, she saw him. The news station was covering his death and they were airing an old interview with Booth. She'd been standing beside him smiling. It was then that it hit her. Seeing the look on her face. Right there in living color, she knew. She was in love with him and always had been. Now, she'd never get to tell him how she felt about him. It was too late.

She wandered into his bedroom and looked around. The room was familiar, but different. She'd never been in this room, but it seemed like Booth was everywhere that she turned. She felt closer to him just standing in this room. It overwhelmed her and she dropped to the floor and started crying. The tears seemed to flow from her eyes. She felt as if her world was being rocked to it's very core. She cried tears of regret and heartache. At the moment, she didn't care if she ever stopped crying. She didn't want to feel better. Booth was gone and her world would never be the same again.

A week after Booth died, Sam Cullen visited her at the Jeffersonian. In his hand, he held a piece of paper. It was the information on Booth's funeral. He walked into her office and was struck by how defeated she looked. He'd known that the partners had been close, but she looked like she'd lost someone near and dear to her. Not just a partner, but a loved one. He wondered if not telling her about the true nature of Booth's "death" was such a good thing after all.

He walked over to her desk and cleared his throat. She looked up and asked, "Director Cullen. I haven't changed my mind about going back out into the field. I only worked with Booth."

Cullen nodded. He had no intention of asking her to work with anyone else. The last agent he'd sent in, to keep up appearances, had come back with a bloody nose. He'd had to keep from laughing at the thought.

He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sure you know that Agent Booth's funeral is next week."

Brennan nodded, "I'm well aware of that fact. I have no plans on attending. Funerals are rituals that I have no intention of taking part in."

Cullen had to resist the urge to come out with a sarcastic reply, "I understand how you feel. However, I must ask one favor from you. Booth wanted you to give his eulogy."

He handed her the paper that he held. She reluctantly took it. Shivering when she saw Booth's handwriting. She had to control the urge to cry. She knew that she should tell him no. He had plenty of other friends that could and would do it, but something inside her said, "I'll do it."

Cullen nodded and walked away. Satisfied that he'd done his job.

Once Cullen was out of view, Brennan fell to the floor and let the tears overtake her once again. She couldn't do this. She knew she wasn't strong enough to do this. However, she also knew that she had to do this. She knew that he would do this for her. She put her head on her legs and let the tears soak her jeans. Crying for everything they'd never gotten to tell each other. Her heart breaking with each tear that came from her eyes. Knowing that there was nothing she could do to change the fact that she loved him, but had never told him. For that she would be eternally sorry.

She knew that her life had ended that day as well. She hated being here without him. He was her best friend. Her partner and possibly the love of her life. Although, she knew now, that she'd waited too long to tell him. He was gone forever and there was nothing she could do to ever bring him back. She was lost without him. Part of her wished that she had died right along with him. She was practically dead anyway. She had no desire to live in a world without Booth. A life without Booth was just too awful to imagine. So, why did he fill her every thought? She knew that she had to move on, but she didn't know how that was possible. How did she grow a new heart? It wasn't possible, but that was the only way she knew to eliminate her pain.....