Hello everyone. This is a fic I've started, but I've hit a bit of writers block with it. If you could help me, please leave your thoughts in the reviews section. Thanks.

Real…. or not real?

I don't know what become of my former self. I don't quite remember where she ended up. Somewhere between the nightmares of our lost comrades from the Games, and losing Prim, I managed to lose track. I'm starting to not even know who I am anymore. The only one able to keep me within the realm of reality is not faring too well himself. I wish that I could take back every horrible thing the Capitol ever did to its people, but sadly, I cannot. I just don't have that kind of power. Even Peeta would have a hard time convincing people that the horrible chain of events didn't happen. Even with his wondrous way with words. The Capitol broke him, plain and simple. I don't know if he'll ever quite return to normal. But, at least he's getting better, right? If not for him, even in his maniacal state, I would be lost in a cesspool of misery. It's only his voice that seems to bring me out of the pits of despair nowadays. Especially with Prim gone. Peeta refers to the times I just stare into space as "stasis", when not even his voice permeates my mind, but I can tell that it scares him.

He's not without his own wounds, though, of course. He still has his little episodes, where he has to clutch the furniture and let the "shiny" memories pass. He's learned to disregard the memories that are deemed as "shiny" but, what they did was really make his mind believe in them, so he has to remind himself each and every time that they appear that its been tampered with. It's really taught him to live in the "here" and "now", where he has to completely disregard his past for fear that something has been tampered with by the capitol. He's basically a blank slate, except that he still gets those shiny memories to scare the daylights out of him.

I never want children. Not the way I am now. Peeta told the world I was pregnant with his child, but that was just for the Games' sake. Coin made the decision to tell everyone I had miscarried. Even though the child never existed, I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness at the thought that I had lost a child, even though it wasn't real. But, I simply cannot bring forth another life into this horrible world. Even though everything is said and done, I still don't trust it.

I don't want to bring a child into this broken world. A world where there would be no family. My dad and sister are dead, my mother I only hear from by phone every once in awhile. Peeta lost his entire family. I think that's why he wants children so badly. To somehow make up for that loss of family. His was such a large family, I can't say I blame him.

But, things are just not right right now, and we have both been broken. Maybe once we and the world have healed a bit, I might consider it. But, Peeta still gets violent from time to time as he's learning to sift through the shiny memories. And, I just stare into nothingness when times are really bad. I miss Prim. I still expect to see her joyful face bounding up the steps to what used to be our home. But she doesn't. She can't. She's dead.

Gale saw to that.

The sound of his name used to bring happiness in my life, but now I can't even bare to think about him let along let his name pass through my lips. Peeta knows not to talk about him in my presence. Even though Gale didn't actually kill Prim, it was his idea that Coin used to kill my sister.

I hear a knock on my door. "Come in." I call. He should know he doesn't need to knock. He's the only other person besides Greasy Sae who comes to see me. She's on the Capitol's payroll, but I think she still wishes to cheer me up. I've been so out of things for the last few months. Peeta only returned a short time ago.

"How are you feeling?" He asks. His golden hair looks so beautiful in this light. His long eye lashes billowing in the wind. It should be against the law for a man to have such long eye lashes. But, he still pulls it off.

"I'm fine." I reply. I still don't trust him 100%. I trust the old Peeta. Though, he's definitely becoming more and more his old self every day. I love him. So much. Even still, there's a lot of sorting out, we both need to do within ourselves. To think, if things had been fine after the first Hunger Games we were in, we may have become a normal couple, but fate didn't see fit to allow us to have each other easily.

"You don't look fine. You look like you're deep in thought. I told you to relax. Things will start to fall into place now that we can get our lives back to "normal". The bakery is almost back into one piece again." He said. He had been working every day with some of the men who returned to 12 to get the bakery up and functional again. When they started it wasn't much more than a pile of rubble, but now it's almost finished. "We're just waiting on a new oven to arrive from the Capitol."

"That will be good. Then you will have a job again." I say. I don't know where to go from here though. Women from the Seam don't really work. So, I wasn't given a skill other than hunting and gathering.

"I was hoping you would help me with the bakery." He said, as if reading my mind.

"I don't know the first thing about baking." I reply. I really don't. The only meals I ever cooked were very simple. I never really had the opportunity to "bake" as we didn't have an oven.

"You'll learn. You're the smartest person I know." He says. He almost seems like his old self.

But then I see him grasp the back of the chair I'm sitting in. He's having one of his episodes. It almost feels as if the back of the chair will break off any second.

"Peeta." I get up and go to him, wrapping my arms around his waist from behind. "It's okay." I state. Slowly, over the course of a few minutes, his grip on the chair recedes. I turn him to face me. "You'll be alright." I hug him dearly.

Peeta starts to cry.

"I love you." He says. I just hold him closer. Trying to be of what use I can be to him.

"I love you, too." I say. And, what the great thing about it is. I mean it. And, it's not just being said for the Capitol's sake.

"I need to lie down." Peeta says. I'm sure he is very tired after his episode. It must take a lot out of him. Getting his blood boiled and the strain it must have on his mind.

I move out of the way and offer him my chair.

"Can we go to sleep?" he says.

This is new. He hasn't slept at my house since before the Quarter Quell. We had some nice moments together where he would just lay there with me and ease my nightmares. Some nights, I didn't even have them with him there. It's funny. We really do need each other in order to get better. It's almost like a destiny, if you believe in such a thing.

I lead him upstairs to the bedroom and let him lie on my bed. I had all the other rooms cleared out of furniture, I didn't want anything to remind me that my mother and Prim ever lived here.

He lies down without any reservations. It's also funny that even though all he's been through, he still remembers what side of the bed that I like. I hop into the bed with him, making sure to open the window first, so he gets a good night's sleep.

I feel the comfort of his arms wrap around me. He allows me to use his warm, strong arm as a pillow, as usual. It's only when we're like this together that I truly feel at ease. It's been a long time since we've been in bed together, but I can't say I'm not enjoying every moment.

"Are you comfortable?" he asks. He's always thinking about me, even though what he's been through.

"I'm happy." I state.

"Katniss…" he says.

"Yes?" I reply.

"You love me. Real, or not real?" he asks.

"Real." I reply. It's the only reply I will ever have when he asks me that. Even though I was so uncertain in the past. I could never be more certain and aware of my feelings for him as I am now.

He relaxes into the pillows and comfort of the bed and closes his eyes. But, I know he's not asleep. "This is so nice." he says.

"What is?" I ask.

"Being here with you like this. It truly feels like I'm home when I'm with you." he says. I know he means every word. I guess I don't need to fear him. He would never intentionally hurt me the way he is now. So long as he doesn't have a relapse, I'm happy.

"Please don't leave me again." I plead. I needed to say this. I couldn't bare for us to be apart like before. Whenever we're apart, he gets hurt. Because of me, he's almost lost his life multiple times.

"I never will." he cuddles me close. Pushing my body into his, like we're one person.

As long as we have each other, we have nothing to fear.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please review.