Drowning.
I was drowning.
Drowning was one of those experiences I never thought I would be forced to face.
The saltwater no longer flowed smoothly through my lungs and veins as it had a mere few moments ago. I supposed that the human anatomy was a bonus that came with the legs.
The legs. In the ocean, they were no where near as useful as my tail had been. My tail was strong, muscular, and covered in blue scales that matched my eyes, with two great fins at the end. It would move against the water with an ease that suggested it had a life of its own, propelling me to glide though the sea with the immense grace and speed my kind possessed.
My tail was also gone, replaced with the long, skinny, pale supports that went down from my hips. Those were the legs. Experimentally, I tried to move them as I would my tail. Keeping the two legs together, I gave a forceful kick.
Next to nothing. Certainly not enough to get me from the depths of the ocean to the surface.
I was desperate for that invisible substance that humans crave. Air, that's what it is. I couldn't hold on much longer. Arms and those strange legs began to thrash wildly, struggling to move the rest of my body upwards to reach the surface.
Upwards. Up up up. That was where the air would wait for me. Limbs thrashed faster, with more rhythm, fighting against the exhaustion that was settling. I was dizzy and seeing spots, it seemed impossible to me that so much movement was moving me so slowly. My insides felt as though they were about to burst open from a lack of sustenance.
The disc of sun above me was blurred at its edges, along with the rest of the sky. I could tell I was close, however, by the shining and dappled spots of sunlight in the water I had yet to reach.
I needed to breathe. My human body was no longer able to restrain this need, despite its inadequate surroundings. Only able to smother it for a moment longer, I used that final moment to perform a few final kicks, my arms still straining for the sun above.
When I finally breathed in, it was with sweet relief. Air.
I panted heavily, gasping for a way to take in more. The air seemed to fill my body and exhilarate it, down to the last nerve, soothing my exhaustion. There was no such thing as too much for me. Filled with new vigor, I continued moving my limbs slowly so that I might stay afloat.
I drank in the sight of the sky and the sun. I had never seen them during the day, only ever daring to come to the surface once before, and that was at night.
When I had first seen the stars and the moon, glowing brightly against the dark blanket of sky, I thought the sight was the most beautiful thing I had ever beheld. Now though, that view was nothing in comparison to the unbearably blue sky and its sun, so bright I could only look at it out of the corner of my eye.
The sun was also warm, which was welcoming against the cold water I was submerged in. I had never thought my home to be cold until now. Another human quality I supposed I owed to the Sea-Witch.
Inhaling deeply, I allowed myself to float along the waves, basking in the sun. Whenever I was lost in the past, I trusted the waves to take me where I needed to be. I only hoped they would still recognize me.
…..
I will never forget the moment I saw him. He, the human prince who changed my life.
It was the night I first saw the sky, that I first saw him, too. I was closer to the shore than my father and grandmother would have approved of, and close enough for my sisters to have been jealous, had any of them known of my audacity.
There was a stretch of sandy beach, and then there was him, upon it. I had swam to the surface for a simple glimpse of the sky, and it had to have been fate that he was there, as well.
The waves were calm that night, and amongst the dark of the ocean, I was practically invisible. At least, he didn't see me, as far as I could tell. But I saw him, and I believe the sight of him will never leave me.
The first thing I noted about him was his legs. With their support, he stood tall and straight, arms crossed in front of him, like my father did when he was frustrated. He was clothed entirely in black, except for the whiteness of his neck and hands, and the small glimmers of bits of metal that patterned his pale face. His hair was different from any other merperson's. The hair of merpeople is either very light blonde or midnight black, depending on whether the sun is shining at the time of their birth. Ours is also typically long and straight. This man was completely different, which was another thing that drew me to him. His hair was short, yet it stood up stick straight, almost pointy looking, and it was green. It must have been brightly colored, otherwise I couldn't have seen it in the dark. I struggled to see the color of his eyes, though I noticed they were ringed with black circles.
I'm not sure what it was that connected my soul with his, but surely something did. My heart fluttered like millions of butterflies toward this stranger, so different from anyone else I had ever known. It simply had to be more than just that he was the first human I had ever seen.
The night was becoming brighter as clouds were pushed out of the way by a full moon, and I risked being seen. I ached to remain where I was and allow my love to get a glimpse of me as I had of him, but my body's basic instincts intervened. There was a small splash as I dived under, and then nothing but a series of ripples. It was as though I had never been there, watching and falling for him.
…..
The waves carried me while the sun set in a show of purple, red, and pink. I silently wondered if they were taking me anywhere in particular or just toying with me, but I didn't have the means to ask them. Night was falling, the sky darkening, and I was as good as nowhere, out in the midst of the sea. Not even the expected sliver of moon or the stars had emerged to keep me company.
Goose bumps dotted my bare skin as the air cooled, and I shivered. Wind breezed by, and the goose bumps multiplied.
Take me somewhere quickly, please, I urged the waves in my mind. I will never forgive you if you allow me to die before I've even stepped on land. I imagined this treatment was some sort of punishment they were inflicting on me because I was attempting to forsake them.
They must have read my mind or felt my shivers and been sympathetic, or this had been our destination all along and I had simply doubted them. In the distance, I could barely make out a stretch of shore identical to the on my love had walked. It may have even been the exact one, but I couldn't tell. All beaches appear the same at night, I suppose.
Sighing in relief, I began to swim toward the land without even thinking. My eyes widened in surprise at the odd separateness of the new legs, and the weakness that resulted from it. They were thin and had little resistance against the water to push me forward. Exhaling in frustration, I doggedly continued in the direction of the shore.
As I neared it, I considered my next hurdle. How was I to stand? I knew I would have to rest all of my weight on those silly looking feet that were at the end of each leg, but how was I to get from floating on my stomach to that position?
Suddenly, I was rolled over onto my back as I collided with a part of the beach that was disguised by water. There was a taste of salt in my mouth as the waves washed over my limp form. For a few moments, I watched my chest rise and fall with each new deep breath. I was preparing, gathering my strength so that I might take my first steps.
I raised my upper body off of the ground with my arms, and I felt the wet sand sticking to my back. One of my arms moved my blonde hair off to the side, behind my shoulders, so that I wouldn't trip over it.
Carefully, I bent the legs, so that their knees were in the air. Now, the most difficult part had arrived. I gritted my teeth and quickly, before I could hesitate, threw my weight both forward and then up, so I was supported solely by the legs.
After standing, walking had to be easy, right?
Closing my eyes in concentration, I bent one of my legs slightly, moved it forward a pace, and set it down again, readjusting my weight on it.
All at once, the feet were filled with agonizing pain, as if I had stepped in broken glass instead of sand. I also noticed a faint stream of blood leak out from underneath the feet, staining the sand beneath them.
The sea-witch, it turned out, hadn't been bluffing after all.
…..
The sea-witch was not the first one I went to for help on how to be with my love. First, I received advice from a much more wholesome and less dangerous source.
With an eagerness I had never before felt about anything before, I had swum as fast as I could to the grotto of my eldest sister, Naida. I breezed by her familiar garden of beautiful red, five-petaled flowers with hardly a passing glance. I found Naida perched on an uncomfortable looking rock that sat in the center of her garden, her black hair hanging in a long braid that I thought was unnatural for a mermaid. We usually much preferred to wear our hair loose, floating idly about our heads. At least she should have used it to conceal a pale white scar that ran down her chest, acquired in a gruesome encounter with a shark. However, I considered it to be just another odd habit of my oldest sister.
Of myself and my other sisters, all older than me, but younger than her, Naida was the most responsible and intelligent, I was sure. Whereas we tended towards dreaminess, Naida somehow always knew the truth. An incident of when a few yellow tagged dolphins visited us stuck out in my mind. We were amazed at their stories of humans who had captured them in nets, poked and prodded them, stuck them with the yellow tags, and released them back into the ocean. Naida had reassured us that the dolphins were joking with us because we were young and foolish, and they enjoyed the attention. The dolphins were still adamant on their story, but thanks to my sister, we knew better.
"Naida!" I sang out, stopping suddenly in front of her.
"Kaira!" she replied, a wry smile on her face.
I looked around us, searching for any errant crabs or starfish who might be eavesdropping. After assuring myself that we were alone, I whispered in hushed tones, "I have a secret to tell you."
Naida appeared merely amused. "Alright. I promise I won't tell anyone. What is it?"
I gazed at her with solemnity. "I'm serious, Naida. You have to promise not to tell anyone. It's not a joke."
"I've already promised that. Don't fret. Of course, if you don't trust me, you shouldn't tell me." There was her trump card. She knew me better than anyone, and she knew I would not be able to stop myself from telling her, even if she was prepared to scream my secret throughout all of the Pacific Ocean. I was awful at keeping things to myself.
I took a deep breath, and a comforting flood of saltwater slid through my body. "I think I've fallen in love," I murmured, suddenly feeling shy and naïve in front of my experienced elder sister.
"Aw, Kaira, that's just wonderful," she said with a certain wistfulness I did not miss. "Who's the merman you have in mind?"
I lowered my head, choosing instead to look down at my slowly swaying tail instead of her honest eyes.
"It can't be that bad," she encouraged. "I swear I won't make fun of you, no matter who it is."
There was a pause as I considered. The time had come to tell her my feelings for the human, but I couldn't bring forth the words. I had been so excited to tell Naida, but now I was afraid of what she would think of me. Probably that I'm silly, stupid, and that I have no idea what I'm talking about. So I answered her with a question instead. "Have you ever been in love?"
It was her turn to look away, and her hands went to her braid, undoing it and beginning to re-braid it. "Yes," she finally said. "I was once. And now I'm not."
"Why?" I asked curiously.
"Because he died." She finished tying off her braid with a thick green piece of seaweed.
"Died? What do you mean?" In all my life, I had never known anyone who had died. The merpeople would age, but rarely die. I only heard stories of death, of merpeople who came too close to sharks and did not escape in time, and other accidents.
She sighed heavily. "Kaira, you wouldn't understand. You're too young." My sister and I had traded places. Suddenly, she was the one with a secret she feared I wouldn't comprehend, and I was itching to discover what it was.
"You think I wouldn't understand?" I scoffed. Then my incredibly weak dam of holding back information broke. "I'm in love with a human for Poseidon's sake!"
Naida's tail froze from its idle moving, and she stared at me intently. "A human?" Then her demeanor changed from serious to humored in an instant. "Don't be silly. You've never even seen a human, let alone spoke to one and fallen in love with him."
"I have too seen one! I haven't talked to him, but I did fall in love! I swear I did! It's not a joke, Naida!" I shouted at her, completely outraged.
She was quiet for a few moments, and her tail had resumed swaying. "When I was a little younger than you, I went to the surface and saw a human, too. Just like you, I was certain it was love." I thought I detected a forced lightness in her voice.
"What did you do? What should I do?" I pressed her.
A bitter laugh came from Naida's mouth, the last thing I ever expected to hear from it. Its tones rang with suppressed sadness towards a world that had somehow deprived her of something important. In this moment, she was no longer my intelligent, experienced, older sister. She was simply an innocent mermaid wracked by an innocent love she could never be with. In this moment, Naida was just like me.
"I was so foolish," she muttered. "But no one had told me any different. He was a beautiful thing, with golden hair that fell into his eyes just so." My sister's eyes had a far-away look, and I knew she was illustrating him in her mind. "I wanted him like I'd never wanted anything else before. So I talked to him. I stayed at least waist-deep in the ocean, of course, so he wouldn't see my tail, but I still think he at least liked me. And then I didn't want to leave him. I didn't know any better. I didn't know that humans drowned—that being underwater would kill him. And he died." Her voice, and the emotions behind it, had fallen flat.
"Naida." I spoke her name softly, as comfortingly as I could. I had no idea what to say to my sister.
My voice had brought her back to the present. "I'm sorry I told you that," she said. "The only useful piece of advice I've given you is to not bring the human down here, though you already knew that. After my little disaster, Grandmother made sure to teach the rest of you that fact, didn't she?"
"Yes, she did."
Naida had transformed again into my sister, and she was back to the issue at hand. "As your sister, all I want for you is to be happy. You won't be happy if you keen over a human man for the rest of your long life. Forget about him: that's all I can tell you."
"But I can't," I insisted. "He's my soul mate. I just know it!"
She shrugged helplessly. "Then life was cruel to give the both of us soul mates we could never be with."
…..
Needless to say, I didn't heed my sister's advice. I thought she was wrong, biased by her own traumatizing experience with a human male, though I didn't tell her so.
Instead, I went in search of another, less wholesome, source of help.
