Standard Disclaimer Time! I do not own Once Upon A Time or it's characters. Nor do I make any money off of this story. It is done purely for entertainment purposes.
-Michelle
She looked different from the last time he had seen her. A little thinner, and a whole lot paler. The shadows under her eyes spoke of the many sleepless nights she had endured, and a red rim wasn't needed for Hook to guess she had become prone to fits of crying. Still a beautiful woman, Belle was like a flower neglected in the ground. Actually wilting from the loss of her love. Hook could relate, for he too had withered for a time, mourning the love of his life, and letting the wound of that love's loss fester.
Hatred. Anger. Hook wondered if Belle felt any of those things. He wondered if she felt a keening resentment, bothered by the fact that the one responsible for her love's loss was gone. Wondered if she was bothered by the fact that Pan was now unreachable, too dead to be made to suffer for his sins. Most of all, Hook wondered if Belle wished for revenge, if the desire to make Pan pay clawed at her insides night after night.
Probably not, Hook decided. He just didn't think Belle had it in her, the staunch stomach for revenge, the drive to be ruthless. She was simply too kind hearted. She had to be, if Belle had been willing to overlook the worst of Rumplestiltskin's crimes. Hook had first thought her a fool, or half blind. Sometimes he still thought that. But Hook was also starting to learn, that people can change, starting with him.
Of course it was easier to believe Rumplestiltskin might have changed when the man was dead. When the man had sacrificed himself for Belle and his son. It was a sacrifice Hook would have never believed Rumplestiltskin capable of, and if the pirate hadn't been there to witness it firsthand, well he still wouldn't have. But it had happened, and Hook had begrudgingly drank a toast to the dead. It hadn't been celebratory, nor had it been forgiving, and Hook might still be wishing that it had been his hand that had done Rumplestiltskin in.
But no, that was the old him, the Hook he was trying to stop being. He wasn't a villain, but neither yet was he a hero, existing somewhere on the edge of a decision. But it wasn't his to make, or so Hook told himself, pinning his hopes on a woman. On the chance she offered, the promise of a new love if only she'd be willing. But his Swan wasn't making things easy, and he might have enjoyed the chase more if she hadn't been so good at twisting daggers into his heart.
Hook wasn't used to being the kind of man Emma Swan reduced him to. All anxious and hovering any time that Neal came to her, making him actually afraid. Hook was so terrified of losing her, and it hurt every time Emma so much as mentioned Neal's name. Because he knew on some level she must still love him, and Hook didn't know if he'd survive a second heartbreak should Emma ultimately choose Neal.
It had been hard enough to let go of Mila, harder yet to believe there might be another chance for him. A third shot at love was probably impossible, even if Hook lived another three hundred years. So Hook would do what he had to. He would stay and hover, and endure the pain that came every time Emma so much as looked at Neal. More than that, he would play nice, would do just about every little thing Emma asked of him. Be it prowling the woods of Storybrooke in search of some wicked witch, or baby sit the bookworm in case the Dark One really had returned.
Of course they weren't actually calling it that. But even Belle as upset as she was, hadn't bought in to the idea of Hook staying merely to help her research. Belle had to know he was on guard duty, that she might be a target for the witch, given the amount of influence Belle exerted over Rumplestiltskin. But if Belle was scared of the thought that the witch might be out to hurt her, she didn't let it frighten her into accepting Hook's help. At least not that easily.
"You do know he tried to kill me." She was saying to Emma. It was a fact, but Hook didn't need Emma to be remembering that. Not when his attempt on Belle's life, might make Emma remember some of the other nasty things he had done, some of them right to her.
Intent on damage control, Hook spoke quickly before Emma or worst yet Belle, could get out another word. "There were extenuating circumstances."
Belle whipped her head towards him, and her eyes sparked with her old familiar spirit. Defiant and proud, she would have probably looked down her nose at him, if she hadn't been sitting. "Twice." She pointed out, the look challenging Hook to do anything but deny it.
Wanting to flinch, Hook couldn't, wouldn't look away. Not even to glance at Emma, who had let out an audible sigh.
"Sorry." But it was more mocking than anything, Hook showing in his expression that he didn't expect Belle to accept an apology from him. Her gaze narrowed, blue eyes bright with something other than tears. He braced himself for her worst, but it was Emma Swan who next spoke.
"You really know how to charm a girl, don't you?" Her own voice was exasperated, as though Hook had disappointed her for doing what he had felt he had too. He couldn't take it back, no one could, for not even magic could change the past. But he'd be damned if he let it keep affecting his present, and his chance at a future with Emma.
Eyes still locked with Belle's, Hook leaned towards her slightly. It was a subtle intimidation tactic, this looming presence he made himself to be. "This will be my way of making it up to you, hmm?"
Another insincere smile, Hook's eyes daring Belle to be difficult. She honestly looked like she was considering it too, as if it would give her nothing but pleasure to cause Hook trouble all day. But she wasn't that vindictive, didn't have that a cruel streak in her, even towards the pirate.
"Fine." She grumbled, and her expression turned sullen. She kept right on staring at him, and almost didn't look away when Emma laid a reassuring touch on her shoulder.
"Belle. Thank you for your help. Don't worry, we're going to find him."
"Okay." Belle said, and she reached up to give Emma's hand a reassuring touch of her own. "Thank you.' The brown haired woman added, to which the blonde gave a soft, sad smile. Her eyes had a look to them, as though Emma was thinking of something that let her relate to the pain and hope Belle must be feeling over the thought that Rumplestiltskin might still be alive. Hook had a feeling he could guess just what that something was, that being the time when they had all thought Neal dead, only to discover he might not be as lost to them as they had first assumed. Hook had felt the same gut punched feeling then as he did now, and as ashamed as he was by the fact that he was bothered by who Emma's thoughts might be with, he couldn't stop from being upset. From feeling another dagger carve into his still healing heart, Hook wondering if there would ever come a time when loving Emma would be easy.
He hadn't recovered, when Emma lifted her sad gaze to Hook's. Did she notice the pain he was in? Did she even care? Would Hook ever know for sure? Emma Swan didn't give up the inner workings of her thoughts, her look more chastising than anything. As if she was telling Hook to behave, to play nice with Belle. It was all Hook could do not to roll his eyes, his shoulders lifting as though to say it was out of his hand what happened next.
Emma looked as though even she was having second thoughts about this, But there was really no time to argue. Every minute wasting meant another chance of the witch finding Rumplestiltskin first, and it was anyone's guess what evil she would use him for.
"We gotta move." Charming said, having finished telling his very pregnant wife it would be safest for her to stay home and wait. Snow White didn't look particularly happy with the decision, but it was the baby she had to put first.
"Right." Emma blinked, and it was like she set aside her doubts. As if they were clothing she had stripped away, Emma building up her walls, getting ready to play the aggressor.
Belle followed them to the door, and after a moment, Hook trailed after her. He was in time to hear Belle urge them to be careful, for Snow White to give her a sympathetic hug in return. And then the Charming family was gone, the merry jingle jangle of the shop's bell loud enough to drown out the sound of the door clicking closed. Belle stood there, staring not out at the front of the shop, but at the twiggy piece of gold she held clutched between two fingertips.
Her back to him, Hook couldn't see her face. But he had the feeling she would have stood there forever. Diligently waiting for the moment Rumplestiltskin would come through that door. Hook was tempted to let Belle do exactly that, but then he wouldn't exactly be doing the job the way Emma would have wanted. So he stifled a sigh, and walked the last few feet towards her, and it wasn't entirely Hook's fault that the shop's carpet muffled his footsteps.
What WAS his fault was the fact that Hook didn't alert her before he reached between her and the door. He had the satisfaction of seeing Belle startle in place, Hook's fingers nimbly turning the lock.
"Sorry, love." He said with that same mocking insincerity. "Didn't mean to scare you."
"I am not afraid." Belle huffed in response, giving him quite the glare. Her spirit was more and more evident, as though it had not only been nurtured by the news of Rumplestiltskin's return, it had been completely revitalized.
Hook had to admit she was even prettier when she was like this, her defiant spirit so much more appealing than the sadness she had been wallowing in.
"Come now, pet." Hook enjoyed watching her bristle in response to every endearment that he used. "Not even a little?"
"No, not even." Belle retorted, and moved to step away. He quickly moved with her, keeping in her space, his body blocking hers.
"You should be." To her credit she didn't tremble, not even with Hook looming over her. "You ARE with the man who tried to kill you. Twice wasn't it?"
"At least." She said, Belle's hand making a fist around the gold piece of straw. If it hadn't been made of that precious metal, it would have been crushed by how tightly Belle clenched that fist.
"Don't let it upset you so, love. It wasn't personal."
"Wasn't personal?" Belle sounded flabbergasted, but the words kept on coming. "You tried to end my life...AND Rumple's! How much more personal can it get?!"
"I was out of my mind with grief."
"From what I understand, you had YEARS to get over the worst of it!" She immediately realized it was the wrong thing to say, Belle gasping and taking a step back. Hook followed her, the epitome of aggression and menace.
"Oh and I suppose you're the authority on it?" He demanded, practically hissing. "Tell me girl, just how many people have you loved and lost?" His eyes searched hers, and then Hook let out a scoffing sound. "Not nearly enough I'd say." He was so close to her, their bodies were touching, and Hook could feel how Belle was now trembling. "Or maybe it's you who haven't had enough time."
"Enough time to do what?" Came Belle's strangle toned whisper.
"To let the pain sink it's claws in to you. To go out of your head with grief over his loss. To realize the sleepless nights may never end, and that every dawn is a new day without him. Now imagine if the person responsible for his death, was still alive and kicking. Walking around as happy as can be. Wouldn't you feel just a little hate, want just a little revenge?"
"I'm not like you." Belle said, and Hook arched an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
"I don't...I don't hate...not so easily, and not at all." It was laughable what she said, but he couldn't even manage a mocking smile.
"No one's that pure."
"I'm not pretending to be! It's simply not my nature to hate, not even someone like you." Belle told him. "Sure I might not like you very much, but you...but no one..." She hastily amended. "Is worth the energy it takes to hate."
"Not even the queen?" He challenged, partly because he was insulted, but Hook was also morbidly curious. There had to be someone Belle hated, and if it wasn't him, then Hook meant to find out who. "She locked you up for an awfully long time."
"Over twenty eight years..." Belle admitted with a whisper.
"Think of all the time you lost. Time you could have been spent with him." He stared searchingly into her eyes, but couldn't find the hate he was looking for. "Then what about Pan? Hmm? It was because of him that Rumplestiltskin died in the first place!"
"That doesn't matter." Belle insisted. "He's back now..." She tried to shove past him, but Hook grabbed hold of her arm. Now she reminded him of Emma, with that look of exasperation in her eyes.
"And what about Rumplestiltskin?" He demanded. "Did you hate him for leaving you?"
"Rumple died a hero. How could I feel anything but proud for him doing the right thing, the only thing he could to save the people of this town?" This time when Belle shoved past, Hook let her go, but not without a parting shot.
"He didn't do it for this town." He turned in time to see her go still. "He did it for you." She didn't say anything, at least not out loud. But her shoulders shook, and Hook almost felt bad. "I didn't think him capable of love. In fact, I still wouldn't if I hadn't born witness to his sacrifice."
Now when he reached for her, it wasn't in anger. Nor was it to mock her, a type of wonderer filling him, filling his words. Belle didn't fight him, allowing Hook to turn her to face him. She had silent tears trickling down her cheeks, and regret was the least of what plagued him.
"What is about you, about the love you have, that was enough to redeem even that monster?" Hook asked. "What is a love that strong like? What would it feel like to have that love for myself?"
Her blinking wasn't able to stop the tears. Hook stared at Belle, his hand lifting, fingers reaching out to brush aside some of the worst of her crying. But it wasn't meant to be, the woman abruptly jerking back, not allowing him even that much of a touch.
"That is something you'll never know."
So shaken by her words, Hook didn't stop Belle from rushing into the back of the shop. Nor did he shout, or try to argue back against her words. Against the truth of them. Because maybe she was right, and maybe he had gone about it all wrong. He had to, if Hook could feel honest to goodness envy of Rumplestiltskin and what he had found in Belle.
And maybe Hook hadn't begun to change as much as he had thought. How could he have, if his first reaction's impulse was to consider taking from Rumplestiltskin the very woman that had been that monster's salvation. But what did that mean for what Hook really wanted? Was it revenge, love, or both he was chasing? Did it even matter who gave him what, so long as Hook ended up happy, and Rumplestiltskin did not?
He didn't know. And that was perhaps the most troubling thing of all.
Okay...so this isn't at all like what I wanted to write. First...I had a really stressful morning, to the point of a headache and stomach ache and lot of tension as a result. I didn't think I would write anything, thought I lost all inspiration and motivation. But I didn't want another indefinite hiatus, so I started rereading my time travel curse story. Didn't get far. In fact when I got to the line about Hook having chased Belle about the library, a plot bunny ran by.
This plot bunny went through many a metamorphosis. Suffice it to say, after the initial idea, it morphed into me wanting to write something based on episode 15 of season 3...but it wasn't supposed to turn out like this. It was supposed to be a fun flirty sexual tension one shot, not smutty, but Hook would have tried to take a kiss from Belle at the end, only to be interrupted by Neal's arrival. (Belle would have broken away, thinking it was Rumplestiltskin.)
But then I started to write. And it was like Hook possessed me and started making demands on what he wanted to say. I swear my muses are out of control...and I feel like everyone is going to lynch me for what I DID write. T_T
This is meant to be a one shot for the moment. I don't know if I'll come back to it, or if I'll even want too. I do think I have room to work with the end there, though if it would end up ultimately Hook Belle, or Hook Emma is anyone's guess, including mine.
Don't kill me for this! *flails and goes into hiding*
-Michelle
