Weird
Chapter 1: illusions
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It was like I was locked in a room with two doors, which neither I had a key to. Johanna just behind one of them, the black door with some of its paint chipped off. Peeta standing behind the white door with a broken handle. There were imperfections in each image but why what do I care about flaws. I am emotionally fucked up there is nothing more messed up than me.
Her cold fingertips touch the back of my neck only to wrap around my throat.
"You're mine Katniss" my ears feel her warmth breath touch my drum. She is all I ever want to hear, though she's not there. I know it but my body doesn't.
"I'm yours" I whisper it to the silent breeze.
Then suddenly her cold fingertips are gone, her warm breath disappears. I am left feeling haunted.
I figure appears out of nothing in my peripheral. I don't dare to look; I know now who it is.
"Katniss what are you doing here, all alone?"
"I don't want to be alone Peeta."
"It will be alright just come and hold me."
I hesitate to move, I know this isn't real, my mind just loves to torture me.
"Katniss I promise this will all be okay" I can't resist the false certainty in his voice it guides me towards him.
His arms are open to me, only me. I fall into the only thing I know, giving in. I allow a tear to fall for this illusion.
"Cry Katniss; cry until you can't cry anymore. Let your heart know that you can still feel."
"I feel everything Peeta, everything."
"I know" the frost catches the shell of my ear.
I sink on to the wooden ground; his arms vanish along with its comfort.
"You really are insane aren't you?"
"Haymitch?"
"Yes it's me, my dear; care to have a drink its look as though you need one."
"I don't need a drink I need Peeta."
"Or…Johanna it seems." "If you take it from me, go for the black door at least it has a handle."
I don't say another word because I know I wouldn't actually be talking to him.
I open my eyes to the dark wooden floor, I have this ache in my lower back that I can barely stand.
"Need help" Her hand wraps around mine without waiting for my answer. I know I would have let her anyway. Even though she is just an illusion I will use any excuse to touch her.
She picks me up from what I am but she stains me.
"I know you love me"
"You only know because I know." Its honesty that I have learned to bare.
"Do you know if I love you too?"
"No but I want you to, do you?"
"I don't know, I wish I knew as well."
There is so much I have for her that sometimes it keeps me from standing on my feet. It keeps me far from euphoria. Just let me explain the faults inside of my head…
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