Once Keith regains consciousness, he realizes that he's in his room.
His bed is so soft, and, as he yawns quietly, he considers just going back to sleep.
And then everything that happened comes rushing back to him.
Everything that happened and...
Lance.
Lance... is he okay?
Where is he?
Where is everyone else?
Keith jumps out of bed, rushing down the hall towards Lance's room. He has to get there as soon as possible. He has to see Lance. Oh, God... what if Keith didn't see what he thought he saw? What if Shiro really didn't move fast enough to save him? What if... Lance is gone?
Keith's whirling thoughts only make his feet move faster as he makes his way ever closer to his destination. He skids to a stop in front of Lance's door and opens it to see that everyone else is already there.
The room is quiet, and the atmosphere is tense. They look up at the new arrival and quietly greet him before returning to their previous activities. Allura and Shiro are standing side by side in the back of the room, whispering about something. Coran watches over Hunk and Pidge as they sit hand in hand, Hunk whispering words of comfort to the younger paladin. Keith can't help but wonder if Hunk is saying them for Pidge as much as he's saying them for himself. And Lance...
Lance lays quietly in bed. His chest rises and falls slowly, rhythmically, and Keith feels his heart flutter at the sight. He's okay. Lance is okay.
Keith clears his throat in order to get the attention of the others. Their heads turn towards him, and he speaks in a soft voice. "What happened after I..." Honestly, he's embarrassed to say it. Keith's never been the emotional type, but the whole... situation... last night just overwhelmed him. His body and mind just... shut down.
"Well," Coran starts quietly. "After Shiro had Lance pinned down, I injected him with a medicine that would make him sleep. Then Hunk brought him back here, and Shiro brought you back to your room."
"Yep," Shiro says as if to confirm what Coran said is true. "By the way, Keith." He places a firm hand on Keith's shoulder. "How are you feeling?"
Keith looks over at Lance's resting form in the bed, remembering everything that had happened in horrible, vivid detail. "I'm fine."
"Keith..." Shiro's grip on the boy's shoulder tightens. "Just because Lance isn't doing well, doesn't mean that you can't be doing badly too."
Keith looks down, thinking. "I really am okay... I... I'm just so worried about him."
"Me too," Pidge whispers, causing Hunk to squeeze the small paladin's hand gently. Keith wonders how badly this situation affected them both...
"I think we all are," Allura murmurs, her eyes shifting to look at the body resting in the bed.
"Yeah," Keith agrees quietly. "I just... I think I'm in love with him." Keith draws his head in closer to his shoulders as if trying to protect himself from what must surely be coming. He doesn't look up to see the others' reaction, but he practically feels their eyes boring into him. He can almost feel the disappointment emanating off of them... until:
"Yes!" Pidge shouts, making Keith jump. "Klance is real!"
This draws a laugh from the other paladins' mouths and causes Keith to cock his head. What the fuck?
"K...'Klance'?"
"Uh, your ship name?" Pidge says matter-of-factly. "Duh."
"'Ship name'?" Keith questions. It's almost like Pidge is speaking a foreign language. He's not a ship? What are they talking about?
Pidge sighs, putting a hand to their forehead. "You're hopeless. Just date him already."
Keith's face flushes, and he stammers as he tries to speak. "I- I don't- He- Wait- Pidge, what the hell?!"
Pidge snickers, and Shiro gives them a disappointed look but with a hint of a smile on his lips.
He sighs and squeezes Keith's shoulders again. "Just know that all of us support you both."
"Thanks, Shiro," Keith says, not wanting to admit that he was still slightly confused with the conversation that they just had. He's... grateful to the team, though.
Suddenly, a groan comes from the figure in the bed, and everyone's smiles just drop, the atmosphere becoming tense once more.
Lance sits up and looks around the room at the others, a confused look on his face. He opens his mouth as if to say something but gets interrupted by Hunk.
"Lance!" He shouts as he runs towards the boy, engulfing him in what Keith can only imagine being a bone-crushing hug.
As Hunk's shoulder's start to shake, Lance's face changes from portraying slight confusion to showing absolute mortification. Eventually, Lance just squeezes his eyes shut, as if refusing to acknowledge what was happening. And, honestly... Keith can't blame him.
After a moment, Hunk hops up and makes his way towards the exit, with Pidge following after uttering a few words of comfort.
Shiro speaks to him after that and then Allura and Coran, but Keith doesn't listen to them. He's too busy trying to figure out what he's going to say to Lance once it's his turn to speak. Keith stands with his arms crossed, staring at the boy as he thinks carefully about what he's going to say. Oh, God... he doesn't want Lance to think that he's mad at him because he's not... How is he supposed to say what he's feeling? Honestly... what is he feeling? Keith really has no idea. Lance has to know that Keith's with him throughout this mess... well... maybe he shouldn't call it a mess... not to Lance's face... Shit. What the fuck is he supposed to say?
Out of nowhere, Lance starts to speak, successfully startling Keith out of his thoughts. Maybe that's a good thing...
"Keith, I... I..." The boy stops there. His mouth opening and closing, but no sound coming out.
Keith decides that he should speak. He should take the initiative. He has to tell Lance the things that he's thinking. That it's his fault. That he was in the wrong, and that he shouldn't have done what he did. That if Keith hadn't have done it... they wouldn't be in the situation that they're in. He sighs quietly, readying himself for the awkward conversation that was surely coming.
"Look... I... I'm sorry that I yelled at you." His voice sounds much shakier than he meant for it to be, but he can't control it. "I honestly shouldn't have invaded your privacy and read your notebook, but I did. Then, I... I yelled at you for what you wrote. I was just so worried, Lance. But... it's not your fault. It... I... this was my fault."
At this, Lance's eyes go wide, and he quickly shouts: "No! No, Keith! It's not your fault. Don't you dare say that." His voice gets quieter as he continues. "You're the only reason that I'm still here Keith, so you can't say that."
Keith looks down at his feet, letting the silence continue before speaking. He has to ask... even though Keith knows the answer (or at least thinks he does). God, he hopes he's right.
"Do... do you really love me?" His voice is quiet, and he can feel his hands start to tremble. He still refuses to look up, afraid of what he'd see. The answer that he hears, however, makes his heart stop.
"Yeah, Keith." Lance's voice is surprisingly calm, and Keith wonders what he's really feeling. "I really, really do."
Keith doesn't know what to say. He's never been in this situation before. Is that obvious? Should he tell Lance that? Jesus, he's definitely not prepared for this. Lance loves him. He really, really loves him. Oh, God. How does he say that he loves him too?
Before Keith can work out how to respond, he hears Lance's voice again, sounding defeated, accompanied by a sigh.
"Look, it's fine that you don't like me back." Keith looks up to see the boy shrug, his face blank. "I don't deserve you anyways." A laugh slips out of Lance's mouth, but the laugh turns into a sob and tears fall down his face.
Keith panics, and he does the only thing that he can think of. God, did it have to be so drastic, though?
He quickly walks over to the crying figure and takes his face gently in his hands. In a moment, he finds that he's pressed his lips against Lance's.
It's a wonderful feeling, and Keith wants it to last forever. He wants Lance to stay with him for the rest of his life. He never wants to let him go... Maybe that's why it still hurts so bad to think that he got so close to losing him.
The moment is blissful and passionate, pushing all of the anxiety and guilt-inducing thoughts away, and Keith just hopes that Lance feels the same.
When he pulls away, Keith sees Lance's face and knows that Lance is feeling exactly the same as Keith. His eyes are sparkling, and his mouth is still parted slightly as if he wasn't really ready for the kiss to end. Honestly... neither was Keith.
Then, suddenly, Lance blurts out something that pleasantly surprises Keith.
"Don't leave me, Keith."
Keith lets out a small laugh and sits on the bed next to Lance. "I won't."
Lance's eyes are full of desperation and doubt as he asks: "Promise?"
Keith smiles softly before responding. He knows that it's the truth when he says what he says next.
"Promise."
-o-
Keith wakes up, hearing shouting. He can't identify where it's coming from, and he panics for a moment, confused about where he is until he remembers that he went to sleep in Lance's room. He looks over to the bed and sees that Lance isn't there. Where the fuck is-
A crash comes from behind the bathroom door, and Keith leaps up, pounding on the door. The pounding is fast but not as fast as his heart.
"Lance? Lance, are you okay?" He wonders if Lance can hear the desperation in his voice. He's honestly terrified. What's happening? Did Lance get hurt? Is he trying to kill himself again? Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
The door opens, and Keith feels his heart rate increase even more when he sees the bathroom.
There are shards of glass on the floor and counter, and a huge hole in the mirror, fractures branching from the main break. Lance... Lance is even worse for wear. His face is red and streaked with tears, and blood drips to the floor, coming from his fist in which shards of glass are embedded.
"Lance, what did you do?"
Fresh tears slide down Lance's face as he speaks. "Keith, I- I- I don't know what happened. I was just- and then-" Sobs fall from his mouth, and the boy drops to the floor, his knees landing on the multitude of shards that are scattered across the bathroom.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Keith has to do something. He has to help him.
He rushes towards the boy and wraps his arms around him. This is what Hunk would do, right? Hunk always seems to know what to do, and it's sort of worked until now. Keith tries to be reassuring, but his voice is unsteady. "Breathe. Lance. Just breathe. It's- it'll be okay."
Saying that, though... Keith isn't really sure that it's true.
He helps Lance up off of the ground and leads him to the bed. Then, he makes his way back into the bathroom, being careful to avoid the labyrinth of obstacles on the ground. He opens up the cabinet underneath the sink and finds the first-aid kit that is supplied to every paladin. Then, he makes his way back towards the bedroom, looking at Lance whose face is blank, a distant look in his eyes as tears still make their way down his face. Keith kneels in front of the bed and opens up the kit. He can't help it when his eyes widen at the noticeable amount of bandages and gauze that are already missing. Shit... Lance really... he... shit. Keith blinks, clearing his thoughts quickly, and continues on his mission of cleaning Lance up. He carefully pulls the glass out of the cuts and tries to act like he doesn't notice how Lance flinches when he puts hydrogen peroxide on the wounds. After a final check of the cleanliness of the cuts, Keith gently wraps bandages around Lance's fist and knees, and then looks up at Lance and smiles sadly.
Lance doesn't smile back, and his eyes have a weird look in them. It's almost as if he's not really there.
Honestly, Keith doesn't know what to do. He really, really doesn't. So, Keith decides that the best course of action for him would be to get the others. "Okay, Lance. I'll be right back. I'm going to get the others to help clean up." Then, Keith starts to make his way towards the door but hesitates, remembering what happened the last time he left Lance alone when he was upset. He continues after a moment, however, knowing that there's nothing more that he can do to help Lance alone.
The hallway is quiet, the only sound being Keith's footsteps. He focuses on that sound as to not let his thoughts overwhelm him. He walks briskly but doesn't run. Even though he knows Lance can't see him, Keith feels like he owes it to Lance to walk. Is that weird? Keith doesn't think so... well... not that much, at least.
Keith eventually arrives at Hunk's door and knocks quietly. When Hunk opens the door, he yawns but seems to immediately wake up when he sees Keith's face.
"Keith?" Hunk says, rubbing his eyes. His eyebrows are upturned in concern. "What's up?"
Keith hesitates for just a second before telling him what happened. "Well... there was an... incident... with Lance."
Hunk's eyes go wide, and he seems to pale a few shades. He opens his mouth to speak, but then Keith realizes that he probably worried Hunk with his vague statement.
"He's okay!" Keith says quickly, waving his hands in front of his face. "I just... need some help cleaning up."
Hunk nods and starts to move towards the door, waving a hand to urge Keith to follow him.
The two walk in silence down the hall. Keith isn't sure where they were going, honestly, but he doesn't want to ask. Eventually, they arrive at another door, and Hunk knocks.
It takes a few minutes, but, eventually, Pidge opens the door, a shocked look on their face when they see both Hunk and Pidge at the door. So this is where Pidge's room is...
"Hunk? Keith?" Pidge asks sleepily. "What the fuck are you two up for?"
"It's Lance," Hunk responds quickly. "He's okay. We just need to help... clean up."
"Uh, yeah, sure," Pidge says, still not quite awake. "We should split up. I'll get Allura."
"I'll get Shiro," Keith says quickly. That would be most comfortable for him. He's basically Keith's brother.
"I guess I'll get Coran, then," Hunk states, turning to leave.
Pidge nods at Keith before moving down the hallway in the other direction.
And so, Keith is alone once more, still trying not to panic as he walks towards Shiro's room. He really should hurry up. It probably isn't a good idea to leave Lance alone for so long when he's in such a fragile mindset. Keith knows this, of course. He knows, and he's trying so hard not to let it get to him. Not to let it make him run back to Lance's room and attempt to comfort Lance even though he knows he can't.
Keith knocks softly on Shiro's door, trying not to startle him. He knows how hard it is for Shiro to sleep, now, and he really tries to make it easier for Shiro. He really, really does. It's not like he's very good at it, though. He just doesn't know how to help.
Shiro opens the door, already looking like he's wide awake because, chances are, he was. Upon seeing Keith, he steps outside of the room, letting the door close behind him.
"Keith? Do you have any idea what time it is?"
Keith rolls his eyes slightly at Shiro's dad instincts but turns serious again when he remembers the situation that's at hand. "Yeah, Shiro, but it's an emergency."
Shiro cocks his head when he hears this. His face turns to one of concern. "What happened?"
"Lance had a... mishap..." Keith says quietly.
"Oh, God... Is he okay?" Shiro's hand runs through his hair as he speaks. God... Shiro looks so much older than when he left Earth years ago... it makes sense but...
"Yeah, he's fine," Keith says, despite knowing that it's probably not true. "I just need help cleaning up. I already got the others up."
Shiro takes a deep breath and nods. "Okay. Let's go."
When Keith and Shiro eventually arrive back at Lance's room, the other team members are just arriving too. They don't say anything, simply sharing a concerned look before entering the room together.
Shiro and Allura group up and quickly scan the room for the mess that needs cleaning up. Allura's the one who sees it first, and Keith notices the shocked look on both of their face as they make their way towards the bathroom.
Coran, Hunk, and Pidge immediately swarm Lance, who still hasn't said a word or even moved since they arrived, and bombard him with questions. They ask him if he's alright. They ask him what happened. They ask him why he did what he did. And Lance... Lance doesn't answer any of them. He doesn't even look up. Keith wonders if he can even hear them.
Eventually, the concerned group of three, with hurt looks on their faces, break off to help in other ways. Hunk and Pidge leave to go make breakfast because, obviously, none of them are going to go back to sleep despite it being barely four in the morning, and Coran moves towards the bathroom to help Shiro and Allura.
Knowing that Lance needs someone, anyone to be there for him right now, Keith sits down next to him on the bed and takes Lance's hand in his own. The distant look that Lance has in his eyes coupled with the red tear tracks that cover his face really concerns Keith. He really doesn't want to pester Lance with questions, but... Keith has to know.
"Lance, are you alright?"
The boy looks up at him, and Keith can see that there are tears in his eyes. God... Lance is a wreck. He's completely shattered. How can Keith fix this? Actually... can he fix this?
When Lance speaks, his voice is shaky, tears beginning to fall down his face. "Keith, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened."
Oh, no. Keith has to tell Lance that it's not his fault. He has to tell him that he isn't angry. "It's okay, Lance. Really. It's fine. It's confusing, I know, and I won't say that I understand exactly what you're feeling, but we can get through this. We will get through this. We just have to work together, okay?"
Lance just stares at Keith, looking deep into his eyes, for a moment before breaking down into tears and leaning on Keith's shoulder.
And Keith doesn't know what to do. He just doesn't know what to do. He's never had to deal with things like this before. Never. He's doesn't get emotions. Never has. He doesn't even understand his own. How is he supposed to help? Jesus, can he help? Why did no one teach him how to deal with things like this? It seems slightly more important than geometry or algebra. A life is at stake. An actual human being. An actual human being that Keith loves. Keith loves him so much. And he can't lose him. He can't. Keith has lost so many people in his life already. He can't lose another. He can't. He can't. Does Lance even know that Keith loves him? How can he show it? He... he has to show Lance. He has to prove it.
So, Keith wraps Lance in a hug. He has to show Lance. He has to.
As they sit together, Lance crying in Keith's arms, Keith realizes how much Lance is broken.
God, he's so broken.
But... Keith can piece him back together.
Right?
Well... he can at least try.
He has to.
