Once upon a time there were three bikini models named Sunny, Sandy, and Shelly who posed for pictures appearing in various publications produced by Gruff Enterprises, a company the three of them owned jointly as a limited partnership.
One day this trio decided they needed to go to the beach to work on their tans. And not just simply go, but rather, be driven there in style, for their friend, The Wolf, had offered them a ride in his flashy new red Mustang convertible, a present given to him by a lonely widow in gratitude for the many odd jobs he had performed to her complete satisfaction in every room of her house.
So the three dressed in their beach attire and waited for The Wolf to appear…
…and waited…
…and waited…
…and waited, until they felt they had waited quite long enough. "Really, let's just walk there!" decided Shelly, flipping shut her cell phone in frustration after reaching The Wolf's voicemail yet again.
The walk was pleasant enough, until they came to a narrow footbridge, under which there lived an ugly old troll. This highly unpleasant individual was busy muttering to himself as he pounded away on his computer keyboard, posting obnoxious comments all over the internet, trying to make other people feel bad in an effort to make himself feel good, or at least, slightly less miserable. However, the three damsels knew nothing about him, and thus blissfully proceeded without any premonition of danger.
The first Gruff Girl, Sunny started to cross, flip-flop, flip-flop, looking stunning in her bikini, which depicted happy fish swimming in the deep blue sea, while under one arm she carried an enormous beach ball, showing cheerful suns shining in the clear blue sky. But she only made it halfway before…
"Who's that flip-flopping across my bridge!" roared the troll, jumping up to block her way. "What do you think you're doing, sneaking across my bridge without paying?"
"I wasn't sneaking; truly I wasn't," protested Sunny. "And I'm really sorry, but I didn't realize this was a troll bridge at all!"
"Well, it is, and you'd better pay up, or else you'll be in big trouble!'
Sunny started to check her pockets, before remembering her bikini did not have any. All she had with her was her beach ball, which she suspected the troll would not be willing to accept in lieu of payment. "Won't you bend the rules just this once and let me cross for free, Mr. Troll?"
"No, I won't!" yelled the troll angrily, and, while Sunny stared in open-mouthed astonishment at his rude behavior, he quickly twirled a rope around and around her, tying her legs together and her arms against her side. Plop, inside her mouth he stuffed a dirty old rag and around her mouth he tied another.
"Mpfff!" said Sunny in disbelief.
The troll kicked her beach ball off the bridge, lifted Sunny up, and carried her down to the bottom of the ravine. He used more rope to bind her to one of the bridge supports, where poor Sunny could only struggle vainly to get loose as she went, "Mpfff!" plaintively and repeatedly, and think about how much more pleasant it would be at the beach.
The second Gruff Girl, Shelly, then started to cross, flip-flop, flip-flop, looking incredible in her bikini, which was colored two separate shades of green and one of yellow in curving broad swaths, while in one hand she held a bottle of coconut-scented sunscreen, SPF 40, and in her other hand a wide-brimmed hat with a long, blue ribbon that fluttered lightly in the gentle breeze. But she only made it halfway before…
"Who's that flip-flopping across my bridge!" roared the troll, jumping up to block her way. "What do you think you're doing, sneaking across my bridge without paying?"
"This is not your bridge," Shelly informed him primly. "It was built using our tax dollars for the free use of anyone who wishes to cross, which, if you would be kind enough to step to one side, I will be able to continue doing."
"It is so my bridge," roared the troll furiously, and, as Shelly stared in open-mouthed astonishment at his bad-tempered behavior, he quickly twirled a rope around and around her, tying her legs together and her arms against her side. Plop, inside her mouth he stuffed a dirty old rag and around her mouth he tied another.
"Mpfff!" said Shelly in shock.
The troll kicked her sunscreen and hat off the bridge, lifted Shelly up, and carried her down to the bottom of the ravine. He used more rope to bind her to the bridge support next to Sunny, where the two of them could only struggle vainly to get loose as they went, "Mpfff!" plaintively and repeatedly, and think about how much more entertaining it would be at the beach.
The third Gruff Girl, Sandy, then started to cross, flip-flop, flip-flop, looking gorgeous in her bikini, which was decorated with red and green chili peppers against a black background with a yellow border, while she held up to her face a tawdry paperback romance, illustrating on its front cover a muscular rogue clasping an antebellum Southern belle seemingly on the verge of escaping from her bodice. But she only made it halfway before…
"Who's that flip-flopping across my bridge!" roared the troll, jumping up to block her way. "What do you think you're doing, sneaking across my bridge without paying?"
"Please don't tie me up!" pleaded Sandy, noticing in alarm the rope in his hands as she lowered her book. "There's another damsel coming along after me, who's much cuter than I am. Why don't you wait and tie her up instead of me?"
"You're just making that up," bellowed the troll accusingly, and, as Sandy stared, open-mouthed, wondering how he knew she was lying, he quickly twirled a rope around and around her, tying her legs together and her arms against her side. Plop, inside her mouth he stuffed a dirty old rag and around her mouth he tied another.
"Mpfff!" said Sandy sadly.
The troll kicked her paperback romance off the bridge, lifted Sandy up, and carried her down to the bottom of the ravine. He used more rope to bind her to the bridge support across from Sunny and Shelly, where the three of them could only struggle vainly to get loose as they went, "Mpfff!" plaintively and repeatedly, and think about how much they would really, really, really rather be at the beach.
"Look at me! Look at me!" crowed the troll, watching his restless captives trying so very hard to slip loose of their bonds. "I've got three bathing beauties in my grasp! That'll teach people to try to cross my bridge for free! Now, what do you say to that?"
"Mpfff," replied the three captives, as that was all they could say.
Flip-flop, flip-flop!
"What, you mean there really is another damsel coming after you?" the troll asked Sandy in astonishment. "I thought you were just making that up!"
"Mpfff," replied Sandy, equally astonished.
"Oh, well, that's one more for me to tie up, then!" The troll bounded up on the bridge.
"Hey, pal, did you see three cute chicks pass this way?"
"Mpfff!" exclaimed Shelly. She recognized that voice – it was The Wolf!
"No, just your ugly face," snarled the troll.
"Mpfff!" all three damsels called out in unison, as loudly as they could, so that of course The Wolf heard them.
"Hey, you ladies doing okay?" he asked, hopping down among them. He wore a black swimsuit and had dark sunglasses over his eyes.
"Yeah, they're doing great," snarled the troll, landing beside him. "Now beat it!"
"No, Wolfy, don't beat it," mpfffed Sunny, giving The Wolf her best pleading look; "untie us, please!"
"Don't worry, baby," replied The Wolf with a wink; "I'll have you free in an instant!"
"You'll have to deal with me first," the troll promised him grimly.
"Oh, yeah?" The Wolf tossed back his head and gave his most frightening howl, which, as he was a wolf, was extremely frightening.
The troll, being nothing but a bully, and thus by definition, a complete coward, took to his heels and promptly disappeared.
"Sorry I was late picking you up, ladies," explained The Wolf, "but, you see, the thing is, I ran into this old friend of mine, and we got to chatting about things and I completely lost track of time. Hey, you know how it is, right?"
"Mpfff," replied the three Gruff Girls, not very pleased with his explanation. They felt they had a pretty good idea what sort of "old friend" it was who had distracted The Wolf from his appointment with them, although they were in no position to complain about it (or anything else, for that matter) at the moment.
"Yeah, now to get you out of these ropes." The Wolf paused in consternation. He now had a far more challenging problem on his paws than dealing with a troll, he realized.
Which of the three was he going to untie first?
