Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, unfortunately. Please rate and review! It would make my day!
"...Because we're not gods, we're humans...tiny insignificant humans...who couldn't even save a little girl!"
Edward's words echoed over the cobblestones and seemed to linger in the air long after the sound of his voice had been reduced to little more than sobs and gasping breaths.
"You should go over there, Sir," said Riza, looking at Roy over Winry's head, her voice low with worry, but with a hard enough edge to it to state that he wouldn't be able to convince her that that wasn't a good idea.
"Why me?" Roy demanded.
"Because he's your subordinate." She answered, pulling out her gun and clicking off the safety casually.
"Okay, okay! I'll go!" said the Colonel, throwing his hands up in a gesture of surrender.
Roy sighed as he walked over to where Edward and Alphonse were sitting. What would he say to the kid? He didn't know the words to comfort him. God, he needed Hughes for this one. Hughes naturally had a fatherly disposition and was close to Ed anyway. All Roy had ever done was make fun of the boy! Sure, he had tried to pull Fullmetal back up on his feet after he and his brother had been kicked out of the Tucker estate, but he wasn't sure if his words had gotten through to him. He had even tried to put Edward back on the right track after that girl, Nina, had died, but all Ed did was run away from him. What was Riza thinking sending him to the kid, Fullmetal hated him! He really needed Maes. Roy looked imploringly in Hughes' direction, but he was to busy with his team to notice. Roy sighed again and before he realized it, his feet had carried him over to the pair. Only Alphonse noticed him.
"Brother..."
Ed didn't even look up
"Brother...The Colonel's here." said Alphonse quietly
Ed's head snapped up and he saw the man standing in front of him. He hastily began to wipe away the tears. Something stirred in Roy's chest, seeing Fullmetal in tears, something that went beyond superior and subordinate, but Roy couldn't place what it was. He knelt down so that he was eye level with the boy. Roy watched as Edward tried to stop the flow of tears, continuously rubbing the back of his hand across his eyes, but a new wave would run down his face as soon as wiped the first away. Roy grabbed his wrist and stopped him. Edward blinked at him in surprise.
"Let them fall, Ed. Trust me you'll feel better." Roy said with a slight smile. Just because he never let himself give into that release that didn't mean others couldn't.
Edward looked even more confused but seemed unable to stop the tears so he hung his head, letting his bangs hide his face. Roy sensed that something was off with the kid, besides the obvious, but knew he would never say it in front of Alphonse.
Turning to the suit of armor beside Edward, Roy said,
"Alphonse, your friend, the girl, what was her name...Winry? She could use some water. Would you get her some from the ambulance?"
"O-of course! I'll be right back..." Al squeaked, getting up with groan from his metal limbs, realizing exactly what the Colonel was doing.
Roy watched him leave before turning back to Edward. The clanking sounds of the young boy's retreat from his distressed sibling sent a wave of uncertainty through the colonel. He was really out of place here. Taking the boy by the chin, Roy forced his head up so that he could see Ed's face.
"Alright, tell me what's wrong."
Edward shook his head and kept his mouth shut. Roy sighed, he knew that the kid was going to be difficult, but he tried again anyway.
"C'mon, just tell me. Are you worried that I'll tell Alphonse? Because if that's the case, you don't have to worry, I won't tell him anything. That's your job."
Ed's shoulders began to shake and finally he muttered,
"...Was so scared...I couldn't even do even anything...How can I...Now I'm gonna fail him...again..."
Roy blinked at Edward for a moment, and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Going to fail who, Ed?" Roy asked, already knowing the answer.
"...Alphonse...He...I destroyed him that night...a-and now he...he's trapped and it's all my fault!" said Edward hysterically, his voice rising to a near shout.
"Calm down, Ed!" Roy said, firmly pressing his hands onto Ed's shoulders; stopping their shaking slightly
But it was too late for that, Edward continued on in the same distraught manner, his tone rising in pitch with every syllable.
"Al wants to repair what's been broken! Al wants to be whole again, and I promised him I would do anything it took to get him back to normal...B-but...but how can I? I-I can't, not when I wasn't even strong enough to save a little girl! I can't fix it...a-and Al…he's...I'll only fail him again! I am not even strong enough to look out for my brother! I'm not sure I have any hope anymore..." Edward sobbed, covering his face with his hands.
There was a sudden movement, and Ed felt himself be lifted from the steps he had been sitting on and scooped up into Roy's arms. He let out a startled squeak and began to struggle.
"Calm down, Ed." Roy said again, though considerably more gentle this time.
Edward obeyed the repeated order, and slumped against Roy's chest, clutching at the man's collar, letting his eyes slide shut. He didn't know where Roy was taking him and he really didn't care. After about five minutes worth of walking, the sounds of the crime scene had reduced a bit and Ed opened his eyes. They had only walked around to the other side of the building. There was a small bench resting against the wall and Roy set Edward down on it before seating himself beside the boy. Edward refused to even look at him, instead choosing to memorize the cobblestones under his feet.
"Ed, look at me." said Roy, turning the boy's face towards his own. "Does Al blame you? For what happened?"
Edward shook his head
"He obviously doesn't feel that you've failed him."
"B-but that only makes it worse! Knowing that I deserve his hatred, but he still finds it within himself to love me...It's just worse!" cried Edward.
Roy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head sadly.
"How can I ever forgive myself...for...for what I've done to him?"
"You need to stop blaming yourself..." Roy began before Ed cut him off.
"If it was that easy, why don't you take your own advice?" snapped Edward.
"What?"
"You can't forgive yourself for all the things you've done...Anyone can see that..." Ed answered quietly. "You drown yourself in work, women, or anything else just to escape, because you don't feel that you can be forgiven...I know...I've seen it..."
Roy was completely dumbfounded, if this kid could see past his walls how many others could? Roy sighed and was about to speak when Edward asked in an almost inaudible voice,
"What do you do?"
"I don't think I understand..."said Roy confused.
"To stay strong...When you can't forgive yourself..."
Roy took in a deep breath and drew Edward against his chest. Ed let out another startled squeak, but didn't move. Placing a hand on the boy's head, for that's what he was, a boy, a scared, guilt-ridden little boy, Roy said in a low calming voice. "I stay strong, because I don't forgive myself. I let all the guilt, all the anger, guide me towards my goals. I don't let myself forget the pain, because if I forget the pain then I will lose sight of why I have set my goals in the first place. Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?" Edward nodded his head, burying his face deeper inside of Roy's jacket. "I have people depending on me, as do you, and neither of us can afford to fall into hopelessness. If you can't find it within you to forgive yourself, then don't. Let it make you stronger, so that way you can look after your brother and repair what you've broken. Don't forget that you became a state alchemist for a reason."
Roy gave Edward a comforting pat on the head and pulled back to have a look at the boy's face. His face was red and splotchy from crying and he looked slightly embarrassed, but more at ease than before, and for that Roy was grateful. Edward hastily wiped the few remaining tears from his eyes and stood up from the bench.
"Well, if that wasn't sappy and gooey I don't know what is...You know, I'm really beginning to think you went into wrong profession, you should have been a motivational speaker, if that syrup sweet speech was of any indication..."
Roy stood also and smirked,
"Well, maybe I'm not such a good motivational speaker, maybe it only worked because I was speaking to such a little kid."
"Who are you calling so small that you that you need a magnifying glass to see him?!" shouted Ed.
Roy smiled. Ed was going to be just fine.
"And besides," said Edward slightly calmer. "Who said it worked?"
"Well, you're not crying anymore, are you?"
Edward blushed a deep crimson color and turned, walking away without even replying. Roy smiled again and caught up to the boy. They walked back to crime scene silence but just before they crossed the tape, Ed grabbed Roy's sleeve and whispered,
"Thanks...Roy..."
"Anytime, Ed, and I do mean that literally, if you need to talk, you can come to me anytime."
Edward just nodded, not trusting himself to speak at first and then said,
"I should go find Al, he's probably wondering if you've kidnapped me or something."
"I don't think I could handle having you as a hostage Ed. I think I would be giving you back within the hour and paying them the ransom."
"Some colonel you are, if you couldn't handle one lone twelve year old state alchemist." Edward said with a smirk as he trotted off to find his brother.
Oh yes, Edward was going to just fine indeed, thought Roy, a smile rather uncharacteristically adorning his face.
