Bark and leaves scratch against my spine, yet, strangely, I feel no pain. "Help me!" I wail, my claws scrabbling uselessly on the stone of the elder's den. The motionless body of Longtail lies before me, twisted and lifeless.
I tried to save him.
He shouldn't be dead.
This shouldn't be happening!
"Help!" I cry again, trying hopelessly to drag myself out of the tree's grip.
"Briarlight!" The voice comes from far away.
"Help!" I moan, my voice cracking. "Please!"
"Briarlight! Briarlight, wake up!"
"What?" I mew groggily.
A paw is shaking my shoulder. I blink open my eyes.
It was only a dream.
I'm in the medicine den. The pungent scents of the herbs swirl around me. The emptiness of feeling in my hind legs that has become so familiar to me reappears. The heaviness in my chest that has appeared over the past few moons makes me cough.
Jayfeather pushes a small bundle of herbs towards me with his paw. "Eat these."
I lap up the herbs. "Thank you, Jayfeather," I mew sleepily, curling back up in my nest.
This shouldn't be happening.
StarClan, take me soon.
The bracken at the front of the den rustles. A warmly familiar scent overwhelms me. "Toadstep," I murmur as I recognize the scent.
The black-and-white tom pads over to me, rubbing his muzzle against mine. "Good morning, my lovely."
"Toadstep," I plead, gazing into the depths of his warm amber eyes. "Why do you bother every day? There isn't any future for us. There won't ever be."
Maybe, once upon a dream ago, there was. I looked forward to getting my warrior name with my brother and sister. I looked forward to curling up next to Toadstep in the warrior's den at night, hunting and fighting with him at his side. I looked forward to moving into the nursery and mothering his kits.
Now that won't ever happen.
Toadstep's eyes flood with shock. "I love you, Briarlight," he whispered. "I thought you knew."
"I do know," I tell him softly. "I love you, too. But there isn't anything in store for us. I'm dying, Toadstep. You must know that."
"We'll just have to make the most of every day we have together," he murmurs, caressing me.
"I can't let you get hurt," I mutter brokenly.
He rasps his tongue over my ear. "Being away from you would hurt me more."
Jayfeather shoulders him away. "Leave," he mews firmly. "Briarlight needs her rest if she's ever going to beat this."
Don't go, I want to beg him. But sleep drags heavily at my eyes, and I watch silently as Toadstep pads through the medicine den barrier.
When I wake up, it's sunhigh. I can hear a soft murmur of conversation outside the den. "Jayfeather?" I murmur.
"Yes?" The medicine cat appears at my side.
"May I go outside?"
"Of course."
I drag myself by my front legs into the main camp. Immediately I'm surrounded by a whirlwind of silver tabby fur. "How are you?" Millie frets, sniffing me all over. "Are you alright?"
"Yes," I purr to my mother. "I'm fine."
Millie sits back on her haunches. The tip of her silver-striped tail stirs the dust uneasily.
"Briarlight!"
The high cry makes me turn. Molekit and Cherrykit are racing for me, tumbling over each other in their haste. "Hey, you two!" I purr as the tabby and the tortoishell skid to a stop.
Molekit pounces. "Watch it!" Millie scolds, sweeping him away with a front paw.
"Leave them be!" I purr, rolling onto my belly as the kits clamber all over me. "I enjoy it."
Millie sighs heavily. "If you insist…" I have to admit I'm impressed by the way my mother has handled my injury. Most she-cats wouldn't be able to cope with seeing their kit like this.
"Where's Toadstep?" I ask Millie as my body is wracked by a cough. Dispite myself, I'm desperate to see him again.
"On patrol," Millie sighs. "With Graystripe and Bumbleflight."
The sky seems to darken a fraction. "What happened?" I ask, twisting my head around, trying to see what caused the sudden darkness. A cloud, perhaps?
"Briarlight!" My mother's panicked voice splits my ears. "Jayfeather, what's wrong with her?"
"What?" I ask her groggily. Suddenly I feel my fur swish against dirt. I fell?
Jayfeather's scent overwhelms me. "I don't know what's happening!" he mews, his panic an echo of my mother's.
"She's dying!" Millie wails.
A crowd gradually forms around me. "Is she going to die?" Dovepaw asked, her voice shaky.
Blossomfall crouched beside me, her fur bristling in horror.
I'm fine, I want to tell them, but I can't get my mouth to move.
Jayfeather pressed his nose into my fur. "I-I can't feel her heartbeat," he mewed shakily.
What? I think, amazed. I feel fine! Honestly, I do! In fact, I feel better than I have in moons…
Jayfeather takes a step back. "I can't do anymore," he choked out. "Sh-she's gone."
Millie lets out a wail and buries her muzzle in my fur. Blossomsplash lets out a long, low yowl of grief.
Feeling thoroughly confused, I stand. For the first time in moons, there's feeling in my hind legs, the heaviness in my chest has vanished. I stretch my back legs each in turn, rejoicing in the familiar sensation.
Then I look down, and get the shock of my life.
I'd left my body behind.
The limp brown bundle of fur lies huddled in the center of camp. She doesn't appear to be moving. Her eyes are closed, her fur glossy in the sunlight.
That limp bundle of fur is me.
The gorse barrier rustles. I turn automatically to it.
Toadstep pushes his way through the entrance to camp, a thrush gripped in his jaws. As soon as he spots the crowd, however, his eyes go wide and the fur along his spine prickles. "Briarlight!" he yowls, his voice ringing with grief, dropping the prey. "Briarlight!"
He races to me. The crowd parts to let him through. He crouches beside my sister. He presses his nose into my cool shoulder.
"Briarlight."
The voice makes me turn, and I almost cry out with joy when I recognize the cat standing before me.
Longtail.
The pale tabby tom is standing before me, gazing at me warmly, almost as if he can see me. His eyes glitter with starlight and the same glimmer is in his paws. "Come with me," he mews warmly.
I look back at my Clanmates. "I'm sorry, Longtail," I murmur. "But…I can't leave. I…I…I need them."
Longtail nudges me. "They'll be fine," he meows. "You'll watch over them, and one day they will join you."
I bow my head. "I know…but it's so hard."
"It was hard for me, too," Longtail admits. "I had to leave the thing most beloved to me in the world."
"I do, too."
Longtail grins. "Toadleap will always grieve for you, but he will find love again, just like Mousefur did."
My eyes fly to his. "Mousefur—!" I gasp. It's hard to imagine the crotchety old elder ever loving any cat besides herself. Longtail nods silently. I turn my gaze back to my Clanmates. "Mousefur has Purdy now," I murmur to myself. "And you're right, Longtail, Toadleap will fall in love again. But give me a minute."
I pad to the cat that I had once thought would be my mate. "Good-bye, my love,"I breathe in his ear, weaving myself around him for the last time and twining my tail with his. "I will watch over you from StarClan always. I love you."
I turn back to Longtail. "Okay. I'm ready."
He turns and leads me along a glittering path, stars spilling from his paws like pawprints. I can feel the promise of warmth and safety surround me, comforting me, almost like Millie did when I was a kit in the nursery. I turn and gaze back over my shoulder at my Clanmates, my friends and my kin, for the last time.
I will watch over you from StarClan always.
I promise.
