The wind was quickening and sprinkles of water rained down from the sky. I gripped her hand tightly as we walked carefully down the hill, down to the river. Her eyes were tight and her back was rigid. I tried to wrap my arms around her waist so she would stop walking, but she hissed at me and sped up.
"Momma?" I asked, frightfully. "Momma, what are we doing?"
"What we need to do." She answered, cryptically. "Don't you trust me, Isa?"
I nodded, feeling a little bit of comfort in my childhood nickname. We stopped at the edge of the river that was flowing more quickly than usual. Momma suddenly bent down and ripped the music note from my neck and gripped it in her hand. I gasped and looked up at her with wide eyes. "Momma!"
"Hush, hush," She whispered, looking up at the sky. "It's time, Isa."
I let go of her hand stepped back, trying to go back up the hill, discreetly. "Time for what? Momma, I'm scared. You're scaring me."
Momma looked at me and shook her head. Her usually bright, inquisitive blue eyes were flat. "Come to Momma, Isa. Come hug your Momma."
I was wet from the rain and slipped in forming puddle of mud. She came forward and picked me up with ease. Momma was strong, I thought for a fleeting moment. But as she swung me up in her arms, she whispered some unintelligible to the sky. I whimpered and squirmed to get out of her arms, resorting to kicking her in the side. She let out a sharp breath and I tumbled to water's edge, where I struggled to get on my feet. I stepped shakily over rocks in a vain attempt at escaping, but I felt to strong arms envelope me. I tried to scream, but Momma clamped her hand over my mouth.
"Hush, Isa, darling." She murmured. "This is for your own good."
I bit her hand as hard as I could, but she held my nose until I had to let go for air. I gasped and trembled, screaming for anyone to help me. Momma clucked her tongue and held me down by my shoulders at the edge of the water. I felt myself slipping down and I knew if she pushed me down any harder, I would go in. I felt tears mix with the rain as Momma stared into my eyes, intently. "You're going to a better place, Isa. Are you ready?"
I yelped and let out a sob, shaking my head at her. "No, Momma, no. What better place? I don't want to go, Momma! Momma! Momma!"
She kept hold of my shoulders and pushed me backwards so that my head was under water. It rushed around me and pulled my hair in all different directions, blocking my vision of the world. I kicked and clawed at her, but I was so little. And she was Momma. I couldn't breathe and my vision was blurring around the edges. Momma was chanting something and concentrating on the sky. I didn't want to open my mouth for fear water would fill my lungs. I didn't think I could go much longer, when a weakness started to overwhelm me. Momma looked back down at me and smiled, softly. It was hard to make out, but she mouthed something down to me. Everything was going dark. What did she say? And as the whole world went black, it became clear what she said.
Heaven.
I was going to Heaven.
I woke up in a cold sweat. I was panting and the air felt heavy around me as I shot up in bed. I looked around, taking in my surroundings and calming slightly when it was clear that I was safe. I wasn't in Phoenix, I thought. Dear God, I'm not in Phoenix. I glanced over at the bed to my right as I caught my breath. He was sleeping soundly, his chest rising and falling in an even pattern. At least someone was getting sleep around here. I kicked the blankets off of me and padded silently into the kitchenette at my left. I stumbled a bit until I reached the refrigerator, before opening it in search of something to comfort me. Frustration became apparent in my system when I saw that all we had were olives and milk. I pulled the milk out of the door and guzzled it straight from the carton. A low light flicked on behind me and I didn't bother to turn around. I knew I would eventually wake him up.
"Nightmare?" He guessed, pulling himself up to sit down on one of the unfamiliar stools that surrounded the island. I raised an eyebrow and swallowed the milk I had in my mouth, before closing the carton and sticking it back in the refrigerator door. I wiped the milk from my upper lip and went to sit down next to him. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder rubbed my arm like a parent. If only.
"It was so real this time," I shivered. "It felt like I was there again. Under water."
He soothingly shushed me, pulling me tighter into his arms. "They'll go away soon enough. You know they always get worse in the summertime."
"It's been nine years and two months," I murmured. "Nine years ago my Mother tried to kill me. That's certainly an anniversary to celebrate."
He kissed my forehead. "Don't think about it so much. We've gotten through this before; we'll get through it again."
"I hate this cycle, James." I whispered. "I just want to forget."
James pulled me into his lap like he used to when I was a child. I accepted the gesture, willingly. "You'll never forget, Bella. When you come to grips with that, you'll start to get better. I promise you."
I let my head stay on his chest. He was the only person I had ever come to trust and in this tiny hole of a hotel room, in his warm arms, I felt at home. This was my home. I finally sighed after a few minutes of silence and pulled away from him. "Will you tell me who was on the phone today?"
I sat across from him now, on the other stool again. His eyes were the same shade of blue as his sister, but they were bloodshot and framed by faint purple bruises. I had been keeping him awake far too long. "I'll tell you in the morning. We'll go to breakfast. Café des Phares?"
I smiled, gently and nodded. "Do you promise?"
He chuckled and stood up, stretching out his arms. "Oh, ma nièce peu. Vous aurez juste à avoir la foi.
He walked over to his bed and yawned, lifting up the covers. He noticed me eyeing my bed and biting my lip in the doorway. He cocked an eyebrow at me, knowingly. "You want to sleep with me tonight?"
I nodded, gratefully. I ran over to the bed and jumped in next to him. He turned off the lamp next to us and looked at me with the eyes of a concerned parent. "You know I'm always here for you, right, Bella? No matter what country we're in, no matter what language we're speaking and no matter who we're with. I'll always love you."
I didn't like the tone of his voice. "Of course I know that, James. You're the only one that's ever been there for me. And you're the only one I'm ever going to trust. Why are you talking like this?"
He shook his head, blonde curls bouncing on the pillow. "Just get some sleep, sweets. Things are going to look better tomorrow."
As I fell asleep next to my eternal protector, I heard him mumble something else.
"God, I hope things look better tomorrow."
We walked the streets of Paris like giddy little children. We'd been here for about six months now, but the excitement never really wears off. On the corner near our shabby hotel, there was a beautiful café that we ate lunch at every morning at promptly eight o'clock. We sat down at our usual table in the sun and our waitress approached us with a sly smile. I watched Uncle James shift before my eyes. He wasn't an Uncle at the moment. He was a man.
"Bonjour, James. Vous cherchez beau aujourd'hui." Our waitress, Emilie, giggled as she ran a hand through his hair. She saw me watching cautiously and dropped her hand in embarrassment. "Bonjour, Bella."
"Bonjour, Emilie. Voir un objet qui que vous plaît?" I teased, nudging James with my knee. He gave her his best smile and winked. I rolled my eyes. He thought he was such a ladies' man.
"Vous cherchez comestibles ainsi, Emilie. L'habituel?" He responded, effectively dismissing her. Her smile faltered, but she kept her expression like a sport.
"Tout de suite." She said before scurrying away. When she was out of hearing range, I gave him a dubious look. He played innocent, switching back over to my playful Uncle.
"What's that look for?" He demanded. I huffed.
"I wish you wouldn't do that to her." I told him. "She's mad for you, James."
He shrugged, looking at the road. "I don't date, Bella. I have you."
I rolled my eyes. "Well, way to make me feel like a thorn in your side."
His head shot up and shook his head. "You know that's not what I meant."
"What did you mean?" I asked, quietly. He sighed.
"I meant," He ran a hand over his hair, fixing it. "That I'm happy with you. Why do I need a girlfriend when I have the best friend in the world at my side?"
"That's not normal," I argued. "Then again, what do I know about normal?"
James picked up a menu, most likely needing to do something with his hands. "New subject?"
I nodded. "Please."
"Do you still want to know who called last night?" He asked, almost reluctantly. I perked up. I had nearly forget about it.
"Oh, yeah," I said, tilting my head to the side. "Was it Laurent? Last time I heard from him, he was in Nice, but I'm sure we could go a little out of our way."
He closed his eyes. "It was your Father."
I froze. "Charlie?"
He opened his eyes and they were sarcastic. "No, you're other Father."
I relaxed little as Emilie silently came over to the table and placed my tea down in front of me. "Why would he call? Is it a holiday or something?"
He sucked in a sharp breath. "No, actually…he wanted to speak with me about…visiting."
I was cautious. "Well, his birthday is coming up, right? I guess we could fly back to the states for a few days and celebrate with him. He must be lonely out there all by himself."
James shook his head, slowly. "No, Bella, not us visiting. He wants you to visit."
I felt panic creep up. I hadn't more than a few feet away from James in nine years. I gulped. "For how long? Will it interfere with our plans for Australia? I don't want to disappoint Kate; we haven't seen her in two whole years."
He took my hands in his. "Charlie wants you to stay with him until you turn eighteen, Bella. There...I said it."
My mouth fell open. "He wants me to stay with him for a whole year? You're fucking with me!"
I started to stand up, but he pulled me back down to stop the scene I was essentially creating. "I told him I'd talk to you about it. Technically, he could legally force you to go with him. You're still a child to the courts."
I slumped down on the table with my head in my arms. "I haven't been a child for nine years, James. I want to stay right here with you. Why does he want me now?"
I peeked up through my hair at him. He shrugged. "He said he wanted another chance at being a Father to you. I guess having step children has opened his eyes. It's probably awakened some gruesome feelings."
I ran a hand through my hair. "Since when does he have step children?"
James smiled at me, knowingly. "We got an e-vite to the wedding last Christmas, remember?"
I mumble. "We probably ignored it because it was an e-vite in the first place. That's like saying 'Well, I don't want you to be there enough to actually call you, but I guess there's a slight possibility that I might want my daughter to see me walk down the aisle.' Besides, last Christmas we were in Spain with Carmen and Eleazer."
He gave me sad eyes. "He's scared, just like you, Bella. How do you think he feels, having a complete stranger as a daughter?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. "That's not my fault."
He nodded, agreeing with me. "You're right. It's his fault. But he's trying to do the right thing by you and I applaud that. I really think you should let the idea bounce around for a few days. You'll see part of the states you've never seen before."
My eyes were pleading. "James, I don't want to go there. I don't want to be anywhere that…she, has been. I'm just…I'm not prepared for that."
I must've looked pitiful, because he spread jam over a croissant and handed it to me, forcefully. I nibbled on it. "Don't you want to know you're Dad just a little?"
"He's not my Dad," I looked up at him through my lashes. "You are."
James smiled at me, softly. "Ain't that the truth?" He murmured.
I shook my head, taking a large bite of my croissant. "I don't understand. Why didn't he just call me?"
"Because he knows I can make anything sound appealing." He chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Monkey brain in China." I recalled, mood lightening now that he was playful.
"Grasshoppers in Mexico," He laughed. "Now, I drew the line at Yak penis in Beijing."
"You made me eat that rat in Thailand though." I pouted, childishly. "You won't eat Yak, but you'll eat a rat?"
He snickered, before holding his hands up. "In all seriousness. Will you think about it?"
I nodded, solemnly. "To the best of my ability. That's not saying that my ability is the best."
He smirked. "Touché, my dear. Now…what do you say we pay our good friend Laurent a little visit?"
After a long day of touring and eating with Uncle James and Laurent, we made it back to our hotel room late. James fell on to his bed and immediately fell into a deep sleep, clothes and all. I smiled, wrapping a warm blanket around him, before taking his cell phone out of his pocket and locking myself in the bathroom. It's sad I don't know my own Father's number. Then again, I've never had anything to say to him. I sat down on the edge of the tub and bit my lower lip, finger hovering over the call button. I finally worked up my nerve and jammed my thumb down on it, lifting it slowly up to my ear. It rang for a total of three times and just as I thought voicemail was going to kick in, someone answered.
"Hello?" A soft, feminine voice answered. I gulped, not only swallowing the lump in my throat, but also my pride. I might not know my Dad from Adam, but he was still my biological Father. Knowing that he didn't want me my entire childhood, but he would just adopt this woman's children kind of twisted the knife in my side a little deeper.
"Hi," I responded, putting together all my courage. "Is, um, Charlie Swan there?"
There was a pause and a crackle, but when she came back, she was pleasant. "No, not at the moment, I'm sorry. May I ask whose calling?"
I felt tears prick in my eyes. "My name is Bella Swan. I'm his…I'm his, well, daughter."
There was silence. I heard her breathing intensify. "Charlie!"
There was a voice in the background. I closed my eyes, feeling a small tear trickle down my cheek. Could I talk to him? Should I wake up James? The woman's voice grew softer but took on a higher pitch, "Charlie, it's your daughter. You're daughter is calling, you're daughter is calling!"
The phone was obviously snatched away from her because a gruff voice sounded in my ear, "Bella?"
I took a deep breath. "Hi, Charlie."
He was quiet for a moment. "How are you?"
"I'm fine, I guess," I mumbled, giving a small, almost hysterical laugh. "Word through the grapevine is that you want me to come live with you."
He inhaled, sharply. "You're Uncle filled you in then, huh?"
I wiped my eye. "Yeah, he did. And frankly, I have to tell you…I'm not too thrilled about it."
He grumbled. "Listen, I know this is awkward for both of us. But Esme and I were talking and…"
"Esme?" I cut in.
"My wife," He muttered. "And, anyway, we decided that it would be nice if you came to stay in Washington with us until your birthday. I'd like to get to know you better."
I climbed into the bathtub and stared up at the ceiling. "Charlie, as far as I'm concerned, this is the best we'll ever know each other. And I'm perfectly okay with that. I'm doing great with James as it is."
Charlie sighed. "I regret not taking you in when I had the chance, Isa…"
"It's Bella!" I snapped, before taking a breath and quieting down. I listened for Uncle James's snoring before I spoke again. "I haven't been Isa in a really long time, Charlie."
He cleared his throat. "Well, Bella, I'd really like to see you. It doesn't even have to be for a whole year. It could just be for a few months, if you'd like. Please?"
I contemplated this. "I suppose, I could…well, I'll stay for a few months. But I'm calling James every day."
I could hear the elation in his voice. "That's great, Bella! Esme and the kids will be so excited."
It was my turn to clear my throat. "Yeah, James told me you had step kids now."
He turned sheepish. "I have three, actually."
Three? Well, that beat the one real kid sitting in the bathtub. "How old are they? And are they boys or are they girls? Or are there both?"
He snorted, almost like a small laugh. "It's two boys and a girl. The oldest is nineteen, then the middle is seventeen and the youngest is fifteen. Emmett, Edward and Alice are their names."
I breathed deeply. "Well, that's just…that's just great, Charlie. I guess we'll hammer out the details tomorrow then? It's getting kind of late over here. I-I'm tired."
"Yeah, yeah, of course." He paused. "Where are you guys' right now, anyway?"
"Paris." I answered, feebly. "Goodnight, Charlie."
He responded, his voice stronger than before. "Goodnight, Bella. I…I'll see you soon."
I hung up and set down the phone on the rug in next to the shower. The lump was creeping up in my throat and I let it have its way with me. Tears flowed, but I stayed silent through them as not to wake James. I'd been keeping him up a lot lately and he didn't need another sleepless night. All I could think of as I cried was…
Did he tell those kids that he loved them?
Bonjour, James. Vous cherchez beau aujourd'hui- Hello, James. You look handsome today.
Bonjour, Emilie. Voir un objet qui que vous plaît- Hello, Emilie. See something you like?
Vous cherchez comestibles ainsi, Emilie. L'habituel- You're looking edible, as always, Emilie. The usual.
Tout de suite- Right away.
I hope you liked the first chapter. It was something I wrote a while ago, but I've decided to continue it, seeing as how I have no other ideas. I pulled inspiration from the book Breathe My Name by R.A Nelson. If you've read it, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, then you're probably confused. If so, google it. Reviews would probably make me update faster, just for the record. Kay? Kay.
