Short little tidbit into Elliot's demons and anger with himself to get me started writing again not much but it wasn't supposed to be. Please leave a review they help with the thinking process. Also if you haven't check out my other stories I have a chapter currently being worked on with my beta (god be with her she'll need it) and will be up soon. Thank yah have a nice day.

Sometimes this feeling hits him. It's just not a feeling of guilt or like any other emotion he's dealt with. This is like being punched in the jaw by a 250 lb 6'3 black man wearing brass knuckles (and he would know) This feeling is what on some days took away the person who he wanted to be and tried to be and turned him into the person he is. The person he tried so hard to forget, tried to keep down inside himself buried to the point he hoped he wouldn't be able to un -bury it. This feeling made him think of all his mess ups, made him think of everyone he's hurt when they didn't deserve it. All the innocent people he killed for a reward, for paper. This feeling made him think of all the people he had to leave behind simply to protect them. His sister who now was probably 17 or 18, his mother who all she got from him to let her know that her only son was still alive was a check in the mail each month with $2000 to help keep the ranch running. This feeling that he had been getting now more and more felt like a scorching cattle prod being placed onto his skin leaving another new scar that he would be able to cover up for a short time until something came up and he felt the same original pain now that he had before. That's why he works with Nate now. Helping people when they have nowhere else to turn. Even this makes him feel guilty simply because he feels like what he's doing makes him feel better about what he's done in the past. He's trying so hard to make things right but yet at the end of the day when he looks in the mirrors he still sees their faces and by now he doubts they will ever go away.