Set just before Crisis Core, attempting to explain some of the complexities of the Sephiroth / Angeal / Genesis relationship. Yaoi, but not graphic.


Who, if not Each Other?

Phone Sick

Sephiroth was pouring coffee when his phone rang. He wandered back into the bedroom, then remembered, and went to retrieve the phone from the pocket of his black leather coat, which had been flung carelessly over a chair in the living room of his apartment. He flipped the phone open and murmured, "Hello, Angeal."

"Sephiroth. Sorry to call so early, but you wouldn't know where Genesis is would you? We were supposed to be training this morning, but he's not turned up…" There was a long pause then Sephiroth's calm voice said, "Hold on. I'll see if he's awake."

Angeal was waiting by the door of the training room. Various Second Class SOLDIERS passed by, many of them giving him surreptitious but respectful glances as they did so. He turned to face the wall abruptly, aware that his hand, holding the phone, was shaking. He felt sick and light-headed. He heard Sephiroth's voice, low, but quite audible, saying, "Gen? Are you awake?" Angeal's heart lurched as he heard Genesis' sleepy reply: "Hmm? Oh, Seph…" Then, in quite a different tone, "Why? What is it?"

"Angeal's on the phone. Apparently you were meant to meet him for training this morning."

"Oh goddess! Angeal's on the phone now? That phone?" Angeal could hear the horror in Genesis' voice, and through his numb shock and slowly building anger, he found that there was still part of him that wanted to protect Genesis. Angeal was astonished at how calm his own voice sounded as he told Sephiroth, "Let me talk to him."

"He wants to talk to you." Sephiroth sounded entirely unruffled. Perhaps he was enjoying himself. If so, it was unspeakably cruel to Genesis. Angeal's heart burned for his friend as much as for himself. When he finally spoke, Genesis' voice was shaky. "Angeal. I'm sorry. I…"

"Gen. Are you okay?"

"Wh – yes – fine – Angeal?"

"So I guess you won't be making training this morning?"

"No. I'm…sorry."

"Okay. I'll see you later then."

"Angeal –"

Angeal ended the call and turned the phone off. He stood still for a long moment, looking at the phone in his hand, seeing nothing. Then he slammed open the training room door, and stormed in. It might only be a holographic projection of a monster he would be fighting now, but he badly needed to kill something.

Genesis let Sephiroth's phone fall onto the black sheets and hid his face in his hands. He let out a sigh that was almost a groan. When he finally looked up at Sephiroth, his face was white, his blue eyes blazing. "Why did you do that?" Sephiroth looked at Genesis. He allowed no trace of triumph to reveal itself in his expression, no hint of amusement, although he felt both. With his usual deadly, instinctive precision, Sephiroth knew that to show either would repel Genesis. Instead he opted for the passionate intensity of feeling he knew Genesis would not be able to resist. "Gen, he had to know! It's better like this – at the start. What if he found out later, and knew we'd kept it from him? Surely that would be worse?"

"But – I would have told him! I should have told him, face to face."

"I know." Sephiroth sat on the edge of the bed and took Genesis's beautiful face in his hands, gently. "But Gen, it's happened." Genesis did not meet Sephiroth's gaze. "You made it happen," he said. Sephiroth shook his head. "It had to happen." Genesis put his hands over Sephiroth's, but did not push them away. Rather, he gripped them, as though he were drowning, as though Sephiroth could save him. "You could've said you hadn't seen me."

"And started this with a lie?" Sephiroth murmured.

"This?" Genesis looked into Sephiroth's eyes then. Sephiroth smiled and kissed him, and Genesis was lost.

For two days Genesis avoided Angeal, spending most of his time in Sephiroth's rooms. He knew he was being a coward, but Angeal's voice on the phone had sounded so hurt, and yet so sympathetic, that he felt stabbing guilt whenever he thought of it. He replayed the scene in his mind over and over, and it never got any better. What could he say to Angeal when they met? He had discussed it with Sephiroth of course, much later that same day, when they had finally got out of bed. Sephiroth had been calm and sensible and had told him that Angeal would understand. "He's your friend Gen. He'll still be your friend. You know, when you two joined ShinRa and began your swift rise through the ranks I was jealous of how close you were. But this is different. Angeal never felt like this about you, did he? And I know there have been girls, from time to time."

"I don't know. Yes, he's had dates with girls. But nothing lasted. And there was a time when I thought – maybe…"

"And did you ever feel like this about him?" Sephiroth had let his genuine jealousy show for a moment then, just adding an edge to his tone that had made Genesis shiver. "I…don't…" Genesis had been unable to put his feelings into words. There was no quotation from Loveless to cover these mixed emotions. In the end he had shaken his head. "Not like this," he'd replied. Then Sephiroth had kissed him again, and he'd been unable to think anything coherent for some time.

Now Genesis stood outside Angeal's door, his heart beating fast. He had to see his friend – to explain. He raised his hand – hesitated – knocked. Angeal opened the door and stood looking at Genesis. At last he said, "You'd better come in." As soon as he was through the door, Gensis said, "I'm sorry, Angeal. On the phone – that was awful – I didn't want it to be like that."

"I know. It was Sephiroth." Better to say the name quickly, like pulling a dislocated bone straight, and get the inevitable pain over with. Genesis shook his head, red hair gleaming under the artificial lights. "Don't blame Sephiroth."

"Do you love him?" Angeal hated asking the question.

"I don't know. It's not simple."

"It should be!" Angeal suddenly found that he was furious. Genesis took an involuntary step back. "It should be the simplest thing in the world."

"But – why do you mind so much? It's not as though you and I –"

"Don't." Angeal's voice was almost a growl. "Don't you dare pretend you don't know how I feel about you! How I've always felt!"

"I…I was never sure!"

"Liar! If you didn't know, why would that phone call have mattered?"

"Then why didn't you ever say anything?" Genesis flung back, his voice unsteady. "Why, when we were both so obviously feeling more than friendship? I waited and waited, and then you kept running to those girls, and every time I wanted to die! And then Sephiroth – it was so easy with him! None of this dancing around the issue, this hidden, burning, painful – oh Angeal! I loved you, and you never - and then in training, Sephiroth just flicked my sword away as if it was nothing, and pinned me against the wall and kissed me, and I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist." Genesis took a ragged breath. Angeal whispered, "You loved me?"

Genesis nodded, miserably. "Did. Do. But it's too late. I'm with Sephiroth now. I can't…"

"If you love me…"

"You don't understand. Sephiroth is too powerful. I'm sorry Angeal. I couldn't resist him." Genesis walked to the door. "Don't…hate me for being so weak." He opened the door, and when he looked back over his shoulder his mako-blue eyes were very sad. "If he'd asked you, you wouldn't have been able to resist him either." He closed the door quietly behind him. Angeal leaned against the wall, defeated. "But he did ask me, Gen," he whispered. "And I said no."


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