1: Being the Captain does not protect you

Author's note: Hi there everyone! Today, in honor of St. Patrick's Day, I bring to you three silly moments aboard the USS Enterprise relating to the age-old tradition honoring those who don't wear green.

Riley: *sneaks up on me*

Me: Sorry, I'm wearing green today. *displays green t-shirt*

Riley: Aw man!

Me: Hey, at least I wrote a story featuring you! That's what you've been begging the TOS writers for!

Anywho, on with the show!


James T. Kirk was not one to celebrate minor holidays.

Sure, he remembered Christmas and his birthday, but little holidays didn't matter. Thanksgiving, July 4th, Backwards Day, Halloween, and that sort of holiday could bother him less. Well, Valentine's Day was a little different, but otherwise, they simply slipped past his consciousness.

Which was why, when he walked onto the bridge one morning and received a sharp pinch on the arm from Kevin Riley, he had no clue what was going on.

"Ow! Lieutenant! What the hell?" massaging his arm, Kirk grilled his navigator, who was now grinning impishly.

"Happy St. Patrick's Day, captain!" he cried. "The day when we all celebrate the Irish. In other words, me."

"What does that have to do with the pinch, then?"

"You made a bad choice this morning, captain. You chose to wear yellow instead of green," Riley continued. "It's a Terran tradition to pinch whoever's not wearing green!"

"…I don't celebrate many Terran holidays, Lieutenant."

"Well, I do!" Riley declared. With that, he pinched Kirk again.

"OW!"