Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer gets credit for her work, the Twilight series. Below in italics is an excerpt taken from the book. I do not own this; I merely wanted you readers to get a feel of what was happening, and to have some reference. I own the storyline, but not the characters, etc. I am not making money off of this, nor do I have contact with the author.
BELLA
It was after lunchtime when Rosalie glided past the bathroom door in a shimmery silver gown with her golden hair piled up in a soft crown on top of her head. She was so beautiful it made me want to cry. What was even the point of dressing up with Rosalie around?
"They're back," Rosalie said, and immediately my childish fit of despair passed.
Edward was home.
"Keep him out of here!"
"He won't cross you today," Rosalie reassured her. "He values his life too much. Esme's got them finishing things up out back. Do you want some help? I could do her hair."
My jaw fell open. I floundered around in my head, trying to remember how to close it. I had never been Rosalie's favourite person in the world. Then, making things even more strained between us, she was personally offended by the choice I was making now. Though she had her impossible beauty, her loving family, and her soul mate in Emmett, she would have traded it all to be human. And here I was, callously throwing away everything she wanted in life like it was garbage. It didn't exactly warm her to me.
"Sure," Alice said easily. "You can start braiding. I want it intricate. The veil goes here, underneath." Her hands started combing through my hair, hefting it, twisting it, illustrating in detail what she wanted. When she was done, Rosalie's hands replaced hers, shaping my hair with a feather-light touch. Alice moved back to my face.
Once Rosalie received Alice's commendation on my hair, she was sent off to retrieve my dress and then to locate Jasper, who had been dispatched to pick up my mother and her husband, Phil, from their hotel. Downstairs, I could faintly hear the door opening and closing over and over. Voices began to float up to us. Alice made me stand so that she could ease the dress over my hair and makeup. My knees shook so badly as she fastened the long line of pearl buttons up my back that the satin quivered in little wavelets down to the floor.
"Deep breaths, Bella," Alice said. "And try to lower your heart rate. You're going to sweat off your new face."
I gave her the best sarcastic expression I could manage. "I'll get right on that."
"I have to get dressed now. Can you hold yourself together for two minutes?"
"Um… maybe?"
She rolled her eyes and darted out the door.
I concentrated on my breathing, counting each movement of my lungs, and stared at the patterns that the bathroom light made on the shiny fabric of my skirt. I was afraid to look in the mirror—afraid the image of myself in the wedding dress would send me over the edge into a full-scale panic attack.
I stared at my dress for a while, brushing my hands across the soft fabric, thinking about what was about to come. I was nervous, more than nervous. Something was nagging at me in the back of my head, but I passed it off as wedding jitters. It had to be wedding jitters. That was the only explanation. Wasn't it? My mind wandered to my best man, and I wondered if I would get to see him before I left for my honeymoon, before I was a different person.
"You'd think I'd be used to telling you goodbye by now." A husky voice said softly from the doorway. I whipped around to face the familiar voice, relief flooding through my body. Jake stood, leaning against the doorframe, entirely too tall to fit comfortably in it. He looked like a russet demi-God, his hair was dishevelled and messy, he was only wearing jeans, which were slung low on his hips, showing off his sculpted upper body as well as the 'V' that disappeared into his pants.
"You made it." I whispered, finally looking into his eyes, which showed a heartbreaking amount of despair.
"I've been headed this way for a while. I was hoping to be able to see you before you were…gone." He choked the last word out.
"I'm glad you came." I said, making the first move towards him. This caused a reaction in him; he came forward, sweeping me up into a hug, grazing his lips across my hair. I buried my face into his chest, breathing his musky, familiar scent into my lungs. His arms surrounded me like a sauna, and suddenly I felt safe, complete. I revelled in the fact that Jake was back and I was in his arms. "How did you get up here?" I asked, pulling back to look into his face.
"A present to the bride, as Edward explained it." He said, sneering as Edward's name crossed his lips. "And I asked nicely." He leaned down to kiss the top of my head.
"That makes me so happy." I replied, feeling tears come to my eyes.
"Don't cry Bella. It's just me. I had to see you; I thought it might be the last time." His eyes were tight as he looked at me. I didn't respond to the question buried inside the statement. He must have had a feeling, because he continued. "Bells, at this point you still have a choice. You've always had a choice. You're always going to have a place in my heart. I am going to love you with all that I have until your dying breath."
I did not deserve a friend like Jacob. He had done so much for me. I stared into his dark eyes, thinking of the past, of how many years he had stood by my side. He looked back at me, and his lips stretched over his broad teeth into an almost bitter smile.
"Jake." I whispered. My voice seemed to have left when Jake walked in the room.
"I have loved you since the very start. I have always stood by your side. I could have had you, Bella. It was the natural progression of things if they never showed up." He tightened his arms around me.
"Bella. You're cutting it close." Alice's small head peeked into the doorway. I looked around Jake.
"Sure Alice, just give me a few more minutes." I replied. She nodded, pressing her lips together.
"Quickly." She responded, and danced away.
"Thanks for coming to see me, Jake, you've completed my day. Will you stay?" I asked, smiling. I saw his whole face drop.
"No, I don't think I can, I'm sorry Bella." He replied, and turned around, "Not knowing that you've chosen this." He started walking out the doorway.
It was in that moment as Jake walked away that everything suddenly clicked into place. It wasn't mere wedding jitters that had me second guessing what was about to happen today. It was what I had wanted ever since the day that Victoria's newborns attacked, and Jake had tricked me into kissing him, that I hadn't realized until now. A gasp from down the hallway sprung me into action, deciding my own fate for once and not being directed to it.
"Jake." I called, loudly enough to get his attention. He turned around slowly, looking like he was accepting a death sentence, his lips pursed and his eyes wet.
"What?" He asked, his voice unsteady.
"Kiss me." I demanded, just like that day on the mountain. He stopped walking, staring at me with his mouth open, questioning my demand, not acting upon it, like he couldn't believe he heard me right. "Kiss me." I said again, and that broke his confusion.
Jake was in front of me without further question before I could process him moving, taking my face gently in his hands. He stared tenderly in my eyes, his brown ones full of love, and so much emotion that if I wasn't receiving it, I would have been uncomfortable looking upon it. This felt so right, in so many ways. His hands burned into my cheeks in the best way, and I closed my eyes, letting myself feel everything. I expected it when his lips met mine, and responded instantly, a fire burning throughout my whole body. The kiss was deepened, our tongues dancing with each other, my heart pounding against his chest. I could barely breathe, but I didn't care. I knotted my hands in his hair, and I felt a rumble in Jake's chest. His hands left my face, encircling my waist and pulling me as close to him as he could. I felt more relieved than I had in a long time, my body relaxing into his, melding into his.
When we finally pulled apart, I stared up at Jake, surprised at myself. He wore a grin on his face, but in his eyes I could still see the longing that I knew was echoed in my own. I knew exactly what that longing meant. What I had to do know was make the right decision. Do I know what I want right at this moment? My head was spinning trying to decide what exactly it was.
"What does this mean?" He asked me, taking my hand and holding it against his chest.
"I'm trying to figure that out myself." I replied, and that was the best answer I could give him. "People are waiting to see me married." I looked down at the floor.
"Let me know what you decide, or don't. I'll figure it out." Jake said almost coldly, dropping my hand and extracting himself from me. I met his eyes before he turned and walked out of the room, stomping down the stairs. Alice strode into the room, looking at me sadly.
"You saw." I said quietly.
"I did." She replied, blinking. "I don't approve. But if you think this will make you happy."
I thought I loved both Edward and Jake equally, but now I had to choose which one that I loved more. I had reached a crossroads and I had realized with what had just happened that this was Jake. I definitely loved Jake more, so much more, and it meant not having to sacrifice anything. I was sacrificing so much for Edward to spend eternity with him, and I didn't think that was the way of life I wanted anymore. Actually, I was sure that it wasn't the way of life I wanted. I was going to have to tell Edward, and all of this work on the wedding and the expense was gone to waste. All of the expecting guests had to be sent home. On the other hand, Charlie would be happy, Renee disappointed. I could never make everyone happy.
The weight of what I was giving away was suddenly clear in my eyes. Edward never wanted to change me, he was dutifully against it. I would never get to laugh with the pack. Grow old, have kids or grandkids, see Renee or Charlie again…
I walked down the stairs, Alice following close behind, and found the Cullen's standing at the bottom, staring up at me.
"I'm so sorry." I whispered.
"Bella, we'll always see you as family, no matter what path you choose." Carlisle said, hugging me gently. Esme followed.
Rosalie gathered me up into a tight hug herself.
"You're making the right choice." She whispered in my ear, then stepped back, grinning at me.
"Going to miss you lil sis. I guess I won't get to see how you'll look as one of us and how strong you'll be." Emmett squeezed me hard, knocking the breath out of me. When I looked at Jasper, he was standing farther apart from everyone with his hands behind his back. Sadness was apparent in his eyes, and he merely nodded at me.
I looked around at the family once more and finally walked up to Edward slowly, and looked into his eyes. They were sad, but I expected as much.
"I can't choose this life, not knowing what I want now, Edward. I'm so sorry." Tears started to fall from my eyes. Edward gently wiped them away, resting his hand underneath my chin.
"I love you so much, Isabella Swan. I want what is best for you. If not turning you into a soulless monster is what you want, then so be it. Just know that I will always be here for you, I will always love you, no matter what and I'll be here if you decide differently." He sounded so sad, I couldn't stop the tears. I hated to hurt Edward; it was the last thing I wanted. He was being so selfless about this, he was a much better person than I was.
"I love you too Edward. Thank you." I said boldly, putting my arms around him. He held me until I pulled away. I pulled Edward's ring off my finger and placed it in his marble palm, wrapping my hands around his cold fist. It made me shiver.
"I'm sorry you had to spend so much for nothing." I turned around and apologized again. Esme wrapped me in her arms once more.
"Bella, you are worth every penny." She said softly. She kissed my forehead and let me go. I waved, tears almost blocking my vision.
I went back upstairs to change, where Alice was already waiting. She silently pulled the dress over my head and handed me the clothes I'd arrived in, gently pulling the veil out of my hair. I put them on without saying anything and turned to her.
"Alice, I love you, and you'll always be my sister. I hope I can see you again." I said.
"You'll always be my sister too." She said quietly, and I hugged her too. "I'll drive you home. You can make your getaway, and Carlisle is going to announce that the wedding is off."
"Thanks." I replied.
"Just know that the wedding dress is here if you change your mind. Shower first though." She gave me a small smile. "You smell like a dog." My heart jumped at the thought of having Jake's scent all over me, like he had already claimed me.
I walked down the stairs, and the Cullen family was gone. With tears streaming down my eyes, I turned back to the house, taking one last look.
"Goodbye Edward." I said, knowing he could hear me, and followed Alice into the garage, climbing into Carlisle's Mercedes.
After Alice had dropped me off at home I washed my makeup off and threw a pair of pyjamas on, collapsing on my bed. The tears had not stopped yet, and I buried my face into the pillow, and didn't stop until hours later.
Leaving Edward was a hard thing to do, but I knew it was the right thing. Jake was who I wanted, he should have always been. I mourned for the Cullen's and Edward especially, knowing that chapter of my life was over, but I would miss it so much.
I sobbed, thinking back to Edward's expression, and then Jake's as he stormed out, expecting the worst. As far as Jake knew, I was on my honeymoon right now. I wondered if he ran off again, if I'd ever be able to see him again, if he'd come home.
I padded down the stairs when hunger overcame my need to cry and pity myself for a loss I inflicted. Charlie stared at me silently from the table when I walked in.
"Do you, er, want to talk about it?" He asked awkwardly. I looked at him, and he couldn't keep the smile off his face, but he was trying so hard for me. He had changed out of his tux and was in his lounging clothes.
"I couldn't go through with it." I said, my voice shaky as I sunk down in the chair across from him.
"I heard. Are you sad?" Charlie asked me, still sounding awkward.
"Yes." I replied, playing with a loose piece of plastic on the chair. "I do love him."
"Then why didn't you marry him? You went through all of this, telling me, getting all the preparations done, being fixed up by Alice." He sounded bolder as he gestured to my hair, still in its intricate braids despite my hours of crying.
"I couldn't do that in Edward in good consciousness." I said quietly. "There's someone else."
"Someone else?" Charlie sounded utterly confused, I imagined him sorting through the short list of boys I knew. "Someone that you'd leave your wedding to Edward Cullen for. I thought he was it for you. You did say those very words to me." Charlie sounded amazed, I flinched at his use of Edward's full name. I looked up at him, wondering if I should tell him. I squared my shoulders and mentally prepared myself to tell Charlie the whole story, no matter how odd it was that I was I was sharing parts of my private life with him. I realized that I had almost lost Charlie, and that I had almost thrown him away to live an immortal life with the Cullen's. I almost started crying again.
I took a shaky breath in and waited until my throat loosened to talk.
"It's Jake. Jake's the reason." I said quietly, but Charlie heard me. He made a strangled noise in his throat and I looked up at him. He seemed to be debating something.
"Maybe it's time for you to forget about Jake. He's been gone too long a time and I don't want you to sacrifice your happiness to pine after someone who might be dead." He said gruffly, almost harshly, but then his face softened when he saw the look on my face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way."
"I know Jake has been missing for a while, but he ran away Dad." I replied. I had forgotten that Charlie had been searching for a while, and didn't want to admit it, but the facts were there.
"You never know where he ended up." Charlie protested. "Please don't tell me the memory of him is what had you calling off the wedding and crying up there."
"No. Dad. Listen to me." I stressed. "Something has been nagging at me for a long time, something never felt right but I passed it off as wedding jitters because of how much I didn't want to get married so young. There was definitely something missing from my life. I know Jake has been missing for a while, but when he came back today, to see me before the wedding–" I started.
"You didn't want to get married but you were going to….Jake came back today? The boy is alive? Are you sure?" Charlie shot forward, not knowing which topic to concentrate on. I ignored him and kept going.
"I realized that it was him. He was what was missing from my life. He was what I had my heart set on without knowing. I realized that my wedding to Edward was not what I wanted anymore. It was Jake. It should have always been Jake." I finished, and Charlie stared at me, his mouth agape. "I couldn't go through with the wedding knowing what I really wanted. I couldn't hurt Edward like that." Charlie floundered for a while, his mouth opening and closing like he couldn't decide on the right thing to say.
"Jake's not dead?" He said finally, after a few moments of thinking.
"No. He's very much alive." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. I supposed I should give Charlie a few more minutes before it finally sank in.
Charlie sat for a few more minutes in his chair deliberating before he shot forward again.
"You left Edward for Jake?!" He cried, grinning from ear to ear.
"You better not tell Billy." I growled back at him, shaking my finger.
"Not a word until you tell Jake." He made a zipping motion over his mouth, and threw away the invisible key.
"You better not. I know how you ladies like to gossip. You shouldn't even be allowed to talk to him. You didn't even lock it." I scolded.
"Not one single word until you tell Jacob." Charlie said again, and he sounded excited. "But do it soon."
"I'll do it when I'm ready, Dad. I just broke off a wedding." I replied. Charlie couldn't look happier. He had been pushing Jake onto me since I had started dating Edward – no, since I had met Jake.
"You broke off a wedding. You left a man at the alter" Charlie thought out loud, looking at me.
"I said my goodbyes, Dad. I didn't run off without doing that." I replied.
"Of course, I taught my girl to be polite." Charlie's mouth twisted into a half-grin. "That must have been hard for you."
I suddenly remembered why I was down here, hunger pains rumbled through my stomach. I gripped my stomach, easing the hunger pains away, and stood up, ignoring Charlie's remark, done with the Edward wedding subject.
"What do you want for supper?" I asked, making for the cupboards. Charlie didn't have to worry about not eating right for a while. Rather, I didn't have to worry about Charlie not eating right for a while.
"Aw, Bells I'm sorry. I thought you would be out for a while so I just ordered a pizza. That okay?" Never mind not eating right, he was already off to a terrific start.
"Dad, eating bad already?" I scolded again, Charlie shrugged, smiling up at me. As I thought more about the pizza, it sounded like a better idea. I was salivating so much I could barely keep it all in my mouth. "Okay, I like the sound of that. When is it going to be here?"
As soon as the words left my mouth, the doorbell rang. Charlie slowly got up and answered the door, while I waited impatiently in the kitchen. I heard the door close with Charlie's gruff goodbye and I jumped up to get plates. Charlie set the pizza in the middle of the table and I set a plate at his spot, and the other at mine. I grabbed some paper towel as Charlie opened the box and we both sat down, eating in silence.
Because I hadn't eaten for a while due to my nerves, this pizza was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. It was loaded with the works and extra meat and cheese, just the way Charlie and I liked it.
"You're the talk of the town Bella. People are hoping to get a glimpse of the one person to turn down the Cullen's" Charlie said after a while.
"Huh?" I asked through a mouthful of food.
"The pizza boy, Eric or something was looking around me for you." Charlie replied, staring at his pizza. "I know he's not going to be the last."
"That's exactly why I am not leaving the house for a long time." I said, knowing it was going to be true.
"When do you think you're going to go down to La Push?" Charlie asked, genuinely interested. He knew he couldn't go down to see Billy without letting something slip.
"In a couple weeks maybe, I just want a chance to think about everything." I said.
"I'm glad it was you who made the decision. I'm glad he didn't leave you again." A shudder ran through Charlie, and I felt sorry. He was referring to when Edward left me, and I was reduced to a zombie-like state. He was the one to force me to eat, and who helped my night terrors. I hoped he didn't have to go through that again, but I was eternally grateful. It gave Charlie and me a closer relationship.
"I hope I'm making the right choice." I answered, and Charlie nodded. Without a doubt he thought I was making the best decision. He had always pushed me towards Jake.
We ended the evening by going into the living room and sinking into the furniture, watching television in comfortable silence.
