Warnings: Abusive relationship from the abusers POV.

Notes: Full title is, I Don't Want to Hurt You (But I Don't Know How to Stop). Written for a prompt on Avengerkink on LJ.


The first time, he doesn't mean to hit him. He's just so angry. Tony makes him so angry. He taunts and goads and even when Bruce asks him to stop, he keeps talking. Bruce tries to stop himself. He really tries. He walks away. But Tony follows him. He stops talking back. But Tony still won't shut up. And he's just so goddamn angry. So he hits him.

Tony staggers. His lip is bleeding and he looks shocked. He finally shuts up. It feels good, but Bruce doesn't feel better - the rage is still burning just below the surface. So he ignores Tony touching his broken lip and looking at him with doleful eyes. He walks away.

He feels bad later. When he's had a chance to calm down. When he has the rage under control again. He overreacted. He shouldn't have hit Tony. That was bad and he should apologise.

So he does. He finds Tony in the lab and says he's sorry. Tony just shrugs and won't look at him. He pulls Tony close, runs a finger across the split lip, kisses him and tells him it won't happen again. And it won't. He's better than that. He won't let his anger control him.

Except. He doesn't mean to hit him the second time either. But Tony has delighted in riling him up since the day they met. It had amused him at first, but it only takes so long before Tony becomes successful at it.

A passing comment at the wrong moment, a groping hand when he's working on something important. And suddenly Bruce is throwing Tony halfway across the room and screaming at him. This time the anger evaporates the instant he sees the fear in Tony's eyes.

He runs over and he holds Tony in his arms and he tells him, 'I wish you wouldn't do that.' Tony says he's sorry. And everything's okay again.

Except. Tony's always busy. Tony never has time for him. Tony's always working. Or on a mission that doesn't require the Other Guy. Or sparring with Steve. Tony always makes time for sparring with Steve. He tells Tony he misses him sometimes, but Tony just laughs and says he's been right there. Tony doesn't understand. He's always there, but never there. Tony says they'll spend more time together soon. Bruce shakes his head and walks away. The anger bubbles under his skin. But he's in control this time.

Steve corners him in the lab one day. 'This has to stop,' he says. And Bruce knows this is somehow about Tony. Tony spends too much time with Steve and if anything has to stop that's it. Bruce asks what he means. Steve tells him he knows he hurts Tony. Bruce laughs, because that's ridiculous. Except.

He asks Tony what he said to Steve. Tony pretends to be confused. He asks again. Tony huffs and turns away. Bruce grabs his arm, turns him back and shouts this time. Tony says he doesn't know. But Tony's always been a good liar. Bruce slaps him. But he's in control. He's in control, so it's okay.

Except. Tony looks devastated. And Bruce still wants to hit him. He's not in control. So he stops. He lets go of Tony and he lets the rage take over. He lets the Other Guy come out to play. Because it's not his fault that Tony makes him so angry. Whatever the monster does, it's all Tony's doing.

But the monster is so angry it's overwhelming. The monster roars, then gently picks Tony up, looks at him and carefully moves him out of the way. The monster starts pounding its head against the reinforced walls. It howls and hits its chest. And the anger is so confusing and all-encompassing that the monster passes out.

Bruce feels sick. Tony comes over. He tries to help him up but Bruce pushes him away. 'No,' Bruce says. 'No more.' He can't do this. Tony makes him someone he doesn't want to be. He loves him so much but he doesn't know how to stop and he can't keep doing this. He let the Other Guy out because of Tony. It has to stop.

He leaves Tony. He leaves the mansion. He leaves the country. He never goes back.