"Salim Bradley?... SLYTHERIN!"

The Sorting Chimera announced this. The sorting was concluded.

In the common Room of Slytherin, they welcomed young Salim.

"Hello, Salim," Draco said. "Welcome. I'm Draco. Let's talk bloodlines. What's your family like?"

"Well, my father was Adolf Hitler- you know, the Füherh."

Drago gasped. "My idol! He had the best taste in races. I'm Aryan, myself."

"Yes. I've noticed. And my mother was a Muggle."

"A HALF BREED? HITLER'S SON, A FUCKING HALF BREED?"

"We prefer 'Mudblood'. But anyway, she was Eva Braun, not your typical Muggle."

Draco contemplated. "Well.. I suppose that's not too impure. We can work something out."

"Great. Now, introduce me to your friend here."

"Oh! I almost forgot. Salim, meet Creed Diskenth. Creed, say hello."

"Hello, Salim," said Creed, drinking wine from a thestral's skull. "How do you feel about being Slytherin?"

"Quite pleased. My father was a Slytherin as well. His name's Hitler."

"Yes, I heard."

"Adolf Hitler," Salim beamed.

"Very impressive. You like cats?"

"Black cats, yes."

Creed got hard. "THE BLACK CAT! MY SHINING STAR!"

"I'm sorry... Who?"

"WHO? TRAIN BLOODY HEARTNET."

Draco sighed. "Again, Creed, really?"

"Yes! He's simply perfection. PERFECTION, DRACO!"

"He's a Hufflepuff," Draco explained, "who Creed adores."

"Eternally," Creed sighed.

"Oh. Can I meet this Traincat kid?"

"If you complete these three tasks. First, obtain Sesshomaru's slash fanfiction diary. By nightfall. Tonight."

"But... who's Sesshomarut?"

"That man," Draco said, pointing to the most beautiful seventh-year in all of Amestris.

Salim was taken aback. "Those cheekbones... That poise - that grace! He is my target, you say?"

"Let the games begin!" Hedonismbot cried.