"देख रहा था–जो सुस्थिर हो
नहीं बैठती थी क्षण भर,
हाय! वही चुपचाप पड़ी थी
अटल शांति सी धारण कर।"
-सियारामशरण गुप्त, एक फूल की चाह
"I was watching–as her who was still
Not even for a moment,
Oh! She was lying quietly
With an air of uncanny silence around her."
-Siyaramsharan Gupt, Ek phool ki chah (A wish for a flower)
Hidayat's heart broke into a million pieces every time he looked at her now. Her radiant demeanor had turned sombre. She had changed dramatically, and he was responsible for it.
She was not the Sehmat who used to smile brightly at butterflies fluttering in the garden anymore, the Sehmat who used to grin cheekily while asking her mother for loquat, the Sehmat who was optimistic always. You could practically feel it. She was now the Sehmat who had been forced into war, the Sehmat who was pondering death, the Sehmat who had undergone training as a spy. She was not the same Sehmat whose presence was made known to every corner of the house anymore, the one who was always onto a task with a vigour and a bright smile–She had now turned into the Sehmat who was facing a near impossible, more than dangerous, trying task, all because of her love for her country. Love for her country, which was a part of their family's legacy.
Hidayat the patriot was proud, but Hidayat the father was scared. More than anything, he was saddened. It was harsh to be sending his daughter, his only child, his Sehmat, right into the heart of danger. The guilt was heart wrenching, another stab to his already wounded conscience. He sorely wished he had consulted Teji before making his decision, But Impulsiveness was his fatal flaw, His father had told him so. He acted before thinking. He remembered his abbu warning him multiple times against this trait of his.
Hidaya sighed. He wished he had been wiser, He wished he hadn't imparted such altruism into her, He wished he was a better father, He wished she'd smile again,
He wished he could turn back time, for he had turned his radiant daughter sombre, and he'd give anything to be able to undo it.
