This is my first Nana fanfiction and, for that matter, the first fic I ever write in English. Since my native language is Spanish, I apologize for the incorrect grammar and orthography you may find here and encourage you to correct me in such mistakes.

Without further delays, I do hope you enjoy it.

Be warned: Spoilers ahead.

Disclaimer: Neither Nana nor it's characters belong to me, they all belong to Ai Yazawa-sensei. Otherwise Ren would still be alive and Hachi and Nobu would be a couple.

[~Prologue~]

Nee… Nana… Do you remember the first time we met? Because I believe we were predestined to become good friends, don't you think so? Even now I still believe in destiny and I am certain we will meet again…

I softly sighed while I watched my dear Satsuki sleep and I couldn't help myself to smile. Her face was calm and innocent and a little smile began to form in her lips as she whispered Shin's name in her dreams. I stopped myself from giggling, afraid I might wake her up. It seemed so weird and at the same time adorable the determination she had to one day marry Shin. Just a few days back she had, well, proposed to him; and while the rest of the guys laughed or took it as a joke, but Shin, with the most serious face he could ever managed, had leaned on his knees and taken her hands, never removing his eyes from hers, and promised her that when she grew up he would give her the engagement ring.

I wondered if it had been okay for him to tell her that, but ever since my daughter had been a light bulb of joy, she could have easily illuminated any room she was in with her radiating happiness. My smile grew wider as I caressed her check, moving aside a lock of hair from her face. But as I did so, I couldn't help remembering why her cheerfulness seemed even greater now. Just a few weeks ago she had been so depressed. Of course, she had tried to hide it but I knew better. Satsuki wanted her whole family again, together. Takumi, Ren and I at her side, but we all knew how impossible that wish was… There was no way for Takumi and I to ever be together again and my daughter reckoned that, she understood it perfectly. That's why she never said her wish out loud, she would only pray…

I won't doubt that Takumi loved me, I know he did… but it was in his own particular way, it wasn't the kind of love I needed. I wasn't dense or stupid not to notice how shamelessly he cheated on me, over and over again, I could even assure that at least once he even slept with Reira. But even if I knew that, I always tried not to care, not to think about it, convincing myself that no matter he did that I was somehow special to him… Otherwise, why would he have married me? I gave it my all to try and love him, respecting how his work was above all, trying not to get in his way a being as helpful as I could… But it seems I was never good enough for him… or maybe he's the one who wasn't good enough for me, I don't know.

After Ren's death, our little lie began to shatter, slowly but deeply. It was evident how it would end, but I dared not leave him. Perhaps it was because of Satsuki in my womb or simply because I was scared. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because of you Nana. You suddenly disappeared, without a word, without a trace. We had all thought that you had begun to recover. You already talked and even laughed and everybody was still so overwhelmed by what had happened that nobody noticed how wrong things were until it was too late. Until you were gone.

That time I felt that a part of me had disappeared with you. I felt as if I would never be happy again and somehow I still feel that way. The months passed by, turning into years, and there was no sign of you. I moved to England with Takumi and of course Satsuki and Ren. Eventually there seemed to be rumors of you performing in London. But that was it, they were just rumors. We wouldn't discover anything on you and as time went on my relationship with Takumi had already shattered and began crumbling. We fought about anything and everything and then, we wouldn't talk to each other for days. Every single night I could smell women's perfume in Takumi's clothes and could tell how shamelessly he had been shagging with someone else…

And you… there still were no traces of you…

Eventually I decided that I could no longer go on like that, I had to stop the horrid situation I was living once and for all. And even if hadn't heard a word about you in years, I was pretty certain that you would've approved of what I did.

I placed my cards upon the table and told Takumi I would go back to Japan, while Ren, who overly refused to leave London or even less stay away from Takumi, would stay with him. I knew that it was going to be difficult for Satsuki and Ren, they were like actual siblings, but it was in their best interests as well. They couldn't grow up in such environment, it was just not right.

For once in his life, Takumi actually casted aside his arrogance and pride and begged me to stay, to give him another chance. But in the end, we both knew that those were empty words, promises that would never be fulfilled and I wasn't innocent enough to believe then now.

Even though, after a year of that separation, both living in not only different countries, but different continents, we still hadn't divorced. Junko asked me thousands of time why wouldn't we, but I could only manage to answer her that it wasn't simply worth it. We had already split so, what was the big deal? But truth be told I was scared. I couldn't fully understand the reason, guess a part of me was still in love with that man and the divorce would somehow make this all definite… "real".

Still I don't regret in the very least leaving him. When I was back in Japan everybody received me with open arms, becoming a second family for Satsuki. Once again, I found myself living in room 707 and even though you are no longer here with me, somehow I can feel you around and can't help but looking back to all the things we lived together, along with everyone else who hasn't abandoned me… Junko and Youichi, who have always been ther for me, Yasu along with Miu, who taught me to play Mah Jong, Shin… my dear Shin who still likes calling me mom – although I'm afraid I may actually become his mother in law-, even Shouji and Sachiko are in my life now, after I finally was able to get over everything that happened between us. But above all, the one whose precense has made me the most happy is Nobu, the kind and gentle Nobu, who even though everything that happened between us and all the damage I caused him, still stands beside… supporting me…

I can be honest with you Nana, even if I can't be with myself sometimes. Probably, if it hadn't been because of Nobu, standing right next to me, I would have probably been broken along the way, not being able to stand there with you gone.

I don't regret what happened years ago –except of course hurting him- because all of that has made me who I am now and I finally managed to mature into a somewhat descent person. But I can't help wondering… What would have happened if instead of Takumi it had been Nobu who arrived with me that night? If I had been able to truthfully tell him what I was feeling? But I was selfish, nothing but a selfish coward. Even if I repeatedly said that it was only to protect him, I was only protecting my scared self…

I don't regret my choices, as painful as they were… But I really can't help myself and not wonder… What if?

What do you think Nana?