1-800-AKATSUKI
Because nobody wanted to date the anger management, turrets suffering girl, Sakura Haruno decided to take matters into her own hands. Perhaps calling the number written in the girls' bathroom of the psyche ward was not the best option.
Pairing: SakuraAkatsuki
"And how are you feeling today Sakura?"
Sakura looked up to her therapist, a man wearing a tweed suit, his hair combed haphazardly to the side – a majority of it sticking up at odd angles – and gave him her most innocent look.
"Happy," She said with an akward smile, her mouth twisting to form the expression she rarely used. As it was, she was more used to scowling at people. Her therapist, Kakashi Hatake as his nameplate read, gave her a blank stare – quite the feat with only a third of his face being shown, the rest covered by a wool scarf and eye patch – and shook his head.
"Sakura, I can't help you if you don't answer truthfully."
Sakura's fake smile morphed into her customary frown, the muscles relaxing after straining to maintain the fake expression.
"Why do you care what I say, huh?" She grouched to the man behind his desk. "You're getting paid either way." Kakashi leaned back in his chair, his lone eye situated on her form.
Sakura felt the familiar tingles of a twitch bubbling in her stomach and tried to repress it.
"I really only want to help you Sakura," The silver haired man spoke softly, a hand reaching up to comb through his unruly locks. Sakura felt the twitch growing stronger, her hands fidgeting in her lap, but Sakura clamped down on it. Kakashi noticed her ministrations and stared at her blankly, waiting for the impending "twitch" – as Sakura called it – to happen so that they may continue the session.
Sakura stared back, her face going red with the effort it took to keep herself still.
"Sakura let it out."
She narrowed her eyes at him as her fists clenched in her lap.
"It's really not healthy to hold it in like that."
She breathed out slowly, the air coming out ragged. Her body was shaking from the effort it took to hold it in.
"Saku—"
"DONKEY BALLS! FUCKING HELL, DONKEY BALLS!"
Sakura was embarrassed to see spittle fly out of her mouth and land on Kakashi's hand. For his part, the man made no indication of noticing it to which Sakura was grateful. Despite her resentment towards this man, Sakura had to admit he was the best therapist she had so far. Her last therapist, Orochimaru was a freak she'd be all to willing to forget.
"Do you feel better?" He asked her calmly as her face returned to its natural pale color. She swiped her long pink hair behind her ear and nodded her head.
"Much. Thanks." She said as afterthought, for what she wasn't sure. Perhaps for dealing with her aggressive personality and unruly ways. Sakura would be the first to admit that it took a special kind of person to deal with her eccentricities. Too bad she hasn't found that special person yet. As it was, Kakashi was the closest thing she had to a friend right now.
"Why do you hold in your twitches like that Sakura?"
Sakura scrunched her nose up in distaste.
"Were you not here 5 seconds ago? My twitches scare people and I get enough dirty looks in the hallway already." Kakashi jotted something down and Sakura instantly regretted what she said. Her goal was to be free of these weekly therapist visits, not become a lifetime member.
Her first visit to the therapist happened when she was seven and first suffering from her outbursts. Her parents had no explanation for it and chalked it up to her simply being difficult. But her outburst came frequently and no amount of scolding from her parents could make her stop it. So she was diagnosed with ADD and sent to her first therapist, Hiruzen Sarutobi. He was a nice, very old, very wrinkly man.
But he was understanding and Sakura would forever love him for that. He was the first to realize that Sakura's condition was more than a case of ADD. A visit to the doctors later and Sakura was accurately diagnosed with turrets. Her parents cried a lot after that but she couldn't understand why. That is until she entered high school and learned firsthand just how cruel teenagers could really be.
It was after one particularly vicious bullying session by her personal tormenter Ami that something snapped in her brain. Blacking out she regained consciousness to find Ami laying at her feet, bruised and bloodied, a crowd encircling them.
She, to this day, could not remember what she had done. But that was when kids started shying away from her, groups huddling closer when she passed them in the hallway, and when her cowed demeanor changed to a tougher, wilder one. She was administered anger management after that incident, her principle, Tsunade being quite adamant in the matter.
Personally, Sakura thought she was one to talk. That lady was famed for having to replace furniture as frequently as one would change their clothes.
And now, ten years and three therapist later, here she was talking to a man who had issues with showing his face.
He was staring at her again and she bared her teeth and barked at him. That would be her barking twitch, one of the many she had. After barking at him a few more times she coughed uncomfortably, always embarrassed by her outburst – even if it was just Kakashi – and looked at him meekly.
"May I go to the bathroom?"
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As Sakura sat on the toilet seat cover of the girls' bathroom she pondered on her life thus far. Middle school hadn't been that bad. In fact she had her own little group of friends at the time. Ino Yamanaka being her best friend.
But the entrance into high school had changed everything. Ino wanted a fresh start and hanging with Sakura was considered social suicide to the popular persona she was trying to emanate. And thus Sakura was dropped like a fly, replaced by a girl named Karin.
Sakura still saw Ino at school as they were the same age and had the same classes. But Ino had changed from being her best friend to being one of her worst tormentors. And Karin was always there to egg her on.
After Ino left her, her group of friends started to dwindle until only she was left. But Sakura believed that she wouldn't need them anymore once she obtained the boyfriend everyone spouted about getting once they entered high school.
And she had her sights set on the aloof Sasuke Uchiha. He was a loner just like her and Sakura knew just by looking at him that they were meant for each other.
And so it was with much courage and nervousness that Sakura walked up to Sasuke when he was at his locker room.
She trembled as she looked at him, her mouth trying to form the words she was thinking. And suddenly Karin was there, kissing him, as Sakura stared on dumbfounded. And then her fainting twitch happened and Sakura fell flat on her back, the rest of the school laughing at the weird girl Sakura.
Sasuke stared at her like she was trash as he passed over her and Karin smirked.
Sakura felt like clawing her eyes out.
She took the one boy she wanted and left her pining for affection for the next three years of high school. No one wanted to date the anger management, turrets suffering girl.
Sakura sighed and pressed her palms over her eyes.
Here she was, moping over the woes of high school life in a bathroom. So what if no one wanted to date her. She would find her own man.
Standing up from the seat, she reached forward to unlock the door and stopped.
Written in the corner of the door was a small message, the bold marks of a sharpie standing out against the navy blue door.
Sakura squinted to read it.
Akatsuki men at your service
1-800-AKATSUKI
Sakura snorted when she saw this. But still, she found her hand reaching for her cell despite herself. What would it hurt to give them a call? If anything it would provide some entertainment for her dreary life.
And with that Sakura dialed the number on the door.
"Hello?"
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"What up bitch?"
Sakura pulled back her phone to stare at it incredulously. Yes, she dialed the right number.
"Yo, hoe, speak into the phone. I can't hear a damn thing you're saying."
"U-um," Sakura stuttered out, "Would this happen to be Akatsuki?"
Sakura could hear a scuffle in the background before a new, more monotonous voice replaced the first.
"Who's asking?"
"Well I saw your message on the bathroom door—"
"What did you want? Us to track someone down? Beat someone? Kill them?"
Sakura could feel her eyes pop open wide. Who the hell did she call?
"Um, I think I made some type of mistake…"
There was a pause on the other side of the phone before the first voice came back.
"I know where this is going," the voice chuckled and Sakura felt a shiver run up her spine, "What kind of fuck were you looking for? We have blondes, blues, orange and an abundance of black haired men. I myself have silver bitchin' hair if you were curious."
Sakura could only gape silently at how this conversation was going.
"Oh were you looking for an orgy fest? That's gonna cost some big money, and a lot of beat—convincing on my part, but I'm sure we'll come up with something."
She hung up the phone.
Standing there for a few seconds, she exited the bathroom stall and went to wash her hands. She was interrupted from drying her hands by the soft vibration coming from her phone. She answered it without really thinking.
"What the fuck!" The voice from earlier screamed in her ear. Sakura felt her stomach drop when she realized she'd forgotten to hide her number when she dialed akatsuki. She hung up the phone again, shutting it off for good measure.
Exiting the bathroom she halted in her tracks when she came face to face with a man with lavender eyes and slicked back silver hair. He had a cell phone to his ear and a frown on his face.
"Yo," he growled out, "you the bitch that hung up on me?"
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Sakura stared at the frowning man.
"Ugh…" She drawled out and then felt a twitch surfacing. Rearing her hand back she delivered a solid punch to his chin, sending him to a sprawling mess.
Someone cackled in the background and she whipped around to see Ino. Or whom she thought was Ino. The guy or girl—she wasn't really sure – smirked mirthfully at what just happened.
And suddenly Sakura was looking at him from a whole different angle when she finds herself hefted up to be held perpendicular over the floor.
"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU SLUT!" She hears the silver haired mans voice below her as he holds her over his head like a weight to be benched. She flails her legs wildly and claws at the hands which hold her up.
She can see a black haired man with a swirled mask come from behind the blonde Ino look alike, rush towards them. He impacts with the silver haired man (who grunts at the force) and Sakura feels herself falling backwards. Her head collides with something hard and she loses consciousness.
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"Tobi, you ass. You killed her."
"Tobi didn't mean to Deidara! Tobi just wanted to give Hidan a hug!"
"Well you knocked that whore out too."
"Enough squabbling. Where'd pinky come from anyway?"
"I don't know. I turn a corner to find her punching Hidan and that's it. I think he tried to grope her or something, yeah. Wouldn't be the first time."
"And you didn't see anything Kakuzu?"
"I was busy counting my money."
"You mean the money you swiped off Hidan, yeah."
"He doesn't need it right now."
Sakura felt a pounding ache in the back of her head which she tried to ignore. What she couldn't ignore was the bark that left her mouth.
"Um…the girl just barked."
"God Tobi…you permanently damaged the poor girl."
"Tobi's soooorrrryyy!"
And that's what Sakura woke up to. A masked man wailing on the Ino look a like while a stitched up man counted money and an orange haired man stared at her impassively. They were situated in one of the lounges situated in the psyche ward. The silver haired man was sprawled haphazardly on a nearby couch, while she rested on her own.
"Hello," the orange haired man said calmly, casually, "my name is Pein and currently you are my hostage until Hidan wakes up or I see fit."
She stared at him before jumping up and sprinting to the door. An arm wrapped around her waist and she was again hefted up but this time to someone's (manly) chest.
Said man dropped her down on the couch she just escaped from and Sakura turned to see a black haired man with obsidian eyes and a startling resemblance to her classmate Sasuke.
"Hn," he said softly in perfect imitation to the young Uchiha.
"Who's the chick?" A new voice entered the fray and Sakura looked to the door to see a giant, BLUE, man pass though the threshold. A much smaller, red haired man followed after him.
And suddenly they were surrounding her and Sakura was too outnumbered to fight them back.
Sometimes, in very rare occasions, her fainting twitch came in handy.
Because everyone deserves someone. Sakura deserves multiple someone's.
Just a small two-shot I decided to make. Shouldn't be any longer than that.
The Call-Complete
April 8, 2012
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