A/N: I wrote this story with the permission of the lovely and talented Mrs. Aislinn Graves. She so graciously allowed me to play in her sandbox in the M7 Shadowrun universe she created. If you aren't familiar with it, you should go read both "Fortune's Hostage" and "Initiation." This fic does make a few mentions of some things that were introduced in those stories (*cough* the tattoo *cough*) Oh, and, um, warnings - this has my usual flare for whump, and some sad times, and some fluff, and some good times thrown in for good measure, etc, etc, you all know my style by now, lol. ;)
Shock. Pain. Fear. Darkness. Death. The mind unable to process beyond the damaged body, the body unable to function without the guidance of the mind. Can't move, can't speak, can't scream, can't say goodbye. Hot blood pulsing through scrabbling fingers, cold hands clutching at fading life. One breath, one gasp; two breaths, one shudder; three breaths, one tear; four breaths, one nothing. Lungs fail, systems shut down, eyes slide shut, and only death awaits. A peaceful calm soothes, an invisible warmth comforts, a beckoning lullaby calls, and desperation slips away.
I just have to let go…
"So soon? A little melodramatic, wouldn't you agree? I expected you to go out with more…flare."
Ezra cracked open his eyes only to see a black void. From the darkness, the image of a small red fox swam into focus, and he tried to call out to her but could only produce a sound little more than a choked gurgle. She sat down before him, tail curling around her haunches as she cocked her head in mild curiosity.
"Ooh, Ace, you do not sound good. Here, let me help you with that."
She stepped forward and touched her nose to his for a brief second before brushing her soft muzzle against his lips. His mouth seemed to open of its own accord, accepting the vixen's sweet air being breathed into his body, only this vixen was no longer a fox. Human lips pressed against his in a life-giving kiss, giving him strength and clearing his mind. Gentle hands danced down his body, closing up wounds and taking away his pain. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him up to her; he went willingly, clinging to her vibrant spirit in substitution of his own wavering one.
"There," she whispered against the mouth reluctant to part from hers. "Now you look a little more presentable."
She leaned further away from him and let her eyes roam approvingly down his bare torso. He followed her gaze to realize with sad amusement that she had dressed him in nothing but flowing, white silken slacks. He met her mischievous smirk with an apologetic shake of his head.
"I'm dying, Fox," he admitted.
Her grin grew wider. "Why do you think I went with white? Seemed appropriate given the circumstance."
One of his ears twitched slightly and she looked over his shoulder, seeing bright shapeless forms floating on the edge of the astral plane. His head began to swivel towards them but she caught his chin and turned it back, forcing him to look only at her. The expression on his face – knowing, accepting, willing - infuriated her.
"They're coming for me," he whispered.
She released her grip and traced the back of her hand down his cheek. "Not yet, my dear little tod. I'm not done with you."
He sighed. "Fox-"
Jumping up with startling speed, she gripped his arms with a strength unbefitting of her thin frame, and hauled him to his feet. He swayed slightly and paled as, for only a moment, he reawakened to the agonizing sensations of his lacerated physical body and the violent stuttering of his heart as it tried to thrum out its final rhythm.
"Play with me," Fox cooed into his ear, drawing him back into her spirit world. He hesitated, hearing his name being called by voices seemingly familiar but not quite within memory's reach. "Play with me," Fox insisted again.
Her eyes were bright with a playful cheer, with an exuberance for life that he felt slipping away with each borrowed breath he took. Someone was calling him, someone he knew, felt safe with, longed to answer; but instinct reigned supreme, and he reached out towards her zest for what he knew he was about to lose, for what he would never again regain.
"One more game," he agreed.
"I'll start," she purred with a wink. "You await my arrival with a joyous heart, though when I come, you will never know such pain. I will tear at you, exhaust you, make you cry, make you beg; but when I am through, you will never know such happiness. To receive my blessed gift you must suffer my damaging wrath, and I guarantee that you will thank me for it in the end. What am I?"
Ezra's heart lurched and he stumbled forward, barely aware of her arms keeping him up. An image flashed before his eyes of a hospital, white and crisp, doctors and nurses bustling here and there in a flurry of activity. A woman screamed, the sound a mix of unexpected hurt and pure concentration. Another wail joined hers, harmonizing in an out-of-tune symphony, but beautiful just the same. "Oh, my darling, baby boy," the woman cried, tears of happiness overriding tears of pain; and he smiled as he recognized the voice.
"What am I?" Fox prompted softly, stroking a hand through his hair.
"Childbirth," he gasped. "More notably, my own."
"That's right, my kit," Fox encouraged. "And I knew I wanted you the moment you sang your first tune."
He tilted his head slightly, straining to listen. "Tante Elizabeth…She rang a bell every evening when it came time for supper. I can hear it…"
Fox kissed his head. "But it's your turn, my reynard. Riddle me with your tricks, and then we'll see about supper."
Ezra closed his eyes for a moment and leaned into her warmth while he thought. His mind was foggy, not as quick was it usually was to counter her cleverness with his own. The voices, growing ever louder, were becoming ever more inviting, distracting his thoughts, but he had told her he would play. He would do this one last thing for her. Pulling in a tentative breath, he took his turn.
"I come as guardian to the smallest of docile creatures, and slayer of bravery to the strongest of man. I am safety. I am danger. I am peace. I am fear. I can shelter as easily as I can kill, I can bring joy as easily as I can bring torment. I am fickle yet predictable, forgiving yet vengeful, quiet yet exciting, vast yet suffocating. What am I?"
"This is supposed to be a happy game. Must your mind be on the macabre?" she tsked and held him tighter, keeping his legs from buckling beneath him. "You can only be the beautifully hazardous night."
He nodded wearily before she felt him stiffen suddenly. His voice was wistful when he spoke. "Trevor…he still sounds so young… Though I suppose you wouldn't age after death, would you?" He chuckled lightly. "He wants me to play hide-and-seek. May I go now, Fox?"
"Really? You can hardly call this a proper game with only two riddles. Come now, Ace, you promised," she pouted.
"I did no such thing," he assured her quietly.
She shook her head. "Just because you didn't actually say the word doesn't mean I didn't take it as such. Now pay attention, it's my turn:
"I exist in many forms, sometimes tangible, sometimes evanescent. I am a one-day surprise, or a long-term friend. I can be a blessing or I can be a curse. I can be mastered. I can be ignored. You may reach for me with greedy arms, or you may dread the day you seek me out. I am in the air you breathe, the sun on your face, the love that you feel, and the trust that you earn. What am I?"
Ezra's breath caught in his throat and finally he could hold no more of his weight. As Fox gently lowered him to the ground and settled his head upon her lap, another image danced before his eyes. It was himself as a boy, running through an open field where he tripped and fell, slashing his forehead open on a jagged rock. In his semi-conscious state, Fox scampered up to him and comforted him until help could arrive. Before his return to the waking world, she promised she would come back to him someday with something precious, something he could not deny, and yet something he somehow knew he already possessed.
"You're a gift, in all forms of the word," he smiled, "and you were never once a curse."
She traced her fingers along his hairline in a soothing manner. "And you were a wonderful student."
He sighed and closed his eyes, relaxing into her touch. "Did you bring out the sun?" he asked after a few seconds of silence. "It's warm…"
Fox looked around at the mostly black atmosphere around them and the white shadows that were coming ever closer, but there was no sign of a sun in this world. "Do you like it?" she asked him and felt his head nod beneath her hand. "Then enjoy it, little kit, and tell me your riddle."
He was quiet for so long, still for so long that she began to believe he was unable to answer, but finally, with one deep breath, he opened his mouth to speak.
"If you are lucky, I will kiss you upon your birth. I exist on a quiet beach as you watch the sun rise. I touch you when you sit on the misting shore beneath a white waterfall. I envelope the atmosphere after a passionate coupling with your one true love. Oceans of blood have been spilled in my name. I am what every man desires and too few attain; and if you are lucky, I will kiss you once more upon your death. What am I?"
A small tear formed in the corner of her eye and she wiped it away. "You are peace, dear one…and are you at peace now?"
"Yes," he answered softly. "…Grandmother used to bake cookies made with applesauce and cinnamon… I can smell them…"
"And you will have all of eternity to enjoy them, pet. For now, one more round so we can maintain the Rule of Three. Can you do that for me?"
He laughed slightly and she could hear the way his lungs protested the action. "I thought you and I were made to bend the rules."
She chuckled and shook her head. "And you, my sly pupil, know damn well there are times when they must be followed. Now listen closely, it'll be over soon."
"Promise me, Fox," he pleaded, opening his eyes to look up into hers.
"I give you my word, Ace. It will be the last round, and I will release you from this place."
Satisfied, he allowed himself to relax again as he waited for her last riddle.
"I am defined by blood, but I am not bound by it. I am the tree that gave you life, but I am also the forest in which you choose to grow. In my truest form I give you hope, I give you love, I give you guidance, I give you forgiveness. I will support you, shelter you, protect you, defend you, and I will never forget you. Once you are mine, our bond cannot be broken, even by the strongest force. The ties that bind us will forever be invincible. What am I?"
She felt moisture on her hand and used her thumb to wipe the tear from his cheek. The blank slate that formed the world they currently occupied lit up with living images, memories of all the people Ezra cared about – his mother holding him tight, his childhood friends clambering up trees, his favorite aunt reading him a bedtime story, his grandfather teaching him to drive; she saw his father gifting him with an antique watch; she saw herself showing him the art of magic and a little mayhem; she saw him as Wildcard with his past partner in crime pulling silly, stupid stunts on a rival team; she saw the moment when the grieving, lost, lonely ace found the new deck in which he truly belonged. The others he now ran with – Stud, Ferret, Falcon, DT, Prophet, Lobo – their likenesses soon hid all the others, the years he spent with them standing out as most important above all. She heard a sob and looked down to see his eyes trailing across the memories, taking in all his most cherished moments and trying desperately to hold onto them.
"Family," he choked out. "The answer is family. Oh god, Fox, I was wrong… I don't want to leave them."
"Shhh," she soothed. "Stay if you'd like. You have another riddle to tell."
"I can't," he spat out between breaths that were becoming shallow and erratic. "It's too late…" He blinked his eyes a few times, his head swiveling as he caught the sound of a voice he had missed hearing for so many years. "…Father…?"
His chest stilled abruptly and his green eyes stared vacantly up at her amidst their pools of tears. The white shadows moved in faster, and the weight of his body became nonexistent, his image growing transparent before her.
"Not yet!" she growled at the intruders, and tugged down the waistline of his pants just enough to reveal the image of her animal form forever inked into the flesh at his hip. She pressed a gentle kiss to the painted skin, pulling back as its magic began to glow. His astral body wavered and flickered for a second, then began to solidify once more. The white shadows rushed in, reaching for him, calling to him. Fox transformed back into her true self and stood atop his chest, snapping and lunging at the outstretched arms. Past family or not, they would not take him, not without his blessing. She would fend them off until his chosen family came for him and carted him off to safety; and she had no doubt that they would.
"Just a little longer, Ace," she urged between attacks. "Don't let go…"
~M7~M7~M7~M7~M7~M7~M7~
She crept through the grass slowly, silently, stalking her pray with the stealth of a jungle cat. Patience was pivotal, waiting for just the right moment to strike, that one millisecond when her cautious victim would be caught unawares. She held her breath, kept her muscles taut, resisted the urge to twitch her puffy red tail… and jolted into action the instant opportunity presented itself.
He was ready for her.
Spinning on his heel, he reached out and caught her in mid-leap, holding her small form in front of him at arm's length. She huffed and let her limbs fall limp in his grasp, pinning back her ears in annoyance.
"Come now, Fox, pouting is not very becoming of a lady," he chuckled and tucked her up against his chest. She curled into his arms and smiled as he absently ran his fingers through her fur, looking lost in thought as he strolled through the daisy field. He walked until he reached the shore of a sparkling lake and made himself comfortable against a stone slab. Fox lay still on his lap, content with the feel of his touch as she waited for him to sort through his emotions.
"You tricked me," he said softly after some time passed. She raised her head off her paws and quirked her ears in his direction. He laughed at the wide-eyed expression on her face. "Did you honestly expect me not to figure it out?"
"Figure out what?" she asked innocently as she jumped off his legs, taking a moment to casually stretch out her back.
He shook his head. "The riddle game? You walked me straight into your trap, you knew I'd choose to stay."
She shrugged. "It was still your choice to make."
"And your promise?" he continued.
"I promised I would release you. I never specifically said to whom." She grinned at him. "And you still owe me a riddle."
He shot her a wry smile back. "I never specifically said I promise." She opened her mouth to retaliate but he held up a finger to silence her. "Informing me that you took my acquiescence as an actual promise won't work while my mental facilities are at full capacity. You, my dear vixen, took advantage of my weakened cognizance."
"Naturally," she smirked, "did you honestly expect anything less?"
"No, I suppose not," he wistfully agreed before turning away from her and gazing out at the lake once more.
She cocked her head as she watched him for a bit. "Something else is troubling you."
"You should have seen them, they were so angry," he sighed. "Apparently my noble sacrifice was not accepted as well as I had envisioned."
She placed a gentle paw on his knee. "You died for them, Ace, even if only for a short time. The knowledge that they would get to live on at the expense of someone they loved… A great guilt would lie heavily on them for accepting that trade so readily."
He frowned and skipped a rock across the shimmering water, watching the chaos it created on the otherwise still surface. "Had I known of the turmoil it would cause, I would not have been so willing to accept what I presumed would be my fated demise."
"Why do you think I insisted on keeping you around?" She squinted at him as he arched an eyebrow in her direction. "You honestly suspected I would start the game solely for my own selfish reasons?"
"Yes," he answered matter-of-factly. "You must admit, Fox, you can be a bit…possessive, and your plaything was about to run out on you without your permission."
She shrugged. "I suppose you have a point. I didn't relish the idea of losing you just yet, but I acted as much for you and yours as I did for myself. You all deserve better than that kind of anguish."
He looked at her for a moment, nodding at her words before reaching out to scratch her between the ears. She leaned into the affectionate gesture and closed her eyes, only cracking them open again when he began to speak.
"I am simple in nature, complex in spirit. For some I can never be enough, for others I am worth more than the most precious gem. Sometimes I am expected; sometimes I am a pleasant surprise. I am often hard to accept, more often I am hard to give, but most often of all, I am necessary. What am I?"
"I thought you weren't going to give me your last riddle?" she teased.
"You honestly suspected I would end the game early solely for my own selfish reasons?" he countered.
"Yes," she answered in a tone mimicking his earlier matter-of-factness. "You must admit, Ace, you can be a bit…vindictive, and your mentor did play you against your own incognizance."
He gave her a small nod. "Normally I'd be inclined to agree. I don't relish the idea of folding when I know I can gain the upper hand, but in this instance I felt that my desire to win seemed a bit petty. You already left me the pot, after all."
"I'd say we wound up with equal shares," she winked. "And what better way to say 'thank you' than with a riddle whose very solution is, in itself,gratitude? I accept your thanks, clever reynard, and offer it in return for a well-played game."
She tucked her head in a slight bow, and he returned the gesture before his ear twitched suddenly. "They're calling me," he informed her. "This time I have to answer, no more games."
"I know," she smiled. "Do try not to get yourself killed this time. It makes me have to work harder than I'm accustomed to."
"Woe the day," he mocked with a sympathetic hand over his heart, "but fear not, the only thing I'm apt to die from on this next Run is Mother Hen Syndrome."
"Good," she laughed, "you brought it on yourself. Now go; be safe, my kit, and try to stay out of trouble."
"Never," he promised with a wry grin and a two-fingered salute before he disappeared from sight.
"Never dull," she added as she shook her head with an approving smile. "And that, dear tod, is why you are mine."
La Fine!
