If high school were the one time I wished I could sleep, grad school is the one time I wish I could die.
I chuckled to myself, then deleted what would have been the intro to my NSF personal statement. To be fair, I would have had to add that on the bright side, grad school was the one time I was glad I didn't have a soul. Watching the humans around me get theirs crushed on a daily basis definitely made me appreciate my current state of being. Not to mention that my heart was already made of cold, hard stone, and I had been quite the cynic for almost a century. Like Alice predicted, I was a model grad student.
Unfortunately, I couldn't get my research funded solely based on an affinity for misery and a willingness to suffer, so I pondered the best way to explain why I was here.
Like many of the unfathomable situations I got myself into, the whole thing had been Alice's idea.
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It was a few months after the Volturi left Forks, and most of the family were settling into new routines and new jobs. Carlisle still worked at Forks Hospital, but Esme was going into Seattle each day to work as an interior decorator. Emmett and Rosalie were off to Japan so Rosalie could work for Subaru and Emmett could…well, he would figure something out. Alice was working for a startup in Seattle as a developer for some sort of fashion design app, Jasper was majoring in American Studies at Washington State, and Jacob was finally getting his high school diploma. Bella, of course, was going to college. That left me.
"I want to show you what Nessie showed me tonight." Bella climbed into bed alongside me, her expression soft but her tone worrisome.
"What is it?" I brushed her hair behind her ear, letting my fingers trail across her face in a subconscious but futile attempt to get closer to her thoughts.
"Let me show you." She lifted her shield and I saw the images that Nessie had provided her just minutes ago. There were memories of the two of us hunting, playing in the river, reading. But then the images shifted to other members of the family- Jacob, Jasper, and Bella in school; Esme, Alice, and Rosalie at their jobs. The slideshow came back to me, first dressed as a doctor, then standing in front of a lecture hall, then – I had to laugh – as an astronaut. I saw Nessie about to say something to Bella but the shield came back down, and my own thoughts were all I could hear.
I took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "I see she inherited your distaste for being evasive."
Bella laughed. "She's worried about you. She doesn't want you to miss out on any opportunities because you're taking care of her."
"Did she forget I'm immortal?"
"No, but she just thinks you should get to pursue your dreams too. Besides, you only really get a chance to see her in the evenings when she's done with her lessons."
It was true, Nessie didn't need me to take care of her anymore. (Since she aged so quickly, that was much less of an emotional blow for me than for the average father). I looked away from Bella, once again grateful that she couldn't read my thoughts, since this was a topic I was afraid would come up each time a member of my family went off to achieve their goals.
Jasper had his obsession with the civil war, Bella had always loved literature…each one of them had a special talent or interest that led perfectly into a career.
"What are you thinking?" Bella asked me softly. It was a question that came up so often in this family we had coined our own texting acronym. WAYT.
I sighed. "It's just- everyone else has some sort of fiery passion that's driving them to work in a particular field, and if I haven't figured mine out in eighty years…"
Bella looked exasperated. "Spending a large portion of your life in high school isn't exactly conducive to that, you know?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Well, what issues do you want to solve?" Bella prompted.
"The issue that I'll be able to read Jacob's mind when he and Nessie start – ahh!"
Bella clamped her hand over my mouth. "You know what I mean. How about becoming a doctor? You have the degrees."
I shook my head. I'd gotten my two medical degrees shortly after I'd come back to Carlisle and Esme, after I'd taken my leave of absence from vampire sainthood. "I only got those for Carlisle. I wanted to prove to him that I could be a fraction of the person he was." My voice had lowered to a whisper. "I wanted him to forgive me. I wanted to forgive myself."
Bella squeezed my hand, but swiftly changed the topic, no doubt to avoid hearing me thoroughly berate myself. "Teaching?"
I shuddered, remembering the aggravating fantasies in the minds of the high school students I had not long ago been surrounded by. I shook my head and smirked. "A roomful of teenagers wouldn't be able to handle me."
Bella shrugged. "Fair enough."
"Plus, I think the parents would be a little concerned." True, I had managed not to scare off the entirety of Forks High School, but I wasn't an authority figure and certainly not in charge of anyone's kids. "I mean, forget about my interests. If anything, I need something that doesn't involve too much everyday interaction. No communication with parents, or anyone who might be worried that I don't seem human. Something where abnormalities are overlooked."
Alice's laugh tinkled from across the lawn.
I raised my eyebrows. I'd give her that much- it wasn't something I had considered. "Interesting, Alice," I murmured.
"What is it?" Bella asked, though she knew I would explain.
Alice bounded into the cottage. "It would be perfect, don't you see? It fits all the requirements. Trust me, for once you won't be the weirdest one in the room. And I'm not just talking about the fact that you're a vampire."
"Thanks, Alice."
"What?" Bella asked, more urgently this time.
"And you can talk to Tanya about it, see what her experience has been like," Alice continued.
"Tanya?" Bella looked at me in shock. "Talk to her about what? What is going on?"
Alice gave Bella an exasperated look. "How many times have I told you that I would know the second Edward even thinks of another woman?"
I held up my hands. "Okay, before I find out how many other details of my personal life are being monitored – Alice thinks I should go to grad school."
"Wow!" Bella looked impressed.
"And that'll give you something to mope about!" Alice added helpfully. I saw a disconcerting image of myself slowly grinding a glass beaker to dust with my face pressed against a tabletop. "Roomfuls of breakable items- this will suit you, Edward."
She patted me on the shoulder and slipped out of the room.
"Wait…Alice!" I called. If I saw it in her vision, did that mean I had already-
"University of Washington, Bioengineering," she chirped back.
I lowered my head in defeat, waiting till Alice stopped paying us her full attention before looking back up at Bella. "Well, what do you think?"
"She's right."
"Clearly."
"You know what I mean."
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Most people knew why they were in grad school, or had at least made the decision themselves. Me, I had a sister who predicted my every move. But I was an engineer now, and I could back-calculate.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to review. I haven't read many fics about any of the Twilight characters in grad school, so if you know of any, feel free to forward them along!
