An/ So this is my first story. I don't own anything, and this is going to be a three parter, part two will be ready to post in a few days and the third part will be up as soon as the end of the week. Er, reviewing might be nice. This is a little scary because I never let anyone read what I write, but hey, we can't guarantee that anyone's going to read this anyway so here goes nothing.
Remus Lupin was no stranger to temptation, in fact, he considered himself well acquainted with such things. There was just a certain amount of self awareness a man had to possess when he turned into a full-fledged monster once a month. So when Remus found himself with feelings that were more than platonic for a certain fellow order member, he had to do something about it.
The almost parasitic way Tonks had gotten under his skin was cause enough for alarm. He had felt attraction before but never to this extent. Sure it had started out innocuously enough, a cup of cocoa after patrol here, a conversation over breakfast there and before he could even notice, she had somehow worked herself into his routine. Now he found himself occupying an unhealthy amount of time in her company. It was selfish once he actually forced himself to make an account for it. Here he was, basking in the sunshine that she brought to his life where he had nothing he could really offer her.
It was only natural for him to have feelings like this, he had to remind himself. Tonks was young, beautiful and full of life; any man would die to have a chance with her. But he had to lead himself away from the temptation of starting down a path who could never dream to finish. It wasn't as though these feelings could lead to anything; Tonks was far too special to somehow fall prey to silly inclinations. Remus was sure she would never reciprocate feelings, but it wasn't enough for some reason. Lupin didn't much enjoy having the feeling of hope, it outright terrified him. Though he knew it would never happen, it still seemed like there was a secret plausibility to the idea of him and Tonks that he found disturbing; He needed to add a few more obstacles for safe measure, so in moments of weakness he still would know better than to try.
He had to do something, and whilst it seemed like a long shot, he had an idea.
"You're going to do what?" Sirius choked, spitting out an unfortunate amount of his firewhiskey.
"I'm simply going to try to set her up with Charlie Weasley, I have no idea what's not to understand about that." Remus shrugged, stirring his own cup of cocoa half-heartedly. The Order meeting had ended only an hour before but everyone had been quick to get home due to an impending rain shower, leaving only Remus and Sirius in the kitchen of Grimmauld place. The conversation had started out innocently enough, just Sirius's curiosity about why Remus had asked Molly when Charlie would next be in the country.
"Why?" A red faced Sirius demanded as he fought back another cough.
"Because Bill is dating that French Girl." Said Remus with an air as though it were entirely obvious.
"I'm sure Tonks would be touched by all the thought and consideration you've put into this. What if this Charlie thing doesn't work out, who next? Dung? Or maybe even Dumbledore himself?"
"Don't be silly, she and Kingsley have always had a good working relationship—" He began but was interrupted when one of Molly's left over blueberry muffins was hit him square on the forehead. Remus looked up at Sirius who sat gaping at the weary werewolf like he had sprouted an extra arm.
"You're an idiot." Sirius spat finally after a few moments of pregnant silences. Honestly, what part of setting Tonks up with Charlie was so difficult for him to understand?
"That's a shame to hear coming from the alleged mass murderer who's living in his mother's house." Lupin could feel himself blushing slightly and immediatly lowered his head to avoid his friend's gaze.
"Alleged mass murderer who's evaded capture for nearly two years. Face it Moony, even at my worst I'm still an evil genius." Sirius retorted with a wide smile.
"Evil maybe, genius-doubtful." Remus sighed under his breath, glancing up at Sirius through his hair, not daring to lift his head. If Sirius took offense to this he made no indication as he was encompassed in his own thoughts.
"Remus Lupin—Matchmaker," Sirius said, looking as if he was trying to envision to letter-head or lighted sign, his mouth pulled into a skeptical grin. "Sorry Moony, I don't see it. You ought to stick with teaching and leave this matchmaking rubbish to Molly." He leaned on his chair in a way that James could have managed, but would have been impossible for Lupin to replicate. Carelessness for the sake of appearances had never been Remus's strong suit.
"Well seeing as no school will have me, I'll have to make due elsewhere, and for the record, this isn't about a career option. Charlie's a nice guy who could have plenty in common with Tonks." Lupin shrugged with feigned indifference that was entirely unconvincing, he darted his eyes up to see the look of sheer doubt etched upon his friend's face before setting them permanently on his cocoa once again.
"Sorry, I must've missed it, but have you mentioned what happens to you since, you know, you want to shag her senseless?" He asked, tapping his fingers to him mouth in a rather pompous fashion.
Remus struggled for an answer. If he lied, Sirius probably wouldn't believe him, but if he told the truth, he would have to admit it to himself and that was something he wasn't sure he was ready to do. But in the end, the term 'know thyself' proved too potent to be banished and Remus braced himself for the unpleasant flood of emotions that came everytime he acknowledged his feelings.
"This is much for my benefit as hers. Where there's no hope, there's no temptation." Remus announced, still cautiously weighing this plan in his mind. He felt as the prickle of jealousy and hope simultaniously swelled within him, causing his own body to no longer be safe. He would just have to learn to deal with feeling like this, he'd be longing after her for a long time.
"You just keep on telling yourself that. You'll beg to differ when all the sudden your more lovesick than ever. Godric, you'll probably start eating away your emotions, Molly'll be thrilled. She's always looking for a way to fatten you up." Sirius was almost wistful at the idea, apparently thinking the idea of a round Remus too amusing to pass up.
"I'm glad that you're finding your amusement. I was afraid that you wouldn't be able to bend this for your own pleasure and I know how that upsets you." Remus retorted, still not looking up. Though he intended for the statement to drip with sarcasm, the current conversation left his sardonic resolve lacking.
"No actually, I think I will enjoy this." Sirius sighed listlessly. "The way I see it, this can only go down two ways. Option number one, you do such a half-arsed job that everyone see's through it and you're forced to give up, but not before the entire Order realizes what you're trying to do and then you'll have Molly on your tail."
"And option number two?" Asked Lupin as he scrounged up enough Gryffindor-style courage to look his mate in the eye.
"Option number two will serve you right for being a masochistic, self-sacrificing sod." Sirius smiled with unfailing superiority. "You'll somehow make this rubbish excuse of a plan work, and then you get to deal with the jealousy of watching Tonksie with another guy. It'll eat you alive, and you won't be able to complain about it because you'll be the hands that caused it."
"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence." Remus remarked dryly. "I'm glad to see you think I have it in me."
"You always were good at ruining your own life." He replied with a dark expression that formed into a bit of a glower as Lupin surveyed it.
"What's that face for?"
"James." Sirius said, his face perking just slightly as he kicked his legs onto the table and tilted his chair even further back. Really, Remus thought to himself, did Padfoot have a death wish?
"What about him?" Remus managed to squeak. Whenever James came up in a conversation, it only ever ended two ways and one far more often than the other. Every once in a great while Sirius would take mentions of his old best mate in stride and would remember the good times and use them to help him through the rough days his life was now seeing. Far more often, Sirius would take it as cue to mourn and would do so in the manner he had always dealt with great emotional upheavals-drinking, porn, and sleeping until the late hours of the afternoon, none of which put him in a pleasant mood. But with the sincere smile plastered on his darkened, gaunt face, it seemed like the fates were on Remus's side for once.
"He'd hex you if he were here. Lily would too; I think it'd be the second time she's taken my side. It's like the what's-her-name situation all over again." He let out a strange, low noise that seemed to be a laugh.
"Collette Patterson." Lupin supplied, cringing slightly at the memory. "And this is entirely different—"
"Nah, you're being a self-sabotaging prick, it's more or less the same." Sirius grunted distractedly, apparently no longer fully invested in this conversation. "If you're sure you want to do this-"
"I don't need any help, thanks." Remus interrupted though touched by Sirius's support.
"-what can I do to talk you out of this?" Sirius finished at the same time with a smile.
"Nothing. This plan is perfect. Its all going to go perfect." Remus said, more trying to convince himself. "Everything is going to go perfect." Because for Remus, his heart was on the line, going perfectly was the only option. Or was it? He suddenly wasn't so sure anymore. All of this had sounded so good last night whilst he was racking his brain for solutions to his little predicament, but he was starting to find, maybe he wasn't as ready to give up his pink-haired friend as easily as he thought.
"For your own sake, I hope your wrong." Sirius replied, standing up from the table. "I really hope this is one of the times your wrong." Before Remus could reply and respond, Sirius had left the kitchen and took any comfort Remus had felt with him. All of the sudden, the feeling of foreboding washed over him, letting Lupin know that whilst this was possible, it was hardly going to be painless. Remus was alright with that, he would just have to learn how to stop feeling.
So, comments, anyone?
