Chapter 1

Three months. He hasn't called in three months, and she has to find him in a crime scene with a gun in his hand. She points her gun at him. Esposito and Ryan clearing the other rooms.

"NYPD, put the gun on the ground, hands up." He slowly puts the gun on the ground and raises both of his hands. Espo and Ryan coming into the room, pointing their guns at him.

"Hey, hey, hey, guys. Chill. You know I didn't do this." Beckett looks back at the boys nodding. She steps forward lowering her gun approaching Castle. She turns him around and holds his hands together in his back.

"Richard Castle you are under arrest for murder." She cuffs him.

"You look good." He says trying to turn his head to see her.

"You look good too." She pauses. "For murder."

(…)

"Kate, I swear I didn't do anything, why don't you believe me?" His hands are still cuffed. Sitting on the other side of the table in the same interrogation room he has been in for almost two years, observing how Detective Beckett made every prime suspect admit for murder, this felt different. She was different.

"My name is not Kate, it's Detective Beckett, and you are not answering to my question Mr. Castle. What were you doing at the crime scene with the same gun that killed Sabrina Plummer in your hand?"

"She called me. I went to her house and she was dead."

"Why didn't you call?"

"I was going to!"

"Why didn't you?" She repeats slowly.

"I heard a noise and I thought the killer was coming back! I picked up the gun to defend myself." She looks at him. Not saying anything. "Kate. You know I didn't do it."

"Were you sleeping with her?" She asks ignoring his comment.

"What?"

"Motive."

"No. I was not sleeping with her."

"These two past years, were you following me to see and learn how to commit the perfect crime? How to get away with murder?"

"What? Kate I—" She begins to collect all his documents to put them in her binder.

"Mr. Castle you will stay in this precinct until your lawyer arrives, then we will proceed and move you to—"

"Kate!" She stops moving. "Kate, if you're mad at me, I'm sorry, okay?" She doesn't answer him. Beckett stands up and nods at the police officer that is waiting by the door. He takes Castle by his arm and walks him to the jail rooms. He crosses the bullpen, sending looks to Espo and Ryan. He can't believe this is happening.

They lock him inside one, he turns around and sees another guy younger than him, sleeping. He sighs and sits on the ground his back against the door. And he waits.

(…)

"Castle." He stands up with a jump and turns around to face Beckett. "We need evidence to proof your innocence."

"You believe me?"

"I'm not saying that. But I don't want to put innocent people behind bars."

"I know." He looks down.

"No. No, you don't."

"What?" He looks up at her again, he doesn't understand.

"Castle, you were gone. For three months. You were gone and you didn't even bother to call." She says moving on to the next topic.

"Why would I?" He fires back. "You looked so happy with that police officer or yours… Demming." She doesn't look down. She looks straight at his face.

"We broke up. And I didn't mean it that way. You could have called to ask how things are going around here, to congratulate Ryan on his engagement, to ask Espo how his arm was—"

"Ryan is enga—what happened to Espo?"

"See?" She's not hiding her anger anymore. Even with high heels she has to look up to look at his eyes, but she's fierce and that's what he admires about her. "You would know if you had called. I thought you liked us. But I'm now sure that you would rather spend the summer having sex with you second ex-wife in your house in the Hamptons than being here with us. I hope I gave you enough inspiration during these two last years for another book, because I'm done. We're done." She gives him one last look before turning around and walking away.

(…)

"Richard Castle you are free to go." The police officer opens the door and leads him to the elevator. "I was informed to tell you that you cannot leave your home until notice."

He gets in the police officer's car and he drives him home. When he gets there Alexis opens the door and tells him that she's going to the Hamptons with Martha.

"Okay sweetie have fun." Once he's inside, the officer closes his front door with a goodbye.

He sits down on his couch and picks up the phone.

"Beckett."

"Hey, it's me." He says closing his eyes, glad she answered the phone.

"I know."

"I was told I can't leave the loft." She doesn't answer. "So, I guess you found evidence. Any leads?"

"It's classif—"

"No. Beckett. You don't get to tell me that it's classified. She was my friend." He stands up and walks to the kitchen.

"Castle, there's nothing I can do. Sorry. I will try my best to find the killer, that's all I can tell you."

"Then why did you even pick up the fucking phone Beckett?" He opens the drawer above the fridge and gets out a bottle of Whiskey.

"Goodbye, Castle." And she hangs up.

He doesn't even bother to get a glass, he drinks from the bottle. One gulp. Two gulps. After the third one he needs air. He takes the bottle with him to the studio. He sits down in front of the laptop and opens a new Word document.

He didn't understand why. He had so many questions he couldn't answer. He needed help.

He needed her help.

He sits back and takes another sip from the bottle. He re-reads what he just wrote. His head falls back and he keeps thinking. He needs to get it out.

He wanted her. He wanted her so desperately he was willing to take a cab at 4 in the morning just to knock on her door and see a pissed Detective Beck

His fingers are moving so fast that he doesn't realize he's working on his book. He'll change it tomorrow.

Beckett. He was going to do it. There was nothing stopping him from doing it. Not anymore.

He was shirtless in his sweatpants, he took the first jacket he found and went to get a cab. He was going to tell her. He had to end all of this. This game. This stupid fucking game that almost had him puking. They needed to end it. He didn't know how she felt, but he did know that actions say more than words, and her actions made it pretty clear for him. They wanted each other so much they decided to play the 'let's see who breaks first' game. He lost. He was going to break. He stepped out of the cab and glanced up to her apartment. Her lights were on. When the doorman recognized him he opened the door for him. He went straight to her door and without even taking a second to think about what he was going to say he was knocking on the door.

He drinks. And this time he drinks for two long minutes. His throat is burning but he doesn't care. He needs to drink and imagine an alternate universe where he gets to tell Beckett how he feels. He checks the time. 9:40pm.

"Rook." With only a hoodie on, he can see her infinite legs mid-thigh down. He has seen that hoodie before.

"Hey you found my hoodie." He smiles at her. Trying to relax. He's doing it. There's no going back.

"Did you come here for your hoodie? It's late." Her arms crossed against her chest.

"Are you cold? It feels cold here." He's still standing in the hall but he can feel it. He's not wearing a t-shirt.

"Rook." She says trying to call his attention.

"I love you Kate."

"No—No." She starts closing the door but he stops her putting his foot in front of it.

"It's over. I lose. You win. We ca—"

"No Rook, now really is not the time. I mean it." She looks embarrassed. Why does she look embarrassed?

"Is there someone in your apartment?" He needs to know. And when he tries to go inside the only button he had on of his jacket comes out. He doesn't care. Beckett stops him putting one hand on his chest. She's warm.

"Jameson stop. I don't want to hurt you. Please. Let it go and go home."

Not even in his imagination he ends up with her. He takes another sip of whiskey. 1:31a.m. Time flies when you're writing.

He needs to try again. He stands up after saving the document and picks the phone up.

"Beckett."

"I need to know what the fuck happened to Sabrina. Who the fuck did this, Beckett?!" He was on the verge of tears. He didn't mean to be shouting but he can't help himself.

"Castle, are you drunk?" He is breathing loud. He can tell. But he can't stop.

"Why the fuck does that matter, Kate? I need to know, I need to know who did—who the hell would want to hurt her—" He feels tears starting to fall down his face.

"Rick, Rick, please breathe. We don't know yet. I'm still at the precinct, the guys are coming in early tomorrow, we'll catch him, trust me, we will. But please calm down." He breathes in, slowly. He breathes out. He closes his eyes and sits on his couch.

"I'm sorry." He says still with his eyes closed trying to stop crying. It's ridiculous.

"Yeah, me too." They don't say anything for a brief moment. But she decides it's her turn to speak. "We have some finger prints being processed at this very moment. That's why I'm still here. I'm doing everything I can to catch the guy, Castle. And you don't have to be ashamed to cry. You lost someone. You have every right to be sad—"

"No. I mean, yes—" He interrupts her. "Yes, I'm sad because I lost Sabrina, but no, I don't have the right to be this sad about the loss because I was just fucking her Beckett." He said it. He doesn't expect her to answer to that so he keeps talking. "I met her at a bar, we fucked and she said 'hey wanna do this from time to time?'" He laughs at the memory, tears still burning his eyes. "So I said 'why not?' I was taking some time off and the sex was good, and then one day she calls me and says that she wants me between her legs, and me, that I'm fucking horny 24/7 go to her apartment and find her dead." He laughs again. "The fuck is wrong with me Beckett?" He cries again.

"I think you were in love, Castle." And they stay quiet.