'So I put my faith, in something unknown;

I'm living on such sweet nothing;

I'm tired of hope, with nothing to hold;

I'm living on such sweet nothing;

It's hard to learn, and it's hard to love;

When you're giving me such sweet nothing...'


Emil had heard it all. He was told it every day. Called the same loving names. Darling, babe, sugar, honey, everything. He knew The parson who called him these names cared. Right?

All the time it felt like. He was told he was loved, he was perfect, everything. But it was never truly shown to him. Was he even that sure anymore? It sounded as though he wasn't in love with a man but a broken record. He knew Mathias cared. Damn, that's all the man ever told Emil. But when ever Emil asked why, Mathias changed the subject deflecting Emil's question like a piece of hail bouncing off a roof.

Maybe Emil was being dumb, Mathias loved him that's that. Emil loved the feeling when Mathias said those three little words to him. Emil found it easy to melt in the words. The words pacified Emil no end. But Emil couldn't shake the feeling that the meaning to them was running out.

Emil would further question the words when he had the chance. But he couldn't ask Mathias to show him how much he really cared. Emil just couldn't. Emil knew that if he wanted to be really sure he would have to ask someday but, He truthfully liked where he was. It was bittersweet. Almost like a drug.

Emil felt as though he were suspended. Held by his heartstrings in midair. He wanted to climb up and escape over the cliff but he was scared if he did that his tether would snap and he would plummet into a bottomless abyss.

But it wasn't just that. He loved to be told he was loved. Oh he loved when Mathias would tell him over and over but Emil knew it couldn't keep up either. He wanted desperately to have Mathias show him how much he meant what he said every day.

He knew the relationship couldn't sustain on being desperate. But the only reason Emil was desperate was that he was afraid of the relationship collapsing.

He was gullible too. He hated that. He remembered the day he fell for the Dane. The second that rush hit him he was addicted. Mathias had Emil's heart. Emil knew he could love no one else. The second he and Mathias became a 'thing' Emil was feeding off the warmth Mathias gave him. But Emil expected more of the man.

Not the same words on repeat. Emil wanted Mathias to tantalize him with his body, his heart, his mind. Not his mouth.

Emil needed more than words. Words were empty air. He knew that. But if he knew that then why did his heart beat faster every time he had those words said?

Even if they weren't true. Emil knew the spark the small feeble spark they had was dying. Emil saw how Mathias eyed his older brother. Emil could feel his weak heart smash itself every time he saw them flirt.

Emil couldn't lose the man he worked so hard to love. Maybe Emil had to do something instead of wait for Mathias to make a move.

Maybe Emil had to show Mathias how much he cared. What he would do to make the man happy. What he would do to keep their spark burning.

It wasn't enough to be told what words couldn't describe. Mathias gave him nothing compared to what Emil needed but it was also everything Emil needed.

It was a sick addiction that was hard to break but if Emil didn't break it. It would break him.

Emil decided it, he was going to make Mathias know how he felt and see if Mathias could prove himself in turn.
If Mathias couldn't, Well that's something Emil won't think about just yet.

Emil was going to show Mathias how much the man meant to him.

He was going to show him tonight.