A/N: This story is finished and I am just going to be uploading all the chaps I have one after the other. I plan on adding an epilogue though, especially if I get some feedback from people wanting it..;). Thanks to Carmie for reading and approving this madness xD. It was heavily inspired by Jewel's song 'Daddy' hence the titles and lyrics I used to break it up. I also use 'Charge' by Splendid.
I had been working on this for quite a while and the idea was in my head for a lot longer. I dedicate it to my wonderful friend and biggest inspiration Nick Ransom, who always believed in my stories and ideas and encouraged me to not to be scared to publish them. Nick is a huge PZB fan and an amazing writer too, so yes, this one is for you babe.
My bones are tired, Daddy
I don't get enough sleep
Nothing was inhaling dirt roughly down his throat; it was caking his oesophagus and burning so deeply he imagined the particles being drawn deep enough to pollute his lungs. He imagined breathing in and out steadily until they were filled with it completely, breathing deeply until he was weighed down by the pressure and then on and on until he could no longer draw breath. Nothing didn't think that he could die this way but then he couldn't be sure and that more than anything was what had his guts twisted in a knot of trembling fear. What would become of him if he was left to lay here forever? Would he endure eternally, fleshing sinking in gradually as he starved, his body turning cannibalistic in its survival drive and eating him away to the bones? Would his mind continue to tick away when he had no eyes to see any longer, moisture drawn from them until they withered in his skull?
If he thought of when the bugs might come to feast on him he'd go insane. Those crawling creatures and he had had a long running understand, they would not harm him, crawling over his preternatural skin like friendly comrades if he lay down with them. When he began to rot away, that relationship would end. He knew that, they would eat him alive, push inside every vulnerable orifice of his body and worm through him even as he screamed through mouthfuls of dirt. Nothing closed his mouth and swallowed, wincing at the feeling of the thick ball of dirt sliding down his throat to rest in his belly.
"When you abandon your family, they will abandon you in turn. I'm sorry my baby, maybe one day I will come back to dig you up. You might still be there then in those rattling bones and rotting flesh, my wayward child" Zillah's green eyes were wild, crazed, acid pools that flared with anger and pain. Zillah was hurt and the realisation of that had chilled Nothing to the core. Laying on the dirt beside the grave that Twig and Molochai were digging for him, his nails clawed deep into the earth, blood dripping down between his eyes as he searched those of his father for any remaining love for him.
"Z..illah" he could hardly speak, ribs cracked and aching every time he took a breath to form words. "P...do-on't" Nothing was desperate, his heart racing, body broken. He was like a cornered animal, terrified and willing to do anything to escape but unable to move. Tears streamed steadily from his dark blue eyes, black locks matted with dirt and blood, drooling and bleeding over his chin because his jaw was cracked and he could not hold it closed.
"Please do?" Zillah's foot slammed him in his broken ribs and Nothing threw up the dwindling contents of his stomach. It seemed like he'd been doing that endlessly and it burned his throat viciously each time.
Nothing wailed from low in his throat and dug deeper into the ground, trying to hide himself. Sobbing, chest aching with the effort. This was not supposed to happen, he hadn't done anything to hurt his father, nothing to betray this family. He would never do such a thing to the people he loved. Nothing had only tried to escape with the clothes on his back and a wad of cash that he'd earned alone, seducing men with the fetish for boys who looked like him, for lost boys. He hadn't taken a thing from Zillah, not even the clothes he'd been brought, the jewellery, none of it. Just these black jeans and the long baggy black tank top, a packet of cigarettes and a lighter.
Nothing loved them all and he'd never steal from them, never move against them or even return to New Orleans again if that's what they required. He'd only wanted to get as far as Missing Mile, no plans after that, he'd only wanted to see Ghost and Steve one more time. Even if they'd rejected him, it would be better than never having seen them at all. He'd written them a letter and tucked it safely in his front pocket, all those words of apology that he hadn't been able to say to their faces that night. His father had been dead, or so he had thought, his blood on their hands, all of them facing off, murder in Steve's eyes. In the end, Nothing hadn't been able to do anything. They'd dragged Zillah's body away and parted ways.
It had been 2 years since then. Zillah's body had pulled itself back together right in front of Nothing's eyes, Twig and Molochai with their wrists open and bleeding a seemingly endless fount of life blood down his father's throat. He'd sprung to furious life, kicking and screaming, slashing like a wild animal. He'd kicked dents in the side of the van, screamed and screamed, tearing at his hair and refusing to let any of them near him. Nothing had been terrified in the face of Zillah's fury then and he had stayed that way ever since that night.
Zillah had changed with that night, he'd gotten crazier. His anger was ever present, it bled into everything he said and did like poison. Zillah's handling of Nothing had become unpredictable, often bordering on sadistically cruel. It was like he was constantly receiving punishment for what he'd begun to think of only as 'that night'. He still shared his father's bed, the position that Twig and Molochai coveted in their ignorance, but he no longer knew if he shared any part of his heart. It was true sometimes Zillah was tender with him in his own way, but far too often he left Nothing bruised and bleeding - sex turning into battery. After 2 years Nothing was ready to break, just crazy enough to try to leave Zillah and to find the two men he still considered soul partners.
Only he'd gotten caught.
"The only way you leave us is when I put you in the fucking ground!" Zillah screamed, hovering over his frail form and causing Nothing to use the only energy he had left to tremble. Zillah's forehead was smudged with blood, hands caked with dirt and those long, black enamel coated nails chipped and broken. His caramel hair was hanging in greasy clumps, strips of gold, purple and green fading and growing out. Zillah had refused to let Nothing tend it and even in his misery and fear, he felt a flare of hurt and sympathy for his father's physical state.
"I should have killed the cow I pumped my seed into before I saw it sprout something like you" he was coming apart at every seam, fangs gleaming as his lips split wide in a feral grin. Nothing was sickened but he couldn't throw up anymore. He was spent, wounded and Zillah was going to bury him alive.
When Twig and Molochai had dragged him he'd wailed the whole time, the sound becoming harsh shrieks as they threw him into the pit and his broken form screamed with pain. Zillah had watched in silence, crouched by the edge of the hole as the other two began to shovel dirt on top of him. He gathered up handfuls in his filthy hands and tossed them down. Nothing's tears ran dry as it rained down on him, staring pleadingly up at his father until the sand worked in under his eyelids to cause unbearable pain. Then he'd closed them and the silence in turn had closed in, buried now beneath the earth.
This was his grave, this was his fate and Zillah had given him over to it without a moment's pause. Nothing's heart ached, torn and bloodied with the realisation that his flesh and blood, his father, his lover, his world, cared nothing for his life, for him. Zillah did not love him. Nothing needn't have received such physical punishment because that realisation alone, it was enough to destroy him. He was utterly torn to pieces, he was dead. Nothing would lay here forever and be truly nothing. The terror never left him though, his mind screamed with it until he passed out and every moment it woke to remember where he was.
By the time Nothing could feel weight shifting from his body, dirt dug away and no longer pushing him down, he was too far gone to make sense of it. He was passive and limp as his limbs were pulled from the earth. He couldn't move himself of his own accord anyway, his body was starved and his muscles all soft.
"Nothing" the voice was desperate and full of emotion, calling his name again and again. Nothing didn't want to hear but the noise wouldn't stop. Large yet delicate hands, they stroked at his eyelids, insisting that they stay open and forcing them to see. Dead eyes could not see but the light was burning into Nothing's dark pair. He groaned, head lolling but falling back on an arm that wrapped around him, supporting him.
Nothing blinked and focused his gaze on the shadow that flickered blurrily before his eyes. A male, long dark hair tickling at his cheek, bent over him and weeping, saying his name, calling to him.
"Nothing, wake up now. Open these eyes" he couldn't help that they kept falling closed but he was trying to obey. The voice was so familiar and so full of grief, full of love and feeling for him. Nothing coughed harshly as he vomited a thick sludge over his chin. Those hands were waiting with a cloth to wipe away the filth; they were working on his face too, cleaning him and calling to him.
"You will open them to see an old friend surely? You will keep them open for me Nothing. It's Christian, your Christian, now look at me sweet child" and Nothing began to moan deep in his throat at those words, dried up tear ducts springing to new life and spilling tears down his sunken cheeks.
I'm really nothing Christian, please don't cry over me. Nothing couldn't speak and so he thought the words, staring steadily up at Christian now and taking in all the features that he'd never forgotten in the first place. He was just as beautiful as ever, even more so in his misery and heartbreak. Nothing blinked as Christian's lips came down on his forehead and began to kiss him over and over, it felt so good, so warm and he cried harder, shoulders shaking.
"I found you and so I am going to take care of you, ok? Now you are mine" Christian said to him, voice cracking but warm as his kisses, as the arms that scooped up Nothing's frail frame and carried him from the hole in the ground that his father had left him in. If this was a dream then it was the best he'd ever had.
I don't eat as good as I could, Daddy
What's that say about me?
For a long time after that the only thing Nothing was aware of was the softness of Christian's bed encasing him. He drifted, waking occasionally and in a daze to feel arms around him and the sweet nectar that was Christian's blood dripping into his mouth. The elder vampire tore the limb open for him and guided him to it to drink, each time cradling him so gently and then coming in with his tongue afterwards to lap away any of the blood that he'd spilled.
Nothing would moan pitifully, body conflicted between the pain of its healing and the passion of the embrace, the old blood but Christian was always there to press him back against the pillows and pull up his blankets, to kiss his fevered forehead and whisper softly to him until he drifted into oblivion again. Time seemed endless in this way, until the one night Christian was talking softly to him and he found himself finally able to focus on it, to truly hear him.
"I don't know where they are, I'm sorry Nothing. I have been looking but I fear it really, finding them..I'm old but they, they are crazier than I am old and I haven't the strength for fighting. I don't know what I would say to your father if I found him, if you'd even want me to try..but I.." he'd stopped talking, trailing off and turning his back, busying himself with picking up the few things that were on the floor.
"I don't" Nothing managed to make his vocal cords come to life once more, his voice was still rough but loud enough that Christian jumped to hear it. He spun around, looking on Nothing with wide eyes and dropping the towel that he'd been holding to the floor. Nothing sat himself up, swooning slightly but holding steady.
"I ..d-don't want.. you to try" he stubbornly forced the words out, his body was all but repaired but he still felt so weak, so drained. At the declaration Christian faltered, tucking his long hair behind one ear and shifting his weight. Nothing wondered why now he was keeping his distance this way. Christian had been holding him closely for such a long time and now he stood there so awkwardly.
"You're family" his brows drew together in a delicate and sad expression and Nothing felt his stomach churn. Christian was very old and yet in many ways he was so very naive, he no doubt knew what Zillah had done and yet still he wanted to see Nothing reunited with him. Nothing tried to feel sympathy, to step lightly around with Christian's feelings but he was already shaking with rage, with despair. Zillah had abandoned him, tortured him, he'd left him in the ground to rot forever. They were not family.
"We are NOT!" Nothing's fists balled in the duvet and he shouted as loudly as he could manage, tears springing to his eyes, visibly shaking. "You don't say that again Christian! Don't ever fucking say that again! I'll leave you alone and I'll never come back if you say that again! I'll fucking leave you!" he screeched, hands clutching at his hair. It was longer now, blonde regrowth coming through at the crown; he tugged on it harshly and squeezed his eyes shut against the tears.
When he opened them Christian had moved, he was hovering by the bed with a hand poised over Nothing. His expression was pitiful and full of uncertainty, he didn't know if he were allowed to touch him, after all this time. Nothing wiped at his tears fiercely with one hand and then he reached for Christian's, rubbing his damp cheek against its silken surface. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. He didn't say it; he didn't have to because the elder vampire was already kissing away his tears, licking them as they fell.
"Then I won't. I promise you" Christian said softly, his eyes were so earnest that Nothing cried anew. He felt so pathetic, so weak and alone and Christian was the only thing he had in this world now. His saviour, his angel, just his. He could never hurt this man, this beautiful creature; he would never leave him as he'd threatened. Nothing had nowhere else to go.
"Are you hungry?" Christian asked him, not moving, not taking back the hand that Nothing turned his lips to, kissing it's palm. He clung to the limb, wanting to pull Christian to him completely but without the strength to do so.
"I am hungry" he admitted, his voice taking on a soft whine of need. Nothing's blue eyes glistened with the hunger and he licked at his dry lips, crying out when Christian pulled his hand away from their ministrations. Since Nothing's own teeth were filed sharp, he could have pierced the other vampires skin on his own to drink but Christian wanted to make sure he got a clean tap. He wanted to make sure Nothing could get enough and that filled the frail boys chest with warmth.
Yes please, give it to me, please, I love you Christian. He waited silently; the air thick as Christian raised his wrist to his mouth and bit down into it with an almost inaudible hiss of pleasure or pain. It was dripping steadily as he artfully brought it down to Nothing and the young vampire wasted no time in latching to it. His arm went up around to hold the limb in place, his lips forming a tight seal around the wound and then he was drinking, sucking hard and fast. His pulse raced and he moaned raggedly, swallowing down on mouthful after mouthful of the powerful life fluid.
Nothing drank for a long time it seemed and yet he still cried in protest when it was taken away, Christian careful as always when he pressed him back and retracted it. Then he did something that he'd not done before after a feed, he moved to step away instead of climbing in close to clean Nothing off, to put him to sleep. What had changed? Did he truly think that now Nothing was aware he would no longer want to share such intimacy? Christian was polite to a fault and Nothing would not have it.
"No" he growled it and grabbed for the older vampire, catching his injured wrist and digging in his nails. Christian's eyes widened in surprise but he didn't show any pain, any anger. His expression was simple and to Nothing it said 'I don't know what to do. Tell me what you need from me'. Christian was always so unsure of his place, Nothing had observed that long ago when the powerful vampire had so easily bent to Zillah's will, passively following his commands even in the face of physical harm to himself. Nothing would not allow him to be that way with him, not after what he'd done to save his life.
"I don't want to be alone" Nothing said, blood dribbling down his chin, eyes glazed and body hot. Christian was pumping through him, he could feel it and he needed the gentle vampire to stay with him until his heart stopped racing. When they joined together that way it was always so electric, even though Nothing had been unable to do a thing about it. Well now he could and he wouldn't let Christian pull away.
He could see that it was affecting Christian too, the blood bond, he grew anxious, unsure and then seconds later he was up on the bed and covering Nothing's body with his own. The pale boy barely had a moment to react to the sudden contact before Christian's tongue was on him and he was lapping up the spilled blood, growling low in his throat. Nothing gasped and forced his thin arms to move around Christian's form, holding him in place and pulling him closer with all the strength he could muster.
Nothing felt on fire with having the other male so close to him, each caress of his tongue sent a tingle of pleasure over his sensitive skin and his groin began quickly aching. This time Christian wasn't fast enough to push him back against the bed. Nothing was already pressing his hips upward, finding friction against the other vampire's pelvis and rubbing his hardening erection against it. He was clad only in cotton pyjama pants and they were oversized, easily dragged down with the action and making Nothing cry out to feel bare skin rubbing against the rough material of Christian's pants.
"Nothing" Christian pulled away, panting and again unsure, he was poised as if he wanted to pull back but a violent shudder coursed through him as Nothing found his own hardening cock and brushed their two groins together forcefully.
"No, I want this. Give it to me Christian" he demanded with the impatience of his age and his suffering. He'd spent so long being abused by Zillah, he'd felt so alone and now he needed to feel Christian's gentle touch all over his body. He needed to be loved, caressed and cared for. Nothing needed to be fucked too, over and over. His body was ready for this now he knew it and Christian would give it to him, he could already see the other vampire chewing his lip, eyes heating and mind racing.
He weakened then as Nothing had known he would and brought their lips together in a electric, consuming kiss. Christian's tongue dominated his mouth and Nothing carelessly surrendered to it, he was far too overwhelmed. The tongue that caressed his was skilful and passionately consuming, it was bliss after so long of being too weak to realise his feelings. His rubbing against Christian hadn't been stopped and he was frantic in the action now, desperate for release already and they'd only just begun. Nothing's body trembled and a series of mewling sounds tumbled into Christian's hungry mouth, his body pulled taut as he released himself between them with a muffled cry.
Christian pulled back, looking down at the damp area at his crotch with something akin to amazement. When those eyes flickered back to him though Nothing was crying, shivering and panting, his chest was heaving. He didn't know what to feel, he was a mess, his body wracked with the aftershocks of orgasm and his mind telling him it was an embarrassment to have cum so early, that he should feel embarrassed for having cum over Christian's nice clothing. Zillah would have teased him endlessly but Christian wasn't Zillah. Another huge part of him was devastated by the fact that someone had touched him, had held him so gently and he was weeping over it.
"You can do that again and again, I don't mind. Just have patience with me, it's been a long time since I've been with anyone at all" Christian tilted his chin and rained kisses down over his face, again licking up the tears. Nothing went quiet then, warm all over, shocked to find himself getting hard again so soon as well. Christian was so beautiful, he was so good to him, he'd saved his life and Nothing needed him to feel good as well.
"Please" he whimpered, still clinging to Christian and sitting up to kiss and nuzzle at his neck. Nothing's sharpened teeth teased at the flesh there but they didn't pierce it. If it were Zillah he would have bitten down hard but this was Christian and he didn't want anything but tenderness with him. He could hear Christian begin to let go too, he was moaning softly, hand travelling up Nothing's side and then caressing his back. Nothing reached for Christian's pants and undid the button holding them closed; he worked the zipper down and pulled them from his hips, freeing his clothed arousal.
Feeling the heat of naked skin against his own shocked him but he was quick to keep momentum, rubbing against Christian's incredibly hard cock with his own. Nothing's legs were still caught in the pyjama pants, they'd fallen down around his knees but he needed them off, needed to spread them wide to invite Christian inside. He stopped his actions and Christian paused too, watching him with a warm smile and then taking the prompt to do the same. He pulled back and stood up, shedding his jacket, his shirt and then finally his pants, all under Nothing's hungry gaze. Christian wasn't wearing any underwear and his cock was standing so proudly, hard, throbbing, Nothing wanted it so much that he felt like he'd burst.
Impatient and needy, he thrust two fingers into his mouth and began coating them with saliva before lowering them between his legs to begin stretching himself. Christian was frozen in shock by the action, gaze glazing over with lust and heat. Nothing was rocking the fingers inside of himself, arching the small of his back and mewling wantonly. He didn't care, he was past that, Christian had seen him at his very worst and so he could see him at his most needy too.
"Chrissy now, come over here and put your cock inside. Fuck me. I need you to do it" he moaned, locking eyes with his new lover and begging for him to comply, knowing that he needed it just as much. Christian nodded, swallowing tightly and quickly bending to reach a shaking hand into the bedside dresser. He produced a tube of lubricant that Nothing was sure had not been used since the last time they'd been here together, Zillah's approval giving them the freedom to spend so many hours lost in each other in this very bed. Remembering that just got him harder, one hand stroking his arousal and feeling it wet with pre-cum, moaning again and pushing his fingers deeper.
Christian fumbled with the tube but got it open, clumsily stepping onto the bed with eyes fixed on Nothing and then he was slicking himself, mouth parted as he did so. Nothing reluctantly removed his pleasuring hands and clutched the sheets in anticipation. Christian leaned over him and began to lubricate his opening and the feeling caused a sweat to break on his forehead. He needed this so much; he'd needed it for so long.
"Ahha!" he screamed as Christian thrust inside, slowly filling him, stretching him and taking him to the very limit. The other vampire's cock was big and he could do nothing once impaled on it but shiver and moan. Nothing was reduced to a puddle of need for Christian when he kissed him deeply, distracting him as he began to thrust in a slow, steady rhythm, he felt pins and needles shooting through his entire body. Nothing closed his eyes and just gave up to it.
Christian let his mouth go and moved to breath against Nothing's ear, breathe fast and shaky, thrusting harder and harder. Nothing all but wailed with pleasure, he blinked his eyes open and locked them with Christian's, saw them dark with lust for him. It was too much, without a single touch to his cock he could feel his second release approaching fast.
"Chissy, please. Oh fuck, fuck , fuck!" he took Christian's hand and guided it between them, the other vampire needed no more instruction to grip his needy cock and begin pumping it in time with his thrusts. Christian felt so good inside, he filled every part, stroked him over his most pleasurable of spots again and again. Seeing Christian's eyes fall shut, his brows drawing together was what finally did it for Nothing, he knew that his lover was passing his peak and it sent him off with violent force between their two bodies. He was stretched taut, head thrown back and clenching hard around Christian as the elder vampire groaned ferally and grabbed Nothing's hips, filling him with the nourishing fluid that his body greedily began to soak in with a final harsh thrust.
"I love you, my Nothing" he purred softly after an endless amount of time. Nothing's eyes were already glistening with tears but to hear those words from someone like Christian, he fell apart, sobbing again so uncontrollably. Christian was there though and he pulled out, careless of their sticky bodies as he lay himself beside the frail young boy and pulled him in against his chest.
"I do too, I love you too" Nothing sobbed, burrowing in and holding tight to Christian's tall, thin frame. He would never let go, he would never go back, he was Christian's child now. Christian was his everything.
"Christian..be my father ok? Be that for me. I have no family anymore, I have nobody but you" he begged, kissing every part of the other vampire that he could reach.
"Daddy" he said it again and again and Christian did not stop him, he stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head, held him until Nothing passed out into sleep from pure emotional exhaustion. He wore no makeup, his face pale and slightly flushed and Christian stroked the creases of his eyes, his eyelashes, his cheeks.
Christian was smiling all the while. It would be fitting wouldn't it? He'd been there at Nothing's birth and he loved him. Zillah had abandoned this boy twice and him just the once, unable to care for a baby, beautiful as he had been. He would be a better father; he'd show Nothing that and forget about Zillah, Twig and Molochai, the whole sadistic vagabond group, forever.
A/N: Please drop me a review!
