Once upon a time in a far away land called Kentucky there lived a girl named Tess Pipponi. Tess was overly larger than all the other people her age, therefore she was taken out of school due to the limit of space. She was home schooled by her aunt. Tess had a pet gopher named Mitch Picardi.

One day while Tess was chasing a bumble bee and singing some tune her grandmother taught her which goes something like "Somewhere over the railroad", Sara the wicked witch of the east came. She hit Tess smack in the forehead with a language power and Tess fell into a slumber....

As she awoke she noticed that she landed on a person. It was Giovanni, the wicked witch of the West! He was dead!! Then Maggie appeared. She was the good witch of the north. She explained how Tess killed off one of the witched of the 4 cardinal points. South died in a tornado. So Maggie then said that to go home Tess Pipponi had to follow the yellow sulfur road. She then gave Tess Potassium slippers. I mean, what did she expect, RUBY SLIPPERS!? Then Oompa Loompas came and they started singing but Tess got scarred and she ran.

As she was running down the sulfur road she tripped over a hobo. His name was Chris. He told Theresa that he has no brain and that he wanted to go to MK to get a brain but then his lack of brain gave him a memory loss so he fainted. When he awoke he told Tess that due to his lack of brain he went to St-X and he was in a special program. Also known as Special Ed. So they started skipping but Tess broke the heel of her shoe, so they had to limp.

Then Tess met Samantha. She was Fluorine girl. She had very long legs. They got on Samantha's back and she ran. But then she was like, "But I have no heart!" And she then had a stroke. So Tess and Chris decided to drag her. Then they saw Mk in the horizon. But then all of a sudden, Bob an aardvark met them. Bob told them that he had no courage and that he liked eggs so he was inhaling the sulfur. Then he shat himself because he got scared.

So they all were skipping to Mk. Tess tripped and so they all started rolling. Then Jessica and her army of flying monkeys attacked them along with Sara. Tess Pipponi remembered that she was allergic to monkeys so she sneezed. She sneezed so hard that spit went flying everywhere. Sara then was screaming and said, "I hate phlegm I'M MELTING!" And then she melted away.

So Tess was now in control of the monkeys. Due to animal cruelty illegalities she set them all free. They finally got to MK. They met the wizard of MK. Also known as Mike. He was teaching potions class. Tess noticed Harry Potter was there. But then the wizard of MK came and they explained to him they're horrible dilemmas.

He then said, "For you Chris, I have a hammer." And he hit Chris on the head so that he could remember.

Then he said, "and for you Samantha, I have these," and he handed her spark plugs. Now her heart wouldn't fail anymore.

Then he said, "and for you Bob, I have these," and he handed him a years supply of diapers. Now it was Tess' turn. He handed her a bottle of anti-hallucinates and told her to take the whole bottle and to run around in circles. So that's what Tess did.

She awoke on top of her gopher. It died due to lack of respiration. Tess was gone for so long that she could now go to school because everyone was as tall as her. She met this kid Chris, who was very smart and Samantha who won a gold medal because she ran track. And Bob the English class' "stoick" pet Aardvark. Tess also met a new student by the name of Harry Potter who thinks that he has some sort of magic powers. What does he know!? Finally Tess met Mike, a very smart person... just like in her hallucination.....