Author's Note—
So I've decided to try my hand at writing an Alexander story… it's my first so there are no promises on how it will turn out… I think I'll be bold and say I'm going for ten chapters or so. You see, 30 Seconds to Mars in basically my reason for living (alright, and you guys too, Hephastion and Patroclus) and I've gotten the idea that in writing an Alexander fanfic that I should start each chapter with a verse from one of their songs… but while I DO know basically where this story is going I'm not completely sure so I'll just ask you to be patient with my updates… they're no longer known for their quickness, I'm afraid. I think I'm using the song titled "Savior" for this one though. I like all the "until" things.
I'm also not a fan of writing "romantic" scenes but we all know that Hephaestion and Alexander are truly irresistible! And with that added hint of our lovely Cassander… I think I'll try my hand at some of the more "subtle" scenes to start but who knows…
This story will deal mainly with Hephaestion as the main character. I'm thinking that it will start around the time of the battle for the Hindu Kush… in fact, I think this will be in Bactria about a month after Alexander's wedding to Roxanne. I can't promise that everything will follow exactly to history, I may just allow my twisted mind to twist the actual events of history… for the benefit of this story…
Hmmm. Anyways, I've always loved—completely loved—the portrayal of Hephaestion as a god—because he is one, okay? Let's just face it. But I also like a Hephaestion who isn't afraid to speak his mind and show his anger at times. I think I've found a fair mixture of the two.
Well, long author's notes seem to be my specialty but I'll stop for now. Reviews are always appreciated! Hope you enjoy this first chapter and let me know if I should continue.
REVIEW!
Steph (Phae15)
Disclaimer: since the men and events featured in this story happened to have lived long ago, I don't believe I could possibly own them… I am a proud owner of all THREE versions of Alexander though so I suppose I own Hephaestion in SOME way… ::looks around:: ha-ha. I was joking, Oliver, seriously… just a little joke… ::looks down::grumbles:: I don't own Hephaestion…
UNTIL THE END
Until
you crash
Until you burn
Until you lie
Until you learn
Until
you see
Until you believe
Until you fight
Until you
fall
Until the end of everything at all
Until you die
Until
you're alive
Don't
save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care Until you give Don't save me, don't save me, cuz I don't care Until the truth
becomes a lie
Don't save me, don't save
me, cuz
I don't care
Until you've
used
Until you've lost
Until you lose
Until you see, how
could you believe?
Until you've lived a thousand times
Until
you've seen the other side
This is my chance, this is my
chance
Don't
save me, don't save me, cuz
I don't care
Until you change, until you deny
Until you
believe
30 Seconds to Mars: Savior
Chapter 1
There were twelve men in that room that night and yet he could say that he only truly trusted one of them. Perhaps he even loved the cerulean eyed beauty that, as always, sat faithfully by the kings side. He hated the Athenian bred whelp… yet he loved him at the same time. There was a thin love between love and hate, Cassander was coming to realize, and that line could be crossed with the slightest implication.
Already he could tell that he was not the only one bordering on a love-hate relationship. No, the king and Hephaestion hardly even spoke anymore, Cassander accounted with a smirk that he hid behind the brim of his wineglass. Ever since Alexander had taken the Persian boy, the eunuch, into his chambers Hephaestion had been cast aside. Bagoas… yes, that was the boys name.
For all he was worth, Cassander hated Hephaestion and could not help but praise the Persian boy for his work.
Hephaestion, the poor Athenian boy, had not the stomach for war and yet he was Alexander's favorite general. Yes, perhaps Hephaestion had a way with words—something he'd rather use then his fists or sword—and yes, he was the kings confidant, best friend and… lover. But the Companions did not see Alexander giving Bagoas the place of a general in his great army… Whores had no place in an army… besides the beds of those who called upon them.
When he did put his mind to a battle, as he did just to please Alexander everyday, Hephaestion could match even Cassander in his ruthless swipes and jabs. But Cassander did it for the glory of war, because his heart needed to kill. Hephaestion killed because it pleased Alexander, not because he wanted to. Hephaestion was a brilliant strategist though, in the ways of battle and in the ways of life as well.
And so it was, by far, his Athenian upbringing that separated Hephaestion from the other Companions—the true Macedonians. In Athens, where much of his youth had been spent before coming to Pella, Hephaestion learned to fight with his pride and his words before his weapons. In the eyes of others, Hephaestion's silence and lack of fight made him weak, hardly a man at all. Perhaps Hephaestion was more like the eunuch Bagoas …
Perhaps it was the knowledge that Hephaestion didn't have it in him to hate another that made Cassander trust him. Yes, Hephaestion could dislike, as he did with Cassander and though he would always care for Alexander, Cassander could see the growing rift between them as plain as were it his dagger by his side. Others could see it too and they leapt upon Alexander, trying to prove their worth as a best friend, confidant and favored general. Among the leaders there were Ptolemy, the man who thought too much, Nearchus, the man who fancied himself a great soldier and an even greater friend, and Cleitus, the man who was Phillip's favorite who thought he was above everyone else.
All these other men could see only when something was involved for them, when they would gain something. Cassander could see it coming, could see these men's corruption coming from gold and fancy things. It was as Aristotle said: it was excess that corrupted men.
All one had to do was look at Hephaestion and they would trust him. All one had to do was look into those cerulean eyes in that high cheek-boned, perfect face framed with long locks of chocolate brown mane… but Hephaestion's eyes… if you were to look hard enough into them you could learn his every secret. They were windows into his soul. But if you could not truly see, the walls in Hephaestion's eyes could make him seem cold and withdrawn, arrogant and cocky of position even. But Cassander could see.
Perhaps it was his eyes that, in the end, led the other men to hate him so. Or perhaps it was just his overall good looks, because one could not deny that the looked better than many a man. Or was it just his general presence in a room? He was always there, always by the king's side, protecting him from his silent position. Maybe it was the seemingly lack of spirit he showed that made others despise him, though they would never admit such out loud. Only Cassander had no problem with that.
But more than anything, men envied Hephaestion through their hate. From his good grace with the king, Hephaestion always managed to get everything. Alexander always gave him the best rooms, the best clothes and the best horse in the royal stables after Bucephalus. Hephaestion never asked for any of it but he got it anyway.
When Cassander looked at Hephaestion he did not see the man that others saw. Cassander would be the first, undoubtedly, to insult Hephaestion in any circumstance but even though it was his widely known opinion that, due to his Athenian birth and starkly different morals then other men, Cassander could see the change in Hephaestion more then anyone, even Alexander himself.
Bagoas made Hephaestion jealous at first but when Alexander had assured him it would never happen again he accepted it, though he still disliked the Persian eunuch. But Hephaestion's visits to Alexander's rooms grew fewer and fewer and he knew the night he was not there Bagoas was. Hephaestion could hardly look at Alexander anymore, let alone touch him or speak to him.
Roxanne made Hephaestion jealous but he understood what she was to Alexander. He was the most powerful man in the world, ruling an expansive empire that would only grow larger still. He needed an air. But Hephaestion held only contempt for the Bactrian woman.
It had been several months and Cassander could see the fury building in Hephaestion. But along with the fury came sadness and despair. Cassander felt like he could see more about Hephaestion then others. Even, it appeared, Alexander.
It was now, as Cassander sat across the table from Hephaestion, that he could see that he was right. Hepheastion stared at his beaker of wine and thoughtlessly ran a finger along the brim of the bronze cup while his other hand stayed in his lap. His long tresses fell over his shoulder on the right but stayed behind it on the left.
Hephaestion looked up at Cassander once and, though it was but for a brief second before he looked away again, Cassander could see the pain so clearly in those cerulean orbs and felt in within himself so powerfully that it was as though Hephaestion's pain was etched right into his very soul.
But at the same time, Cassander knew that there was only so much pain and suffering a man could take before he snapped. Even when that man happened to be Hephaestion Amyntor.
Cassander vowed that he would not miss the moment even if it meant sitting out the next battle.
In the end, it was Parmenion that finally called order to the meeting of the Companions with a clearing of his throat. "Alexander," he said powerfully. Alexander set down his now empty goblet and looked at Parmenion, waiting for him to continue so that he might go back to drinking and laughing with the men that he didn't even know were competing for him. Alexander hardly seemed aware of Hephaestion's presence by his side.
"There have been reports," Parmenion continued, "that there are rebellions staging among some of the men here in Bactria."
Alexander remained silent and took another sip from his wine.
But the news had Hephaestion's attention who, no matter what happened, would always protect his king.
Parmeniom, apparently seeming unnerved at the silence that met him, continued. "It would be wise, Alexander, to stop these revolts before they have the chance to grow anymore and gain more men."
Alexander waved a hand and tilted back in his chair. "You worry too much, Parmenion!"
"Alexander," Cassander spoke up before another could, "You are aware that you are at a greater risk everyday that you allow these men to live, are you not?"
"These men, small rebellions, are no threat to me," Alexander said plainly. "Even if they did plan and stage a revolt they would never have enough men to do anything."
"Bactria is not a small city, Alexander," Philotas said and Cleitus nodded silently in agreement.
"Even if, as you claim," Cassander continued, "you are the son of Zeus, that does not make you immortal, Alexander. Gods die too, what makes you so different?"
Alexander glared at Cassander, daring him to challenge him with more words. Cassander met his kings' challenge with his glare and with his words. "Is it not better to stop things like this before they have the chance to escalate to a beginning?"
"No one will get through the walls of this palace," Alexander said, "I can promise you that, Cassander."
Before Cassander could bite back his reply Hephaestion spoke up, his voice low and soothing as it usually was. "You should look into this, Alexander. Cassander is right."
Alexander had the sense not to look startled; it was the most Hephaestion had said to him in months. Cassander on the other hand, sat straighter in his chair. Perhaps tonight would be a free dinner and a show. He could think of few things better.
"No one will get into these walls," Alexander repeated, not looking at Hephaestion.
"So you plan to let these people be led right outside the walls of your palace and yet you will not stop them?" Hephaestion spoke before he could think about the words coming from his mouth, something he very rarely did.
The room fell to a dead silence as all the Companions focused on Hephaestion and Alexander. Cassander crossed his arms over his chest and waited.
Alexander finally looked at Hephaestion and this time could not help the brief shock that passed over his face and through his body at the fire in those cerulean orbs that could only have been gifted by the gods. But Alexander quickly composed himself and met Hephaestion's gaze as only a king as confident as himself could when faced with his dearest friend and general and his lover.
"You worry too much, Hephaestion," Alexander said calmly, lacing his fingers across his lower abdomen as he leaned back. "You overestimate the power of a few rebels."
"No. It is you, Alexander, that underestimates them." Cassander could see the brief pleading in Hephaestion's eyes but it soon diminished, floating away in the form of a ghost. Hephaestion had, perhaps, finally broken. "Come, Alexander!" Hephaestion spoke louder then many had ever heard him speak before. "Use your senses! What should happen if they gain a leader, one that can organize an attack? Suppose they have allies here in this palace? Could one not easily slip poison into the food you eat or the wine you drink?" Hephaestion waved a hand over his barely touched wineglass.
"Hephaestion…" Alexander said, his voice low in warning.
Hephaestion pushed his chair back and got to his feet. "I will do the right thing by protecting you as always," he said. He glanced over the table. "Come, Cassander, Cleitus." The two men looked at Hephaestion but made no move to stand. "We will stop these men before they have the chance to rise."
"There will be no man to rise against me, Hephaestion! By all the gods, by Zeus, by Hera herself, have I not taken one of their own as my wife? As the Macedonia queen? I wish to cause these people no harm; nothing can say that more then taking one of their women."
Fury burned in Hephaestion's eyes and the cerulean pools seemed to grow several shades darker in a rush. "That woman is not fit to be queen! You make a mockery of Macedonia to call her our queen!" Hephaestion placed his fist on his left breast, above his heart.
"Sit down, Hephaestion," Alexander's voice dropped even lower and his eyes flashed, a sure sign of his anger.
"Who do you think is going to stop these men when they finally have enough force behind them?" Hephaestion turned and addressed the rest of the room that watched him in silent awe. "We will!" he hit his hand to his chest. "We will clean up the mess that our king chooses to make because he sees himself as immortal! But we are not all immortal, are we? Someday, Alexander," Hephaestion turned back to him, "you will have the blood of your Companions, the men who have stood behind you since before Phillip's murder, since we were but youths learning under Aristotle, on your hands."
"Sit down, Hephaestion," Alexander's voice rose as he too got to his feet. "Your blood shall never stain my hands, Hephaestion," he added but not an ounce of hostility left Hephaestion. "I swear it for all the gods to hear it, your blood will never be brought by my own hands!"
"I am sick," Hephaestion said in a lower voice, hardly seeming to pass a second of thought to Alexander's low spoken vow, "of taking your every last order and doing it without complaint. I've seen the thanks I get for taking care of you and watching your back and… and I'm finished with it."
Cassander leaned forwards and placed his elbows on the table.
"God dammit, Hephaestion!" Alexander roared and stepped aggressively towards Hephaestion. "Sit down!"
Hephaestion regarded him with stoic silence that only seemed to spurn Alexander's rage.
"I will not ask again. Sit down, Hephaestion."
"Are you so damned sure that you are Achilles reborn that you risk everything?"
"And you, Hephaestion, are my Patroclus," Alexander said. "Sit down. Do this one thing and I shall ask no more of you. I warn you, Hephaestion, sit down. It is for your own good. I will not be responsible for hurting you."
"No. It is never your fault, is it? Somehow you will blame it on another or perhaps the wine that you have cons—" Hephaestion's sentence came to an abrupt stop as he found his back pressed firmly against the stone wall, Alexander's chest pressing against his, using one hand to pin back his shoulders and the other to grab his chin.
Several of the men rose, Cassander included, but no one dared take more then a few steps towards Alexander and Hephaestion.
Hephaestion remained calm, his chest only rising and falling rapidly from the surprise of this turn of events. He knew that he should back down now and plead for forgiveness; he would willingly take whatever punishment Alexander chose fit. But he did not step down. He could not step down.
"What, in the name of Zeus," Alexander spat the god's name in Hephaestion's face but Hephaestion did no more then blink, "gives you the right to speak to me in such a way? You are not the king here, Hephaestion."
Hephaestion, wise again for the moment, remained silent.
"Alexander, be reasonable!" the voice that shouted out and the body that stepped around the table surprised no one more then Cassander himself. It took him a moment to realize it was himself and not another that had spoken.
Alexander did not step away from Hephaestion but he made no further move at him so Cassander stopped several strides away from the pair.
"Look at what you are doing, Alexander! Look at just who you are attacking," Cassander advised. "Hephaestion speaks the truth. Stop these men! There can't be many of them, they can be stopped tonight! But you have already done enough damage here tonight. You may attack me and Cleitus and Philotas and any of the others but never would anyone have thought you to attack Hephaestion! What is happening to us when you do not even listen to Hephaestion anymore, Alexander? For we all know that he is as much king as you are!"
Alexander let go of Hephaestion then, but only so he could lunge at Cassander who nimbly stepped aside.
"Alexander!" the raised voice stopped Alexander from lunging at Cassander again, this time with his dagger in his hand.
Alexander didn't look back at Hephaestion though. "You men!" he spat. "I should have you arrested and killed this very moment!"
"You will not do it though," Cassander said, perhaps putting his foot in water that did not need to be tested.
"It seems that, indeed, Ptolemy was right!" Alexander spread his arms wide and faced the rest of the men that were now on their feet. "Wealth in great quantities corrupts! It is just as Aristotle taught us when we were boys but I never expected it to come down to this! Which ones of you are against me this very moment?" Wisely though, no man made even the slightest move. "I've given you gold and finery and granted you permission to Darius's harem! It is destroying you all!"
"Alexander," Hephaestion spook again, his voice softer now, "perhaps you should—"
"Do not speak!" Alexander roared, turning on Hephaestion, his dagger still clasped in his hand. Hephastion took a step backwards, back towards the wall that he had recently been pinned against.
"I never expected you—you of all people, Hephaestion!—to turn your back on me…" sadness was laced through the anger in Alexander's voice.
"I have not turned my back, Alexander," Hephaestion said, dropping his fighting stance and relaxing his shoulders as his voiced calmed, a sure sign that his anger was ebbing away. "You must know that I could never do such a thing!"
"Patroclus never deserted Achilles!"
"And I am not deserting you, Alexander! Do you not think that if you were not able to go into battle that I would not take your spot as Patroclus did Achilles'? I would take your place in any battle if it kept you out of it!" Hephaestion's voice rose once again.
"My mother was right," Alexander said, flinging the final throw to Hephaestion in their battle of words. "She said you were just like all the others. You didn't love me, just the idea of me and what I am."
Hephaestion's resolve staggered for a moment and he fought to find the words to tell Alexander that this was not true.
"Never defy me again!" Alexander roared, stepping closer to Hephaestion once again. Hephaestion looked shocked, as though he wondered just how they had been reduced to this. "You take your orders from me and do exactly as I say! You are mine, Hephaestion, make no mistake of it!"
Hephaestion's cerulean eyes flashed with his pain once again. Cassander was helpless to do anything but watch. It was not meant to go this far…
"You do not own me."
"Damn you, Hephaestion! I am your king!"
"You do not own me!" Hephaestion said again, this time with more power and conviction in his voice.
Alexander yelled out in rage and lunged at Hephaestion with his fists and dagger. Hephaestion's hands shot up to protect himself just as any man would do in the situation and the dagger sliced through the palm of his left hand. Hephaestion gripped his hand and gritted his teeth but took the pain of his wound in silence. The wound had gone deep and would need stitches, already blood flowed freely through it. Hephaestion staggered back against the wall, fighting the sudden dizziness in his head.
Alexander froze as he caught sight of the blood on his dagger and the weapon fell to the floor with a clatter. His dark eyes were as big and wide as a child's who knew they had just been caught doing something wrong and knowing that he would be punished for it.
Alexander took a shaky step towards Hephaestion and reached out a hand and laid it on his arm. "Phae…" he whispered, his voice choked with tears.
Hephaestion flinched away from Alexander's touch and glared. "Do not touch me!"
"Phae, I—" Alexander stepped towards him again only to have Hephaestion restore the distance back to its original.
"Do not call me that," Hephaestion said again through gritted teeth. "My name is Hephaestion. I never liked that ridiculous nickname. I think, Alexander, that I would like to keep the honor I have left and be called General Hephaestion."
Alexander stepped backwards until he fell into a chair at the table.
Cassander made a move towards Hephaestion but Hephaestion threw out a hand to keep him away. Cassander, not knowing precisely what had provoked him to approach Hephaestion in the first place, stopped.
Hephaestion slowly let go of his wounded hand and spread his palm flat despite the pain that shot up his arm as the wound seemed to stretch further apart. He looked at the blood pooling in his palm and dripping to the stone floor in a daze. Then his eyes traveled to the dagger and finally to the daggers owner who was currently shaking in his seat, tears streaking his handsome face.
Hephaestion started towards the doors but stopped and turned to Alexander. He grabbed Alexander's wrist and Alexander was too in shock to protest. Hephaestion pressed his wounded palm against Alexander's for several long, excruciating seconds before he pulled it away and flung Alexander's hand back to him.
Hephaestion continued to the doors once more, only stopping halfway through them and to look one last time at Alexander and say, with a whiff of sadness in his voice, "Your vow seems to have meant nothing in the end, for now you have my blood on your hands; blood that was brought by your own hand, my king."
a/n: soooo?? Let me know if you would like to read more with a REVIEW! -Steph
