The Depth of Ezria's Love
It takes hard times to know who your true friends are. You learn who will stand by you in your times of need and who will offer a hand when you need help out of the hole you dug for yourself. You learn who will forgive you even after you've done so many unforgiveable things. You learn who will love you even when you probably don't deserve it.
The same thing can be said about lovers. It takes hard times, or possibly near-death experiences, to realize just how much you actually care for someone. To realize just how unconditional your love for that person is. To realize just how much you need that person in your life.
Aria had been through plenty of terrifying things. Getting locked in a wooden box with a dead body. Watching one of her best friends get hit by a car and then almost getting flattened herself. Witnessing her family fall apart over her father's infidelity. Being threatened by a jealous ex-girlfriend.
But nothing – not anything – could prepare her for the terror that coursed through her small frame when he turned around and she saw the blood dripping down his grey shirt. Nothing could prepare her for the horror she felt as he collapsed in her arms. Nothing could prepare her for the fear that resonated through her body as his eyes closed, possibly never to open again.
It takes hard times, maybe even near-death experiences, to reveal the depth of one's love. The depth of his love. The depth of her love. The depth of Ezria's love.
In the course of a few days, everything Aria had known was uprooted and overturned. Their relationship that had blossomed into something beautiful and breathtaking and that had withstood numerous storms was now torn out by the roots. Repairing those foundations was seemingly impossible, not after what he did.
The revelation Aria received during the unplanned ski lift escapade had thrown her for a loop. Not only had Ezra known Alison, but he was writing a book about her. He risked their relationship to make a name for himself. He lied about too many things to count.
It hurt to think back on that first day in the bar. The day that had signaled the beginning of one of the most real and honest things in her life, only to find out that there was nothing honest about it. It hit her like a punch in the face, leaving her numb and sick to the stomach to think that everything that she had fought for was based on a lie.
The emotions that Aria experienced as results of that night were numerous and varied. Pain. Anger. Grief. Confusion. Hatred. Each one hit her harder than anything else had before. The feelings he caused were so intense that they physically hurt.
It felt as though he had smashed her heart with a hammer, shattering it like glass. She could try to put it back together but it could never be completely restored. There would always be cracks that couldn't be healed in a thousand lifetimes. Time wasn't strong enough to mend her broken heart.
The confusion and the betrayal she felt drove her to act on rash decisions, and in hindsight she would most likely come to thank her friends for stopping her before she did something that would cause lasting damage. But at the time she needed an outlet, an outlet such as yelling at her mom, an outlet such as crying on her bed, and an outlet such as breaking glass in his apartment. But even when all of the papers were scattered and the picture frames shattered, the only thing that was really broken was Aria.
Leaving Rosewood helped her clear her mind and calm down, but it didn't ease the ache or lessen the confusion. Hooking up with Riley was like using Tylenol; it covered the pain temporarily but did nothing to fix the problem. It was still very much there, like a wound getting reopened anytime someone mentioned Ezra's name.
After returning home, Aria was able to put up a convincing front, assuring her friends that she was alright, but she knew she wasn't. How does one move on after loving someone so deeply and so completely? How does one give up on a battle that they have persisted at for over a year? How does one simply let go when they have been holding on for so long?
The answer was simple: She couldn't. She couldn't let go of him. She couldn't let go of the B-26's and the black and white movies and the kisses in the rain. She couldn't let go of their conversations in his classroom and the way that he would kiss her forehead when she was sad. She couldn't let go of the times when he had been there for her when no one else was. She just couldn't.
Consequently, there was a raging war in Aria's mind. One side wanted to report him to the principal and make him suffer as much as she was. Another side wanted to find a way around the lies, re-find the truth that was once in his blue eyes. Out loud she claimed that she was done, that she didn't want to work through it, but there wasn't a second when she wasn't trying to justify his actions. Her heart wasn't ready to accept what had happened, and it wasn't ready to let go.
Then, as if things weren't confusing enough, life decided to throw another curveball. Her formerly-dead best friend was located and in danger, bringing an unexpected rendezvous in New York. Questions that she had pondered for over two years were finally brought to the light, revealing so many answers that she thought died when Ali did. That night was starting to piece itself together like a morbid, intense puzzle.
All five girls sat together for the first time in what seemed like forever. Spencer, Aria, Hanna, and Emily sat enraptured as Ali unfolded the complex story and filled in the blanks of that Labor Day weekend. However, not even that could completely distract Aria's distraught mind. She still thought of him, and in the heat of the situation she still asked about him.
She wanted so much to believe that what they had was real, that he actually loved her and that he was willing to do whatever it took to get her back.
It wasn't too much later before he had a chance to prove that.
Aria stood beside her life-long best friends, holding on to them as they stood defenseless on the roof. Any second A would appear and finish what he started. The faceless enemy would finally win.
Seeing Ezra open the door rather than the black-clad figure surprised them all. Without thinking, Aria stepped towards him as she had done on numerous other occasions. And then the other door opened and the gun-wielding man joined them on the roof.
Once again Aria clung to her friends as the barrel pointed at Ezra. Her eyes widen as she saw the gloved finger pull the trigger. The bullet left the chamber and soared through the air and she watched it happen in slow motion. The relief was short-lived when the bullet missed because the barrel was then pointed at them.
Again time slowed as she watched the cause of all of her anger instantly jump to their aid, to her aid. She stared on as they fought and only vaguely heard the gun shot amidst the screams and the cries and the noises of New York nights. Within seconds the tables were turned and A was the weaponless one. And then a few seconds later A was gone, once again managing to escape exposure and leave without a scratch or a trace.
But the fear that Aria felt when the gun was pointed at them was nothing compared to the fear that she felt when Ezra turned around and pulled back his jacket, revealing the bullet wound. The bullet wound that proved that he would sacrifice his own life if it meant saving hers. The bullet wound that showed that he loved her more than life itself.
All of the surroundings were then blocked from Aria's view; she only saw Ezra. She provided her small body to lean against as he fell, unable to support himself from lack of blood. She was at his side, pressing her hand against his head in a split second.
At that instant, Aria wasn't thinking about his book and his lies and her anger. She wasn't concerned with the amount of secrets that he wrote down or their fight on the ski lift. All she could think about was losing him and how terrible her life would be without him.
She was thinking about all the little things that he did that she loved, like the way he reached for her hand on impulse and kissed her when he didn't know what to say. She was thinking about their first date, their first dance, their first time in his apartment. She was thinking about how much she needed him. She was thinking about how much she loved him.
There's an old saying that says: You don't realize what you have until it's gone. Never had that statement hit her harder than at that moment when she held his lifeless body. During the past couple of days when she had been so focused on the negative, she'd neglected the positive. She thought that what he broke was irreparable and that she could never love him again. But as she watched his eyes drift shut she realized that she hadn't ever stopped loving him.
Ezra had lied about so many things, but so had Aria. Their relationship was flawed, but so was everything worthwhile. What they didn't realize was that it was the imperfections that made their love so beautiful. It was the bumps and the trials they had encountered along the way that strengthened them. It was their perfect imperfections that made them who they were, that made them Ezria.
A relationship that took that long to form couldn't fall apart in a week. They had conquered so many things and another battle wasn't going to make them lose the war. They would always overcome the odds. Their love would always surpass the opposition.
If he pulled through – when he pulled through – their relationship wouldn't immediately go back to where it was. It would take lots of talking and it would take a lot of time. He would have to win back her trust. It would be a while, but eventually Aria would forgive him whether she wanted to or not. They would start over again but this time would be their last. This time their relationship would come back stronger than ever, invincible even.
Aria wouldn't lose him. She refused to. He would pull through because she wouldn't allow him not to. She needed him in her life.
Almost losing him brought her to the perspective of how short life really is. His could have ended right there in her arms. Then why waste it by being with anyone but him? Why waste it being mad over the past when they could have a whole future together?
There were still questions that he needed to answer. There were still things that she needed to say to him. There were still many things that she did not know. But one thing she did know: She loved Ezra Fitz with every fiber of her being and with every piece of her heart.
It had been an emotionally taxing day for all of them. Emily had broken up with Paige. Spencer had been wearing finger bones. Hanna had resorted to eating cookies to calm her nerves. Ali had to recount the painful story of the night that she "died." Aria almost lost her high school English teacher. But good did come out of it. Ali was back and was going to come home. The five were reunited. They finally got answers that they had been waiting for for a very long time. And Aria was given a huge reason to forgive Ezra. Not just anyone would sacrifice their life to save hers.
Ali coming back wouldn't get in the way. Neither would Aria's disapproving parents. None of Ezra's former flames could compete with the way he felt about Aria. None of Aria's many love interests could make her feel anything because, well, they weren't Ezra. They were going to be okay. Aria could no longer doubt his love for he had truly shown her just how much she meant to him.
The sound of sirens could be heard from somewhere below. Aria didn't pay them any mind either. The medics would be there soon, but until then she would keep herself glued to his side yelling his name even though he had already slipped into unconsciousness. She would be there brushing his hair back until they came with the gurney and the oxygen to take him to the hospital. She would be there because that's what he would've done for her.
There were many things that Aria did that she wasn't proud of. There were many things that she wished she could take back. But loving Ezra wasn't one of them. They went on, fully knowing the consequences. There were numerous times when life flung them back or circumstances pushed them down, but regardless of how many hurdles they had to jump over and barriers that had to overcome, they would always go forward, together. This was just another mountain, albeit a large one. Someday they would reach the top, and when they did they would look back, but only to see how far they'd come.
And so we see: It takes hard times, maybe even near-death experiences, to reveal the depth of one's love. The depth of Ezra's love. The depth of Aria's love. The depth of Ezria's love.
