AU after 5x21, general spoilers for Season 5. Fallen!Castiel.
.&.&.&.&.&.
Castiel sits in the library, going over the books trying to look for something useful for their case. Castiel doesn't really need to be here, he can recite the lore about kelpie without the use of the trivial library system, or sorting through books for inconsistencies but both brothers seemed to trust the information more if he spent a few hours here. Why they didn't think a millennia old angel knew more about monsters than these books was something Castiel would never be able to comprehend.
Castiel might not be an angel anymore. But it didn't mean he lost his knowledge. Castiel's grace had all but vanished; he no longer had his super human strength, his ability to heal, or his ability to transport. All of that was gone, but he was not useless. Why Dean insisted on Castiel doing the research, or taking the more passive part in the hunting role, he also did not understand.
It frustrated Castiel to no end, and Sam only gave sympathetic glances, which did not help. At all. Castiel let out a huff, shifting the books around on the table in front of him. Sending Lucifer back into his prison had given the boys time to get back to 'the family business', as Dean called it. But it was not time that Dean wanted to share with Castiel. Castiel felt like he was encroaching on the brothers. Dean was accustomed to hunting only with Sam, so perhaps that's why Castiel was more often than not told to sit in the hotel room, or was sent off to the library.
Castiel can understand wanting to spend time with your brother, but Castiel began to wonder what it meant for Dean and him. Back when Lucifer was out, when they were fighting for their lives, when Castiel was rebelling, he and Dean had something. After the failed attempt at the whorehouse, Dean did not go back on his oath. Had Castiel met his demise at Raphael's hand that day, he would not have died a virgin.
It was not just something that Dean had showed him once either, there had been many times where they snuck away so Dean could show Castiel the finer perks of iniquity. But since they have been back on the road? Well, not so much, and usually only if Dean is very drunk. Which confused Castiel, and also had something else bubbling under his skin, but these feelings were still to complex for the ex-angel to fully understand.
"Writing a research paper?"
Castiel looked up at the new voice. There was a man standing next to him, perhaps only a few years younger than Castiel's body (and it was his now, Jimmy vacating it since his fall, there just wasn't enough room for two without the buffer of Castiel's grace). He had light blonde hair, and hazel eyes. Castiel looked back at his books, then back up to the stranger.
"No, I just like to read." The man frowns at him, and leans over to look at what he's reading. Castiel doesn't know whether or not he should hide the books away. Despite being human for almost six months Castiel still doesn't have the necessary people skills to interview witness, or bluff with the cops. He is usually left alone in the library, and doesn't know how to handle this new contact.
"You like reading about old Scottish mythology?" The man asks, skeptical.
"I do enjoy mythology. I find it very entertaining." Castiel answers, and it's not a lie. Castiel still has yet to perfect that, another reason he is sure Dean sends him to the library for. What humans have recorded of the mythological beings amuses him. The history of the world as told by the humans also amuses him. He's lived through so much of it; it's funny how obscure it's become over the years.
"Really?" The guy questions, raising an eyebrow that reminds him of Dean. When Castiel doesn't say anything to the contrary, the guy sighs. "Alright, fine. So maybe you enjoy mythology, but there has to be something better… here hold on."
Castiel doesn't know what the man wants him to hold on to, but he doesn't question it as he walks away. Castiel turns back towards his readings. It's not long before the man ambles back over to Castiel. He's holding a thick looking paperback, and thrusts it out towards him. Castiel stares out it for a few moments, before taking it in his hands.
"The Fellowship of the Ring?" Castiel asks looking up from the worn cover. The guy rolls his eyes, and sits down at the table Castiel is at.
"It has to be more enjoyable reading, than the…" He glances at the books laying in front of Castiel again, "…history of the Kelpie."
Castiel looks down at the book, then back at the man again.
"Trust me." He grins at Castiel, who nods.
"I should be going soon…" Castiel starts, looking up towards the check out counter. Castiel may not be socially adept, but he has read the rules, and knows how the library works.
"Great, here. I'll help you check out." The man ambles out of the seat, as Castiel gathers his things. He places his books on the counter and pulls out the library card. The man is very efficient in his job, taking only seconds to check out all the books.
"You sure got a lot of books about those Kelpies, for light reading?" The man suggests, and Castiel is beginning to feel odd about not knowing his name.
"Dean would be displeased if I didn't bring back some literature." Castiel says, slipping his card back into his wallet.
"Oh? Well, we wouldn't want that to happen." The man jokes.
"It involves shouting, and is rather unpleasant." Castiel deadpans, he's trying to fight the small smile but the man sees it and laughs.
"I'm Kyle," He states holding his hand out. Castiel takes it.
"I'm Castiel." He responds, because he refused to give up the name his Father had given him.
"Castiel…named after an angel?" Kyle asks, and Castiel is surprised this man knows it. He has the urge to shout 'Christo' just to be sure, but Castiel fights the urge.
"Yes."
"What a fitting name then." Castiel has the vague impression he's being flirted with. He's rather flattered. He's not sure what the correct response would be, nor how he should proceed seeing as he may or may not be in a relationship.
"Cas." He looks behind him at Dean, and straightens up off the counter saved from his thoughts and replying to the flirting.
"Hello, Dean." Castiel greets, feeling Kyle's gaze on him as he takes the books from the counter. Castiel turns back towards Kyle, and nods at him,
"It was nice speaking with you." Castiel smiles at the man, because Dean has told him on many occasions to smile more, 'If you're happy smile, you're not a fucking robot, Cas.'
"A pleasure, I'm sure." Kyle responds, and Castiel turns away to meet face to face with a frowning Dean. Castiel sidesteps him easily, walking away from Dean's inquiry of 'Who the hell was that, Cas?' without so much as a backwards glance.
It was Dean's muttered 'Christo' that has Castiel rolling his eyes.
.&.&.&.&.&.
Castiel's come to understand that nothing can go easily for the Winchester Brothers. So the rather simple, straightforward way to take care of a Kelpie resulted in Dean limping, more like leaning heavily on Sam as he bleed profusely from his side, back into the hotel room. Castiel started and put down his copy of The Fellowship of the Ring, and grabbed the first aid kid.
Sam didn't seem to have any injuries as he gingerly laid Dean down on his bed. Sam stood back, allowing Castiel to remove Dean's shirt, and start washing away the blood. His eyes glance at Sam, who was very much not looking at Castiel, to Dean, who seemed to be threatening Sam with his eyes.
"I would very much appreciate an explanation." Castiel speaks, because if he doesn't, then neither of the two will. Castiel can feel, rather than see, the silent communication going on above his head, he lets it sit for a few minutes before he applies a bit too much pressure to Dean's side.
"Ow, fuck, Cas."
"Samuel?' Castiel asks, using Sam's full name to show his anger. Castiel eyes Dean again, but he is looking off to the side. Castiel's questioning gaze lands on Sam again, and the taller brother sighs.
"The idiot," Sam huffs, "got pulled in by the Kelpie. It worked it's magic, and before I was even half way done, there was Dean walking into water. So I tired to hurry up, and it must've noticed something because it started thrashing around, and knocked Dean into some metal in the river, and well…"
Sam ends his story with a weak gesture towards Dean's mid section. Dean snorts, "I play my part well, it didn't even notice you till you started screwing with the plan."
Sam says something to defend himself, and Dean snarks back. Castiel has stopped paying attention at this point. He's begun to think about what would've happened if he was at the hunt. If Castiel was present, he could've pulled Dean back from the water. If Castiel had been there, he could've said the ritual instead, his memory was not lost, and once he'd read how to do something he committed it memory. Surely he would've been able to recite it faster than Sam, and not allow enough time for the Kelpie to lure either of them in.
"Woah, Hey Cas," Dean shakes him from his thoughts. Still angry, Castiel locks eyes with Dean, who to his credit gulps, "How about a little alcohol to numb the pain, yeah?"
Castiel looks down at this hands, he's got the needle lined up, and the skin pinched together. He looks back up at Dean, "Do you require some? You seem to enjoy getting hurt for the sake of it."
"Cas…" Dean says, but Castiel doesn't want to hear it. Because the words are always the same. Dean will be adamant that this would've happened, whether Castiel was there or not. He would claim that something far worse could've happened to the ex-angel if he was there. To which Castiel would defend his usefulness, and ability to take care of his self. Dean would accept this, and on the next hunt still leave Castiel sitting in the motel room. It was the same each time.
"Sam, will you please sew your brother up? I can not abide his stupidity any longer." He hands Sam the needle, before grabbing his book and walking out the door.
.&.&.&.&.&.
Castiel doesn't really know where he's walking until he ends up outside the library. Which lucky for him is still open. Castiel ends up going to the upper level, and finding a soft chair hidden between stacks of books. Making himself comfortable, he opens his book vowing not to contact Dean or Sam until he's finished.
He's more than half way through the book when a figure is looming over him. Looking up, expecting it to be Sam more so than Dean, he surprised to find Kyle.
"Hey, when'd you come back?" Kyle asks.
"A few hours ago, I believe."
Kyle nods, then looks at his feet. "So was Dean 'displeased' with your literature choices?"
Castiel laughs, and he can't help but notice the way Kyle's face lights up in a smile, "I do believe in this situation, I'm the one who is displeased with Dean."
"Ah, you two get into a fight?" Kyle asks leaning on a near by stack.
Castiel isn't sure what it is about Kyle, perhaps it's that this is one of the longest conversations he's had outside of the brothers, but Castiel tells Kyle everything. Not everything, everything but about his life with the brothers, how they travel from town to town, and that Dean does stupid things when he feels that he has no options left, but won't let Castiel help him. He turns the slice through the stomach into a cut above the eye, gained not by falling in a polluted lake, but in a bar fight.
"You didn't go to the bar with him?" Kyle asks, now sitting comfortably on the floor.
"I do not drink." Castiel answers easily back.
"Why not?" Kyle asks again, but at the silence adds "Not meaning to pry, but is it religious or?"
"Dean does not like it when I drink." Castiel responds, "He has asked me not to."
"And you just go along with it?" Kyle asks. Castiel doesn't know how to respond. Castiel has done many things, thought about many things just because Dean asked him to. Drinking is very small compared to some of the actions.
"I mean, Jesus, man. Everything you talk about has something to do with because 'Dean this' or 'Dean that'. What do you do when Dean's not around?"
Castiel stays silent because before he would've checked in on other charges, or flown about looking for his father, but now that he was human what would he do?
"If you wanna build your whole life around him, that's up to you, but man, I just don't see why you would."
Castiel nods, and Kyle picks himself up off the floor. "Aw, crap. I came up here to tell you the library was closing, like an hour ago."
Castiel says his goodbyes in a haze, and walks slowly back to the hotel thinking about what Kyle had implied. Did Castiel build his life around Dean? And what would he do when Dean was gone?
.&.&.&.&.&.
They end up spending two weeks in town because of Dean's injury. After Dean tried to get up from the bed, and ended up ripping out his stitches, Sam and Castiel ordered him to bed rest. Even sitting up was hard on Dean, and he would wince every time he was jostled. Dean was a horrible, bratty child when he couldn't leave the bed. He also whined.
Castiel and Sam took turns staying with him, and helping him to the bathroom. When it was Sam's turn and Castiel could escape the hotel room, he walked around the town or hung out in the library. A few times he and Kyle went to eat or sat in the park near by. It was a quiet small town. Castiel was very happy here, and dreaded the day he would be leaving.
But he was thinking about that a lot. What if he didn't want to leave? Castiel knew he could never ask Dean to stop hunting, never ask him to settle down for good. Because without hunting Dean lost a little part of him. Castiel loved Dean, and he knew it was more than the love he felt for all God's creatures. Castiel knew that somewhere along the line he'd come to care for Dean much more than angels were allowed. And now, he was human, completely in love with Dean, and very unsure how Dean felt about him.
Dean finally got his brother back. Castiel couldn't ask him to give that up, nor did he feel right intruding on the road trip the two were finishing.
So when Castiel was thinking of not leaving Castiel knew he would be the only one.
What was he to do if he followed Dean? He would sit in the back, he would be able to spend time with Dean, talk with him, watch over him….yes, but would that be all his life accumulated to? What if Dean died? God forbid. But what if? Where would Castiel go? What would he do? He had no friends outside the brothers, had no skills to survive in the human world.
He didn't know anyone here either, but he could. Castiel could find work, at the library perhaps, or cooking. (Castiel could cook, it was only a matter of following the recipe, and once he had that memorized…) He would pursue his friendship with Kyle, and the waitress Amy, at the restaurant down the road. He could start something here.
Kyle was right. Castiel's entire life was Dean, but Castiel was not Dean's entire life. Which Castiel understood, Human should not completely devote their life to one thing. It was unhealthy. You could devote your life to God, but still work, still have your own friends and events to attend. Castiel understood this now. There were other things to life. Other things than Dean Winchester.
If he stayed he might try drinking, or go see a movie. He could purchase his own clothes, and work for his own money. Find an apartment to rent. And if he was lucky, Dean's anger would lessen in time and the brothers would come visit.
.&.&.&.&.&.
"What the fuck are you talking about, Cas?"
Castiel bowed his head, his fingers playing with the strap of his duffle bag. Dean was not taking Castiel's decision well. Castiel imagined he would not, and didn't expect it to be pleasant, but he also didn't expect it to be this unpleasant.
"I have acquired residence here, and will be staying." Castiel says again, still not meeting anyone's eyes. Dean had been angered, and hurt when Castiel said the words, but so far Sam has been quiet and surprised, and if Castiel dared a bit proud.
"Yeah, well fuck that you don't know what you're doing…"
"Dean!" Sam yells at the same time Castiel's head pops up to see Dean take a step towards him. Castiel doesn't move back, but he doesn't let the grip on the strap loosen. Castiel might not have super human strength but he is strong enough to stop Dean from ripping the bag off his shoulder.
"What!" Dean yells, head turning to look back at Sam. "Don't give me a bitch face, he can't survive on his own, Sam. I mean how could he ever 'acquire residence'."
"I have sufficient means to rent an apartment, along with proper identification, and a job." Dean turns to look at Castiel.
"I have mastered the phone, I called Bobby, he helped me out with identification, and the means to rent the apartment. Amy, from the Sal's down the street, has helped me acquire employment. I may not be well versed in human ways, but I can learn, and survive on my own." Castiel says in a deathly whisper.
"Bobby, that fucking traitor…"is the only thing Dean can muster.
"So, you'll be alright here?" Sam speaks up, and Dean sends a perfect imitation of what he calls 'Sam's bitch face' towards his brother.
"Yes," Castiel says to Sam, before looking at Dean, "I am no child, I was around when the world was created, I do believe I am old enough to make my own decisions."
Sam nods at him, gives him a pat on the shoulder before making his way to the passenger side of the impala.
"Dean?" Sam calls, opening the door waiting.
"Are you sure about this?" Dean asks, voice low.
"I'm sure, Dean."
"Can you handle it?" Dean asks again, urgent eyes casting towards Sam.
"I will see, won't I?"
Dean frowns but nods, and opens his own door. Once inside he starts the Impala, and the comforting rumble fills the air. Dean pulls out of the parking spot, and Castiel watches as he turns out onto the road to drive. He waits until he can no longer see the taillights of the car before he turns around. Repositioning the duffle strap on his shoulder, he makes his way into the small downtown area of the town to find his apartment.
Change, Castiel reminds himself, is not always a bad thing.
