Mario isn't coming
"Hey, want to hear a joke?"
"No! Now shut up!"
The two inmates sat in their cell trying not to fart, but one farted already and the other was plotting to kill himself because tuna was no longer on the menu. Tuna was no longer on anyone's menu. Tuna was outlawed.
This isn't a story about tuna, or prison inmates. This is the story about a guy. This story is about Mario.
Mario was currently working the night shift at the local penitentiary when he got a call from his brother Luigi.
"Yes Luigi, what is it?"
"Oh Mario, its'a horrible! Princess'a Peach has'a been kidnapped by Bowser!"
"For the last time, Luigi! I ain't going after that dumb broad anymore! Enough is enough! If you care about her so much then you go after her! But I spent way too much of my time jumping on turtles and throwing fireballs at goombas to save her sorry ass, and for what? So she could be kidnapped all over again? And all I got when I did rescue her was just a kiss on the nose. I am not looking for anything sexual or noth'n, but I would have liked to been paid for my time and effort."
"But Mario, don't'a you get the coins when you save's her?"
"Coins? Luigi, nobody accepts those coins as currency around here! They are only good in the Mushroom kingdom! That doesn't help when you live in New York City."
"You could'a come live in the Mushroom Kingdom then. Then you could'a use those coins."
"I've had it with the Mushroom kingdom. Luigi. The only people that live there other than you and the princess are mushroom people. Have you ever had a conversation with a mushroom person? They just scream at you. They are not right."
"But Mario, if'a you don't come, then the princess with be with Bowser for'a forever!"
"That is fine by me!"
Mario hung up the phone with a slam.
Meanwhile in the castle of Bowser.
The princess is pacing around the dining room drinking wine while bower sat in his chair reading a book.
"Ugh, I thought he be here by now!" The princess said in an annoyed tone.
"MAYBE HE GOT LOST. OR MAYBE HE GOT TIRED OF THIS WHOLE THING. WE HAVE DONE THIS WAY TOO MANY TIMES" Bowser said.
"I put too much time and effort into this ruse for him to just walk away from it. You know how boring it is to be the princess of a bunch of mushrooms? This is the only to do around here"
"LOOK, MAYBE ITS TIME TO JUST TRY TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO. I TOO FIND THIS WHOLE EVENT TO BE BORING AFTER THE FIRST FEW HUNDRED TIMES."
A knock on the door, it is Luigi
"Princess! Princess! Mario is'a not coming! He says he doesn't'a care anymore!"
"YOU SEE, HE ISN'T COMING."
"Where is Mario, Luigi?"
"He is'a in New York City!"
Suddenly, an asteroid fell from the sky and killed everyone.
From the crater came a beast of alien origin….then another asteroid fell and killed that.
THE END.
Oh…wait, what about Mario? He drank himself to death. The end.
