Tom's Monologue
[ A/N: The idea hit me as I sat bord at my computer. Why not do a monologue about how Tom feels about Issie? I know a lotta people wonder why I write his char the way I do in "Snape's Secret". So, here it is, with a poem I wrote for my crush about a month ago. Just so you know, this is in Tom's POV. Enjoy. :) -- Kat ]
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I sit and watch you,
With silent eyes,
I often wonder,
If you realize?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
This first time I saw you, I just knew that something inside me changed forever. I felt inspired by you, and pitited you, all in one instant. Your eyes showed me your soul -- oh, how beautiful it was to have someone show such devotion. And the part I liked best was that you didn't do it out of fear -- you did it because you wanted to.
When I put a curse on Severus and it upset you, your pain made me want to cry. Not because I felt sorry about doing it -- he was a traitor and deserved it -- but because it made you unhappy. I felt even more convinced that I would do something to console you when he turned you away when you tried to comfort him.
It felt so strange to feel compassionate. All my life, I had done things for my own benefit, never questioning whether I was right in doing them, or who they might hurt. By the end of our conversation the first night, I knew you were a spy -- but I didn't care. No, it would have meant your death -- and mine. For what fun would life have been for me without you? None. Of that, I was (and still am) convinced.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
You do not know me,
That's sad but true,
Well this is me,
And can't you see?
I love you.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
By the next morning, I knew there was no turning back. I still can't understand how you did it, Issie, but you brought me to my knees with your smile. It felt like I was a changed man. I was angry at Snape for ignoring you at breakfast, even though it gave me a chance to talk to you some more. I still can't get over the expression that crossed your face when I said we would have 'fun' with the muggles. It was like my whole would was being turned upside down.
It took all of my self-control not to kill Severus when I found you lying on the floor from Veritaeseum poisoning. How could he dare question someone so innocent and sweet? How could he have paid so little attention to once so precious that he was unaware of your allergies.
When we went to Auroria, I decided to follow you. When I saw you sitting on the swing and mumbling without a second thought given to who might hear you, I realized just how niave you really were. Since I didn't want to frighten you, I went and got you the roses and used an excuse when I pointed out I had heard part of your self-talk. But I really heard all of it.
I'll never tell you this, Issie, but I think part of my soul died when I saw the look on your face in the library. When you were panicing about the attack I felt like such a jerk... When you started identifying who was being attacked, my stomach began to tye itself into knots.
I will only ask you for one thing as long as I live. Don't give me another scare like you did when you healed the people of Auroria and when we fought about the children. I would have taken your place in an instant. When you fell into my arms I felt as though I might lose a peice of my soul.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
You walk through this world,
Head in the clouds,
You spread your light,
All around.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
My heart soared when I saw how happy you were to see Anna. I was very glad to know that I could make someone happy, even indirectly. I hope I did not frighten you when I kissed you that night, but I could not resist the chance. I was so afraid that it was the only one that I would ever get.
But the shouting matches between you and Severus were occuring more and more, and although that broadened my chances, I was worried he would hurt you, and one night he did. The same night I hurt you. I can't say that without tears coming to my eyes. I hurt you. I hated myself for that, and I swore that I would never let anyone hurt you again.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I stand in darkness,
And I feel scared,
But that could change,
Just the same,
If you cared.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pretty funny to think that the Dark Lord came to fear his own darkness, isn't it? I came to realize that as long as I did cruel things to people and acted selfish that I had no hope of ever winning you. So I decided to change. Now, don't get me wrong. I do not believe that a person can change overnight. It takes time and effort, and I am still learning new things every day. It is a long and tiring process. But when you smiled at me or sought out my company, it made the sacrifices of trying to be a little more good worthwhile.
When we had our duel and I hurt you, I felt like a failure. I failed at being a good person. I failed at protecting the one I loved. I failed at following my own desires. I even failed to keep the prisoners that we were dueling over. I hadn't cried since I was 15 years old, and as I sat and gazed at your unmoving body I think I wept for three days straight. At least, that's how it felt. I was terrified.
But you woke up. I was lucky. You were surprised, since I had kept you in my room, and seemed more concerned for me then for yourself. That night, we stayed together. That was the most beautiful night of my life. Had I known what the dawn would bring, I would have taken more precautions.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Long as I have hope left to believe
Someday, somehow, you will be with me.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I protected you with all my strength, yet my deepest fear nearly became a reality. The day of the great battle, you were accused of being a traitor and attacked. I only wish I had been able to get to you faster, Issie. You should never have had to experience that kind of pain. I swear, if I ever get the chance to get even with Lucius for hurting you -- I will.
As I looked at you, lying on the ground and helpless, I realized what was important in life. What good would my life have been without you? I would have still been the dark, selfish, cruel wizard whom without second thoughts had murdered grown men and babes with the same incantion. So I gave you my ring, and I died. I died a happy man, because you said you loved me. I would have died a thousand times to hear you say those words to me.
A bright light surrounded me and my eyes began to open. Is this heaven, I wondered? Or hell? Or some unknown place where we all wind up but never learn of while living. Then I saw your face before me, and I realized it was heaven -- at least from my perspective. I was alive! Even as they dragged me away from you to the Isle of despair, I had hope, because they could never take your love from me.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Last night while dreaming,
I saw your face,
Unknown's the meaning,
And gone's that place.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
As powerful as hope and dreams are, they are very scarce on this dark and desolute Isle. Without you, there is nothing for me, and only the hope that you will somehow find a way to free me of this place keeps me alive. For once it is I who am frightened. Will I ever see you again? Will you forget me? Was what I had for but a moment only a dream? Please say it isn't so...
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The dawn is breaking,
And now your here,
And all my dreams,
Or so it seems,
Are coming clear.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I saw you running towards me, your golden hair glistening in the noonday sun. You let me lift you off the ground, and as I did I felt as though I had spread wings. Though I do not know if you have come to take me home, or to sprend your life with me, I am greatful. I no longer fear this Isle -- for where there is love, dispair cannot flourish. I love you, Issie, and that will never change.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
And side by side,
Your hand in mine,
My dream appears...
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
[ End note: You thought I was going to give away the plot for Snape's Secret? No way! :) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that. I just had to get it out, it was starting to drive me crazy!! Please leave a review!! Thanks!! ]
[ A/N: The idea hit me as I sat bord at my computer. Why not do a monologue about how Tom feels about Issie? I know a lotta people wonder why I write his char the way I do in "Snape's Secret". So, here it is, with a poem I wrote for my crush about a month ago. Just so you know, this is in Tom's POV. Enjoy. :) -- Kat ]
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I sit and watch you,
With silent eyes,
I often wonder,
If you realize?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
This first time I saw you, I just knew that something inside me changed forever. I felt inspired by you, and pitited you, all in one instant. Your eyes showed me your soul -- oh, how beautiful it was to have someone show such devotion. And the part I liked best was that you didn't do it out of fear -- you did it because you wanted to.
When I put a curse on Severus and it upset you, your pain made me want to cry. Not because I felt sorry about doing it -- he was a traitor and deserved it -- but because it made you unhappy. I felt even more convinced that I would do something to console you when he turned you away when you tried to comfort him.
It felt so strange to feel compassionate. All my life, I had done things for my own benefit, never questioning whether I was right in doing them, or who they might hurt. By the end of our conversation the first night, I knew you were a spy -- but I didn't care. No, it would have meant your death -- and mine. For what fun would life have been for me without you? None. Of that, I was (and still am) convinced.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
You do not know me,
That's sad but true,
Well this is me,
And can't you see?
I love you.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
By the next morning, I knew there was no turning back. I still can't understand how you did it, Issie, but you brought me to my knees with your smile. It felt like I was a changed man. I was angry at Snape for ignoring you at breakfast, even though it gave me a chance to talk to you some more. I still can't get over the expression that crossed your face when I said we would have 'fun' with the muggles. It was like my whole would was being turned upside down.
It took all of my self-control not to kill Severus when I found you lying on the floor from Veritaeseum poisoning. How could he dare question someone so innocent and sweet? How could he have paid so little attention to once so precious that he was unaware of your allergies.
When we went to Auroria, I decided to follow you. When I saw you sitting on the swing and mumbling without a second thought given to who might hear you, I realized just how niave you really were. Since I didn't want to frighten you, I went and got you the roses and used an excuse when I pointed out I had heard part of your self-talk. But I really heard all of it.
I'll never tell you this, Issie, but I think part of my soul died when I saw the look on your face in the library. When you were panicing about the attack I felt like such a jerk... When you started identifying who was being attacked, my stomach began to tye itself into knots.
I will only ask you for one thing as long as I live. Don't give me another scare like you did when you healed the people of Auroria and when we fought about the children. I would have taken your place in an instant. When you fell into my arms I felt as though I might lose a peice of my soul.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
You walk through this world,
Head in the clouds,
You spread your light,
All around.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
My heart soared when I saw how happy you were to see Anna. I was very glad to know that I could make someone happy, even indirectly. I hope I did not frighten you when I kissed you that night, but I could not resist the chance. I was so afraid that it was the only one that I would ever get.
But the shouting matches between you and Severus were occuring more and more, and although that broadened my chances, I was worried he would hurt you, and one night he did. The same night I hurt you. I can't say that without tears coming to my eyes. I hurt you. I hated myself for that, and I swore that I would never let anyone hurt you again.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I stand in darkness,
And I feel scared,
But that could change,
Just the same,
If you cared.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Pretty funny to think that the Dark Lord came to fear his own darkness, isn't it? I came to realize that as long as I did cruel things to people and acted selfish that I had no hope of ever winning you. So I decided to change. Now, don't get me wrong. I do not believe that a person can change overnight. It takes time and effort, and I am still learning new things every day. It is a long and tiring process. But when you smiled at me or sought out my company, it made the sacrifices of trying to be a little more good worthwhile.
When we had our duel and I hurt you, I felt like a failure. I failed at being a good person. I failed at protecting the one I loved. I failed at following my own desires. I even failed to keep the prisoners that we were dueling over. I hadn't cried since I was 15 years old, and as I sat and gazed at your unmoving body I think I wept for three days straight. At least, that's how it felt. I was terrified.
But you woke up. I was lucky. You were surprised, since I had kept you in my room, and seemed more concerned for me then for yourself. That night, we stayed together. That was the most beautiful night of my life. Had I known what the dawn would bring, I would have taken more precautions.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Long as I have hope left to believe
Someday, somehow, you will be with me.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I protected you with all my strength, yet my deepest fear nearly became a reality. The day of the great battle, you were accused of being a traitor and attacked. I only wish I had been able to get to you faster, Issie. You should never have had to experience that kind of pain. I swear, if I ever get the chance to get even with Lucius for hurting you -- I will.
As I looked at you, lying on the ground and helpless, I realized what was important in life. What good would my life have been without you? I would have still been the dark, selfish, cruel wizard whom without second thoughts had murdered grown men and babes with the same incantion. So I gave you my ring, and I died. I died a happy man, because you said you loved me. I would have died a thousand times to hear you say those words to me.
A bright light surrounded me and my eyes began to open. Is this heaven, I wondered? Or hell? Or some unknown place where we all wind up but never learn of while living. Then I saw your face before me, and I realized it was heaven -- at least from my perspective. I was alive! Even as they dragged me away from you to the Isle of despair, I had hope, because they could never take your love from me.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Last night while dreaming,
I saw your face,
Unknown's the meaning,
And gone's that place.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
As powerful as hope and dreams are, they are very scarce on this dark and desolute Isle. Without you, there is nothing for me, and only the hope that you will somehow find a way to free me of this place keeps me alive. For once it is I who am frightened. Will I ever see you again? Will you forget me? Was what I had for but a moment only a dream? Please say it isn't so...
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The dawn is breaking,
And now your here,
And all my dreams,
Or so it seems,
Are coming clear.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
I saw you running towards me, your golden hair glistening in the noonday sun. You let me lift you off the ground, and as I did I felt as though I had spread wings. Though I do not know if you have come to take me home, or to sprend your life with me, I am greatful. I no longer fear this Isle -- for where there is love, dispair cannot flourish. I love you, Issie, and that will never change.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
And side by side,
Your hand in mine,
My dream appears...
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
[ End note: You thought I was going to give away the plot for Snape's Secret? No way! :) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that. I just had to get it out, it was starting to drive me crazy!! Please leave a review!! Thanks!! ]
