Chyna: Hi

Hyper Insomnia Number One

By Chyna Rose

Disclaimer:  Don't own gargs, Buffy, or Digimon.  Do own my four muses and myself.  This is a spin off of hyperness, mild insomnia, and the author's note for Bewitching the Dragon, part four by Michiko.  And yes the letter event really did happen to me. 

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[fade in on a bare theatrical stage.  Chyna enters in conservative dress.]

Chyna:  Hi.  I've taken a break from my work on Tenth Century Digital Gargoyle in order to bring you this little lesson on the meaning of a word.  And to demonstrate my point, Daisuke and Ken have volunteered. 

Daisuke: No we didn't.  You pulled us out of archiving to do this.

Chyna: Think of this as your reward for the postal surgeon bit.

Daisuke: Don't you mean punishment?

Chyna: I thought it was cute.  For those wondering what the hell I'm talking about, I will explain.  During the summer I volunteered  my time on a political campaign.  For the past week or so, the campaign has been focused on getting a mailer out.  I had to sort the letters by zip code –a job made harder by the fact that a number of envelopes ended up glued together.  After working with both a box cutter and some scotch tape, I began to think of myself as a postal surgeon and came up with a small skit:

Miyako: [hands an exacto knife to Joyu]  Joyu, can you separate the stuck letters. Someone [glares at Taichi] went a little overboard with the adhesive.

Joyu: I'm a doctor, not  a postal surgeon.

Yamato: Joyu, you're not a doctor.  I thought you didn't want to be one.

Taichi: (quietly to Koushiro) You had to watch a Star Trek marathon last night.

Daisuke: My point exactly.

Chyna: You'll like this.  Trust me.

Daisuke: (sarcastic) Like I haven't heard that before.

Chyna: Anyway, my assistants Ken and Daisuke will now demonstrate the use of the word 'master'.  No matter how the word master is used, it always shows a dominant/submissive relationship between people.  This is unavoidable as master is a term that denotes rank.  One of the first things that comes to mind when one hears the word master is the relationship of master and slave; which Ken and Daisuke will now demonstrate.

[Ken enters wearing an elaborate Egyptian style outfit in the Kaiser's colors.  Daisuke follows him wearing only a simple off white Egyptian style skirt, and carrying a chair.  Ken points to a spot on the floor, and Daisuke puts the chair down then kneels next to it.  Ken sits down.]

Ken:  Slave, bring me a pomegranate.

Daisuke: Yes master. [exits.  After a moment, Ken picks up the chair and exits.]

Chyna: Next, we have the master/employee relationship.   This is the type of relationship seen more often in long time domestic services –such as a live in maid or butler.

[Daisuke enters wearing a tux.  He's carrying a tray holding the afore mentioned fruit.  Ken enters, wearing a business suit.]

Daisuke: Welcome back Master Ken.  I trust you day was good.  Would you care for a pomegranate?

Ken: I think I'll skip on the fruit.

Daisuke: Very good sir.  Would you like me to notify the cook about dinner?

Ken: Tell him I'm dinning out tonight. [Ken and Daisuke exit together.]

Chyna: There is a variation on the master/employee relationship: the master/peasant relationship.  This is not seen very  much anymore since the feudal system which it originated in is no longer used.

[Daisuke enters wearing a page outfit –complete with a sheathed sword.  He approaches Chyna and drops to one knee in front of her.]

Daisuke:  My lord and master, Ken Ichijouji, requests your presence for dinner tonight.  Please follow me.

[Daisuke rises, bows to Chyna, then exits.  Chyna simply roles her eyes.]

Chyna: Then there is the master/apprentice relationship.  Again, this is something rarely seen today as the system it flourished in has all but died.

[Daisuke and Ken enter, dressed as Jedis.  They sit cross legged on the floor.]

Ken: Meditation is a good tool to know.  It helps to bring calm and focus.  Close your eyes and slow your breathing.  Picture the computer in your mind.  See yourself at the computer accessing the web site.  If you can imagine the hack in your mind, you will be one step closer…

[Chyna bodily pushes them off stage, among protests and then returns blushing slightly.]

Chyna: Sorry about that.  I that wasn't what they said they'd do when they cleared the skit with me earlier.  Next we have master and amateur.  This example is the most common one today.

[Daisuke and Ken enter in what they normally wear, carrying a number of books, binders, and papers.  They never stop walking.]

Daisuke:  So you see, as long as your gm's halfway decent, it's not that hard.

Ken: What if I want to do something different from what the gm decided is going to happen?

Daisuke: A good gm will be able to compensate.  He should be flexible enough to allow for deviation.  And if it's vitally important that something happens, he'll set it up so that you end up doing what he wants anyway. 

Ken: Oh.  What do I do if my gm doesn't?

Daisuke: Get a new one.

[they continue talking and exit.]

Chyna: What?  Where is it written that Ken must always be the master? Anyway.  After that, we have…

Daisuke: (from off stage) I refuse to do this!

Chyna: Daisuke, there are only two more examples left to do.  So stop complaining and put on the damn costume.

Daisuke: (from off stage) It's demeaning.

Chyna: I promise you'll like the last one.

Daisuke: (still from off stage) How can I?  You never told us what it was, let alone ask to see the skit for it.

Chyna: If you haven't figured it out, ask Ken.  After you put on the costume and get your but out here for the skit.  [waits a minute to give Daisuke a chance to say something further.  He doesn't] After that we have the master/pet relationship.  Normally, this one isn't applied to humans on both ends, but given the circumstances…

[Ken and Daisuke enter.  Ken is dressed normally, but Daisuke's on all fours in a dog suit –complete with leash and collar.  He growls at Chyna, who growls right back.  They exit.]

Chyna: The last example is that of master and sex toy.  Although it is not quite as common as master/amateur, it is most likely the most sought after one.

[Ken enters wearing the outfit he had as the Kaiser, only without the glasses or shirt.  Daisuke walks on stage wearing the dog collar, leash, and the Egyptian style skirt.  He's practically drooling.  Ken stops in the middle of the stage, jerking Daisuke to a sudden stop on the end of the leash, and faces Chyna.]

Ken: Henati.   [turns to leave, then stops]  Don't even think about following us.  [exits, dragging the unresisting Daisuke after him.]

Chyna: [wipes the drool off her chin and manually closes her mouth.]  Er, well, there you have it.  The various meanings of the word 'master'.  (half to herself) I wonder if Lex set up the cameras like I begged him to? [exits]

[camera pans back until Lex and Spike can be seen, sitting in the flies.]

Spike: You gonna tell 'er that Ken swept the room for camera's before 'e left?

Lex: Maybe.  I told her it was a bad idea in the first place.  Besides, I'm a little mad at her for what she did to me.

Spike: She finally got around to writing your scene in that Digital Gargoyle thing then?

Lex: She had me shot!  By my own brother even.

Spike: Ow.  Feel like watching the sparks fly when she realizes the camera's not hooked up?

Lex: Sure.  I'll make some popcorn.

[fade to black]