"So, what time do you think you'll get home?"
"I don't know mom… probably around like 6:00? Is that okay?"
"Yeah, that should be fine. We'll see you then!" she says into the phone, excited and terrified all at the same time.
"Can't wait to hear about Paris!" her daughter says to part before hanging up her end of the phone.
Lorelai sat in the kitchen staring at the cell phone that she just closed. Thoughts of regret were running through her head, but happiness was there too. It was like she had finally gotten what she wanted, but it wasn't quite right. It wasn't really how it was supposed to be.
"Did you call Rory?"
Snapping out of her contemplation, she turned to look at her husband. Husband… it doesn't sound right. We're married… that just doesn't roll off the tongue the way I thought it would. "Yeah, I called her. She'll be here around 6:00."
"All right, then I'm going to go out now to pick up the food, okay?" he says, asking her a question but not waiting for the response. He leans down to give her a quick peck on the lips, and as he's running out the door screams back at her, "I can't wait to see her reaction. She's going to love this Lor."
She smiles back at him a fake smile as he leaves the house. No…not right.
A HALF HOUR LATER
"Where did you get this food? It is amazing, and can we build it by Yale?" Rory asks, clearly enjoying her meal.
"Isn't it great? Your mom and I went there a few weeks ago, and when we wanted to have you over for dinner, she thought you'd love it."
"Well, you were right… good call mom." Rory directs at her mother, who appears to be staring off into space for the moment. "Mom?"
"Lor."
That seemed to get her attention as she focuses on the faces in front of her. "Sorry, I guess I zoned out for a minute or two."
Christopher took this as Lorelai's cue to tell Rory their big news. How he got that cue from her spaciness, she'll never know.
"So, we've got something to tell you kid." Chris starts, grabbing on to a freaked out Lorelai's hand.
Lorelai plasters on another smile in front of her daughter, whose eyes seem to be darting back and forth between her mother and her father, waiting for an unexpected bomb to drop.
"Did you guys get engaged?" she says with a tone that lacked in enthusiasm but was piled high with confusion.
"Not exactly. Lor?"
"We got married…" Rory's face was the picture of surprise. "I know that you're upset because you weren't there and this was big, but we didn't want to wait."
"No, I'm happy for you guys! Oh my gosh! I can't believe you got married!?" She says as she hugs both her parents.
After a few more hugs and exclaims of surprise, Lorelai wasn't convinced. Underneath this happy exterior was not a girl that was happy for her mom. There was something else there. She knew that she should talk to her now rather than later.
"Chris, you mentioned getting some dessert, why don't you go out and get something and bring it back?"
"I can certainly do that for my girls! I'll be right back." He says, excusing himself from the kitchen to grab his coat and keys.
It wasn't until she heard the click of the front door that Lorelai stole a glance at her silent daughter. What she saw there was exactly what she expected, but also something she wasn't.
"Rory…"
"No. You don't get to talk. As if sleeping with dad right after breaking up with Luke wasn't enough, you two go off to Paris and get married! What the hell were you thinking? Sookie and I could have talked you out of the engagement, but marriage is a done deal."
"I know it wasn't right of us to go off and do this, but Rory, you have to understand that…"
"I understand perfectly. I know exactly what is going through your head, and you know what? It isn't fair to you, me, dad, or Luke!" Rory screams and Lorelai's head springs up to attention.
"What is that supposed to mean? Luke has nothing to do with this Rory! This was between me and your dad."
"Yes it does. You're still upset about Luke, and you think that dad is going to fill that for you, but newsflash! He can't fill that, because you don't love him… not the way you love Luke. God mom! So soon after you broke it off with another guy? Can't wait to hear the town reaction to this news. Lorelai Gilmore does it again. Breaks off an engagement and treats the ex like crap."
"HEY! That's not fair!" she says, knowing the truth in Rory's words, but not wanting to admit it. The tears start to flow as Rory stands up, offering one last blow before leaving.
"Well it's not fair to you or dad that if you ever say I love you, you're picturing Luke Danes and not Christopher Hayden."
"Rory…" she calls after her, but knows that it won't do any good when she hears the engine start in the driveway.
As she sits with the tears fresh in her eyes, she glances at the clock, realizing that Chris should be back soon with desert. A quick look in the mirror tells her that she won't be able to hide the fact that she had been crying. When the front door opens and Christopher screams that he's back from the foyer, she wipes her eyes and meets him in the kitchen.
"Hey, I brought everything that I knew you guys would like back…where's Rory?"
"Oh…they called her from the paper about something major happening down at Yale. Since she's done being editor, she figured that she would stay on as a staff writer in case anything major happened." She tells him in the most convincing tone that she can muster, silently praying that when he asks about her tear-stained cheeks he won't dig too deep into what transpired between the two women.
The question never came though. He acknowledged Lorelai's story as the truth and went about getting the forks and plates for desert ready. Is he avoiding the unpleasant conversation that he knows would come up, or is he really that dense?
A FEW WEEKS LATER
Explaining Rory away that evening to Christopher was easy, but the sting that it left wasn't something easy to deal with. What Rory said was true, and no matter how much she tried to deny it and be all in with Chris, she couldn't do it. The conversation shared by the two was constantly playing in her mind, and she didn't know who to turn to.
Christopher thought that marriage was a great solution to make sure that they were together forever, just like it was always supposed to be. However with the excitement of Paris and the too recent jet lag, they didn't really think about all the details concerning this whole marriage idea. Now all she could do was think. That is why she found herself sitting in the middle of the town square that evening, contemplating how she and her daughter weren't talking right now, and how stupid her marriage was.
The spot was perfect, because she could see everything in town, and the spot happened to be right in front of the diner, which she hasn't ventured two in a few months now. A few hours into the night, she finally saw movement as she stared absentmindedly at the diner while contemplating the life that she had chosen. Luke walks out with something in his arms, and starts to make his way towards her.
It wasn't until he got closer that she realized what he was holding, and her eyes softened at the sight.
"Hey…" he says, looking up at her and then back down at the baby in his arms.
"Is this the newest addition to your family?" she says, moving closer to him to get a better peek.
"My nephew."
"A boy. I'm glad she had a boy."
"I think I would have been happy with either, but this is pretty neat."
She looks up at him, and their eyes meet and smile at each other in the dim light of Stars Hallow at night.
"Can I?" she says, gesturing to the baby, but not knowing exactly where the two of them stood in regards to anything. Am I supposed to just be an aquaintence to him, or am I supposed to try to get it back to how we were before our relationship ever started? Friends, nothing more.
"Of course you can." He assures her, handing over the baby ever so carefully.
For a moment the world around her stops, as she focuses on the little bundle in her arms. God, I wish this was mine. He looks up at her with squinty eyes and opens his mouth in a tiny yawn, flexing his fingers and snuggling back in for sleep.
After smiling at the action, she thinks about why the yawn looked almost familiar to her. "He has your eyes." She says, in a casual way.
"Yeah, that's what Liz says. She thinks that he has my lips too."
Lorelai looks up then, glancing at his features and then back down. "I think I would have to agree."
When she allows her glance to drift back up to his, she is painfully aware of the moisture she sees gathering at the corner of his eyes.
"What's his name?"
"William."
"Oh."
"Yeah…"
"After your dad."
"Yeah."
She looks up again, knowing that her eyes are showing the same pain as his, and quickly moves her attention back to the baby when their eyes meet. Luke, unlike Christopher has always been able to read her, and that quick glance led him to his painful next question. Painful in that it was loaded with meaning and wanting that she didn't want to think about.
"Lorelai?"
"Yes?"
"What are you thinking right now?"
"Luke, you don't want to know what I'm thinking right now."
"I think I do."
Looking up again, she lets out a sigh. "I'm thinking that I would have wanted us to name a boy William too, and I'm thinking that if we had a baby that I would want it to have your eyes and your lips just like this little one does." She says, touching the baby's soft cheek and running a finger over his nose.
They stay quiet for a moment, taking in the dialogue that just passed between them. In a careful, slow motion, she transfers the baby back to his uncle.
"I'm sorry Luke, every day."
"Me too."
A sad smile crosses her features as she turns to walk away from him.
"Lorelai?"
She stops, but doesn't turn around, waiting for him to say what he wanted to say.
"I was thinking the same thing. But in my thoughts, they always had your eyes."
When she does dare a glance back he is already halfway to the diner, and she can hear him speak in whispered tones to the baby. A small smile returns, but turns to a frown when she sees who is walking toward her.
"Lor? Where have you been?"
"I was sitting in the gazebo… a good place to think about life."
"Wasn't that Luke that I saw with you?"
"Yes…" she says, cautiously, hoping that this wasn't going in the direction that she thought it was heading in.
"Oh…" he says in a way that is trying to convince her that he is casual about the whole thing, but begging her to take the bait and ask him if it bothers him.
"He was walking with his nephew, and saw me in the gazebo."
"I thought you hadn't talked to him in months."
"I hadn't."
"So now you are buddy buddy with him and holding his nephew?"
"What?"
"I just don't get why you didn't tell me that you were going for a walk and then I come out to look for you and you're there with him… your ex-fiance who supposedly broke your heart." He says, starting to raise his voice on the defense.
The words that he was speaking seemed to be going right through her, causing anger to bubble up in her like she didn't expect. "Chris, long before Luke and I ever got involved, he was my friend. Next to Sookie and Rory, he was probably my best friend, and no matter what happens in my life, I always want the option to have him there as that. If it takes us a few chance meetings to realize that we can still even talk to each other then so be it, but you have no right to turn this into something about you."
He was speechless as she said her piece and then walked past him towards the house that they were supposed to be sharing. It hits her halfway home that he is going to be coming in after her. He was her husband after all and he was supposed to live there too, so why wouldn't he come back?
Later that evening, her anger had subsided and she let him sleep upstairs with her. He took it as a good sign and professed his apologies.
"It's okay, I understand where you are coming from… I'm sorry too." She replies to his apologies, turning herself on her side, facing away from him.
She feels his arm wrap around her middle and a wet mouth placing a kiss on her shoulder. His hand begins to trace lazy patterns up her arm, and she finally breaks.
"Chris, stop, I'm tired."
"Let's have a baby."
The tension in her body reaches new heights as his suggestion makes its way to her brain, and as soon as its there is just as soon as it leaves. She won't even turn to look him in the eye as she mutters a quick, "no."
"Why? I think it would be so amazing, and we're finally at really good places in our lives right now."
"Chris, I don't want another kid right now, and probably not ever… I'm sorry."
Her eyes had picked a spot on the wall in front of her, and her voice did not waiver as she spoke the lie to her husband. No I don't want another kid… at least not with you.
"I thought you told me that you wanted another kid?"
"No, I don't want another kid. I'm done with kids."
He peels himself away from her, turning his back towards her, in obvious defeat. "All right… maybe we'll talk about it in a few months to see if you change your mind."
His thought didn't even get a response from Lorelai as she continued to stare at her fixed spot on the wall, and focused on her breathing so she wouldn't let her breath hitch as she thought of the possibilities she let slip through her fingers.
It was funny how a year ago she was having this same conversation with Luke, right after their engagement and he decided to inform her that he wanted kids or furniture and she could chose. Kids would be nice. I think that's what I told him…and I meant it. I still mean it, but I can't do that to Chris… and I can't do that to another child.
So...
this is my first installment, which I had to get out before the next
episode because they are going to Rory, and I wanted mine to be
original...only it really isn't original, because it is based on
spoilers... so I don't know. I hope that you like it... it is my
way of making sense out of the current season. Maybe I can write
a Lorelai that isn't in a drug-induced happy pills state... anyone else
get upset at her doe-eyed confession of happy she was and how much she
loved Christopher, and how out of character that was for her? Or
am I the only one? Anyways... review if you would like, and read
my other stories too, cause they can be amusing as well.
