Sir Topham Hatt Vs. Gordon
By Joe
Summary: Sir Topham Hatt goes crazy one day and decides to challenge Gordon to a race…on foot!
Author Notes: I do not own Thomas the Tank Engine, its characters, or any other copyrighted material. Also, parts of this story contain material not suitable for young children.
Chapter 1
One stormy day on the Island of Sodor, the leader of the railway, Sir Topham Hatt, sat in his office, looking out the window to watch the engines work. But things were not entirely peaceful on the railway. A red mixed-traffic engine, James, was getting into an argument with a big blue engine named Gordon. They were arguing about who was to take the express.
"Sir Topham Hatt ordered me to take the express!" demanded James.
"Why would he employ you? I'm much better for taking the express. Besides, don't you have cars to shunt?" Gordon snorted.
"No, I don't," snapped James. "And it's about time you did your share of the real work around here. Maybe that'll take your ego down a notch!"
Sir Topham Hatt sighed. The engines got in many squabbles just like this before, but he was tired about having to constantly deal with it. It was very stressful to him. Sir Topham Hatt felt his stress level rising to a level that had never been reached before. He felt as though he were about to have a heart attack. Then, his wife, Lady Hatt, entered the office.
"What's the matter, dear?" she asked.
"I'm tired of those engines squabbling every day," sighed Sir Topham Hatt. "I need something to calm my nerves."
"Come with me," said Lady Hatt. "I think I know what you need." Sir Topham Hatt followed his wife outside and into a garden by the office, where he saw these funny green plants. "W-what's that?" Sir Topham Hatt asked.
"It's marijuana," his wife said. "Smoke it, and you will feel invincible."
"Well, I don't believe in smoking, but now I'm so stressed, I do need something to calm down with."
Sir Topham Hatt later found himself in his office smoking marijuana. He began to see funny colors. His dark office lit up with all colors of the rainbow. "I'm in fantasyland! Woo hoo!" bellowed Sir Topham Hatt. "I think I'll go outside and deal with Gordon and James."
He then bounced outside, thinking that the ground was made of clouds. He then rushed over to the rail where Gordon and James were arguing.
"Sir Topham Hatt, Gordon says I can't pull the express," whined James.
"James is too small to pull the express," snapped Gordon.
"Gordon, just shut up and let James pull the damn express," snapped Sir Topham Hatt. But then, the Fat Controller's mind on pot gave him a "brilliant" idea. "In fact, Gordon, I have a bone to pick with you!"
"What!" roared Gordon.
"That's right. I challenge you – to a race!"
Both Gordon and James looked at Sir Topham Hatt as though he were absurd. "You!" Gordon laughed.
"Yes, me. Find something funny, fatass?"
"Yeah…I'm an engine…you're a human. You can't even begin to win a race against me," said Gordon.
"I've lately gotten superpowers!" announced Sir Topham Hatt. "What are you waiting for? Let's meet at Knapford Station, and we shall begin the race! We race from Knapford Station all the way to your hill!"
"You're on!" Gordon chuckled. "This should be an easy victory for me."
