Wow, this is a fic that I never thought I'd write. It explores a whole different side of some of the characters. And it is TWISTED. I'm gonna have to put a warning in my fics. That's weird for me.. Really weird. I don't ever warn people but, this one needs it. Man, does it need it...oh boy. On and Lace-cha' This is the fic you didn't want to read. Where's mah muse. Where are ya. Come out of hiding.

Takeru>I don't like this fic. I'm gonna stay in the other room.

You have to warn the readers now.

Takeru> I'm not coming out.

Then, I'll just get my other muse.

Takeru> 'Nii-san is on vacation, remember.

Oh yeah....where I'll just warn them. This fic contains major adult themes. If you don't like..::deep breath:: Well, if you're not very very mature. You might not want to read this. Partly out of character. But, really not because you don't know what goes on with them behind their closed doors. BWAHAHA. There's a bunch of adult themes, There I warned you again!

Takeru> Kowaii. ;_;

Don't worry, it'll all turn out okay..eventually.

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Secret Lives
by: Ishida Takeru


We all have our secret lives.
The ones we hide from mankind.
The quiet of our homes.
The silence of our mind.

We all have our secret lives.
The ones we share with few.
The odd things we may say.
The odd things we may do.

We all have our secret lives.
And we all want to keep them that way.
What would other people do.
What would other people say.



Koushiro stared down at his hands that were now embraced by a thick red liquid. He gave a small smile as he slowly rub his wounded wrist against the carpet leaving a similar color along it's fibers. This was what he wanted. Everyone thought he was fine, that he had gotten over the fact that he was adopted. They thought that he was happy. They simply had thought what Koushiro wanted them to. Koushiro was in fact a good actor. He used the computer to mask his true feelings, he could easily take shelter behind it's glowing screen. And now he would never have to see that screen again. His ultimate hiding space was soon to be found.

"Koushiro!"

Koushiro stared blankly at his mother as she ran to his side covering the wounds with a towel. For some reason, no matter how hard he tried someone always stops him from ending it all. "Gomen." he muttered.


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"What happened to your wrists?" Takeru asked peering over Koushiro's shoulder as he typed.

It had been a week since Koushiro had tried to take his life. Since then his parents hadn't left him alone. And now here was Takeru bothering him about it. "I had an accident with a knife, okay?"

"You don't have to bite my head off."

"Gomen. I just haven't been in a sociable mood lately."

Takeru grinned seemingly satisfied with that answer. "Great."

"You're in a good mood all the time, aren't you."

"Yep." Takeru grinned some more. Yeah, he was in a good mood, with a help from a friend.

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Takeru stared at the bag as he tossed it up and down. This was his answer to the constant depression that seemed to fall upon him. Depression was such a strange term. Well, not the term itself, but the reasons for it. You could be depressed over your love life, or you could be depressed over school. Hell, you could even be depressed because there's no reason to be depressed. In his case, it wasn't a big thing, it was a bunch of little things. Still being away from his brother, although it wasn't as bad now. The fact that Hikari flirted with him, but never realized that he cared. Daisuke always annoying him. Little things, that seemed to pile up. Takeru had an answer for these little problems though, and it was in a little bag.

"'Nii-san would kill me if he found out." Takeru mumbled to nobody in particular. "So, I'm not dealing with my problems in a 'good' way. It's not like I'm addicted. It's just to get rid of my depression, right?" Takeru looked around for an answer before continuing. "Right. Besides, a little bit never hurts anybody."

With that he took one of the bags contents and swallowed it quickly. Takeru flopped back onto his bed, everything suddenly seeming better. Takeru grinned as he stared at his ceiling. He swore he could see little Patamon's playing basketball against a group of Pegasusmon. Slowly he closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep. Yet, no sleep came. "I need to sleep!" he yelled glaring at the window. "I bet someone was watching me. Damnit, why can't they just leave me alone!"


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Takeru yawned as he pulled his books from his locker. For some reason he hadn't be able to get any sleep as of late. It didn't really worry him, in fact he hadn't had many worries for a long time.

"Yo, Takeru."

"Hey 'Nii-san, what's going on?" he asked shoving his locker close.

"Nothing much, just about to go home."

Takeru shrugged as he saw a mass of hair sneak up behind Yamato. " Um..'Nii"

"Oi, Yamato!" A hand slammed against Yamato's back as Taichi announced his arrival on the scene.

Yamato grimaced a moment. 'Taichi, my back is sore, remember." He managed to save between gritted teeth.

"That wasn't my fault."

"Oh, deny it now. Anyway, you'll still coming over tonight?"

"Yeah yeah."

Takeru stood there blinking as they walked away talking about something or another. "That was just weird."

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Yamato yawned as he watched television. He stretched a bit before turning to the one who was occupying a chair. "Are you backing out?"

"Why would I be."

Yamato shrugged a bit. "It was your idea to watch television." Yamato stood up, heading to his bedroom.

"What are you doing."

"If you're not going to do anything, I'll do it myself."

"That's crazy."

Yamato shrugged that comment off, pulling out a case from under his bed. He shrugged a bit as he opened the case pulling out a seemingly normal piece of bamboo.

"Just going to start without me?"

"You were taking too long." Yamato replied, tossing the bamboo stalk to the other. "You want to go first.."

"You already hurt your back."

"That's the point, Taichi. You never backed out before." Yamato retorted. "Can't take as much as I can?" His voice had a tone of challenge in it. He smirked at Taichi as he pulled his own shirt over his head.

"Is that a challenge?" Taichi asked in a mocking voice. He removed his own shirt and grinned. "I accept your challenge."

Pain is a funny thing. There are some people who are afraid of it. Who shy away from anything that could even possibly seem painful. Then there are some people who ignore it. The one's who can be hit and not flinch. And there's a combination of the two, the ones that don't like it, but can't stand it when it happens.

Yamato grimaced as the bamboo left thin red lines across his back. Pain was something that he had gotten to like. It was always thrusted upon him in one form or another. He was happy to find someone who felt similar. His best friend Taichi, they had gotten into their share of fights. They had spoke upon the fights when they returned from the Digital World and agreed that they weren't so bad, and were almost exhilarating. One thing moved to another, and this is how they ended up. Two freaks who enjoyed pain. Yamato knew they were freaks. What would people think or say. They'd probably think that they had some kind of relationship, which was far from the truth. Taichi was only his friend.

They went back and forth hitting each other for what seemed like hours. Taichi had hesitated and only he knew why. He did like pain, just not as much as Yamato. The thing he really didn't like was inflicting the pain. It had been fine in the beginning, but as they became better friends. Something had clicked in Taichi's mind. He put the thoughts to the back of his mind for the longest time. And that was where they were going to stay.

In the end the two friends were slumped against each other, mumbling about how much it actually hurt and that they should try something different next time.

^^^^^^A/N: FLAME ME! I DARE YA! ^_^ ^^^^^


Koushiro sighed a bit. Yet another day of trying to help the new Digidestined with their problems. He wasn't bitter about not being able to go and help. Even though those were some of the only times he had felt that he mattered. No, not bitter at all. "That's it." Koushiro said throwing his hands up in the air and stalked out of the lab.

There is so much a person could take, and Koushiro wasn't going to take anymore. He stepped out of the building and ran. In reality he had no idea where he was going to go. In fact, it didn't even matter where he went. It would be a few hours before anybody started to worry. Just enough to get hit by a bus or hang himself from a tree.

The wind began to pick up and howl the name of Death. It was starting to get dark, and a storm was obviously coming in. That suited Koushiro fine. His mind was like the weather bright for times, but cloudy and depressing most of the time. The rain began to pound the pavement as Koushiro came up to a bridge. In essence it was the bridge over the River Styx.

Koushiro recognized the bridge, for it was the one he had fallen from before. How ironic, there was no Tentomon to save him this time. He was far away from home that his parents wouldn't stop him this time. He grinned almost happily as he pulled himself onto the side of the bridge. This would be the moment he would rejoin his parents, his real parents.

"Koushiro!"

Koushiro turned quickly towards the voice. "Leave me alone."

"What are you doing out in this rain?"

Koushiro stared in disbelief. Here he was standing on a bridge's edge, and she was asking what he was doing. If she wants to know, who was he to not share his "knowledge." "I'm going to jump, what does it look like."

"Why would you do that?!"

"Why? Because I want to die. I have no reason to be here. Now that my purpose is served, I want to join my parents."

"But..." The figure crept closer. "What about you friends."

"They'll live. I was always treated like a kid anyway."

"What about me?"

"What about you. You're just another friend. Why would it be any--"

"Because I love you!"

"Yeah, right. All anybody thinks of me is that I'm smart. Or I'm such a genius with computers."

The figure stared at him, her eyes filled with sincerity. Without a word she had a hold of Koushiro and yanked him forcefully from the ledge.

"Mimi...."

Her eyes began to fill with tears as she finally realized what might have happened. "Koushiro, don't ever do that again."

"But--"

"Don't do it!" she yelled as she hugged her. "Everyone cares for you. I care for you."

"But--"

His final protest was silenced as her lips met his. The rain slowly began to calm and then finally stop, the moon pushing it's way through the clouds illuminating the two with it's pale silver light. The two friends embraced beneath it's silver threads.

Koushiro blinked a few time, was this true love? Was this what he had been longing for since he was a child. His life was no longer secret. He had someone to share his pain with, someone who would help him through the bad times and cheer him on during the good ones.


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Takeru glanced around the street. People were watching him yet again. And they were all talking about him. It was painfully obvious that they were. Look at the kid, he's ugly. He's a beast who could never be loved. I bet he doesn't know what love is. He'll never be loved by Hikari.

Takeru shuddered and began to run as fast as he could. He needed to relax, he needed his new best friend. He ran up his stairs pushing people aside as they headed towards their respected destinations. Without thinking he shoved his door open and ran into his room. His mother wasn't home, which was a blessing for him. His hand began to shake as he searched through his drawer pulling out a small plastic bag.

"Only one left!" hey yelled slamming his fist into the wall. His eyes winded as the stucco crumpled under the pressure. "Great! Now I have to hide this from my mother!" He threw his hands up in the air. "Stop telling me I'm stupid!"

He began to pace his room, forgetting momentarily about the plastic bag. "I don't want your help!" He glared toward the window. "Get out of my life!"

"Takeru?"

Takeru turned towards his door. "He's not here!"

"Are you okay, Takeru?"

"He's not here! Get lost!"

Hikari took a step backwards, she now regretted coming into the house without permission but nobody answered the door, and it was wide open. Something in his voice didn't seem right. "Your door was wide open, so I thought.." Her eyes looked towards the bag that was now lying on his bed. "Takeru..? What's that?"

"It's nothing." He mumbled making a grab for the bag, but he was off a few feet and fell to the ground. "Why did you trip me!?"

Hikari blinked picking up the bag. She stared at it for a moment before it clicked in her head. "Takeru!"

"Look, I may love you and everything, but your face is bothering me!"

What? Hikari blinked a few times, before putting the comment to the side. "What is this."

"What does it look like."

"We have to get you help."

"Don't want any!"

Hikari closed her eyes, she knew she was going to regret most of this later, but it had to be done. She grabbed hold of Takeru's arm and dragged him out of the house.

"I don't wanna goo! It's going to hurt!"

"This isn't going to hurt." Hikari replied calmly.


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"This isn't going to hurt." Yamato replied calmly. He stared at Taichi with a quirked eyebrow. "We've his each other with our fists more times than I can count."

Taichi sighed, he didn't want this to go on any more. He didn't want to hurt someone he loved. No, he didn't love Yamato, did he? "I can't--"

Yamato sighed deeply. "Look, Taichi. If you're having second thoughts, I can easily.."

"It's not that.."

"Pain is like a drug Taichi. It makes me feel alive. Sometimes I feel like a ghost just walking around letting some fanatics see me when they want to believe."

Taichi sighed, he didn't want to hurt him, but he didn't want to disappoint him either. he hadn't realized how hard he had hit him until it was to late. His eyes widened as he saw Yamato fall backwards his head landing against the glass coffee table. A shower of blood and glass rained down upon the white carpet of the apartment.

"What have I done!?"


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"What have I done!" Takeru yelled from the bed he was strapped to. "I didn't do anything to be held here like some animal!"

Hikari stared into the room, than back at the doctor. "Isn't this a bit..unorthadox..?"

The doctor shrugged a bit. "He has a serious problem. We don't want him to end up hurt."

Hikari nodded a bit, she had called Takeru's mother a little earlier and tried to explain what she had walked in on, which was no easy matter. You couldn't put 'Your son was doing drugs' in a nice way. "Will he be okay?"

"He'll have to clean up, and then from there he has to stay clean."

"He'll be okay though..."

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"He'll be okay though?" Taichi asked as he paced the room.

The doctor turned to him and nodded. "We stitched him up, and there's no other real damage. You may go see him."

Taichi nodded and walked into the room. He felt responsible, how could he have done that to him. How could he even think about hurting the one he loved? How could he even love another guy?! The last question didn't matter, not anymore. "Yamato"

Yamato turned his head. "Oi Taichi."

"How ya doing?"

"Head hurts, but what a rush!"

Taichi frowned. "Never again."

"Taichi?"

Taichi folded his arms defiantly. "Never again. This is getting stupid. This isn't some game, we're dealing with serious injuries. And I for one won't risk it."

"Fine, I'll--"

"No, you won't! I'm not letting this go on any longer."

"I'm my own person, Taichi."

"Someone has to protect you from yourself, Yamato."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!"

Taichi swallowed hard, what was he supposed to say? That he didn't want to see Yamato hurt because he loved him. Or that he couldn't live with himself if it happened? "It means I care."

"I thought you understood!" Yamato ignored Taichi's comment, his blood was already boiling.

"Not anymore! I love you Yamato!"

Yamato opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was "Wha...."

Taichi choked down the regret that was creeping its evil self up his throat. "I..love you. I just never realized it until you were hurt. I mean, really hurt..I mean.. you know what I mean!"

Yamato blinked a few times. They were just friends! Right!? Taichi couldn't love him, could he? Or maybe it was all just a dream, a sick twisted dream. That was the answer, it was a dream! "Think about what you're saying.."

"I have! It's not going to change."

Yamato opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Taichi pressing his lips against his own agape ones. Yamato pulled away suddenly, two words leaving his mouth. "I can't.."

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"I can't!" Takeru yelled. "I can't beat this! It's too hard!"

Hikari sighed forced to watch as Takeru came down from his drug induced high. Why did this happen, and to Takeru? She had to know, finally curiosity got the best of her and she bolted into the room.

"Hikari! You're going to let me go, right?"

Hikari shook her head. "I want to help, but I need to know why."

Takeru looked down, he had been removed from the restraints but the room's door still locked automatically when it shut. "My life sucks, Hikari."

"It doesn't."

Takeru threw his hands up into the air. "It sucks! All we ever do is fight! And when we're not fighting Daisuke is annoying me! And when he's not annoying me I don't even have time to see 'Nii-san. And you know what else, during all that time you're playing with my heart! Of course it sucks!"

Hikari blinked a few times, when it finally hit her like a right cross from Muhammad Ali. He said he loved her. Was she part of the cause? She never meant to flirt like that with him. Taichi told her she was naturally that way. "I'm sorry." She choked out. "I never meant to hurt you."

"Well, you did!" Takeru snapped slamming his fist against his bed. "You sat there and flirted with me, just to make Daisuke mad! I know you like him!"

"I don't!"

"Liar!" Takeru yelled. "They told me you liked him."

"Who did? They were lying."

"They did." Takeru said motioning around the room. "They're everywhere."

Hikari blinked a few time, realizing it was another side effect of the drugs. "Takeru, you once said you cared for me, and I meant it when I said I cared for you too."

Takeru stared at her as if she had a tentacle growing from her stomach. "And."

"Takeru, I'm sorry I drove you this way. I didn't mean to. I just.."

"You just what?"

"I love you too."

"Yeah right."

Hikari hugged Takeru with all her might, the tears that had been gathering finally trailing down her face. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

"Hikari."

"We're get through this together. I..I love you."


Together, We Are Strong

Together, we are strong.
We can move mountains with our love.
We can bring peace to land.
We can do anything.

Together, we are strong.
There is nothing we can't survive.
There is nothing we can't do.
There is nothing life can do to stop us.

Together, we are strong.
Our Courage brings us together.
Our Friendship is the glue that binds.
Our commitment is the end.

Together, we are strong.
Our Sincerity makes us realize that we were wrong.
Our Knowledge keeps us from repeating.
Our mistakes of the past.

Together, we are strong.
Light will lead the way.
Hope is all we need.
Together we are strong.

Ishida Takeru 11-6-00



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FLAME MEEEEE! C'MON, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TOO!

Yamato>::steps back in:: What's his problem.

Takeru> He made me a druggie!

Yamato>::reads over the fic:: I'm not into S&M.

;_; So? It was just a fanfiction. *ahem* I know you readers who actually read this far. Um...and the few that. And you others who only read this far because I talked to you before, and I would cry if you didn't read it. Well..you're probably wondering "How the hell could you right this fic!?" And my reply is.....very easily. ^_^; I should enter this in some contest...just for its "shock" value. This is going to be rated...R....I'll change it...if you think I should...anywho...I'm out like stinky trout.

Takeru> As one of his muses, I had nothing to do with this fic!

;_; Traitor.

Takeru> But the fic was kowaii.

I said it was twisted!

Yamato> I donot like Taichi or S&M. ::keeps reading::

Takeru> And I'm not a druggie.

Koushiro> And I am hardly suicidal. Sometimes homicidal...

^_^ Koushiro made a joke. And what are you doing here.

Koushiro> I represent the logic side of you.

Oh...so um...logically, how was my fic.

Koushiro> Demented...

Gah. They're taking over! Get em awaaaaay.