Hi everyone! I'm Paula, and this is a fanfic I'm writing to heal my heart after Endgame. It will be my best attempt to fix all the chaos that remained after the film, for those of us who have simply decided to ignore the bad decision made by the directors and the team by taking away Nat and Tony. This story will be about -the intention of- returning Natasha to life, and how James Barnes and Sam Wilson rearm (and disarm) their lives after Steve's retirement. Hope you like it. Any comments, suggestions or complaints can go in the comments and reviews. This is the English version of the fanfic that I am writing is Spanish, has the same name but with another language classification. From Chile, with a lot of love.

Disclaimer: the characters mentioned here are not my property, but Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. The songs on which I was inspired to write this story are not my property either, I will eventually give credit to each artist or group.


-And now what? - Said Sam, looking at the shining shield, as if it had not been almost destroyed a few days ago.

- Now what what? - Bucky answered straightening his hair. He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep calling himself Bucky. Not since Steve had returned as a wrinkled raisin.

Hell, everything had happened so fast. The years always go fast. He remembered complaining about that a lot of times, of the few things he remember. But being out of the ice helps him to recover himself. Of all that he had lost in his life, losing himself has been the most painful.

Everything had happened fast. His last days in Wakanda, after waking up from cryogenization. The battle against ... Thanos? Hell, he always imagined there was life out there, but not like that. The machine gun he took from the quinjet to Siberia a couple of years ago helped him get a good pair of aliens off of him. Had years gone by already? It felt just like a week. Then he became dust, or ashes, Steve and the avengers who survived the snap found a way to bring them back 5 years later. Shit. It's not that he was worried about losing 5 more years of his life because, well, he had already lost almost 70 years and doing worse things; 5 more wouldn't hurt him. God, Steve traveled back in time to be with Peggy and came back when she passed away. He would have saved him from Hydra if he could. But going back in time wouldn't change things, it wouldn't erase what he had lived. It doesn't matter anymore. Tony had taken all the nightmares with his snap. How would his family be? He hadn't managed to say goodbye or apologize properly. Maybe it was one of the things he regretted the most, even if Steve had told him it wasn't his fault.

He needed to breathe, everything was very dense. "Things happens for a reason, I guess" he convinced himself. God, his head hurts if he began to remember everything like that. The shield, Sam, old Steve, Tony, wake up, aliens, wake up again, Wakanda ...

Oh God, how would his goats be doing?

- Hey, I've been three solid minutes waiting for you to answer me, and you're just looking at the grass. - Sam replied. Sometimes this guy stayed stuck watching things, quiet, like a statue. What was he thinking? Is he thinking at least?

-I'm sorry, I was remembering something. - Buck straightened on the bench. It was the only bench that remained in the Avengers complex. The rest of the camp had been destroyed in battle. There were a couple of meters of grass in front of them and the lake below. It was the same bench where they found Steve when he returned from the time trip.

-Something new?- Sam asked. He knew that Barnes was taking a strong psychological process. When he was in therapy after losing his best friend and co-pilot, it cost him to recover and he understood that healing manifested itself in many ways. But he had already lost almost everyone. Riley, Steve, Nat ... God, he couldn't believe what she had done. For him, for everyone. He wished there was some way to thank to her. He hadn't known her well, if someone on Earth had managed to do it, but he liked her.

"No, I was thinking about my goats, in Wakanda ..." Buck replied distractedly, although he knew that his thoughts had been much deeper than that.

Sam snorted.

-Oh, come on, goats? What are you now, a pastor? With that hair you look like Jesus Christ. You sure stink just like them.

Bucky laughed a little. Sam was a clown, but one of those who tells you funny things without moving a muscle in his face, which makes it even funnier. They had known each other for a few days, although he still didn't forget his attempt to leave him locked in that fucked-up, rusty beetle Steve had found to go undercover. Now he was tied to him for the rest of his life.

-I don't know what we're going to do now, I guess take it back where our lives... were - Buck said. Can you really do that after something like that?

-Yes, I guess that's what we have left. At least we are not a big green man.-

Buck laughed again. Sam smiled as he looked at the lake.

God, he wish it were so easy to start over.

-Hey, how good are you as a homeowner? - Buck looked at him somewhat bewildered. -What do you mean?

-You are, or were, a soldier, right? Do you know how to clean? Washing dishes? Make beds? Sam was amused internally to bother him with those things.

-Yes, I know how to clean, I'm an organized person.- James frowned, but he wanted to laugh.

-Alright, alright ... - Said Sam getting up from the bench, but it wasn't enough with that.

-... You know how to use a vacuum, right? Tell me you know what a vacuum cleaner is, old man.

-Hey, I'm not an imbecile, I know perfectly what a vacuum cleaner is... I wasn't born yesterday. -Barnes also got up, Sam was an idiot sometimes, but it was funny.

-Oh no, of course you weren't born yesterday. -Now Sam was laughing.