(John's point of view)
With the case of the missing signet ring solved Sherlock had reverted back to his mooching state. Am I allowed to bother him? I mean we are together now so surely what he said when we met doesn't count... What if he rejects me? Damn! Why are relationships so complicated? Well this is Sherlock after all.
I know I shouldn't bother him while he is on a case, he wouldn't bother me at the clinic. Ha, what am I talking about of course he would. But if I can't kiss him then or when he is like this then when can I? He doesn't have a middle ground.
Jeez John you're a soldier stand up for yourself, Sherlock can't make all the decisions, he has to compromise. But do I want a relationship that is built on compromise and not that he wants to do these things? I at least know that I want, no need him.
How can he lay there on the sofa in his pyjamas and striped blue dressing gown in a toddleresque sulk yet still look unbelievably handsome, with his curls somehow even wilder? He must know what he is doing to me, this inner conflict of what I am allowed to do in my own home to my own boyfriend.
I know what I want to do. I want to lie down against his back and snake my arms around him so I can feel his heartbeat, which for those moments at least is beating for me, for us. The song 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol came to mind as we could 'forget the world' and the wait for cases or ideas to manifest themselves as I hold him in my arms. Wow I am cheesy.
If only he knew what I was thinking so he could put my mind at rest. He does a brilliant job of it normally but maybe it is selective mind reading or that he is choosing not to talk about it as it could be awkward.
Well one thing is for sure he isn't going to become another Sarah; the idea of a partner without intimacy. There is definitely no way I am going to let this become like that train wreck, he means too much to me.
He must have noticed that I have been staring at him from my armchair for ten minutes by now. The lack of me typing up my blog post should have registered with him straight away. Oh god, he's ignoring me. What have I done? I haven't told anyone about us, I want to wait until he is ready for people to know. Maybe that IS the problem. Does he think I am ashamed to be with him? Ashamed to be with amazing Sherlock, the only consulting detective in the world. I always thought he would be ashamed of me, boring John, reliable but nothing special.
I do have a lot to live up to. He did say he was married to his work so am I meant to somehow be more interesting to him than a new serial killer or Moriarty's games?
Where is my Sherlock? Blunt Sherlock. Never scared to speak his mind Sherlock. Just lying there with his back to me because the patterns of the sofa are obviously more interesting.
"John will you please stop worrying and get over here."
It speaks. I sighed with relief and laid next to my Sherlock, holding him to me.
"for the record John you are in no way boring. Everything you do is fascinating and I am scared that I will never be enough for you. And you can 'bother' me whenever you like just not when I am in the middle of an experiment because you are likely to get harmed."
I kissed the back of his long pale neck, cherishing the way it made him gasp at sensation. One worry down about a million left to solve.
