Heart and Soul
A/N: Spoiler-Ruby's baby has no brain. If your sensibilities are disturbed by this, do not read.
Chapter 1: Ruby's Diary part 1
TWO YEARS LATER
JIM POV
"Ruby, I'm home!" Jim Moriarty stepped over the threshold of the townhouse, throwing his greatcoat. He glanced around, noting hardly anything was out of place since he'd left it two years ago. Jim still looked the same, with a five o'clock shadow on his face. He brushed his hair back with his hands, trying to look presentable for his one and only Ruby.
Something brushed up against his leg, making him bend over to see what it was. A furry calico cat looked up at him expectantly, meowing to be held. "Well now, who are you?" he obeyed the animal, holding up the cat who nuzzled him under the chin. He put the cat down, trying to ascertain what exactly was going on. Ruby was nowhere in sight.
He went over to the staircase and ascended it, expecting to see the office converted into a nursery for the new arrival, but stopped short when he saw it.
The office looked exactly the same. The bedroom looked the same as well so he had no idea what had gone on in his absence.
"What went on here?" the cat meowed like it was trying to tell him. When he glanced down at the cat, it went over to the desk in the corner, hopping up onto the office chair then the desktop. Jim went over and sat in the office chair, fumbling through Ruby's personal correspondence.
A spiral bound notebook caught his eye in lurid fluorescent green. It was unlabeled but Ruby had scrawled her name in the upper right hand corner of the flyleaf. The notebook had been well used, as a few of the pages were a bit damp like some tears had splashed onto it.
"Trying to tell me something?" the cat nudged Jim's hand with one paw. Initially he didn't think that Ruby would like it if he had gone through her personal diary.
Turning over to the first page, Jim found an inscription written in Ruby's fine handwriting. "To Jim Moriarty, my husband, my life, my heart. If anything happens to me, I wish you to read these diaries and find out what has become of me. I love you so much."
Jim glanced up at the cat. A photograph on the desk attracted his eye, he picked it up, then gave the back of the photo a passing look. The photo was of the cat and it had the name on the back. "Cassidy, one year old."
"Well then Cassidy," the cat curled up on the side of the desk, affixing Jim with her green eyed stare. He gave her a pat on the head and turned back to the diaries at hand. "you led me right to it." without a doubt on his mind now, he began to read.
Jim's been gone for two months now and I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm pregnant. When I got pregnant by my ex, I had no morning illness whatsoever. I suspect that was because I was so malnourished at the time. This time I can tell of course it's for real. I bought a test so let me go confirm my suspicion.
OK, yes I am. I'm thrilled and scared to death at the same time. I'm terrified that I might lose the baby due to miscarriage (Jim that is not directed at you.). It is my first child and I want to raise it well and have a one-year-old ready for Jim to love when he gets back.
I've never been one to sit around and wait for things to happen. I need to make some phone calls and make sure I can get into the doctor's office right on Monday. I'll be really pissed at myself if I neglect my child!
The calls have been made, I'm in first thing on Monday morning. I went over to the kitchen to shut the window over the sink and I had the oddest feeling that Jim was watching me. He has been gone almost three hours and while I'm not a clingy type to miss him this early, I would say that starting tomorrow I can definitely start missing him.
Now I'm back home from the doctor's office. I have a picture of the child and the prognosis that everything is going all right so far. I'm happy about that of course, but I will need something to take my mind off of the child and the future without Jim- at least for now.
I do not know why Jim had to leave me for however long, I think it was two years, but when he gets back it will all be for the better. Right now for my own sanity I need to put thoughts of Jim in the back of my head.
(Jim found the sonogram image of the kid and after staring at it for a moment, began to make out some human form).
I think that I'll make these diary entries monthly unless something pops up that I think I should record.
I'm remembering now that Jim and I first met mid November of last year. My ex boyfriend had beaten me, I had escaped from his abusive clutches and something inside my head kept telling me to run as fast as I could and not stop. I did just this, then after awhile, I arrived at Jim's mansion Aster Hall out in the countryside. When I had collapsed on the grounds, I didn't care what he did to me at all. He could have killed me and I wouldn't have flinched.
Funny how things turn out. He ended up becoming the love of my life and I am now carrying his child.
I'm ten weeks now and there's just a start of a bump protruding from between my hips. Got to say I am looking forward to the part where the morning illness disappears and I start feeling better. My doctor gave me a pretty powerful antiemetic but that doesn't work on a regular basis; only when it wants to.
There isn't much to record now as I'm just at the beginning of the long road ahead, but like I say I'll make monthly entries, probably get myself a cat as a companion, and maybe start thinking about plans to renovate the office as a nursery.
My other concern now is what to do with my free time? Jim said I could l get involved more in the company that he runs but he has his second in command running it now. If I start to get involved in it I could really screw it up, so I think I'll just stick to being a doctor. There's a clinic not far that needs another part time doctor.
Ten weeks, that brings me to what month am I? Two months and one week I think.
THREE MONTHS
So I have a part time job at the clinic down the road, Hillside Health Services. The manager is named Martin Daniels, abrasive but he means well. I signed on as an internist, as I didn't complete my residency as a dermatologist. Today was my first day on the job and man there are some weird people out there.
My first patient was a head case. He had some delusion about seeing some really weird things, so I referred him to a psychiatrist who can help him manage his problem better than I can.
The second one was a very obvious pregnancy with a woman who kept denying it.
"I'm not pregnant! This is what a real woman looks like!" she would keep saying as her husband kept giving me apologetic looks.
"All right!" I barked out in impatience. "Nurse, bring in the ultrasound machine, please!" he brought it, I connected it and booted it up.
"Sit down on the cot," she did. "now, I'm pregnant. Look what the monitor shows me," my fetus was in there moving around though I couldn't feel it yet. "see? That's what an unborn child looks like. Now, you on the other hand," I made to push up her shirt but she recoiled and with a few well placed words I managed to get a scan in. "there it is! A perfect 8-month-old in spite of your denial!"
Finally that wench was at a loss for words! The husband gave me a huge grateful look that I shut her up! I gave her a referral to a good OBGYN doctor, a printout of the ultrasound image, I managed to escape that weirdo.
How in the hell could you deny something like this? I never did. Sometimes the symptoms are more muted in others, but when your shape starts changing and you feel movement, that should tip you off. There is no other explanation other than alien insemination!
After lunch my patients were easier to deal with. I had several elderly patients, all of whom were very sweet and easy to diagnose. One gent was hard of hearing, I told him to go to the audiologist and get new hearing aids. The second was a lady who had a simple nosebleed but it wouldn't stop.
I put a cold compress on the nose, told her to lean forward to keep blood flow restricted, then tilt her head up. I gave her a little lidocaine which will constrict blood vessels, and within three minutes it stopped. The weather right now is very dry so I advised her to get a humidifier for her home which will decrease the amount of nosebleeds if not prevent them.
That pretty much wound up my day. I confess that I'm partial to the senior citizens that come into the clinic. Most of them are very sweet, always have a story, and I admit that I love to listen. The old guys always have something to say, very colorful, and I always end up laughing.
Last night I had a dream about Jim. He had come back to me and somehow he knew that I had become pregnant with his child. In my dream he got into bed with me, put a hand on my little bump, then whispered things into my ear while I was asleep. He told me that I would be carrying a girl and he promised to come back as soon as he was able to.
I miss him, definitely. His beautiful brown eyes, those hands of his, not to mention his great ass. He really should be here but as far as I'm concerned it was just bad timing. Neither one of us is to blame. I should not make it sound like I'm blaming him because I never will.
I have a cat now, Cassidy. One of my patients offered her to me because she was moving and cats don't travel very well. She's a one year old calico kitty with a bright personality and just makes my day.
FIVE MONTHS
There wasn't anything going on the past month as the baby was doing fine and I had spent all my time getting used to the new rhythm of my life. Cassidy gets me up at 7 AM, I go to work at 9, then if the work is slow on that day, I'll get out the ultrasound machine and look at the fetus.
Today there's a big problem. One that will really derail mine and Jim's plans for a happy family someday.
(Jim's heart sank and he read on anxiously, wondering what his wife meant).
The baby has anencephaly.
In layman's terms the baby has failed to grow a brain.
The day started out innocently enough. I was roused not by Cassidy but by something I felt as movement. It was quickening by the fetus which made me very happy when I got up. I stood in the full length mirror in the bathroom with my hands on the bump, which is about the size of half a soccer ball.
So, how can the fetus move around when it doesn't have a brain? The brain stem and essentially me. I know the cold hard reality that once the baby is removed from the umbilical cord it'll die within less than an hour. I'm the anchor which keeps it alive.
What a curve ball. The life I'm nurturing inside me can't live on its own independently once it's born. There is some good that can come out of it, though. One of the nurses, Roger, came into the break room while I was looking a bit upset. I told him what was going on, then he told me that I could do a live organ donation.
It sounds like the best thing I can do to turn a bad thing into a good thing. Some sick babies need new lungs, a liver, kidneys, etc. My baby will be born comatose as it lacks awareness of what's going on around it. It will never wake up as there's no brain to govern the eyes, motor skills, etc.
I'm really upset over this.
I miss you, Jim.
At this point in time, Jim looked up from the diary entry, fingering the ultrasound photo that Ruby had tucked into the pages. He could clearly see that the head, the most prominent feature of any fetus, was very small and missing the brain.
"My baby.." was all he said as he let the shock set in. The baby that was supposed to grow normally had failed to do exactly that. He put his head in his hands as he realized that was why the office still looked like an office. When he was away, Jim had been fantasizing about holding his son or daughter, hearing them talk, teaching them to walk, all of that.
Cassidy gave him a sideways glance, twitching her tail with a faint meow. Jim raised his head up, his eyes shining with tears. The criminal seized a tissue from the box nearby and then noticed there were tear stains on the page.
"Oh, babe⦠both of my babes.." he whispered, feeling his heart sink even lower. While he'd been out doing his top secret work and fantasizing about being a father, Ruby had been coping with a very difficult truth, carrying a baby that was as good as dead once it was born.
Jim had regretted going away while Ruby was pregnant but then again like she'd written, it was all bad timing on their parts. They'd only had unprotected sex while they were married, so it was not hard to predict when conception had happened.
"It was supposed to be a great thing to happen to us," Jim spoke in a low voice. "we were supposed to have a wonderful child and maybe another one later on, and we would have been great parents!"
Everything hit Jim at once as glanced over at the picture of Ruby and him on their wedding day. They were so happy then.
What was it that Ruby had once told him? Everyone needs a good cry now and then. It's healthy, let it out.
So Jim did not hold back, wishing that Ruby was there to cry with him, put her arms around him and comfort him. Funnily enough the cat was there and she hopped onto his lap. Jim stroked her short fur, allowing noiseless tears to fall from his face and drip onto the hardwood floor.
It took several minutes for him to regain his composure, soaking through several tissues in the process. He went to the bathroom, drinking water to try to replenish what he'd cried away. Jim mourned for his lost child but also for Ruby as well, angry at the fact he wasn't there for his wife when she really needed him.
"Oh, god, Ruby..." where was she?
With a sigh, he picked up the diary and began to read again.
